4chan archive /r9k/ (index)
2013-05-21 11:16 7004501 Anonymous SHIT TALK (TFW TAKING A SHIT.gif 280x210 1703kB)
>taking a shit >shit comes out nicely >wipe ass >10 wipes later, still shit on paper >keep wiping >half shit, half red on the toilet paper >even though it is hurting, keep wiping ass until it is clean god damn /r9k/, now my ass is in so much pain, but what was i to do? i can't walk around with a shitty ass hole right? it has to be 100% clean. Tell me about your shits.

3 min later 7004518 Anonymous (1367959746384.gif 200x150 742kB)
>not wetting the toiletpaper before you wipe Instant clean ass

3 min later 7004524 >TDW
>shit schedule has me shitting at 3am consistently why

3 min later 7004529 Anonymous (Bum_Gun_Detail.jpg 1467x1466 356kB)
I'm told these work. I think this issue is also a symptom of lack or exercise.

4 min later 7004531 Anonymous
Flushable baby wipes. It ends up being cheaper than toilet paper because of my peanutbuttery shits. My ex used to make fun of me, but at least I don't have poopy pants. She was lucky, solid shit nuggets that cleaned up after a few wipes. I even ate her ass on the regs and no poopies,

6 min later 7004556 Anonymous (SHIT PROBLEMS.jpg 800x1100 273kB)
>>7004529 yeah i think i need to exercise more, and eat better. i hope that cures this painful ass hole problem. also, >tfw shit so bad you have to get into the shower for half an hour

13 min later 7004611 Anonymous
>used to shit an hr after every meal >always messy to wipe >started holding in my shit >take a shit only in the morning after getting out of bed >smooth solid shit slides out everytime >clean with one wipe >been doing this for over half a year now greatest accomplishment in life

14 min later 7004613 Anonymous
>eat no food >consume nothing but a 5 liters of coffee and a liter of gin every day >shit black crystals >piss mud Am I done living yet? This entire process of birth-to-death is a pain in the fucking ass.

15 min later 7004618 Anonymous
OP i got you all you need to do is wipe the paper across your forehead before you wipe all of the pizza grease will wet the paper so it isn't as abrasive.

16 min later 7004625 Anonymous
>>7004613 >pain in the fucking ass Ilaughed more than I should. Well done.

18 min later 7004637 Anonymous
>>7004625 Holy shit, inadvertent pun bro-fist!

22 min later 7004669 Anonymous
>Take a shit >Give 2 wipes >Feels clean enough >3 days later >Discover I have poo crusts stuck to my anal hairs >Rip that hair out >Ass crack is on fire for the next 5 days.

25 min later 7004686 Anonymous
You are actually supposed to poop after every meal. And fuck is that annoying. I made a point of fucking up my eating habits so I could go back to once or twice a day. I hear flushable baby wipes can still clog your drain though so I just buy regular and use them if wiping my butt takes more than two tp wads. The wipes I toss in a bin I take out every other day.

27 min later 7004695 Anonymous
>>7004669 Do you not shower or shit again in those 3 days?

27 min later 7004698 Anonymous
>>7004695 I shower once a week

29 min later 7004710 Anonymous
That feel when severe constipation and nothing larger than a pebble has left my rectum in over 4 weeks.

31 min later 7004718 Anonymous
>>7004710 are you a gril? I know many that have this issue

33 min later 7004727 Anonymous
>shitting >finished >wipe >ass is already clean wtf does this mean

33 min later 7004731 Anonymous
>>7004727 shitception

34 min later 7004740 Anonymous
>>7004718 No. originalityblox

34 min later 7004742 mysterys biggest fan
>>7004710 holy shit what the fuck are you eating?

37 min later 7004750 Anonymous
>>7004710 did you died yet Seriously though, go to the doctor.

37 min later 7004751 Anonymous
>>7004710 I hope you have sought medical attention. Seriously.

37 min later 7004752 Anonymous
>>7004556 she's like 'oh shit nigger what are you doing'

39 min later 7004775 Anonymous
>go to take a shit >finish >have a shower >all nice and clean Seriously take a shower after a shit if you are at home

39 min later 7004777 Anonymous
>>7004742 Too much meat and not enough fibre.

40 min later 7004778 Anonymous
/fit/ adviced me to use wet wipes or baby wipes. I bought a pack of unscented baby wipes, and my asshole is now squeaky clean all the time.

40 min later 7004779 Anonymous
>>7004775 but i shit around 4 or 5 times per day.

40 min later 7004780 Anonymous
>>7004611 >an hr after every meal Either you're lying or you intestine is just a straight pipe down to your asshole.

40 min later 7004783 Anonymous
>>7004751 >>7004750 This happened last summer, but it's still a terrible feel and yes I went to the doctor about it, it's fine now.

41 min later 7004790 mysterys biggest fan
>>7004777 Fiber is bad in this case. Fiber when you're constipated is just gonna make things worse.

45 min later 7004822 Anonymous
>>7004777 Drink at least 2 litres of water a day and eat prunes. Lots of prunes.

47 min later 7004829 Anonymous
>>7004779 That is unhealthy, go see a doctor man

47 min later 7004838 Anonymous (sanic.png 1920x1200 1707kB)
>be high as shit >for some odd reason, when I get high, I sometimes get terrified I'm going to shit my pants >after being high for a few minutes, I feel like I might have shit myself >I rush off to the bathroom, and thankfully no accident has occurred >I figure while I'm there, I might as well take a shit so I don't get paranoid about shitting myself later >halfway through my shit, I start panicking, thinking I just pushed my anus inside-out from a huge shit >my heart is beating fucking fast, I'm terrified >I put my fingers down near my asshole and start poking around >I thought I felt a prolapse, so I'm freaking out more >in reality, I was feeling the turtlehead of poo that was left over from my shit >too blazed to comprehend >I start trying to shove my "prolapse" back inside me, all while still sitting on the toilet >after a while, I think I did a sufficient job >bring my hands back up from under my ass >mfw they're covered in shit >mfw I realize what I was doing the whole time and that's the last time I ever smoked weed.

49 min later 7004849 Anonymous
>>7004838 >and that's the last time I ever smoked weed I'm in tears.

1 hours later 7004949 Anonymous
>>7004501 wtf OP? I haven't gone through my second toilet paper roll yet this year.

2 hours later 7005317 Anonymous
>>7004838 You know you're too high when you think your shit is a prolapse

2 hours later 7005416 Anonymous (toilet-paper-nest.jpg 200x225 12kB)
>shit in home the other day >suddenly, a brilliant thought > I shit everyday, 1, 2, sometimes even THREE times a day >it takes up TIME >TIME is MONEY >so why don't I shit while at work, to get paid MONEY for shitting while saving my free TIME? Henceforth, I almost exclusively shit during work hours. Shit is cash. One thing, always make a TP nest before sitting down in a public toilet. Seriously nigga, do it. pic related.

2 hours later 7005425 Anonymous
>>7005416 when i worked, i loved to take unnecessarily long shits while on the job. felt good knowing that i was making money while pushing out loafs and browsing r9k on my phone.

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