4chan archive /r9k/ (index)
similar threads
2013-05-21 09:16 7003595 Anonymous (1368655288099.png 563x1040 233kB)
Times you went full retard thread. I'll start >Boiling water for kraft dinner >oh, there's the bubbling >open up cheese packet and pour it into the boiling water >fuck

4 min later 7003625 Anonymous
another >Eating sandwich at beach >Skipping stones >Watching the sunset and thinking about life >Throw sandwich into ocean >Bite rock

6 min later 7003641 >TDW
literally yesterday i walked around with my underwear on completely backwards. this is not terribly easy to do. i had this vague sensation that something was wrong but i had them like that for like 1-2 hours until i went to the bathroom and recognized my error

7 min later 7003644 Anonymous
>>7003595 i don't get it. what's wrong with that?

12 min later 7003684 Anonymous
>talking on the phone with my friend >looking for my phone throughout the whole conversation >friend actually gave me suggestions where to look >that bastard. Anyone else here?

14 min later 7003695 Anonymous
>>7003595 I did that exact thing when I was 7 years old at one of my birthday parties. I was trying to help my mom cook. She immediately screamed "noooo!" and then I hid in my closet for 4 hours while all of my friends and cousins played basketball in my backyard.

14 min later 7003697 Anonymous
>be eating and playing vidya >get distracted >bite mouse Not even sure how that happened.

14 min later 7003699 Anonymous
>>7003644 You're supposed to add the pasta first, then drain that shit and add the cheese afterwards.

17 min later 7003726 Anonymous
>>7003595 To add to your Kraft Dinner scenario: >finish boiling noodles >drain >add butter >add cheese powder >fill in whole pot with milk, like it's a cereal I wound up just boiling it all down again. I've done it twice. I've since stopped using milk.

18 min later 7003730 Anonymous
>playing dayz >eating toast and tea >See a fresh spawn walk along the coast, he's gonna pass on by me >while watching new spawn >pick up notepad >dip into tea >try to bite >what the fuck? Shit man, had to make more tea after that

19 min later 7003739 Anonymous
>eating food in my room. >finish >take plate/cup to bathroom all i could think of right now.

20 min later 7003749 Anonymous
>Reading Harry Potter 6 book on the computer when it first came out >sleep on floor in front of computer >dream about MapleStory >get up, hit screenshot button >go back to sleep

24 min later 7003768 Anonymous
>Cooking some shit >Start heating oil >"Huh, I wonder if the oil is ready" >Stick finger into oil

26 min later 7003781 Anonymous
>making cocoa >put powder in cup >microwave it

27 min later 7003783 Anonymous
>>7003768 I did that with candy apple sugar. Had a blister for 2 weeks.

29 min later 7003803 Anonymous
>About 9 or 10 >At bonfire >Throwing water and shit at the fire for the hell of it >Throw a tin can in there >Friend gets mad because we wanted to use it >"Oh, i'll just go get it then" >Pick up tin can lying in an open fire Burnt pretty bad

30 min later 7003811 Anonymous
>shaving >blades start to get clogged with hair >run fingers along blades trying to unclog them You'd think I'd learn after the first few times, but nope, done it 4 or so times now.

31 min later 7003816 Anonymous
>>7003811 I just wipe it against a hand towel.

33 min later 7003835 Anonymous
>>7003811 Know the feeling, i usually just hit it against the sink and pour water on it, gets most of it out

34 min later 7003846 Anonymous
>Get cleaning supplies from the hallway >Clean shit >Take cleaning supplies to the bathroom >Shit I don't really have anything since I always catch myself before I screw up bad. Someone in my house put the milk carton in the cupboard once and I found it hours later. Wasted a full carton of milk.

34 min later 7003848 Anonymous
>>7003811 i've never had a problem as long as i wipe with the grain of the razors

34 min later 7003849 Anonymous
>>7003811 >hold the blade vertical without really noticing >rip a whole piece of skin of my chin There are no hairs growing there anymore, I fucking hate myself for that.

34 min later 7003851 Anonymous
>>7003811 I've done that. I still have scars.

35 min later 7003859 Anonymous (1353249998447.jpg 621x444 115kB)
>>7003811 similar >wake up at 5 am for a road trip >shave first thing after pissing >hmm maybe if I shave a bit sideways it will be a smoother cut >nope >rip a small section of skin up on chin

38 min later 7003873 Anonymous (sanicthehegehog.jpg 448x361 42kB)
>buy coffee at student shop >go to the table with all the sugars and creams >put cream >grab sugar packet >rip off end then pour it into the trash instead of my coffee >haha wat >do the exact same thing with the next sugar packet >mfw

40 min later 7003890 Anonymous
>>7003873 >Wanting milk and sugar in your coffee. Why?

40 min later 7003897 Anonymous
>>7003890 because i'm an american.

40 min later 7003900 Anonymous
>Get Top Ramen cup >Take wrapper off and open lid >Microwave it

41 min later 7003904 Anonymous
>wake up in the middle of the night >loudly proclaim "LOL" >fall back asleep This was at least four or five years ago, i have no idea how i still remember this

42 min later 7003912 Anonymous
>>7003897 This is still an original comment. Is it so shameful to be an american?

43 min later 7003916 Anonymous
>>7003912 because I'm European

44 min later 7003928 Anonymous
>recipe calls for two cups of flour >put in two cups of sugar weirdest pancakes i've ever made

45 min later 7003935 Anonymous
>>7003912 Because i'm Australian

45 min later 7003941 Anonymous
>>7003916 This is still an original comment. Is it so shameful to be European?

45 min later 7003943 Anonymous
>>7003912 Doesn't the word filter reset every day or something?

45 min later 7003947 Anonymous
>put a gallon of milk inside of my cupboard instead of the fridge >stuck the tv remote inside my freezer and then wondered where the fuck I put it

48 min later 7003976 Anonymous
>>7003912 Because I'm a Canadian

49 min later 7003985 >TDW
>>7003943 no, but the picture filter (if it exists at all) resets promptly.

49 min later 7003995 Anonymous
>3rd day in a row drinking >finish my last whisky at 4 am >start work at 7:15 am >can not function at all unless I have a bit of alcohol in me >desperately try to figure out how to get a beer >longest 13 hour shift of my life >manage to get my hands on 2 beers, survive without dying or projectile vomiting, or getting fired >swear I'll never do this again I did it many times again, I think it's retarded

51 min later 7004004 Anonymous
>baking pumpkin pie >mixing dry ingredients together >"yeah yeah yeah flour cinnamon nutmeg cloves..." >"wait how much cloves" >ended up putting triple the amount of cloves in >have to dump the entire mixture, barely had enough flour left to cover

51 min later 7004011 Anonymous
The good old >put milk in cuboard >put cereal in fridge

53 min later 7004030 Anonymous
>talking to someone >think one thing >say another ex >think I love my dog >want to say: I'm going to feed my dog >end up saying: my dog love feed

53 min later 7004031 Anonymous
>>7003739 "Well, damn where's the sink and detergent? I think I'm in the wrong room."

54 min later 7004036 Anonymous
>>7003811 I do it all the time, you just have to swipe against the blades.

57 min later 7004060 Anonymous
>spill gatorade on my bed >fuck >try to get most of it out as best I can >take sheets and comforter to dryer >finally done drying out at around 2am >put sheets back on and go to bed >notice my legs feel wet, think I pissed myself >remember I forgot to flip the mattress over >now I have to dry my sheets again

1 hours later 7004083 Anonymous
>Showering >Putting shampoo in hair >Rinse out >Put shampoo again >Realize i just shampooed my hair twice >Now do it all the time because my hair feels better if i do it

3 hours later 7005088 Anonymous
>>7004060 Am I free to assume "fuck" was not used as a verb?

3 hours later 7005129 Anonymous
>going to make ham and chicken sandwich yesterday >put the ham in >cut it >go back to the living room, sit down >there is no chicken in this sandwich >go back to the kitchen >put chicken in >go back to living room, sit down >the chicken in this sandwich has not been cut >have to go back to the kitchen to cut it I don't how I fucked up like that so many times

3 hours later 7005187 Anonymous
>>7003947 >taking plates (not paper) and forks, etc to sink along with bags of trash to throw away >throw away plates, forks, etc into trash >put bags of trash in sink

3 hours later 7005206 Anonymous
>>7003641 I had mine on inside out yesterday, not quite so retardated

3 hours later 7005212 Anonymous
>>7004083 i do that too otherwise the anti-dandruff shampoo doesnt work so well for me

3 hours later 7005225 Anonymous
>be yesterday >finish my weetos before college >put the cereal box in the fridge >put the milk in the cupboard Didn't even realise my mistake until later and the milk was bad. At least I had chilled cereal I guess

3 hours later 7005242 Anonymous
>>7005212 i use anti-dandruff shampoo aswell. it's nice

3 hours later 7005260 Anonymous
>13 >New to jerking off >never cummed fapping before, couple wet dreams though >See a picture of two people fucking >want to know what a pussy feels like >getting ready for bed in my room >notice a gap between my two mattresses >get an idea >kneel down >Put my dick in it >start thrusting >holy shit, this is awesome >keep going >awwwww yeaaaahh >start feeling weird >holy shit, what is this >pull my dick out >suddenly unleash a fucking huge load >FUCK >literally sitting on my knees watching cum spew out everywhere >no idea what is happening >FUCK >Jizz all over my bed >By now I am disgusted and afraid >freak out >find some carpet cleaner and water >spray and clean for like an hour with my door closed >Go to sleep >pretend it never happened >Parents never said anything about t to me I'm sure they knew, there was a big fucking black stain on the side of the bedspread. At least it took most of the brunt.

3 hours later 7005279 Anonymous
>>7003595 >using phone torch to look for phone >need to put boxers in wash >washing up basket and toilet right next to each other >throw boxers in toilet

4 hours later 7005346 Anonymous
>offered beet salad >try it >love it >some time later, crave beets >go to the store >blank out and buy what looks like beets >get home >I picked up radishes instead I don't even

4 hours later 7005367 Anonymous
> Eat ice cream > Stick it in my eye

4 hours later 7005380 Anonymous
>>7005260 Somewhat similar to this >be around 11 or 12 >start choking the chicken >my holy grail was the sex scene from terminator >pop that fucker in the vcr and go at it lotionless >blackout happens shortly after >fuck it, keep going >cum for the first time >room was dark as shit >thought it was blood spewing from my dick >freak the fuck out, dont know what to do so i call my brother; he was 20 at the time >explain it to him while sounding like I'm hyperventilating >he was crying of laughter on the other line >calms me down eventually >still uses that incident as his trump card to thus fuckin day

4 hours later 7005396 Anonymous
>pour bowl of cereal >grab milk >pour milk into cereal >oh wait this is soda >eat it anyways

4 hours later 7005407 Anonymous
>finished eating meal >throw dirty dishes in trash >20 minutes later... >wait i just threw my dishes away >take them out and wash them this has happened more than once

6 hours later 7006162 John Smith (gracepalm.png 209x191 60kB)
>>7003739 I once took my socks to the washer but put them in the bin right next to it. I stood there for 10 seconds before realising what I did.

6 hours later 7006194 Anonymous
>>7003811 i did that with a rolled up toilet paper thinking the paper was thin enough, it wasnt but the cuts were only a few layers deep and didnt bleed

6 hours later 7006243 Anonymous
>riding in car >push in cigarette lighter thing >take it out and it's red hot >hmmm, wonder how hot this is >touch it >finger tip melts to the lighter >burning flesh smell in car >2nd degree burn on finger

6 hours later 7006295 Anonymous
>spill water on remote >put it in microwave to dry it To this day I don't think I've ever done anything THAT fucking stupid. When it started sparking up I took it out as fast as possible and it smelled a bit like burning plastic. Still works, though.

6 hours later 7006336 Anonymous
>>7005367 eyes cream

7 hours later 7006358 Ambrose
>>7003625 Oh shit, nigga. Nigga got me dead son.

7 hours later 7006437 Anonymous
>>7005279 >really need to piss >washing up basket and toilet right next to each other >piss in basket all over clothes Family refused to have the wash basket there again

7 hours later 7006449 Anonymous
>>7003912 Because I'm Finnish.

7 hours later 7006479 willy
>>7006449 Are you seriously finnish? What is the finnish word for edgy? I asked /int/, but I got no replies

7 hours later 7006496 Anonymous (Who_smile.gif 450x259 511kB)
>>7003625 Thats some good shit. I do so much ass backwards shit that its hard to actually pick out a specific event. So here is what I did this morning: >Making coffee >Put half and half into the machine instead of water >Sugar into coffee filter >Standing at the counter holding a scope of coffee grind over my mug trying to figure out why this doesn't seem right >Smell the horrid smell of boiled and dispensed half&half and sugar pouring into the jug underneather I'm concerned for myself.

7 hours later 7006503 Anonymous
>>7003625 This one shows up in every full retard thread. >>7006295 I remember one like that but it was a hamster...

7 hours later 7006504 Anonymous
>>7003749 >dream about MapleStory yeah no

7 hours later 7006519 Anonymous
>>7006336 eyes scream

7 hours later 7006528 Anonymous
>Mix oats & milk in bowl, >Pour glass of orange juice >put bowl of oats in microwave for 6 mins >while it's cooking, start eating my oats >'hang on this is raw, what's in the microwave?' > open microwave >glass of juice boiling in microwave

7 hours later 7006533 Anonymous
>open door >standing with right foot still halfway in door >i dont notice it and bash it against my foot >door bounces back right into the side of my head >look like a retard >whole family saw it

7 hours later 7006596 Anonymous
>Cutting up a salad with my friend >Cutting lettuce and tomatos and shit >Get a capsicum >Hold it in my hand >I have no fucking idea capsicums are fucking hollow >Push down with the knife, cuts through then quickly slides into my hand Capsicums are hollow.

7 hours later 7006603 Anonymous (junglesurvivalskill.jpg 794x617 64kB)
>out drinking with friends >drunkenness level hits full retard >see tree >remember bear grylls tree climbing method of tying own shoelaces together and wrapping feet and shoelace around tree for purchase. >"guys, watch me climb this tree!" >tie shoelaces together Fuck it I'll draw a pic. <<<<<That's basically what I did (Paint is more fun than I remember). Tree was much too wide Imagine pic is happening (on high street) and friends are laughing, then a taxi pulls up and a group of girls gets out, who see this and also laugh. More people walking down the street also saw and laughed.

7 hours later 7006609 Anonymous
>fapping in the bathroom >using my left to fap and my right to hold my ipod >cum in the bath >"oh i might as well turn on the shower now" >stand under the water for a bit >"oh wait where did i put my ipod" >it's still in my hand or another >be fapping, still semi drunk >trying not to cum because I didn't have anything handy to wipe up the cum >accidentally cum >hold it all in my hand >get up and go to my sock draw >use my cum hand to grab the sock >"wait a second" >cum fell on the carpet >fuck this shit i'm going to sleep That was the last two times I fapped, I'm scared

7 hours later 7006613 Anonymous
>go to store >buy everything but what I went for

7 hours later 7006622 Anonymous
>Ringing up a customer at work (cashier) >Usually throw people's receipts into the bag, most of them appreciate this >Take his money, put it in the register >Hand him his receipt, throw his 4 singles of change in the bag

7 hours later 7006624 Anonymous
>be on the internet >wanting to post about orange juice >forget how to spell orange I was so sure there was a J in there

7 hours later 7006628 Anonymous
>doing some experiment or other at the workbench >grab two wires and start twisting them together >"hey wait a minute, I forgot to turn off the power, these wires are live!" >reach over to turn off the switch, which is metal and grounded >still holding the wire in my other hand >touch the switch >BZZZZZZZZZ >land on my ass clear across the other side of the shop

7 hours later 7006642 Anonymous
>in highschool ~4 years ago, writing exams >bring rice cake to eat between exams >starving all day, didn't eat breakfast >so excited to eat that rice cake >take it out of plastic, walk up to garbage to throw it out >holy shit I'm about to eat it >promptly throw rice cake out and walk away with plastic Everyone saw.

7 hours later 7006651 Anonymous
>>7006596 Reminds me of my gaff: >Working in deli/sandwich place >Cutting into a roll to make a sandwich >Boss comes by and starts on about how shit isn't working out at one of his other stores(he likes to talk) >My hand starts itching really bad >Boss stops talking >"Stop, fucking stop," >Look down >I ripped a quarter of the way through my palm while distraced by my boss >No pain >Pull out blade >blood and pain >blood and pain Another, older employee ended up sowing my hand shut and I wasn't aloud to handle knifes for a week. I think my boss felt bad about it, since it was he who distracted a guy with a knife in his hand.

7 hours later 7006655 Anonymous
>>7006624 That's kind of cute. One time I felt like crying because I forgot how to spell 'almost'. English is my first language

7 hours later 7006661 Anonymous
>want to get high >take out bong grinder lighter >smoke >think its a good idea to hide all my paraphenalia in different spots >6 hours later >want to get high again >spend 30 mins finding bong grinder and lighter

7 hours later 7006663 Anonymous
>>7006655 I get little things like that all the time, thank god for being able to google words it's my first language too

7 hours later 7006671 Anonymous
>>7003811 fuck, when I did that my skin was getting shredded the more shredded it got, the more i thought it was some gluey/plastic stuff stuck to the blade learnt never to touch a razor blade with my fingers again

7 hours later 7006681 Anonymous
>>7006663 Then we're both just retarded. also >be about six >sitting on edge of bathtub watching my mum do her hair or something >see her razor in the tub >decide to shred legs open >blood everywhere >she starts screaming >>calm down, mum, I was only playing Shark Attack

7 hours later 7006687 Anonymous
>have friend over >friend goes into kitchen to get coffee >"anon I smell gas in your kitchen" >go into kitchen, gas smell is really damn strong >mental housemate has gone full retard and left the gas oven on full, not ignited it, then gone to bed >kitchen now full of gas >friends says "anon, whatever you do don't turn on the light" >friend turns off oven >I turn on light Fortunately the gas didn't ignite, but my friend looked at me like he thought me and my housemate were conspiring to kill him.

7 hours later 7006696 Anonymous
Once I had a vivid dream my dog had a boner and I sucked him off, and the next day my head was by his crotch and my feet were on the pillow also >put your dirty socks in the dishwasher

7 hours later 7006709 Anonymous
>>7006681 >I was only playing Shark Attack lol'd

8 hours later 7006747 Anonymous
>High as fuck >Have some left-over acne night cream from last year >About to go to bed, go brush my teeth >Spread a bit load of acne cream on my tooth brush I realize it before I put it in my mouth, thank god, because my toothpaste is blue and the cream is white. >tfw this has happened on at least three different occasions

8 hours later 7006765 Anonymous
>door says push >pull on door i felt like such a tard lol x)

8 hours later 7006790 Anonymous
>walk into some kitchen supply store >the door looks heavy >push door open hard because don't want grills thinking im weak >door goes through window beside it I've never been back to that town.

8 hours later 7006793 Anonymous
>My bathroom has a small step before entering >Planning to take a bath, go into bathroom barefooted >See a bug on the floor >Run to get the nearest shoes to squash it >Run back with shoes now on, decide it is a good idea to jump and land on the bug >Land on the bug, shoes slip on the tiles >Slip on the towel near the shower >Slip and fall, manage not to injure myself on the step by breaking the fall with my arm >Moment of silence >Owww Being alone made it less funny, though I still laugh at how stupid it was today. >Semester inscriptions >Forget to go to the bank until, literally, the last moment, have to have the deposit number before they close the inscriptions (an hour or two at most) >Freak out >Take a quick shower >Start putting on pants while trying to put the stuff on my purse >Slip on pants, fall on my butt >Stay on the floor, pants half on, contemplating my options My friend who works near a bank ended up helping me by depositing the money. She's an angel.

8 hours later 7006857 Anonymous
>wake up >godamn I'm tired >in dire need of a coffee >open cupboard, grab cup >put cup beside coffee maker >put water in coffee maker >put coffee in coffee maker >hit on button >come back ten minutes later and theres coffee fucking everywhere I've done it three times.

8 hours later 7006863 Anonymous
I always spell surprise wrong, even though I know I'm spelling it wrong and go back to add the first "r". Thank god I have spellcheck for when I forget to fix it.

8 hours later 7006873 Anonymous
>>7006765 Why don't you go shitpost a feel thread instead of a decent thread?

8 hours later 7006900 Anonymous
>3 weeks ago >learning to drive >Instructor tells me to turn left >indicate, get ready to turn left >go right I still don't know why I did that. Thank god for dual pedals.

8 hours later 7006915 Anonymous
>making coffee >grab coffee from cupboard >grab milk from fridge >place milk in cupboard >place coffee in fridge Milk has gone bad so many times from doing this.

8 hours later 7006922 Anonymous
Full retard thread, eh? >wake up monday fucking dreading work >every single day just think about how nice it will be when I get home >get home and do fucking nothing every single day after work >falling asleep at night, think about how I will start working out and shit when I get home from work instead >repeat every day monday-friday >friday comes >can't wait for the weekend baby >weekend comes >same fucking thing as every other weekend except now I can stay up super late playing vidya at night and sleep in the next day >sunday evening comes >do not want to go to bed >stay up way too late surfing the web and doing nothing because I'm dreading the next morning >this causes my next morning to be terrible >rinse/repeat every week of the year

8 hours later 7006991 Anonymous
>rewiring for new dishwasher >screw driver touches hot wire >jolt up, hit my head on the bottom I the sink >do it two more times to check if the wore was in fact hot before I then off the breaker.

8 hours later 7007022 Anonymous
>>7006991 >doing electrical work live

8 hours later 7007032 Anonymous
>>7007022 >not always working with 220 live in the hope of an "accidental" death

8 hours later 7007035 Anonymous
>>7006857 >wake up >decide I can't wait to get to work for coffee >put water in coffee maker >rinse filter >shower >take one swallow of coffee flavored water I also do this at work

8 hours later 7007037 Anonymous
>Walk into bank with wrong card >"I'd like to draw some money out" >But sir you're in the wrong bank >Look down at my card, look up at the woman walk away in shame

8 hours later 7007059 Anonymous
>>7007032 Honestly, if I wanted to make my death look accidental I sure as fuck wouldn't electricute myself. It's like one of the most painful ways to die, dude, and it also disfigures you AND makes you look like a retard. I bet if people knew how easily a furnace can be fucked with to silently kill you in your sleep that there would be more suicide.

8 hours later 7007068 Anonymous
>>7005260 Black stain? Am I to assume that's from the cleaner making it wet or...?

8 hours later 7007077 Anonymous
>>7007059 Gonna need some sources on that, friend. I promise I won't use it to kill myself

8 hours later 7007116 Anonymous
>Working lot at Home Depot in winter >Threw this guy's christmas tree up onto his SUV >As I'm tying the tree down, I finish the knot. >Pull out knife to cut the excess twine off. >Cut the knot. >Whole thing comes undone. >"D-did I really just cut the wrong strand?" >Customer thanks me and just does it himself. Well, at least I loaded the tree right.

8 hours later 7007160 Anonymous
>>7007077 Now I'm stuck in between the decision of telling you or not because I don't know which one is morally just.

8 hours later 7007169 Anonymous
>>7003595 I died laughing bloxing

8 hours later 7007179 Anonymous
>>7003811 shit niggers what do you shave with to actually manage to cut yourselves?

8 hours later 7007224 Anonymous
>>7006863 I always spell exercise wrong. Excersize, every fucking time. I hate when you spell something wrong as a kid, the teacher doesn't spot it, and you wind up ingraining it into your head. I only spell it correctly now because I consciously think "I always spell this word wrong". If I'm not thinking I still do it

9 hours later 7007232 Anonymous
>Draw paper versions of me and my roommate >Play with them above the trashcan >Create a little bridge out of toilet paper >Have me and my roommate get ready to go on an adventure >Oh no! A fire has started on the bridge >Watch as the flames burn everything including the paper dolls >The fire falls into the trashcan >Think that the fire needs fuel to survive and by shutting the lid and leaving nothing inside, this will auto kill the fire >Do so and walk away >"ANON YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!" >"What?" >"You set the kitchen on fire and just walked away!" We still talk about that to this day

9 hours later 7007272 Anonymous
>>7007179 >what do you shave with to actually manage to cut yourselves? They were stupid enough to run their fingers/skin along it horizontally. Wipe downwards with your fingers. No upwards, and definitely not across

9 hours later 7007312 Anonymous
>>7007224 Same thing with experiment. I always spell it "expirament" and I have no clue why. >I'm a science major.

9 hours later 7007336 Anonymous
>Tried to open something >Its really fucking stuck on there >I pull out my knife >Proceed to spend the next 15 mins trying to pry it open >Knife slips and hits my thumb >Too much pressure was applied that I nearly cut my thumb off >I just stare at it because Ive never been in this situation and dont know what to do >Put a bandaid on it I figured out what to do later on, but it was kinda funny to come back home and see my roommates freaking out about all the blood in the bathroom and hand prints

9 hours later 7007342 Anonymous
here is a spectacular one >go to the part of town I'm not familiar with because of some shit paperwork I had to do >after I finish with it,I feel relieved >get a call on cellphone >distracted by the talk,I realize that I'm going in a totally wrong direction >too dumb to realize that I walk and walk and walk and walk some more >after some time I realize I don't know where the fuck I am (a weird hybrid of shantytown and a village) >smell cowshit >hmm,somethingtellsmeI'mnotinthecit yanymore.jpg >just keep walking while the locals look at me strangely >finally see a sign of civilization >realize my exact location and finally set my sails home >after an eternity I arrive at home >since I haven't eaten anything in quite a while (god damn leangains) I put tuna and cheese in a blender and eat the paste >chug about 2 liters of water >soak my feet in cold water while wearing a sweater cause I'm cold as shit Thinking about that now is fucking hilarious,but fuck me if I haven't thought I was gonna die of exhaustion. TL;DR got lost in my own city,wound up in a shanty town,found my way back home

9 hours later 7007404 Zeratul
>reading this thread on bus while going to school >miss stop >have to walk a mile back to stop >miss first class Fuck

9 hours later 7007413 Anonymous
>argument on 4chan >through serious debate, it becomes painfully obvious that I'm flat out wrong >fuckfuckfuck >what do i do now >if i say nothing, anonymous fagfuck is going to think he won >coolface.jpg >call my opponent a nigger >i win >It's good to be King

9 hours later 7007453 Anonymous
>>7007059 Electrocution is NOT that painful. I've gotten some pretty nasty shocks, none of them have killed me, but none of them have been all that painful either. Just a very strong tingle that knocks you on your ass. I've been shocked so many times I've actually almost started to enjoy it

9 hours later 7007455 Anonymous
>>7007404 >on bus, going to meet friend >he lives near my school, so I'm set to get off at the same stop I do every day >get on bus >looking out the window >keep looking out the window >phase back into reality >I've missed my stop by two stops I mean I was looking where we were going the entire time and I STILL missed my stop

9 hours later 7007476 Anonymous (elle heroes.jpg 624x352 22kB)
>>7007453 I have somebody I would like you to meet, anon It would be a match made in heaven, shes never been on a date either

9 hours later 7007481 Anonymous
>>7003811 There's a trick for this; run the rasor along your skin BACKWARDS. It'll drag most of the hair out. The last little bits will usually come off with a quick rinse. You don't have to use your fingers at all! And when all else fails, I like to use a Q-tip to push hair out when I really gotta go sideways >>7007179 Razors?

9 hours later 7007536 Anonymous
>Trying new easy-cook fish packaged with sauce >Used to cooking fish from frozen >Retrieve new fish to place in oven >Discover cannot be cooked from frozen >Recall defrost setting on microwave >Place fish in microwave and commence defrost >Suddenly realise have placed a foil-packed item in microwave >Electronic crinkling sound comes from microwave >Fiercely jab STOP button. Open door like it's a nuclear reactor and gingerly retrieve fish. >Foil wrapping has become a scarred patchwork and half melted into the fish >Beans on toast for dinner.

9 hours later 7007557 Anonymous
>>7007476 >shes never been on a date either Yeah, but she fucks on the first not even a real date.

9 hours later 7007618 Anonymous
>>7007557 Thats true. Although, I should imagine that the whole experience is electrifying.

9 hours later 7007704 Anonymous
>listening to a story about a friend having nine kittens >brain makes some sort of connection between nine kittens and cats having nine lives >casually ask as if it were just a natural next step in the conversation, "Did you kill them?"

10 hours later 7007751 Anonymous
>>7007160 Personally I don't really think it is other person's place to tell someone one way or the other. Sure, it's fine to offer some help or advice but that it is.

10 hours later 7007814 Anonymous
>>7003995 There's no hope for you if you won't find God. I'm not even joking. Google it.

10 hours later 7007944 Anonymous
>>7003684 Not an example of myself going full-retard (doesn't happen very often..) but a friend. I once received a phone call from a friend. He asked me if I was at home. I jokingly told him I was 30 minutes away in another city working on a job. He apologized for interrupting and hung-up immediately. 10 minutes later, he called back, both angry and embarrassed after remembering that not only did I not own a cellular, but he had dialed my home number.

12 hours later 7009093 Anonymous
>be in early teens >there's a cat in my neighborhood that's really sweet >friends mom picks me up to go to a park >see cat >fucking wave at it and meow >friend and her mom think I'm autistic or something

12 hours later 7009225 Anonymous
>>7009093 that's pretty cute, Anon.

4.194 0.222