4chan archive /r9k/ (index)
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2013-07-07 11:34 7643567 Anonymous (1335925904021.jpg 1000x800 117kB)
ITT: /r9k/ Humour
>What's /r9k/'s favourite band?
U2
>What's the most alpha country in the world?
Chad
8 hours later 7647039 Anonymous
bump for more humour
>inb4 >implying robots have humour
8 hours later 7647058 MJ Mage
>>7643567
What's a robot's crush's favorite bird?
swallow
8 hours later 7647083 Anonymous
How do you love a girl who's had another man's cum on her face?
You don't
8 hours later 7647159 MJ Mage
What's a robots favorite day?
none. Every day for a robot is filled with crippling depression
8 hours later 7647182 MJ Mage
What do robots own as pets?
beta fish
8 hours later 7647196 MJ Mage
What do you call a nobleman who is also a robot?
sperg lord
8 hours later 7647210 MJ Mage
Why was the dog so sad?
It was an arcanine
8 hours later 7647219 MJ Mage
What do you call a girl who loves a robot?
imaginary
8 hours later 7647225 Anonymous
>>7647219
lost it
keep them coming, please
8 hours later 7647231 MJ Mage
What's the cutest number there is?
pi
8 hours later 7647249 MJ Mage
What do you call an interesting robot?
NEET
8 hours later 7647266 no7
What is the best trip for holiday?
no7
8 hours later 7647267 MJ Mage
Why didn't the robot get sunburnt?
he never went outside
8 hours later 7647275 Anonymous
i am slightly smiling, 6/10 alright
8 hours later 7647296 MJ Mage
What does the robot rooster say?
cuckoldoodledoo
8 hours later 7647319 Anonymous
>>7647296
Nice.
What did the robot do when the girl he loved kissed him?
Wake up.
8 hours later 7647320 MJ Mage
What's the most pathetic dance move?
the robot
8 hours later 7647322 Anonymous (1361954349966.gif 500x281 1043kB)
>>7643567
Took me a few seconds to get this but holy shit.
8 hours later 7647332 Anonymous
What do robots have in common with collectivism?
self-hatred
8 hours later 7647345 MJ Mage
>>7647319
Whats the slut's favorite type of bug?
the cock roach
8 hours later 7647353 Ian
>>7647266
Where is the best place to play hide and seek?
IanBrady's house
8 hours later 7647358 MJ Mage
Why did C3PO ever get any girls?
he was a robot
8 hours later 7647365 MJ Mage
Why didn't the robot like his hot dog?
it was uncut
8 hours later 7647373 MJ Mage
Why did the video game the robot designed keep failing?
it was a beta
8 hours later 7647385 Anonymous
What do r9k and Animal Collective have in common?
Feels. Also, Deak is probably a virgin.
8 hours later 7647390 MJ Mage
What is a robot's favorite vehicle?
his wheeled desk chair
8 hours later 7647399 Anonymous
What do you call someone who isn't a hikikomori, doesn't piss in bottles, and showers more than once a week?
a normalfag
8 hours later 7647400 MJ Mage
What do robots do to try and find the lights in the dark?
they feel
8 hours later 7647410 Anonymous
Why didn't the robot cross the road?
Feminism.
8 hours later 7647416 Anonymous
Comeddy Gould.
8 hours later 7647423 MJ Mage
What did the robot check his email for?
his privilege
8 hours later 7647433 Anonymous
Nope, it's a
rowboat
8 hours later 7647445 Anonymous
>>7647400
Got a giggle out of me. Good stuff.
8 hours later 7647453 MJ Mage
What's a robot's crush's favorite auto store?
Tire Own
8 hours later 7647462 Anonymous
>>7647433
Damn this should be an answer for: >>7647390
8 hours later 7647471 Anonymous
What does a third-wave feminist make for dinner?
a reservation
8 hours later 7647477 Anonymous
>>7643567
whose fault is it that robots can't get gfs?
everyone else's
8 hours later 7647489 Anonymous
How do robots get a girl they like?
Right Click->Save as
8 hours later 7647495 MJ Mage
What did the tripfag do in the water?
they swami
8 hours later 7647502 haha, anime is for loooosers
>>7643567
>>7647069
>>7647296
>>7647249
>>7647385
I love you guys :') moar jokes cuz of smiles and boredom
What do you call a robot going to a museum with his school?
feeld trip
8 hours later 7647511 Anonymous
>>7647489
>not using Ctrl+S
Enjoy taking a longer time to save pictures.
8 hours later 7647522 Anonymous
>>7647511
that is for saving a webpage
what you mean is alt-click
8 hours later 7647524 Anonymous
How do you do the robot dance?
Stand in the corner of the nightclub, tap your feet and slightly bob your head while trying to look like you are having fun.
8 hours later 7647532 Anonymous
>>7647332
u wot m8
Why did the robot eat omelets for breakfast?
No croissants today boss.
8 hours later 7647537 Anonymous
What do you call the moment a robot touches a vagina?
Birth
8 hours later 7647555 MJ Mage
Why did the fat robot sit on the qt?
it was his crush
8 hours later 7647557 Anonymous
>>7647532
Hot damn I hadn't seen that in a while. Brings back memories of better times.
8 hours later 7647558 Anonymous
You know what the biggest r9k-related jokes are?
The posters.
8 hours later 7647564 Anonymous
What is a robot's favorite dessert?
qt pie
8 hours later 7647566 Anonymous
>>7647489
>>7647423
Laughed heartily, well done.
Why has the robot stopped asking if he is attractive?
he requires an original comment
8 hours later 7647576 Anonymous
>>7647522
If you open a picture in a new tab, you can press Ctrl+S and it saves the picture.
8 hours later 7647580 Anonymous
>>7643567
I don't get the second one.
8 hours later 7647584 Anonymous
>>7647537
I lost my shit, my sides, and my last bit of self respect.
Good on ya, mate.
9 hours later 7647586 MJ Mage
What kind of degree did the robot flower try to get?
a STEM degree
9 hours later 7647590 Anonymous
What does a robot do after he has an orgasm?
He closes the browser window
9 hours later 7647596 Anonymous
What did the robot get for his birthday?
Nothing as no one cared
9 hours later 7647597 Anonymous
>>7647580
Chad Thundercock, anon.
The bane of the robot's existence.
9 hours later 7647611 Anonymous
>>7647590
Not:
Closes seven tabs, 3 windows, unplugs the 500gig external harddrive, and starts thinking about the next fap.
9 hours later 7647617 MJ Mage
>>7647580
Chad thundercock
What is it called when a robot talks with others?
posting on r9k
9 hours later 7647618 Anonymous
What's a robot's favorite field of formal science?
Statistics
9 hours later 7647619 Anonymous
Who did the robot last call?
His mother
9 hours later 7647629 Anonymous
>>7647609
>tfw told the first joke and felt special for a while
9 hours later 7647648 Anonymous
>>7647596
What did the robot get for his birthday?
feels
9 hours later 7647656 Anonymous
>>7647629
your joke was funnier anon
9 hours later 7647660 MJ Mage
>>7647618
Why didn't they take the robot's computer program seriously?
He had no source code
9 hours later 7647676 Anonymous
What does a robot do to treat a girl on their first date?
Goes Large for an extra 60c
9 hours later 7647679 MJ Mage
>>7647629
I liked yours better
What do you call a robot who paints?
an autist
9 hours later 7647680 Anonymous
What brand TV does the robot own?
feelips
9 hours later 7647697 MJ Mage
What was wrong with the robot's pool?
the filter
9 hours later 7647719 MJ Mage
What was the happiest moment of a robot's week?
when someone replied to their post
9 hours later 7647721 Anonymous
>>7647679
>explain to then-gf that i'm an artistic person
>she mishears it as "autistic"
>"well that makes sense anon..."
>tfw had to clarify what i said
fuck
9 hours later 7647734 Anonymous
Who did the robots disappoint more than Moot when he brought back /r9k/?
Their parents.
9 hours later 7647740 MJ Mage
What type of fish do robots always look at?
prawnz
9 hours later 7647744 Anonymous
What do you call it when a robot dates multiple women?
Playing a VN
9 hours later 7647748 Anonymous
What does a robot do to his girlfriend after sex?
Wash it in the sink
9 hours later 7647768 Anonymous
What do you call it when a robot permanently leaves /r9k/?
suicide
9 hours later 7647777 MJ Mage
What are robots not allowed to cook on?
grills
9 hours later 7647791 MJ Mage
What will the fembot cell phone never get from a guy?
a ring
9 hours later 7647806 MJ Mage
>>7647768
What kind of bag do robots use?
an exit bag
9 hours later 7647817 MJ Mage
What's it called when a robot looks at a girl?
rape
9 hours later 7647823 Anonymous
>>7647777
Nice quads.
A girl and a robot walk into a bar. They didn't know each other. He didn't know if he should hold the door open. He spent the whole night questioning his decision.
9 hours later 7647832 MJ Mage
Where on a cliff do robots like to fap?
the edge
9 hours later 7647845 Anonymous
>>7647524
t-toooo soooon
9 hours later 7647847 Anonymous
What do you call a malfunctioning rickshaw that squeaks and squeals while frequently serving as a seat for women to sit on?
A Ricky.
9 hours later 7647862 Anonymous
Who laughed at the robots jokes?
No one.
He deleted everything he typed.
9 hours later 7647866 MJ Mage
What is a robot's favorite kind of deer?
autism bucks
9 hours later 7647870 Anonymous
What's a robot's favorite rap song?
B-back that ass up.
9 hours later 7647889 MJ Mage
How many replies did the slow robot think he got to his thread?
404
9 hours later 7647901 MJ Mage
>>7647870
What did the robot say to the mcDonald's burger cook?
p-prepare your angus
9 hours later 7647905 Anonymous
Why didn't the robot go to the BBQ?
He feels awkward around grills
9 hours later 7647910 Anonymous
What's more useless than a robot?
A robot's condom.
9 hours later 7647923 MJ Mage
What disease is worse for a robot than SARS?
SRS
9 hours later 7647931 Anonymous
What do you call a woman who talks to a robot?
His mother
9 hours later 7647936 MJ Mage
What move did the robot bust while dancing by himself in his room?
a nut
9 hours later 7647953 Anonymous
what do you call a large gathering of robots
a nervous system
9 hours later 7647954 Anonymous
Where did the robot take the girl on a date?
An Italian restaurant
9 hours later 7647957 Anonymous
>>7647390
and I thought it will be opel omega...
9 hours later 7647962 MJ Mage
Where did the robot go when the tornado came?
nowhere. He was already in the basement
9 hours later 7647983 Anonymous
What does the robot use to watch films?
A betamax
9 hours later 7647993 Anonymous
What do you call a minority who posts on /r9k/?
A black sheep
9 hours later 7648000 Anonymous
Why do robots hate Cube World?
It's alpha
9 hours later 7648014 MJ Mage
What does a robot say when taking a bath?
scrub-a-dubs-dubs
9 hours later 7648025 Anonymous
How do robots like their olive oil?
doesn't matter, it's either pure or extra virgin
9 hours later 7648028 MJ Mage
What vegetable do robots hate?
alfALPHA sprouts
9 hours later 7648036 Anonymous
>>7647453
>>7647471
>>7647489
You're all great, keep 'em coming.
9 hours later 7648042 Anonymous
>>7647953
>>7647866
Hi Oh!
Those were good. Clever.
9 hours later 7648048 MJ Mage
Why did the robot try to return the girl at the grocery store?
she was damaged goods
9 hours later 7648060 Anonymous
What is the robot's least favorite Pokemon type?
Normal
9 hours later 7648065 Anonymous
What did the robot shove up his ass?
A b-but plug.
9 hours later 7648068 Anonymous
>>7647210
this one was fucking horrible
so horrible its almost funny
9 hours later 7648082 MJ Mage
>>7648036
I'm runnin close to empty on robot jokes right now... we'll see what else I can come up with...
What was the fembot's favorite ride at the fair?
the cock carousel
9 hours later 7648086 Anonymous
What food does the robot buy for his cat?
Feelix
9 hours later 7648107 MJ Mage
>>7648068
Clearly I have quantity over quality ITT
What is a robot's favorite drink?
wine
9 hours later 7648108 Anonymous
Which version of minecraft is preferred by robots?
1.7.3
What's r9k's favorite point and click game?
Machinarium.
9 hours later 7648109 Anonymous
>>7647365
wat.
999blocks
9 hours later 7648110 Anonymous
What's a robot's favorite kind of food?
Delivery
9 hours later 7648119 MJ Mage
What's soft and cuddles with robots?
their pillows
9 hours later 7648140 Anonymous
Why doesn't the robot eat out?
The cutlery has once been in another person's mouth and is therefore sullied and impure.
9 hours later 7648141 Anonymous
>>7647410
best one so far block923r832
9 hours later 7648144 MJ Mage
>>7648109
r9k's eternal argument over circumcision. Also not my best joke
Why didn't the robot atheist ask out his crush when he was told she liked him?
because he didn't believe it
9 hours later 7648159 Anonymous
>>7648014
"Thank God it's only once a week!"
9 hours later 7648175 Anonymous
What did the robot say when he died in TF2?
Please respawn
9 hours later 7648179 MJ Mage
What does r9k and the girls robots try to get on OKC have in common?
they both filter the robot's messages
9 hours later 7648188 Anonymous
Why did the robot's crush go to the spa?
To get her daily facial
9 hours later 7648202 MJ Mage
What is one thing a drug-seeking robot can never get both on and off r9k?
a bump
9 hours later 7648228 MJ Mage
>>7648140
Why doesn't a robot eat out?
eating out is what cuckolds do to girls
9 hours later 7648231 Anonymous
what is a robot's favorite browser game
kingdom of loathing
9 hours later 7648237 Anonymous
>>7647721
if a woman has heared of assburgers
and their bf isnt very talkative, they assume he has assburgers
its fucking retarded
9 hours later 7648238 Anonymous
what's a robot's favorite diet
jenny CRAIG
9 hours later 7648241 Anonymous
What does a robot have in common with an author who can't think of a name for his book?
They both have entitlement issues
9 hours later 7648246 Anonymous
>>7648231
What video game describes a robot's hygiene?
World of Goo.
9 hours later 7648251 MJ Mage
What is a robot's least favorite initials?
XD
9 hours later 7648260 Anonymous
Why are robots not hired by Italian restaurants?
They'll drop the spaghetti.
9 hours later 7648267 Anonymous
Why did the tripfag cross the road?
For attention
9 hours later 7648277 MJ Mage
What do you call a woman who doesn't say no to sleeping with a robot?
a mute
9 hours later 7648278 Anonymous
why did the robot cross the road
the girl he was walking behind kept looking back at him
9 hours later 7648279 Anonymous
>>7648241
*clap*
*clap*
*clap*
Fairplay anon.
9 hours later 7648293 Anonymous
How did the robot solve world hunger?
He fed everyone with the infinite spaghetti that poured out of his pockets.
9 hours later 7648294 Anonymous
>>7648277
What does a robot have in common with an annoying TV commercial?
Both have been muted for 32 seconds
9 hours later 7648295 MJ Mage
>>7648267
Why did all r9k hate the robot after he tried to walk down the stairs?
he tripped
9 hours later 7648303 Anonymous
What's a robot's least favourite fruit?
Grapes.
9 hours later 7648306 Anonymous
>>7648295
what did one robot say when the other fell down the stairs
tumblr
9 hours later 7648308 Anonymous
How do robots cook spaghetti?
They drop it on a grill.
9 hours later 7648311 Anonymous
What do robots sing on long car trips>
99 Bottles of Piss
9 hours later 7648321 Anonymous
>>7648303
It would be dates, but they've never tried them
9 hours later 7648323 MJ Mage
What do you call the method a robot uses to grip things?
a cuck hold
9 hours later 7648339 MJ Mage
>>7648311
Why did the robot spit out the apple juice?
it wasn't apple juice
9 hours later 7648347 Anonymous
>>7648321
Oh you!
Why did the robot fail vector calculus?
He hated dealing with normals.
9 hours later 7648349 Anonymous
The star of the recent James Bond movies tried to start a clothing line, but nobody bought them because Craig threads are all the same
9 hours later 7648352 MJ Mage
>>7648306
What do normalfags say after they have read something?
reddit
10 hours later 7648360 Anonymous
What's a robot's crush's face's favourite song?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1Y rNW-JIhA
10 hours later 7648363 Anonymous
what do robots do to celebrate another's success
shunning
10 hours later 7648368 Anonymous
>>7648352
What did the normalfag eat while wandering in the desert for 40 years?
Manup
10 hours later 7648371 Anonymous
>>7648360
what's a robot's favorite song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbN g5_Jtd8k
10 hours later 7648381 MJ Mage
>>7648349
What is it called when a robot hits a D on his keyboard?
D pressin
10 hours later 7648386 Anonymous
what do you call a woman that approaches a robot
single mother
10 hours later 7648388 Anonymous
>>7648381
You are now my new favorite tripfag.
10 hours later 7648397 Anonymous
What do the average /r9k/ poster and a McDonald's hamburger bun have in common?
Both are 15 years old
10 hours later 7648408 Anonymous
>>7648360
What's a robot's crush's face's favourite lyric?
http://youtu.be/axb2sHpGwHQ?t=1m8s
10 hours later 7648416 MJ Mage
What's it called when a robot is 100% postively in a discussion?
absolutely discussing
10 hours later 7648427 Anonymous
>>7648388
I'm pretty impressed too. Like that's a lot of jokes, ranging from awful to fantastic. In a short period of time.
10 hours later 7648429 Anonymous
>>7648381
What do robots press in conjunction with the Shift key?
Blame
10 hours later 7648440 MJ Mage
>>7648397
As I take a bite into a mcChicken, this post shows up in the thread. *shivers*
What do pills and cocks have in common?
fembots take them orally
10 hours later 7648455 Anonymous
Why was the robot kicked out of the sex-addicts anonymous meeting?
He wouldn't stop masturbating his ego.
10 hours later 7648459 Anonymous
>>7648440
What do tripfags have in common with people eating chicken?
Both have their mouths full of cock
10 hours later 7648485 MJ Mage
>>7648459
Yum yum
Why do robots like to fish?
because they are natural bait-a's
10 hours later 7648510 Anonymous
>>7648485
They're also experienced in dealing with hookers.
10 hours later 7648513 MJ Mage
What does the robot tailor do at work?
feel threads
10 hours later 7648526 Anonymous
What did the normalfag say after reading a post he enjoyed?
Where's the +1 button?
10 hours later 7648536 Anonymous
>>7648513
What do robots and the blind have in common?
Both go through life by feeling
10 hours later 7648546 MJ Mage
What does a robot eat when watching black porn?
g-rape
10 hours later 7648578 Anonymous
Why is a robot like lended money?
They're both a loan
10 hours later 7648589 MJ Mage
What did the robot say after his dog licked up his cum?
he's fed-ish
This one was really bad
10 hours later 7648616 MJ Mage
What do robot policemen do?
pa-troll
10 hours later 7648618 Anonymous
>>7648589
That one was really bad. You tired? You can take a break if you need it. We won't hate you.
We will hate you if you do something like that again, though.
10 hours later 7648662 MJ Mage
What do depressed robots and tards have in common?
both feel down
10 hours later 7648680 Anonymous
How would you describe the average robot's life?
Very un4chanate
10 hours later 7648681 Sky Harbor
Where is a robot's favorite restaurant located?
Upstairs
What did the robot say at a sex addicts anonymous?
Nothing.
How do you know where robots gather to cook meat?
When someone says grill here.
10 hours later 7648691 MJ Mage
>>7648618
Its all about quantity. If I post 400 jokes, 3 or 4 might be good!
I think I may have hit empty finally
10 hours later 7648709 Anonymous
>>7648662
What do depressed robots and pillow inspectors have in common?
10 hours later 7648728 MJ Mage
>>7648536
What do robots and the blind have in common?
neither can make eye contact
10 hours later 7648737 MJ Mage
>>7648709
Well, what anon!?
10 hours later 7648760 MJ Mage
Why is it okay to invite a robot to your wedding?
you can be sure he'll forever hold his peace, because he's sure not gonna speak!
10 hours later 7648782 Anonymous
>>7648279
>clap clap clap
that will be a robots' foreplay, my kind anon
10 hours later 7648785 Sky Harbor
>>7648709
They lay in bed all day?
10 hours later 7648789 Anonymous
>>7648737
Not him, but I came up with a variation with a punchline.
What's the difference between depressed robots and pillow inspectors?
The pillow inspectors get paid to hold their pillows.
10 hours later 7648790 MJ Mage
What paper do robots in New York read?
the Post
10 hours later 7648804 MJ Mage
>>7648782
What kind of STD does over half this board have?
the americlap
10 hours later 7648823 Anonymous
>>7648737
>>7648785
The punchline is the same
10 hours later 7648844 Anonymous
Someone please make this thread a sticky. This is the best thing that I have seen on r9k in months.
10 hours later 7648861 Anonymous
Why did the robot get a pet turtle
/spoiler/feels/spoiler/
haha, f-funny right guys?
10 hours later 7648862 MJ Mage
>>7648823
I now feel pretty down myself...
10 hours later 7648889 Anonymous
Welp.Iif there's one thing we can do, it's self-deprecating humour. Who'd a thunk it.
10 hours later 7648897 Anonymous
>>7648789
>robots leave their pillows dirty
10 hours later 7648899 Anonymous
>>7648862
>down
If that was an intentional pun, I will love you forever.
10 hours later 7648918 MJ Mage
>>7648899
Well I guess I have your undying affection. Can we cuddle?
10 hours later 7648927 Anonymous
>>7648918
>Can we cuddle?
best joke yet
10 hours later 7648939 Anonymous
>>7648823
i dont get this one at all
10 hours later 7648977 MJ Mage
>>7648939
What do robots and pillow inspectors have in common? They both feel down
Robots feel depressed, pillow inspectors feel down pillows. Its a type if feather
Jokes are so much less funny when you break them down and explain them
10 hours later 7648988 Anonymous
>>7648939
What is the common thing about sex and jokes for robots?
>they don't get it
10 hours later 7649004 MJ Mage
>>7648988
+1 for the joke, + another for the dubs
10 hours later 7649040 Anonymous
>>7648939
What do depressed robots and pillow inspectors have in common?
Both feel down
Because pillows are often filled with down, and an inspector would physically feel them for irregularities.
10 hours later 7649053 Anonymous
>>7649040
what the hell are pillow inspectors
10 hours later 7649067 Anonymous
>>7649004
what does robot say to a well endowed girl?
>nice dubs
10 hours later 7649086 Anonymous
>>7649053
A job invented for the sake of the joke.
SHIT ROBOT
10 hours later 7649087 Anonymous
>>7649067
oh, and remember that scene from "total recall"?
>nice trips...
11 hours later 7649146 Anonymous
/pol/ here.
What does a robot's sex life have in common with the Holocaust?
Neither happened thanks to the Jews
11 hours later 7649158 Anonymous
Why do robots always get upset when a game they test gets finished?
Because they love being around betas like themselves.
11 hours later 7649175 MJ Mage
>>7649067
Not r9k related but you might appreciate it nonetheless...
What did the gangster say when he took his hoe to the plastic surgeon?
throw some D's on this bitch!
11 hours later 7649184 Anonymous
What do Rodney King and dyslexic robots have in common?
Both are beat
11 hours later 7649244 Anonymous
>>7649184
yeah, if kings are use, then
what did Luter King, and sad awoken robot have in common?
>they both had a dream...
11 hours later 7649261 MJ Mage
How are babies more alpha than robots?
their dick has been in a vagina a lot more recently
11 hours later 7649287 Anonymous
>>7649175
itp it's 2006-2007 all over again
11 hours later 7649289 MJ Mage
What do my posts and canned foods have in common?
both get confused for spam
11 hours later 7649377 MJ Mage
What happens when r9k gets wet?
it's threads get pruned
11 hours later 7649404 Anonymous
Finally a non shit thread, I'm actually chuckling at these jokes.
11 hours later 7649488 Anonymous
>>7649377
what is the robots' favourite brand of tools?
>beta
11 hours later 7649500 Anonymous
>>7647231
Very clever.
11 hours later 7649501 Anonymous
>>7647511
>note that most robots have their hands on their cocks most of the time so they might not be able to use both the keyboard and mouse.
11 hours later 7649507 Anonymous
>>7649488
>mfw I do have a nice beta tool-bag
I hurt myself with that one
11 hours later 7649518 Anonymous
>>7647385
10/10
/thread right here
11 hours later 7649535 MJ Mage
>>7649501
>tfw I no longer even realize that my hand is on my dick because its there so much
11 hours later 7649587 Anonymous
>>7647611
I'm a paranoid freak, so I add clearing my history to that, even though it's unlikely that anyone will go looking through my history.
11 hours later 7649606 Anonymous
>>7649535
oh man, you should see my parents faces when they notice where my hand is, and motions it makes, when I am not noticing it myself anymore and I do this...
11 hours later 7649646 Anonymous
Why do robots wear cargo pants whenever they go out?
The pockets can hold all their spaghetti.
11 hours later 7649665 Anonymous
>>7649606
parents mentioned, so:
what is the first question parents ask their robot-son
>do you have a gf, son?
and what is the second question parents ask their robot-son?
>are you gay, son?
11 hours later 7649667 MJ Mage
>>7649646
>robots
>going out
I lol'd
11 hours later 7649741 Anonymous
>>7649667
and a joke from today's thread, I'm not sure if anyone noticed or remember or get it at all, but:
what is Chad Thundercock's invention for woman?
-a tampon
11 hours later 7649818 Anonymous
>>7649587
Yeah, I thought about adding "Clears history, clears Recent Places" but it was getting a bit long...
>>7649518
Thank you! But now I've realised I've been hanging around this thread for 3+ hours. Ah, fuck it.
11 hours later 7649841 Anonymous
>>7649667
where do robots go out to on friday night?
-to bathroom
11 hours later 7649887 Anonymous
>>7648510
Lol'd.
hhrtewjhtrwb
11 hours later 7649890 MJ Mage
>>7649818
I know that feel. I spent two straight hours posting joke after joke with out pausing. This thread gave me carpal tunnel
12 hours later 7649915 MJ Mage
>>7649841
What kind of fragrance do robots use?
c-alone
12 hours later 7649925 Anonymous
>>7649915
how do you keep on doing this
12 hours later 7649929 Anonymous
>>7649890
please continue my friend, it is literally the best thread I read in a while
what is the favourite robot's character in RPG games?
>white knight
12 hours later 7649933 Anonymous
>>7648578
Best one in the thread, IMO.
12 hours later 7649986 Anonymous
Goddamit where is RUSSIAN when you need him
12 hours later 7649994 Anonymous
>>7649890
I said it earlier, that's impressive. I've been getting one every 20 minutes after the initial burst of inspiration.
12 hours later 7650030 MJ Mage
>>7649925
The complete and utter lack of anything better to do with my life...
>>7649929
I'm gonna keep posting as I come up with them, no promises I have any more in the tank though
What do robots and REO Speedwagon have in common?
THEY CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYMORE...
12 hours later 7650075 MJ Mage
>>7649986
I know right? I might have quantity, but he has quality. 10000/10 best poster r9k has ever had.
What do robots and boats have in common?
they both tend to have seamen on them
12 hours later 7650253 MJ Mage
What do robots breathe?
no one cAIRes
12 hours later 7650301 MJ Mage
Why do robots hate grass?
they don't. They just hate the sage
12 hours later 7650320 MJ Mage
What do you call a black robot from the 70's?
a frobot
12 hours later 7650342 MJ Mage
What fo you call robots from other planets?
failiens
12 hours later 7650391 Anonymous
>>7650320
What do you call a black robot from the 1800's?
A negrobot
What do you call a Jewish robot?
A rabbot
A Shoahbot
A Roblatt
What do you call a British robot?
A robong
12 hours later 7650398 Anonymous
>>7650320
there used to be a black tripfag named afrobot
it turned out he was an former classmate of mine
he met moot
12 hours later 7650406 MJ Mage
What do you call it when robots take too much cough syrup?
robotripping
12 hours later 7650407 Anonymous
>>7650391
what do you call a male japanese robot
ordinary
12 hours later 7650433 Anonymous
>>7650342
What two things do robots and guns have in common?
> 1. Cock. 2. Neither is used for fucking.
12 hours later 7650444 Anonymous
Put on nice clothes, I'm taking you to a special place!
(Applebee)
12 hours later 7650445 Anonymous
What is located directly beneath a robot's neckbeard?
Another neckbeard
12 hours later 7650454 Anonymous (meanwhile-in-afghanistan.jpg 218x218 20kB)
>>7650433
>he's never violated someone with a gun
12 hours later 7650464 Anonymous (2312w.jpg 606x403 110kB)
Where did the robot take his date?
12 hours later 7650466 Anonymous
>>7650444
I thought about cracking a joke about that but decided it was a bit too recent.
12 hours later 7650474 Anonymous
What's the difference between a robot and a toothbrush?
Your average toothbrush has been up more pussy.
12 hours later 7650495 Anonymous (1361125094413.jpg 487x536 80kB)
>>7650454
gun- possible, cock of a gun- not so much
what do slavs and robots have same problem with
>reading comprehension
12 hours later 7650518 Anonymous
>>7650506
refer to this >7648988
12 hours later 7650525 Anonymous
Women don't hate virgins. You guys are just generally unattractive people.
And why would you ever be so beta as to tell someone you are a virgin?
You stick your dick in the vagina. It's not fucking hard.
12 hours later 7650529 Anonymous
>>7648025
wonderful, this joke isn't getting the recognition it deserves.
12 hours later 7650537 MJ Mage
What is the difference between a neckbeard and pubes?
one is on someone's face. The other one is a neck beard
12 hours later 7650555 Anonymous
>>7650525
>Dem contradictory statements
Wrong thread, by the way.
12 hours later 7650564 Anonymous
>>7650529
There's a lot of solid jokes in here that haven't been pointed out. They just meld in with the not so decent ones.
How does a robot know when to stop fucking?
When the pimp starts knocking on the door.
12 hours later 7650570 MJ Mage
>>7650525
8/10, but you forgot to use spoilers
12 hours later 7650589 MJ Mage
>>7650564
How does a hooker know if a robot is finished fucking?
If he's all the way in, he's already done
12 hours later 7650594 Anonymous (1362466961786.jpg 220x165 9kB)
>>7650525
Who does robots hate?
> motherfuckers like you, who come in, ruin the thread and troll the fuck out of everyone.
tl;dr- shut your mouth already, we are trying to have some fun here
12 hours later 7650622 Anonymous
>>7650589
How does the pimp know to start knocking on the door?
When he hears the sobbing of a used-to-be virgin.
12 hours later 7650630 Anonymous
what do robots and neglected babies have in common
both live in their own filth and cry themselves to sleep without human contact or tits to suck
maybe that was too harsh
12 hours later 7650633 MJ Mage
>>7650594
Fuck you trolls are like tripfags. If you respond to them, they keep derailing.
What's the difference between a tripfag and a truck parked on train tracks?
the truck isn't guaranteed to cause derailing
12 hours later 7650648 Anonymous
>>7650622
how does a robot know, that he has finished?
>because he has stopped knocking himself and still hears it
12 hours later 7650668 Anonymous
>>7650648
How does a door know a prostitute finish virgin?
Pimp knocking sobbing robot, was.
13 hours later 7650689 Anonymous
>>7650633
don't get yourself down, you stay on track in political discussions even though you're a little baity.
13 hours later 7650691 Anonymous
>>7650668
and now the joke got quite funny
lol'd hard on this one
13 hours later 7650717 MJ Mage
>>7650689
What's the difference between my last post and a funeral?
one was serious. The other one is a funeral
13 hours later 7650754 Anonymous
>>7650717
please, do invent some jokes along the "pimp, prostitute and a virgin robot" lines
13 hours later 7650768 Anonymous
>>7650717
How the fuck is it humanly possible for you to still be going strong after almost 5 straight hours now of posting jokes?
13 hours later 7650795 MJ Mage
>>7650668
Have you heard the one about the pimp, the virgin, the prostitute and the door?
someone had wood, but that turned out just to be the door
13 hours later 7650861 Anonymous
>>7650795
yeah and the favourite sex position for robotos would be?
wooden-chair
13 hours later 7650871 Anonymous
what do robots and vampires have in common
nobody wants them to come inside
13 hours later 7650886 Anonymous
>>7650871
They both fear sunlight
13 hours later 7650896 Anonymous
>>7650871
what do robots and vampires have in common
dat smell
13 hours later 7650898 MJ Mage
>>7650861
How is a robot most likely to die?
having a stroke
Pun definitely intended
13 hours later 7650906 Anonymous
>>7650886
they're both a drain on the well-being of others
13 hours later 7650913 MJ Mage
>>7650871
everyone who knew them has long simce thought they died
13 hours later 7650917 Anonymous
What do robots and the drawquest ads have in common?
Not even the bored, desperate, anons of 4chan are interested.
13 hours later 7650919 Anonymous
>>7650898
that was fucking hilarious, keep 'em comin'
13 hours later 7650939 Anonymous
>>7650871
As far as I can tell, they can't see their reflection.
13 hours later 7651020 Anonymous
>>7650939
What does robot and substitute football player have in common?
they never score
13 hours later 7651043 MJ Mage
>>7650919
Fuck man... I haven't put this much creative energy into anything in a long time. If only I could be this productive normally...
What do robots and homeless people have in common?
neither have cars and neither has showered in recent memory
13 hours later 7651063 MJ Mage
>>7651020
W hat do robots and proctologists have in common?
both shove things up the same asshole
13 hours later 7651071 Anonymous
>>7648175
this one made me giggle irl anon
thank you
13 hours later 7651107 Anonymous
>>7651063
Why couldn't the robot fit a butt-plug up his ass?
His head was in the way.
13 hours later 7651133 Anonymous
>>7651063
yeah, somehow true... that poor zucchini...my poor arsehole.
Anyway it was better on my plate, then in my ass.
13 hours later 7651180 Anonymous
>>7651063
>Almost 300 replies.
Cmon brah. It's only been 5 hours. We can get to 300!
What's the difference between a robot and a tranny?
A tranny has the chance to cum on a pair of tits.
13 hours later 7651183 MJ Mage
>>7651107
Why can robots never manage to put their dick in a hole?
too many edges
13 hours later 7651194 Anonymous
>>7651133
Ok, what does robots with dragon dildos and bros on /fit/ miring gainz have in common?
n-no homo
13 hours later 7651206 MJ Mage
>>7651180
LETS DO IT GOD DAMNIT! NONE OF US ARE LEAVING TIL WE HIT 300!
what do Australian robots do when they fuck hookers?
they m8
13 hours later 7651226 Anonymous
>>7651206
What does a robot do when he wants to smell roses?
He farts.
13 hours later 7651227 Anonymous
>>7651206
very good one
what kind of bug are robots misogynistic about?
ladybug
13 hours later 7651232 MJ Mage
>>7651194
It isn't gay unless you balls touch
What do Egyptian robots do?
go in de Nile
13 hours later 7651249 MJ Mage
>>7651227
Why did the robot violently smash the apple?
it was a pink lady
13 hours later 7651264 Anonymous
What do a robot's socks and a robot's qt crush have in common?
They both have a history of being covered in cum.
13 hours later 7651281 Anonymous
>>7651232
my sides bro, I need to hold'em
also- why robots never play billiards?
because the balls are touching
13 hours later 7651282 Anonymous
I think... I think we did it.
Can I sleep now Mage?
13 hours later 7651295 MJ Mage
>>7651264
What's the difference between a robot's qt crush and an electrical outlet?
he will never try to fuck his crush
13 hours later 7651306 MJ Mage
>>7651282
VICTORY IS HOURS!
13 hours later 7651326 Anonymous
>>7651306
I'm not going to sleep, no point in doing so, I will be half dead tomorrow at work anyways.
Mage, let's go for another 300!
13 hours later 7651339 Anonymous
>>7651306
G'night Mage. I never disliked trips, but I never liked one until now.
Promise me you won't make any more awesome jokes that I'll miss now. Or no one will explain what the .org in 4chan.org is about. Or she won't log onto facebook just after I fall asleep.
13 hours later 7651369 Anonymous
>>7651306
I think we should have such thread every day from now on.
>liplyna Arrived
13 hours later 7651383 Anonymous
>>7651306
If only you knew who started this thread~
13 hours later 7651387 MJ Mage
>>7651339
I'll keep the archive link of this thread handy in case you ever want it.
>>7651326
>get work accomplished
>post terrible jokes on 4chan
I think you know which one I'm gonna choose. 300 more it is!
13 hours later 7651418 MJ Mage
>>7651369
Ask >>7651383
He started this thing 16 hours ago. I'm a lightweight compared to this guy
13 hours later 7651419 Anonymous (821963510137.jpg 200x200 9kB)
>>7643567
>What's /r9k/'s favourite band?
U2
FUCK SHIT FUCK OH GOD I SPAT ALL MY FUCKING COLA OVER MY MONITOR
13 hours later 7651425 Anonymous
>>7651387
now, that's the spirit!
Going to pee now, 'cause all the bottles are gone, and meanwhile think of some jokez
13 hours later 7651428 MJ Mage
>>7651419
Be prepared to do a lot of that if you continue reading....
14 hours later 7651459 MJ Mage
>>7651425
What do soda and robots have in common?
thanks to the robot diet, both are mostly made up of corn syrup and sugar
14 hours later 7651476 MJ Mage
>>7651339
Why is there a .org in 4chan?
its the only organization anyone here has ever belonged to
14 hours later 7651489 Crab
Why didnt the Robot play pokemon?
[Spoiler] he had no friend codes [/Spoiler]
14 hours later 7651499 Anonymous
>>7651459
Both are unhealthy on the inside and devoid of value
14 hours later 7651526 MJ Mage
>>7651476
What's the difference between a robot and a musician?
one actually does something productive with his fingers
14 hours later 7651562 MJ Mage
>>7651499
Even better
>>7651489
What do Ash and robots have in common?
both play with balls all day and secretly jack it to Misty
14 hours later 7651578 Anonymous
>>7651562
Neither have grown up in the last ten years
14 hours later 7651602 MJ Mage
>>7651578
How are team Rocket and robots similar?
both have cats and fuck up everything they do
14 hours later 7651603 Anonymous
What did the femanon say to the normalfag?
GARGLURGHBLGUGHAGH
14 hours later 7651638 MJ Mage
>>7651603
What do fat robots and their qt crushes have in common?
neither is ever gonna see the fat robot's dick
14 hours later 7651644 Anonymous
What do camwhores and robots have in common?
Both spend hours a day masturbating in front of a screen
14 hours later 7651669 MJ Mage
>>7651638
What do J. Edgar Hoover and robots have in common?
both put on their mother's clothes and jacked off in them
14 hours later 7651675 54m50n
>>7651638
but everyone has already seen my dick MJ
14 hours later 7651683 MJ Mage
>>7651644
What do robots and bars have in common?
glasses
14 hours later 7651710 Anonymous
>>7651683
What do robots and the comics section of newpapers have in common?
Both have Zits every day
14 hours later 7651727 Anonymous
What do robots and rock 'n' roll have in common?
Both are hated by parents
14 hours later 7651744 MJ Mage
>>7651675
And it's glorious. Now join in! This thread is my masterpiece and I'll be damned if this won't reach bump limit
>tfw not even OP
What do fembots and traps have in common?
both are pretending they are girls
14 hours later 7651750 Anonymous
Where did the robot drive the qt girl he's crushing on?
To Chad Thunderock's house
14 hours later 7651762 Anonymous
>>7651744
What's the difference between George Foreman and /r9k/?
One has grills
14 hours later 7651774 MJ Mage
>>7651750
Why was the fembot excited when she heard the storm?
she assumed Chad's cock would follow
14 hours later 7651778 Anonymous
What did the robot say to the girl?
Nothing
14 hours later 7651782 Anonymous
>>7651750
What did the qt give to the robot who was crushing on her?
The finger
14 hours later 7651786 MJ Mage
>>7651762
What's the difference between a robot and their qt crush's vagina?
nothing. Both are pussies
14 hours later 7651793 Anonymous
>>7651782
What did the qt say to the robot who was crushing on her?
Get off of me I can't breathe
14 hours later 7651794 Anonymous
>>7651774
What kind of game is going on under robots neckbeard?
Civilization VIII
14 hours later 7651796 Anonymous
>>7651782
What did the qt say to the robot who was crushing on her?
Fuck off you creep
14 hours later 7651807 Anonymous
>>7651786
One only smells bad part of the time
14 hours later 7651808 MJ Mage
>>7651796
What's the difference between a robot and a garbage man?
one works and actually picks up the trash once a week
14 hours later 7651829 Anonymous
Why didn't the normalfag like the critically-acclaimed character actor?
He wasn't being himself
14 hours later 7651835 Anonymous
>>7651808
What should be most robots 2nd name?
Merlin
14 hours later 7651846 MJ Mage
>>7651807
What's the difference between the moon and a robot's skin?
only half the moon has never seen the sun
14 hours later 7651854 Anonymous
What do beta orbiters and allergic reactions have in common?
if you treat them they're only gonna come back worse
14 hours later 7651858 MJ Mage
>>7651835
Why did Jesus wait until 30 to start performing miracles?
had to get his wizard powers first
14 hours later 7651860 Anonymous
>>7651846
And what is common for robot's skin and the moon?
dem craters...
14 hours later 7651872 Anonymous
>>7651860
You only see them at night
14 hours later 7651873 MJ Mage
>>7651860
What's the difference between a toilet seat and a robot?
the toilet gets ass all the time
14 hours later 7651881 Anonymous
>>7651858
Why did they chose that particular age for Jesus performing miracles?
to give robots some hope
14 hours later 7651882 MJ Mage
>>7651873
What do a robot and a toilet seat have in common?
both catch nothing but shit all day
14 hours later 7651900 Anonymous
>>7651882
Both take the piss
Both are full of shit
Both get flushed when touched by another person
Both are sickly pale
14 hours later 7651905 Anonymous
>>7651882
>shitting on ur toilet seat
i shiddy giggy
14 hours later 7651913 MJ Mage
>>7651881
Why are so many robots atheists?
because if there was a god he would have put someone on earth to love them
14 hours later 7651925 Anonymous
>>7651905
I was just searching for that famous gif shit being smeared all along the toiled seat of automatically cleaning toilet bowl...
14 hours later 7651930 Anonymous (1369520150018.jpg 830x2600 416kB)
Not /r9k/ related but
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
> you have to take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline
What do a beta friendzoned robot and a tampon have in common?
a female will use it when shes emotionally unstable and then discard it
14 hours later 7651940 MJ Mage
>>7651905
I can't be arsed to aim...
What does old cheese and robots have in common?
they smell like shit and look like they expired years ago
14 hours later 7651956 MJ Mage
>>7651930
What is the difference between a robot and a tampon?
at least the tampon touched pussy
14 hours later 7651968 Anonymous
>>7651956
Women don't mind touching tampons
14 hours later 7651979 Anonymous
>>7643567
god chad is such a dick name though.
14 hours later 7651980 Anonymous
Why does a robot not need to clean his browser history?
it only says Facebook anyway
14 hours later 7651994 MJ Mage
>>7651968
What's the difference between a robot and a gangbanger?
the gangbanger can blame the system for his problems, while the robot has no one but himself to blame
14 hours later 7652005 MJ Mage
>>7651994
What do robots and gangbangers have in common?
funny smelling crack
14 hours later 7652008 Anonymous
>>7651956
Approaching 400 my friend, the event horizon is getting close now
14 hours later 7652015 Anonymous
What do a fat robot and bread have in common?
they both have crusts
14 hours later 7652032 Anonymous
>>7652005
Thanks MJ, thanks anonymous. You're welcome too and I had a lot of fun. Headed to bed. Thanks for brightening my boring day with laughter and feel.
14 hours later 7652045 Anonymous
Why didn't the robot mind getting chewed out by his father?
4chan favors the told
14 hours later 7652051 MJ Mage
>>7652015
What's the difference between a robot's mountain dew and a normalfag's mountain dew?
its not mountain dew in the robot's bottle...
14 hours later 7652069 Anonymous
What's the difference between this thread and female comedians? There isn't one. Kill yourselves.
14 hours later 7652078 Anonymous
>>7647083
this is my favorite one....
that punchline was good
14 hours later 7652081 Anonymous
>>7652069
But this thread isn't 90% Jewish.
14 hours later 7652093 Anonymous
What did Chad Thundercock say to the robot after taking the robot's crush's virginity?
[Spoiler]My Tuesday night was boring. How about yours?[/Spoiler]
14 hours later 7652101 MJ Mage
>>7652032
You're welcome anon. Glad we could waste our day away telling jokes. We need more laffs here
Who has fucked more times than all other humans?
the hand of a robot
14 hours later 7652102 Anonymous
>>7647532
Oh man. This guy. Oh man.
14 hours later 7652135 MJ Mage
>>7652069
What's the difference between robots and girls?
girls sometimes actually succeed in killing themselves
15 hours later 7652183 MJ Mage
>>7652081
Off thread topic, but why are the Jews so thoroughly in control?
because the jew nose all
Lets stay on point though...
How many robots does it take to screw a light bulb?
just one, but a whole surgery team is needed to get it out of his ass
15 hours later 7652232 MJ Mage
>>7652183
What's the difference between a sumo wrestler and a robot?
the sumo has some semblance of ability
15 hours later 7652250 Anonymous
>>7652232
How? How are you still going? How is this even possible?
15 hours later 7652261 Anonymous
>>7649986
I think at this point MJ may have him beat
15 hours later 7652291 MJ Mage
>>7652261
Let's not compare me to RUSSIAN, its no competition.
Why do robots eat like shit?
because their diet matches their personality
15 hours later 7652317 MJ Mage
>>7652291
What do robots and gay guys have in common?
neither one is fucking women
15 hours later 7652341 MJ Mage
>>7652317
What do arab robots eat?
falolfel
15 hours later 7652398 MJ Mage
>>7652341
How many hats does a robot own?
7. A fedora for each day of the week
15 hours later 7652471 MJ Mage
>>7652398
Come on we're almost there. Let's give it that final push!
What do robots and snap crackle pop have in common?
those are the sound the house's foundation makes every step the robot takes
15 hours later 7652490 Anonymous
>>7651979
HA! Chad Thundercock is a DICK name.
Good one.
15 hours later 7652513 MJ Mage
>>7652471
What does a robot say every time someone thanks them?
It's my privelege
15 hours later 7652568 Anonymous
>>7652471
A better phrasing of that joke:
What does a robot's house and Rice Krispies have in common?
The robot makes them go Snap Crackle Pop.
15 hours later 7652577 Anonymous
>>7652513
I can't think of anything to add to this, but have a bump. I want to say I am in awe of your joke arsenal
15 hours later 7652629 Anonymous
>>7652577
Nice dubsbump.
And the best part is Mage is doing all these jokes live. He doesn't have these stored up, he's making them on the fly. I am in awe of him forever.
15 hours later 7652631 MJ Mage (2013-07-07-20-10-19--1528735332.jpg 104x135 3kB)
>>7652568
Nice. Even better. Home stretch now. We hit 400 and I am going to pass out.
What do robots and Law and Order SVU have in common?
both have graphic T's
15 hours later 7652670 MJ Mage
>>7652631
What did robots drink as children?
Tangst
15 hours later 7652691 MJ Mage
>>7652670
What do you call it when you give a robot something?
forever a loan
15 hours later 7652693 Anonymous
>>7652631
What do robots and SVU have in common?
Their T's just lie around and do nothing most of the time.
15 hours later 7652705 Anonymous (1363144213580.gif 318x162 970kB)
10/10 thread guys. sometimes arcanine doesnt even make me want to kill myself
15 hours later 7652715 MJ Mage
>>7652691
What do you call a thread of pictures of a robot's home?
a dump
15 hours later 7652738 MJ Mage
>>7652705
What do you call it when you get 10 ratings consistently?
ten often
15 hours later 7652743 Anonymous
>>7652093
Right in the fucking feels man. Right in the fucking feels.
15 hours later 7652774 MJ Mage
>>7652743
What is the greatest achievement in a robot's life?
400 posts omitted. We did it! >>7652743
15 hours later 7652779 Anonymous
What does a robot's essay and his crush have in common?
They both get the D
15 hours later 7652786 Anonymous
What's a robot's favorite Pokemon?
An Arcanine
What's a robot's favorite moveset for it?
Jolly Choice Scarf. It can't take a hit and if it goes in it's basically finished.
15 hours later 7652815 Anonymous
>>7652774
I don't think the words ARCHIVE THIS have ever been more applicable
15 hours later 7652821 Anonymous
>>7652341
>falolfel
>not falafail
15 hours later 7652850 Anonymous
>>7652786
All you had to do was say Arcanine. Not "an arcanine".
15 hours later 7652855 Anonymous
>>7652815
Where do the robots save their threads?
The Arcanive or they would, if they weren't too lazy to make it in the first place.
15 hours later 7652869 Anonymous
>>7652850
Oh go fuck your pretentious asshole; they're both acceptable and grammatically correct.
15 hours later 7652876 MJ Mage
And with that, I am finished. Nearly 8 hours straight of making jokes. Please keep them rolling, I'm gonna leave this up and see what else people come up with!
Godspeed, anons. I'm gonna take a nap after that
15 hours later 7652879 Anonymous
>>7652815
I tried, but it fucked up.
http://chanarchive org/4chan/r9k/70809
15 hours later 7652884 MJ Mage
>>7652821
Fuck. That's much better. I like it
15 hours later 7652902 MJ Mage
>>7652879
>>7652815
No worries. r9k is archived automatically at heinnessen. Every post you make here lives forever
15 hours later 7652918 Anonymous
>>7652902
Remind me to never post something stupid with a trip.
15 hours later 7652928 Anonymous
>>7652869
I sense some butthurt .
"An arcanine" sounds awkward as fuck btw.
16 hours later 7653113 Anonymous
>>7652928
Then again, a robot IS awkward as fuck, so that would make sense.
16 hours later 7653505 MJ Mage
Bumping my fellow robots' jokes
20 hours later 7656205 Anonymous
What do you call a happy, motivated, successful, reasonable, and romantically fulfilled robot?
A goddamned myth if I've heard one.
21 hours later 7656380 Anonymous
Why do robots make such great trolls?
They're master baiters
What's worse than a robot's hygiene, posture, diet and social life?
Nothing
What does a robot and a mosquito have in common?
They are parasitic and everyone hates them
22 hours later 7657185 Anonymous
Up!
Why didn't r9k like the Terminator?
they couldn't believe a robot being that successful and attractive
22 hours later 7657210 Anonymous
What do a scarab and a robot have in common?
they both like to roll around in their own filth
22 hours later 7657235 Anonymous
What's the difference between Anne Frank and a robot?
anne didn't WANT to spend most of her life hiding in a room
22 hours later 7657277 Anonymous
What robot is a complete ass?
eeyore
What do a robot and a barman have in common?
they both spend their night listening to people BTICH about their fucking problems
22 hours later 7657293 Anonymous
What do a robot and Lemon Grab have in common?
they're both autistic and have an obsession with dark, 4 walled rooms
22 hours later 7657308 Anonymous
What is a robot's favorite meal?
anxiety medication
22 hours later 7657325 Anonymous
You guys know physics right?
Why does the robot enjoy the heating process?
It's calculated by Q*t
22 hours later 7657346 Anonymous
>>7657185
From here down was all me. Come on people, join in!
Why did the robot get an F on his essay?
it was entirely written in green text
22 hours later 7657360 Anonymous
What's the difference between robots and rick astley?
robots ARE strangers to love
23 hours later 7657381 Anonymous
A guy walks into a bar and says "how much for a drink?" The robot at the bar says "y-you too"
23 hours later 7657387 Anonymous
What did the robot say to his dad?
Nothing, his dad left before he could even talk
23 hours later 7657399 Anonymous
What do robots and this thread have in common?
they've been stuck on the site for hours on end
23 hours later 7657415 Anonymous
>>7657387
Yay someone else! I was starting to think wveryone was asleep
How many robots does it take ti screw in a lightbulb?
2, one to screw in the lightbulb, and one to complain about lightbulb-screwing-privilege on r9k
23 hours later 7657434 Anonymous
Where is thw hooker the robot hired from?
the Feellippines
23 hours later 7657436 Anonymous
Wow this thread is still going.
Why would the girl never leave the robot?
She was trapped in his computer screen
23 hours later 7657448 Anonymous
So a 4chan regular walks into a bar. The barman asks "what can I get you?"
an alcohol
23 hours later 7657454 Anonymous
>>7643567
Why aren't the user base of /r9k/ funny?
Because they cannot relate to other people due to autism.
/thread
23 hours later 7657466 Anonymous
>>7657436
Hooray another robot!
What do you call it when a robot acts smarter than he is on r9k?
artificial intelligence
23 hours later 7657490 Anonymous
Who is a Robots favourite insurer?
Privilege
23 hours later 7657492 Anonymous
What do you call tripping from an apartment building?
two great reasons for suicide
Wording should have been subtler here... :/
23 hours later 7657582 Anonymous
Who is the only person robots hate more than Chad?
themselves
23 hours later 7657592 Anonymous
Why shouldn't you read the punch line to this joke in an emergency?
spoiler alert
23 hours later 7657609 Anonymous
>>7657492
I don't get it...
biarbar the
23 hours later 7657611 Anonymous (1369700521612.gif 520x375 1072kB)
What does a robot hypnotist say?
only dreams now
23 hours later 7657624 Anonymous
>>7657609
Tripping as in tripfagging. Also tripping from an apartment building, as in throwing yourself off. I was implying if you live in an apartment building and you trip, that's also a reason to kill yourself.
I sound like a dick explainig that
What do you call it when a robot no longer has hands and feet?
stump limit
23 hours later 7657647 Anonymous
What's the difference between a robot and a ballpoint pen?
the average pen has had more female contact
23 hours later 7657670 Anonymous
Why does a robot love cats?
he puts the pussy on a pedestal
23 hours later 7657682 Anonymous
What do you call a talking burrito filled with cum?
a Ricky
23 hours later 7657700 Anonymous
Come on guys, we gotta pick up the slack til MJ gets back. Halp.
What do you call a robot that cleans a qt's apartment?
a Roomba
23 hours later 7657715 Anonymous
What did the robot say about the present for the japanese kid?
for Chan
23 hours later 7657745 Anonymous
What do you call 9 robots committing suicide?
9fag
had to say fag instead of gag otherwise moot thinks it is spam
24 hours later 7657855 Anonymous
Why doesn't the robot watch soaps?
following tripfaggot drama is enough
24 hours later 7657921 Anonymous
>>7647537
B-but I even failed that.
25 hours later 7658270 Anonymous
>>7651762
Whats the difference between a george foreman grill and r9k.
The george foreman grill removes the fat but r9k just hates it.
25 hours later 7658408 Anonymous
What was the robots ex gf's favourite asian soup.
cream of sumyungguy
25 hours later 7658429 Anonymous
What did the waifu say to the robot the morning after.
I don't know about you but I'm feeling stuffed
26 hours later 7658730 Anonymous
Why did the baker open shop on a Sunday?
So the qt could get a cream-pie every day.
26 hours later 7658775 Anonymous
What's a robot's favourite music genre?
Dubghetti
28 hours later 7659707 Anonymous
>>7658775
why should robots go to hell?
this might be the only occasion to finally see something naughty
don't let the thread die
28 hours later 7659817 Anonymous
>>7647524
Oh god fuck me I do that but I have fun.
28 hours later 7659829 Anonymous
>>7658429
Why do robots refuse washing?
because you need to take your clothes off to do this
28 hours later 7659840 Anonymous
>>7658730
what type of connectivity does a robots' computer have?
wi-fu
28 hours later 7659870 Anonymous
>>7659840
what does a fat triple-neckbearded robot say when watching his reflection in a mirror?
b-bear mode
28 hours later 7659885 MJ Mage
>>7659870
THIS IS STILL ALIVE!? FUCK YEAH BITCHES MJ MAGE BACK IN THE HOUSE.
What type of bathing suit does a robot wear?
shirt
28 hours later 7659887 Anonymous
>>7647410
>>7647400
best two in thread. Good work MJ Mage
28 hours later 7659896 MJ Mage
>>7659881
Feels like the first time!
28 hours later 7659902 MJ Mage
>>7659887
Why don't robots live on the coast?
Too many Beaches and Shores
28 hours later 7659903 Anonymous
>>7659885
hello friend! I was suprisingly bright in da work today, even after 3hrs of sleep. 500 is close, now let back to this work!
oh my, the captcha:
LORD 1/Book
28 hours later 7659918 MJ Mage
>>7659902
How can you tell where a robot has sat?
the skid marks
28 hours later 7659932 MJ Mage
>>7659916
Dooooo Yooouuuu, FEEL Like I Do! we could go forever with this one
>>7659903
Lord, we are writing a book ITT
28 hours later 7659935 Anonymous
>>7659918
by the bronze like-mug-rim trail
28 hours later 7659939 MJ Mage
>>7659918
What does a robot consider to be fine art?
MS Paint female privelege comics
28 hours later 7659945 Anonymous
>>7647962
You're some kind of genius lold
28 hours later 7659948 MJ Mage
>>7659935
by the smell and the hardened indent the shape of his ass
28 hours later 7659955 Anonymous
>>7659939
ok, but what actually should be robots fav song?
Royksopp - The girl and the robot
28 hours later 7659960 MJ Mage
>>7659945
I-if only I could be this creative towards something meaningful...
what do you call a genius who browses r9k?
a liar
28 hours later 7659970 Anonymous
>>7659960
What would a robot like to do on friday night?
to get lied
28 hours later 7659974 MJ Mage
What kind of fruit does a robot eat?
Dis Pear
29 hours later 7659979 MJ Mage
>>7659970
When has a robot pulled a girl?
when he dragged her into the van
29 hours later 7659997 Anonymous
>>7659979
hard to imagine that one.
Which color robots love and have at the same time, and why?
white- it stands both for knights and cum
29 hours later 7659998 MJ Mage
What do you call a robot organization?
a FEDORAtion
29 hours later 7660014 MJ Mage
>>7659997
I implied rape and kidnapping in that one
How are robot's penises and pet dogs similar?
both have learned how to come on command after extensive training
29 hours later 7660023 Anonymous
>>7659998
first question a robot asks ethics teacher to authenticate her
did you have cum on your face?
29 hours later 7660036 Anonymous
>>7660014
>I implied rape and kidnapping in that one
I got it, and that was the thing hard to imagine.
And I got it not in a sense of being raped and kidnapped...
29 hours later 7660041 Anonymous
>>7659939
I hereby dub you king of /r9k/ May your jokes live on in the archives forever.
29 hours later 7660051 MJ Mage
>>7660023
Why did the robot shun the girl after the fly landed on her?
It came on her face
29 hours later 7660060 MJ Mage
>>7660041
Who is r9k's God?
the spergLord
29 hours later 7660074 MJ Mage
>>7660041
Also, >>7660036 may have contributed even more than I did. Its easier to tell mine because of the trip.
Why don't women ever design technology?
they don't want robots
29 hours later 7660075 Heath
>>7651882
>>7651900
lold pretty heartily. MJ you are the hero that /r9k/ needs and doesn't deserve.
29 hours later 7660086 MJ Mage
>>7660075
What do robots deserve?
according to feminism, crippling depression and self-loathing
29 hours later 7660120 MJ Mage
>>7660086
What did the judges rule in the 4chan boxing match?
No K-O >tfw there are posters who won't get this
29 hours later 7660122 Anonymous
>>7660074
I noticed at least 3 or 4 other anons along the way, so probably you contributed most.
29 hours later 7660136 Anonymous
>>7643567
What do robots and Plato have in common?
they're both good feelosophers
29 hours later 7660141 MJ Mage
>>7660122
Ain't a competition, man. I appreciate every joke made in here.
What's the most depressing feeling of rejection?
when even r9k doesn't want you
29 hours later 7660157 Anonymous
knock knock
who's there?
nobody, neck yourself
29 hours later 7660166 MJ Mage
>>7660136
how are robots like trees?
someone is always leaving them behind
29 hours later 7660168 Anonymous
>>7660157
WELP can't argue with that
29 hours later 7660182 MJ Mage
>>7660157
What is the most common type of necklace for robots?
rope
29 hours later 7660188 MJ Mage
>>7660182
What's the difference for a robot between the real world and being on r9k?
In the real world, getting a bump isn't a good thing
29 hours later 7660189 Heath
>>7660166
why did the robot and the skeleton ingest cyanide after prom?
they had noBODY to go with
mainly because the robot was /fit/ and didn't work out
and as you know skeletons don't really have bodies either do they, so they're kind of comparable.
29 hours later 7660195 Anonymous
>>7660189
>>7660182
I hate both of you but I lold. Take off the trips
29 hours later 7660197 MJ Mage
>>7660189
That was pretty good m8
How is a robot like a werewolf?
both are big and hairy and no one wants to be near one
29 hours later 7660209 MJ Mage
>>7660195
What's the only thing more depressing and attention-seeking than a robot?
a tripfag robot
29 hours later 7660215 Anonymous
>>7643567
Why is mental illness a bad thing?
because it provides robots an excuse to not do anything or to contribute to society
29 hours later 7660217 MJ Mage
>>7660209
Why doesn't a robot's hair get wet in the shower?
the fedora keeps the water off >IMPLYING ROBOTS EVER SHOWER
29 hours later 7660226 MJ Mage
>>7660217
Why don't neckbeards ride scooters?
They don't use razors
29 hours later 7660232 Anonymous
whats the difference between a robot and his basement
the basement isnt neat
29 hours later 7660234 Anonymous
>>7660195
>hating based MJ Mage after this thread
that man is allowed to trip now
29 hours later 7660244 MJ Mage
>>7660232
What do robots and their basements have in common?
both have semen in the middle of them
29 hours later 7660256 MJ Mage
>>7660244
We've hit the Bump Limit!
even on 4chan what robots can do is limited
29 hours later 7660283 Anonymous
>>7660256
amazing thread well done
30 hours later 7660739 Anonymous
>>7657277
What's the difference the two?
A barman gets paid to listen to that bitching.
30 hours later 7660882 Anonymous
>>7660256
What is second fav robots head cover, right after famous fedora?
famous wizard-hat
30 hours later 7660888 Anonymous
What does a robot's crush and a /pol/lack's crush have in common?
White facial features.
>>7660060
Why do robots hate eastern religion?
It requires letting go of their ego.
>>7660141
What's the most tell-tale sign of well-adjustedness?
when r9k doesn't want you
31 hours later 7661001 MJ Mage
>>7660888
>>7660882
>>7660739
I fucking love you guys
How do you know you're not a speshul snowflake?
When You have been muted for 32 seconds, because your comment was not original.
31 hours later 7661177 Anonymous
>>7661001
How do you know, that you are finally getting /fit/ "as fuark"?
neckbeards start to laugh at you, and call you DYEL
31 hours later 7661221 MJ Mage
>>7661177
How do you know you look and dress well?
/r9k/ calls you a normalfag
31 hours later 7661305 Anonymous
>>7661221
I just wonder: will we reach 600?
I wonder, I wo-wo-wo-wo-wondeeer.
what is robots favourite saying?
shiggity-diggity-doo
31 hours later 7661349 Anonymous
>>7661001
How to destroy a roboat?
put him on date with a whore
Saturday activities hated by robots?
household whores
31 hours later 7661357 MJ Mage
>>7661305
M-maybe? It's gonna be a soon for when we 404 because we passed the bump count
31 hours later 7661457 Anonymous
>>7661357
oh crap. Wat do bro? We need to avoid dat 404. Maybe if noone posted in other threads then we would just float like that for some time?
captcha:
entitled Fraapp
32 hours later 7661566 MJ Mage
>>7661457
If only we could control it! It's okay though, we did good work in here, and I haven't had a new joke for a while now
32 hours later 7661592 Anonymous
>>7661357
oh, and I got a question- archive was mentioned before- how does it work / how to use it to view 404'ed threads? I used to keep them open in firefox tabs until I read them, which itself might be a good joke material.
32 hours later 7661628 MJ Mage
>>7661592
here's the permanent link if you want it
http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/th read/S7643567#p7643567
if you lose it, you can go to heinessen.com and search using text from this thread I.E. one of the jokes
32 hours later 7661672 Anonymous
>>7661628
thanks kind anon, that whole site is full of text like a fucking bible, this will be a good read.
32 hours later 7661736 MJ Mage
>>7661672
Here, read these as well. They are fucking great
http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/th read/S5168833
http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/th read/S4321934
http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/th read/S3694891
http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/th read/S3441055
33 hours later 7662119 Anonymous
>>7661736
oh thanks man, it looks like today it will rain laughter. I can only say that somehow my day today was way brighter then days before- good lulz really make the whole lot of a difference.
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