4chan archive /r9k/ (index)
2013-03-09 02:24 5990786 Anonymous (1362223814331.png 657x788 55kB)
ITT: WE CRINGE ABOUT THINGS WE DID IN THE PAST, anything goes
>my email address contained the word "nickelback"
>spent a lot of time on shitty forums where I'd sometimes make posts like "i am sad :(" and if someone would ask why or what's up I'd do the classical "don't wanna talk about it :'/" hurrr
>showing j-pop to my normalfag-friends
>first discovering masturbation and not being discrete about it (didn't know how to properly clear internet history, so it'd show up like "tentacle hentai" when my mom started to search for t...-something)
>wearing a rainbow colored poncho all through middle school (oh god why)
5 min later 5990854 Anonymous (soul2.png 462x320 73kB)
>take picture of girls feet
>2 other girls tell me to stop
>cringe then and now
I realized how pathetic I am and I am thinking of an heroing in a couple weeks.
6 min later 5990861 Anonymous
you better still have the pics
7 min later 5990869 Anonymous
>first discovering masturbation and not being discrete about it
>not being discrete about it
>not being an individual and separate object from your masturbation
27 min later 5991108 Anonymous
>2nd grade reading time
>me and my niggas sitting criss cross applesauce in a circle with some hot ass Asian student teacher reading to us
>pop a boner
>the student teacher notices and giggles
didn't really cringe until I saw her years later at a coffee shop
28 min later 5991116 Anonymous
>pick my nose and eat it until grade 9, in class and around people, without giving a fuck
Funny thing is, it built up my immune system, and within a month of kicking the habit, I would get sick non-stop.
>mfw I had a ton of friends and nobody really cared
29 min later 5991122 Anonymous (good-bad-ugly.jpg 320x256 30kB)
the only acceptable poncho is the one worn by blondie
32 min later 5991151 Anonymous
>13 years old and very horny
>at friends house who has hot sister
>she goes to the toilet and I hear her pooping and it gets me hard
>go in after her
>fap while licking the still warm toilet seat
I kind of cringe, but at the same time I was enjoying myself so meh.
35 min later 5991176 Anonymous
Just think her father sat on that toilet at one point too.
36 min later 5991184 Anonymous
Just being a raging weeaboo who'd say baka as an insult. And thinking I'd be a chosen kid for an EVA.
39 min later 5991223 Anonymous
>>wearing a rainbow colored poncho all through middle school (oh god why)
I used to make fun of a chubby fellow with glasses that wore a rainbow colored poncho all through middle school.
I feel bad now, he was always alone and quiet and probably wanted to kill himself
40 min later 5991224 Anonymous
>be me around a girl i like
>be me around the girl i like
>be me interacting with girls
>be me interacting with people
>be me at any point in my life
haha joke's on you
42 min later 5991249 Anonymous (1362779472404.jpg 450x450 122kB)
>first discovering masturbation and not being discrete about it
I masturbated at SCHOOL
In front of everyone
The teacher called my mom and told her
She was very very angry
42 min later 5991253 Anonymous
...Y-you're not from Alabama are you?
42 min later 5991263 Anonymous
>Discover masturbation and the internet simultaneously
>spend disastrous amount of time beating meat raw to increasingly unhealthy fetishes
>Produce excessive DHT and go completely bald at 18
>grizzled penis develops 1000 yard stare and tragic inability to reintegrate into human sexuality
But honestly I can't really say I regret it. My robothood was an inevitability. Eventually we must all take out burdensome sexualities out back and shoot them in the head with sissy-hypno
43 min later 5991277 Anonymous (1352330201277.jpg 5000x5000 485kB)
>13 years old
>got a crush on a girl
>tell her i can play guitar, skateboard and sing
>I can't sing, i can't skateboard, and I play guitar at a mediocre level at best.
>go to birthday party
>she asks me to preform
>tfw i can't sing or play guitar
>tfw when i brought a guitar to the party anyways, just so i could maintain my image
>time to preform
>sweating like crazy
>play 'Happy Birthday' on one string
>sounds like ass
>I've got to go guys. I'd play more, but this is my uncles guitar
I cringe whenever i remember this story
45 min later 5991302 Anonymous (Donatello.jpg 299x293 15kB)
>I masturbated at SCHOOL
46 min later 5991314 Anonymous
Kool-aid is now all over my monitor.
46 min later 5991320 Anonymous
He was masturbating continuously, you raging faggot.
46 min later 5991323 Anonymous
>freshmen year of college I get roomed with this guy on the baseball team.
>he's always throwing parties with the teammates and all the girls that chase them
>become infatuated with this one girl who always shows up
>one night i come home drunk and see the girl on the dance floor
>get right up behind her, grab her hips and start grinding/dancing with her
>she dances with me for about ten seconds before she turned around and noticed i was the creepy roommate
>she pushes me away
>her and her gf's start laughing at me and calling me a pervert, creep
>never was around for anymore of his parties
47 min later 5991336 Anonymous
>happy birthday on one string
I hate to be "that guy from /mu/", robot, but....
50 min later 5991363 Anonymous
>my runescape username ''red_raven1498''
>my youtube username ''ShinobiXCooler''
>I used to think I was edgy and cool for listening to metal
>I made a Death Note back in middle school, also thought I was edgy and cool because of it
>l tried watching anime with my dad in the 2nd grade, the entire time he had this strange look on his face
57 min later 5991456 Anonymous
>go to indoor karting facility
>fat kid in dragonforce t-shirt there with his mom
>he looks no older than 13
>his "nickname" that is displayed on the live leaderboard above the track:
>these people are our future
59 min later 5991478 Anonymous
He's 13. I see nothing wrong with that.
I'm more concerned about the 20 somethings here that refuse to get a job.
59 min later 5991483 Anonymous
oh god that made me cringe
i haven't been there and i dont ever want to be
at least you had parties to go.. my roomates freshman year were all chinese dudes
1 hours later 5991536 Anonymous (Why.jpg 225x219 15kB)
Well that's just terrible
I am now worse off mentally, knowing that this happened once
1 hours later 5991567 Anonymous
>didn't know how to properly clear internet history, so it'd show up like "tentacle hentai" when my mom started to search for t...-something
I'm almost certain this happened to me, but it was never confirmed. It's literally painful to think about the implications.
1 hours later 5991691 Anonymous (moi_devant_la_t_l__02__187.jpg 500x371 31kB)
i was saving pics from guildmembers in ragnarok. used to call them family although we've never met in real life.
we even made a drama out of every war of emperium (guild vs guild pvp) such as ''let's unleash our rage and show them what true guild friendship is''
and had our own anime names. our guild leader was an attention whore who fucked a male game master to get an advantage. she also wrote fancition about the guild involving every member in the world of ragnarok. nearly every member was a 2dark4u guy like they picture silent and cool people in animes. one even wore a real life equipment during woe.
our old forum is gold
i wonder how everyone's doing ;_;
1 hours later 5991722 Anonymous (1353338865959.jpg 200x200 8kB)
>guy and girl stating lyrics to rock you like a hurricane in a conversational tone
>say "stroke me, stroke me" because I think they're just being silly and saying song lyrics
>they were talking about a tv show, girl is the guys girlfriend
>he gives me the nasty eye and tells me never to say that again
>never go to that class again, fail
>play all the scenarios where I tell him to fuck off in my head to this day, 5 years later
1 hours later 5991727 Anonymous
>too drunk to think clearly
>walk up to girl and say she's cute
>we talk for a while
>at one point I ask her if she'd mind if I kissed her
>she says 'honestly I would mind'
>I ask her why
>she mumbles something about her friend or some shit but I already zoned out and wasnt listening
So fucking dumb. I was so fucking drunk that I actually asked her if she'd mind if I kissed her jesus fuck how beta can I get.
I did get her number, but fuck that.
1 hours later 5991751 Anonymous
just shrug and say "I would have regretted not asking."
of course it is better to ask forgiveness than permission in some cases.
1 hours later 5991773 Anonymous
I asked: 'could I have your number then?' and she did give me a real number so there's that. But honestly I'm cringing so hard at asking for her permission that I'm just not going to contact her. I think.
1 hours later 5991799 Anonymous
>first day of 6th grade
>go to use the bathroom
>walk in and look around for urinal
>what the fuck where are the urinals
>oh fuck oh shit oh shit
>go to walk out of the girls bathroom
>make sure coast is clear
>too fucking late
>hottest girl in my middle school and most popular i'd come to find walks in
>don't know what to say
>"I, you're in, what"
>she just stares at me
>speed walk away
1 hours later 5991931 Anonymous
fucking do it. sometimes you get past these things and laugh about them later.
1 hours later 5991945 Anonymous
I was thinking about sending her: 'Hahaha holy shit forget everything about me and let me make a new impression. I was too drunk to make any sense'.
But that'd probably be beta as fuck aswell.
1 hours later 5992029 Anonymous
>couldn't help my gf through suicidal feels one night due to being drunk. She killed herself.
I have handled it before perfectly, but of course this time I could think straight.
Well, I'm now pursuing the path of wizardry because I was never even able to see her in person. I still love her so much guys
1 hours later 5992041 Beef the Thief
Probably don't even mention it. If you got her number she can't care thaat much. Never make excuses for yourself.
Just be like, Hey remember me?
and if she brings up the kissing thing you can laugh about it.
you are actually in a pretty good position, if you play your cards right
1 hours later 5992061 Anonymous
I used to wear bondage pants
1 hours later 5992073 Anonymous
I thought it would be a nice excuse and build-up to just ask her out. I'm positive that she could like me if I take her on a date. I'm not really good at the texting thing.
I dont apologize or excuse myself often, but shit jesus I was such a drunk blabbering idiot.
1 hours later 5992100 Anonymous
>freshman in high school
>ask this girl out that I liked
>she says yes and gives me her number
>try to set up a date for a few weeks but she is always busy
>finally she agrees to go to the movies
>after movie is over, she has her mom pick her up and like 4 of her friends are in the car too
>they get out and say hi to us
>she says bye to me
>just before leaving, walks back up to me
>says we should just be friends
>tfw she never wanted to go out in the first place
>tfw friendzoned in front of her friends
1 hours later 5992117 Anonymous
My ringtone is "Crawling" from linkin park.
I'm not even kidding. I passed through an era of supreme edginess when I was 14 or so.
I always cringe really hard when someone is calling me.
I have been planning to change it to Grieg's concerto for piano since forever, but I always postpone it because I know its beginning, and I'm afraid that if I change it I would no longer recognise it and I would miss calls.
1 hours later 5992131 Beef the Thief
>Hey, remember me from the party the other day?
>Oh yeah, you're the guy who asked if he could kiss me haha,
>Yep sorry about that, that was sloppy of me, you just looked really cute
>Thanks, haha :) and yep, sloppy :p
>Anyways, want to grab coffee some time?
Something like that maybe?
And if she says no, who cares?
1 hours later 5992145 Anonymous
>and I'm afraid that if I change it I would no longer recognise it and I would miss calls.
Are you seriously saying that you wont respond to a fucking noise coming out of fucking nowhere and wouldnt think: 'hey, I should check out where the music is coming from'.
1 hours later 5992158 Anonymous
You'd sound like a weird pretentious idiot.
How old are you now?
1 hours later 5992184 Anonymous
>Hey, remember me from the party the other day
>Yeah(thinking: oh god that drunk idiot)
>Yeah I thought you were really cute
>Haha thanks(thinking: yeah you mentioned that already over a thousand times)
>I was thinking I could take you on a date
>Yeah, but Im really busy(thinking: no way in hell)
But I'm just kidding. I dont really care if she turns me down, I just dont think that I would have much of a chance with this girl so I dont think there's a good reason to embarrass myself. I have other options, so it's all good.
1 hours later 5992213 Anonymous
>Be like 8
>blow raspberries on girl cousins which were like 6-8 because I just discovered it
> blow raspberries on their belly and they laugh
> they were trying to squirm out
> her pjs come off in doing so whilst raspberries
>discover they laugh even harder when I aim lower
>i was unknowingly commiting a sexual act at that point
1 hours later 5992230 Anonymous
I'm not exactly neurotypical anon.
I'm also very paranoid. It's messing with my life.
Why would I sound pretentious? What's wrong with grieg? I picked it because its beginning can work as a ringtone.
2 hours later 5992305 Anonymous
>be cashier at a drugstore
>during high school
>crush of two years walks in
>trying my best not to give away that she means something to me seeing as how she didn't know me
>check her and her family out
>afterwards say "Holy shit that was crazy."
>Coworker asks what was
>Say that I was in love with that girl
>she was still in the store
>they forgot something and were checking out in his line
>die of embarrassment
2 hours later 5992308 Anonymous (1350772418905.jpg 1025x686 470kB)
>Not shower on the reg kids would ask what smells like shit and I knew it was me
>Being fatter than fucking fat (lost mad weight now though)
>crying in 6th grade in front of everyone because I couldn't go on a field trip
>applying deodorant to my shorts inner thighs because I wouldn't wash my shorts just wear them again (I don't know what was going through my head)
2 hours later 5992372 Anonymous
Oh god, this hurts to type
>Hormones are ridiculously imbalanced, plus possible aspergers.
>See a girl that I hadn't had classes with before that's suddenly in most of my classes
>Instantly fall in love
>About 3 days in, she talks to me
>oh sweet jesus how lovely
>Decide that at any cost she would be mine
>Begin overtly "flirting," if you could call it that
>Being a hormonally imbalanced and possibly autistic 8th grader, I was really just being creepy
>She's not responding to my advances, she's distancing herself
>Time to step it up, nigga.
>At lunch, I stopped eating my Hershey's Kisses and when I'd walk past her table on the way to throw out my trash I'd throw them at her as a peace offering
>I saw someone in the media do a kitty meow thing with a little paw motion in a flirtatious manner, decide that I should do it too
>Begin trying to do that to her, but my meow sounded like a dying cat
>Trade a piece of gum with a suicidal girl in exchange for her number
>Text her on the bus like "guess who?"
>She's like "hahah idunno"
>Shit really hits the fan
>Her friends start trying to talk me out of it
>Figure they're just jealous
>End of year comes, mandatory school dance
>I decide that as a final effort, after over a hundred days of not responding to my advances, that she would surely say yes to a slow dance
>She's not even there most of the time, she's having her period or some shit
>Finally see her moments before the slow dance was set to start
>Fastwalk through the crowd, nonchalantly elbowing people out of the way
>10 feet, 5 feet, 3 feet...
>Jock douchebag walks up to her
>They start to dance
>Run off, end of 8th grade year, move that summer
2 hours later 5992375 Anonymous
>was a furry
I am having trouble thinking about anything else. I've kind of avoided human contact since my first year of highschool so I haven't had much opportunities to make a fool out of myself.
2 hours later 5992389 Anonymous (2343423.jpg 756x771 55kB)
>tfw used to roleplay in gaia when I was underage
>try to roleplay there
>they obliterate me with insults
>literally cry irl
2 hours later 5992430 Anonymous
I used to roleplay in Gaia.
Shit was so cash.
2 hours later 5992448 Anonymous
Please post a time period and what you tried to roleplay. I might remember you.
2 hours later 5992454 Anonymous (1347668759870.png 435x419 162kB)
I lold hard
If it makes you feel any better, I saw a thread of niggas playin Army on /b/ last night.
2 hours later 5992516 Anonymous
well, the most embarrassing thing happened to me just this night.
>be out with brothers and friends
>go back to brother's house after
>look into mirror of the bathroom and say aloud "god i fucking hate being ugly"
>didn't know anyone was near the bathroom (bigish house)
>sister-in-law was right outside when i walked out and undoubtedly heard the whole thing
well, not only am i ugly, im going to be considered crazy too.
2 hours later 5992548 Anonymous
why do you talk to yourself
2 hours later 5992572 Anonymous
I don't know anon. I talk to myself rather frequently too.
I also recurgitate entire scenese from movies, acting as the different actors would, when shitting
So it's entirely possible that I may not be the best example of sanity
2 hours later 5992581 Anonymous
I thought I was the only one.
We need to hold events in public bathrooms. Get somebody in each stall, each one gets a character.
Could probably pull off the breakfast scene from Reservoir Dogs that way.
2 hours later 5992611 Anonymous
You guys ever go on All Out War?
2 hours later 5992627 Anonymous
That's a terrible fucking feel man
2 hours later 5992630 Anonymous
So there are others!
That's strangely consoling.
2 hours later 5992631 Anonymous
>Walk into bathroom
>"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."
2 hours later 5992635 Anonymous
What do you mean you don't tip?
2 hours later 5992643 Anonymous
I cringed reading that because it sounds like she wasn't real and the person pretending to be her called it quits. That happens a lot and it even happened to that football player recently
2 hours later 5992644 Anonymous
i don't know, when i was living alone at 21 i think my brain snapped and i got into the habit of talking to myself. usually i keep it under wraps around ppl, but failed hard tonight
2 hours later 5992665 Anonymous
Oh god why, that hurt me man
2 hours later 5992669 Cassidy
> Walking home from school
> Need to take a shit really badly, I can feel it's watery and gross and it's going to be messy
> An hours walk home
> About half way it gets to be too much
> I'm surrounded by cornfields, technically I could take a shit and nobody would see me! Great Idea me!
> Hop into cornfield, take down panties, proceed to initiate dump sequence
> Suddenly, a tamed dog appears, thinks I'm playing
> "N-no! Shoo! SHOO!"
> Dog pushes me, I loose balance and end up in my own shit
> There's a hershey stain all down the back of my dress, I smell awful, fuck you dog
> Oh yeah! My games kit!
> Start changing into my games kit, the dog sits and watches
> The owner!?
> Rush my games kit on, scramble into the road and keep walking
> Later, my dad answers the door and an old famer hands over a clean dress and my school bag
> He looks at me hiding behind my dad as he calls me to say thank you
> They all know.
2 hours later 5992686 Anonymous
>Be about 7 years old
>Mom and Dad are sitting in the living room with my Aunt and Uncle
>I'm in the next room over playing nintendo
>I run into the middle of the living room
>Drop my pants
>Hold my dick with both my hands
>Turn my body across the room, making machine gun sounds as I pretend my dick is shooting bullets, quickly spraying all of the adults in the room with my machine gun dick
>Pull up my pants and run out of the room
The whole thing took less than 5 seconds, really.
2 hours later 5992706 Anonymous (sw-ep3-Image4.jpg 992x422 54kB)
>Walking outside a bathroom
>Anakin! I told you this would happen! THE JEDI ARE TAKING OVER!
>Sir! there seems to be a problem with the main reactor!
>IMPOSSIBLE! Nothing can get through our shield!
Voices immitated for fill immersion
2 hours later 5992742 Anonymous
this is p bad ass
2 hours later 5992746 Mole
Have posted before, but relevant..
>Many years ago when I was but a spergling I had a primary school crush on a girl by the name of Susan.
She had pigtails, freckles and a nicely developing little body with sweet, sweet tits.
>My family owned a store at the time and, being unwise in the ways of seduction sought to bribe my way into her heart. I brought her in some sweets, lollies and chips as often as she asked for them, for nearly a year.
At the end of the year there was a school camp where most of us kids snuck off for a game of kissy.. That consisted of all us boys lining up and each of the girls coming along and kissing each of us down the line.
>I waited expectantly, having got to kiss a few of the girls for Susan to come along and give me the kiss I had been dreaming of.. Sure enough after a few of the girls came through there was my Susan, low top showing her perky little boobs, she kissed the first 5 blokes down the line then stood in front of me, I gazed at her adoringly as she said "Im not kissing you", and proceeded to kiss all the other boys down the line.
>A week or 2 later primary school finished, we went to different high schools then.
Fast forward , now years later.
2 hours later 5992773 Anonymous
>be like 13
>just arrived at Granma's for Christmas
>cousin is trying to be polite, asks how the drive was
>tell him I watched the matrix movies for some reason, never even seen them
>"What happened in the last one, I haven't seen it"
2 hours later 5992774 Anonymous
you are french right ???
or at least you talk french,right ???
2 hours later 5992780 Mole (submission.jpg 760x596 179kB)
>I go to the checkout and serving behind the counter is Susan, not the Susan of my childhood dreams but Susan the bush pig. Fat, greasy skin and hair (still in pig tails) with terrible teeth and nails. Her figure wrecked and having to rely on a menial basic wage, soul destroying drudge job to live.
>She recognized me and began to flirt in a ponderous, desperate sort of way, flipping her hair like she used to and tilting her head.
>I spoke to her for a while, she was now a single mum, 3 kids, state house in the shittiest part of town with no man on the scene.. From what I could tell shes deeply unhappy at her wasted life and weight gain, no longer attracting men is her idea of hell.
>I was evil, I shouldn't have done it, I told her how happy I was, how successful, and how my life was much, much better in my adult years than it had ever been as a kid...
>Then I asked her for her number, just to watch the flare of hope, and, yes desire, race through her now corpulent piggy eyes.
>I threw the number away as soon as I left the store, Im happier than I could ever imagine at someone elses misery, years of bile has been released... And I never knew I was carrying it until then.
Revenge, a dish best served cold..
2 hours later 5992789 Anonymous (1300692761822.jpg 796x718 98kB)
>Father works at a church janitor
>Took his keys and went in by myself one evening
>Stripped naked in the chapel
>Laid down on the pews in the balcony and masturbated
>Ejaculated on the statue of Christ
>Walked through the building in the nude
>Slammed the books in the archivist's sanctum on my penis
I wasn't even an anti-theist.
2 hours later 5992811 Anonymous
Either she knew you were mega-beta or wanted you to man the fuck up and kiss her then
2 hours later 5992847 Anonymous
>guy picks fight with me
>later someone asks me if i won
>try to say either "I fucked him up" or "I beat the shit out of him"
>say "I fucked the shit out of him"
>asks me if i know what that means
>i did not
>he gives me a strange look
That's the worst one I can remember
2 hours later 5992856 Anonymous
>get into Naruto
>be harassed all throughout home economics class
>grab a pair of scissors, flip it around ninja-style, and threaten the kid
>almost stab him out of sheer desperation to get him to leave me alone
Years later, I wonder why the fuck I didn't just leave the classroom, sign out at the front office, and walk home. I would have faced my parents' rage and fear and concern, but it would have been better than the alternative.
2 hours later 5992877 Anonymous
If he left you alone, then it was the right call.
That actually sounds like a good story.
2 hours later 5992897 Mole
I was king of the betas/spaghetti monster... Really, Im ashamed of how east I was to manipulate/shame/embarrass.
2 hours later 5992903 Anonymous
Imagine how fucking badass you look.
>This one dude tried to fight that guy
>Anon fucked him
2 hours later 5992905 Anonymous
Oh my god.
2 hours later 5992917 Anonymous
>used to masturbate onto my stomach then wipe the cum onto my sheets. Did it for years
>Started using an old t-shirt as a cum rag. Used to leave it under my bed. The whole t-shirt is covered in cum. Mum would always put it back in the cupboard
2 hours later 5992931 Anonymous
Not the biggest cringe inducer, but you make up for it in presentation. I liked how you built up the cringe in the first section and released it in the second. It really brought me into your feel, so bonus points for that. This feel was well greentexted as well, it gave a solid description of the setting while maintaining the brevity that makes the greentext format so effective. All in all, a great post. I give this feel an 8/10
2 hours later 5992932 Anonymous
Be proud of that, anon.
Sounds pretty badass to me.
2 hours later 5992954 Anonymous
>Watch Star Wars VI in mom's bed (the TV was in my parents room)
>She falles asleep
>Sexy Leia time
>Engage stealth fap
>"Anon, what are you doing"
3 hours later 5992988 Anonymous
The air contains atoms from the cum of your father.
You're literally homo
3 hours later 5992997 Anonymous
You deserved it, dumbass. Don't EVER fap with your parents nearby. Ever.
3 hours later 5993010 Anonymous
I know, I don't cringe at the fact that she woke up but at the fact that I fapped with her nearby.
3 hours later 5993043 Anonymous (1362536616274.jpg 540x720 89kB)
I used to sniff my best friends sister's dirty thongs.
Oh wait, I still do that..But back then they smelled better, you know 13-14 year old pussy, my god that shit smells amazing, it's like being high, doesn't smell that good anymore, she about 19-20 now.
3 hours later 5993065 Anonymous (1299265275010.jpg 560x444 88kB)
oh god i have so many on so many separate accounts:
>middle school, would sit in the back of the class and pick my nose
>elementary school, once told one of the more popular kids that I thought I was the embodiment of Seto Kaiba (euuugh) and that he should "back the fuck off!?!"
>middle school, wore granny panties while everyone else was starting to wear thongs. my pants would always fall down too.
>the family cat of 16 yrs. died, told my mom, "I hope you cried". It was her baby, she hand selected her from the litter.
>got jealous when my crush started hitting on this other girl, she had huge tits and I boldly claimed that her Ds were the same size as my Bs.
>spill my spaghetti on almost all occasions with men
I have more, but it will take me a while to think of them. I can continue if anyone wants to hear. I really am a trainwreck of awkward.
>this time irembuy
3 hours later 5993093 Anonymous
>Get crush on girl
>Be a naive kid, have no idea how to flirt
>Do some snooping, find her number somehow (I forget how I did this, I didn't know any of her friends and was generally creepy as fuck)
>Don't tell her who I am, just try to hold a conversation
>Finally tell her who I am after a few hours
>"Oh. Hi, haha."
>Keep texting her more
>Text her for about a week while avoiding her like the plague despite us sharing three or four classes (I never spoke to her in real life -- even to this day)
>Keep texting her constantly
>She says that I shouldn't text her when we're in the same class, just go and talk to her
>Too aspie for that, continue to text her non-stop
>Finally, ask her to hang out with me (not as friends, on a date)
>"Oh. Gee, Anon. I dunno."
>Drop all communication
>Cry myself to sleep
Fuck. I still cringe about that. I keep thinking about this average, introverted girl being creeped the fuck out by this neckbeard texting her constantly but being too nice to ignore him or speak up.
I'm an ass.
3 hours later 5993102 Anonymous
>tfw 21 years old and still eat my boogers
i have never been able to stop. i always do it in private and always wash my hands after but still...
3 hours later 5993114 Anonymous
in 6th grade some girl asked me on aim if i had a crush on another girl and a told her no i dont like black girls
i think this is more funny than cringe worthy though
3 hours later 5993115 Anonymous
this made my night. glorious
3 hours later 5993121 Anonymous (3311_original_tumblr_lk18ouKFdW1qz7lxdo1_500.gif 500x365 385kB)
>get stoned with my mom and some african lady in the middle of amsterdam
>like, REALLY fucking stoned
>start blathering on to my mother about how I'm going to raise a kid better than myself
>"I'm gonna teach him how to play piano, if it's a girl I'll teach her not to be a skank, regardless they're going to a martial artist, you never made me do that! And also I'm going to teach my kid to play chess and starcraft, that will make them become more intelligent, especially at a young age..."
>I keep going on and on about this shit
>my mother and the african lady looking at me pissed
>mfw some dutch guy randomly walks up to me as I'm ranting in the coffee shop, "Uh, excuse me, may I borrows this?", grabs my lighter, lights his spliff, sits down, "Thank you!"
>I just kind of look at my lighter dumbfounded for a minute.
>my mom and the african lady start laughing hysterically
>my mom is stoned as fuck and keeps asking the hot receptionist with tattoos to put usher on
>my mom makes fun of me for hitting on the receptionist
>my mom's face when she realized later that day that I banged a hooker.
God damn that was a weird fucking day.
3 hours later 5993133 Anonymous
received a note in my desk junior year of high school obviously written by a girl. completely forgot about it and put it in my desk at home
now 6 years later it is still in my desk and i have never opened it due to the fear of what imight have missed out on
3 hours later 5993137 Anonymous
>Be playing COD
>Kid no older than 9 singing pop
>I say, did I hear a girl? she sounds cute, very sarcasticly
>HS kid jumps on says "Thats my girlfriend"
>I just say 'oh' since there was nothing to cover me up
99% of the time these guys are really beta and crack lame jokes
3 hours later 5993145 Anonymous (feet.jpg 1705x1278 503kB)
post them feets faggot.
I wanna see thems
3 hours later 5993147 Anonymous
>tfw that seems like something my mom would do with me if I weren't socially awkward and didn't always snap at her for some reason ;~;
3 hours later 5993153 Anonymous
>doesn't smell that good anymore, she about 19-20 now.
That's because you're smelling dried cum.
3 hours later 5993184 Anonymous
>2 girls walking across the street
>you ran like you have a stick up your ass
>I turn around
>make eye contact
>quickly turn back around
>they follow me for 3 blocks
>Hey, let's take a picture of this guy
>Because he looks funny
I then turned into the alley.
3 hours later 5993188 Anonymous (logotipo_heineken_by_rodrigolopezf-d4ncego.png 1600x1587 731kB)
>Be 20yo student, studying away from my parents' home
>Had just found this site called "4chan"
>Unlike most newcomers the first board I found wasn't /b/, but /d/.
>after the initial period of acclimation to the ways of the chan, I had started finding new boards, like /b/.
>Fast forward a few months and I am kind of sick and staying home for the week to get better.
>My mother was supposed to visit me that very afternoon to see if I got better, cook some homemade food etc.
>Since time was running slow, and 4chan had long before then corrupted me, I decided to try getting some prostate stimulation while fapping to see how good that really was.
>My stomach wasn't exactly stable but I didn't really think much of it.
>Incapable of finding my prostate with my fingers, I decided that fuck it, I'll just use a bottle of beer I had drank a couple of days before.
>So I opened a porn vid on my laptop, put the opening of the bottle as far up my ass as I could and started fapping, and trully it was great.
3 hours later 5993198 Anonymous
Nah, the times I've seen drained cum in them I've just put them back, the pussy smells a little more "musky" when they get older, sweeter when they're younger. Might not be the case with all girls but with this one it is.
3 hours later 5993200 Anonymous
Anon...You have to do this.
Tell your brobots what the note says.
3 hours later 5993205 Anonymous
>But all good things must come to an abrupt and shamefull end it seems, and great things even more so.
>My dearest mother had decided to reschedule her arrival from "afternoon" to "midday", and it just so coinceded that she reached my home when I was close to ejaculation.
>Now take into account that my bedroom door -which was wide open- is exactly in front of the door to the appartment.
>She starts ringing the bell and calling out to me to open to her.
>I -of course- panicked and responded "can't open to you mom, you'll have to wait. I'm doing something very important".
>As I stand tall saying this, with a beer bottle still sticking out of my bottom, an intense pain goes through my stomach
>Could it be?
>Oh Yes. As a matter of fact it could.
>Having the bottle distending my asshole made it quite difficult to clench it and stop the incoming stream of diarhea which started leaking inside the bottle very very fast.
>My mother however, fed up with my antics is now unlocking the door with her own keys, as I'm not coming to her aid.
>Listening to the all so familiar noise of a key unlocking the front door, I motion to close the door to my bedroom, and in doing so I accidentally remove my earplugs from the laptop.
>Just as my mother is entering the now filled with moans and slurs appartment, I'm caught in a frenzy trying to at the same time: stop shitting, close the vid, remove the bottle from my ass and keep the door closed.
>Unfortunately in doing so not only did I fail at closing the vid but I also dropped the now full of diarhea bottle to the floor, upon contact with which it broke
>Unleashing my diarhea everywhere in the room
>My mother opens my door to find a broken bottle of beer in front of my feet, everything covered in shit , me still quasi-shitting, still being semi-hard, and the video still playing with the volume at maximum
She just turned around and left without saying anything. She slept at a hotel that day, and pretended nothing happened the next
3 hours later 5993207 Anonymous
>Five year high school reunion
>Five years of angry lifting under my belt
>Start several fist fights with people who teased me in school
>Beat them up
>Think I look cool
>Realise how fucking retarded I looked
3 hours later 5993214 Anonymous
This is what true embarassment feels like. I still cringe before sleeping with the memory of it
3 hours later 5993216 Anonymous
in elementary i took upskirts of bitches on halloween. i got suspended and the school destroyed the camera.
3 hours later 5993217 Anonymous
>sticking glass up your ass
Where's that .gif?
3 hours later 5993231 Anonymous
>as a teenager mom is renting out the basement
>have a hot tenant with huge boobs living in my apartment
>can't stop wondering what her vagina smells like
>one day when she's at work, sneak into her apartment
>find her dirty laundry, start sniffing them undergarments
>next thing I know I've just cum on my mother's tenants panties
>mfw three days later I had to sneak into her apartment again to put her panties back in her laundry (after laundering them myself) just to avoid raising suspicion.
God damn I miss those titties. And those wonderful vagina smells...
3 hours later 5993232 Based Daddio Gummy Puss McFly
>End of year comes, mandatory school dance
>mandatory school dance
3 hours later 5993278 Anonymous
>masturbated in class through my basketball shorts
>teacher knew, but didn't say anything (she called on me every time i started, to answer a question)
>really did not give a fuck, still dont
It was all okay in the end
3 hours later 5993281 Anonymous
I used to post regularly on the IGN forums with the username Live4GreenDay or some variation of it.
3 hours later 5993306 Anonymous
>The embodiment of Seto Kaiba
I feel for you.
3 hours later 5993319 Anonymous
Different guy, but i masturbated in a school bathroom stall and broke the toilet seat into three pieces. I laugh about it now.
3 hours later 5993336 Anonymous (just kill me now lelouch.jpg 640x440 151kB)
>mfw my first email address was email@example.com
>my password was 'dumbledore'
3 hours later 5993355 Anonymous
It was a silly activity day, and since all kids are delinquents you had to go around to do different activities in little groups.
All the groups converged at 1:30 to "dance"
3 hours later 5993418 Anonymous
Have anymore these are actually cringe worthy female feels?
3 hours later 5993435 Anonymous (1360981910329.jpg 520x347 31kB)
in primary school i wrote gothic poetry on the rurouni kenshin forums
3 hours later 5993442 Anonymous
my email adress had goku in it. And I too showed my friends some j-pop. They probably have forgotten about it, but I know I couldn't
Oh god I cringed so hard reading this. That's why I don't make a move. It'd probably be something like this.
3 hours later 5993459 Anonymous
>if he left you alone
It made him back off for that one class. Which was actually an immense relief.
3 hours later 5993498 Anonymous
it's ok anonymous
in middle school I wrote gay fanfiction on ubisoft's rayman forums
3 hours later 5993503 Anonymous
>Five year high school reunion
They have those??!!
I'M NOT READY
3 hours later 5993524 Anonymous
I am, I am not that guy you asked but I am from AL. Did you know Huffman?
3 hours later 5993537 Anonymous
That really made my day thank you
3 hours later 5993548 Anonymous
Rene Descartes would like a word with you.
3 hours later 5993557 Anonymous
>wore nothing but Hawaiian shirts from ages 11-13
>dressed like a retard in leather jacket and retarded looking bondage pants throughout highschool
>one of them were tight and cheetah printed
I don't know why I thought any of this was cool, I was fat with curly hair on top of it all.
3 hours later 5993565 Anonymous (1.0x0.jpg 600x601 52kB)
The funny thing is, even in the future, you will do cringe-worthy things.
My told told me this one and even I felt like I wanted to die.
>Dad working on movie set.
>Sees a few people wearing those fake animal noses, like a pig nose, dog nose etc.
>A little while later he sees a guy with what looks like a pig nose.
>he yells "HEY MAN, NICE NOSE!"
>the guy looks up and goes, "yeah..yeah.." and walks away.
>My dad ran into him later, turned out he wasn't wearing a fake nose.
>He had a bandage over where his nose used to be, with two holes cut into it so he can breathe.
>He had his nose removed due to cancer.
My Dad felt like shit for like, a month straight after that.
3 hours later 5993580 Anonymous
Curly hair is bitchin', man.
3 hours later 5993599 Anonymous
first good laugh today.
3 hours later 5993624 Anonymous
Actually it's more wavy, and it's thick as fuck.
So it just poofs, I was a fat kid in a studded leather jacket with skin tight cheetah print pants, boots (not even combat boots), and poofy as fuck hair with glasses.
I surprisingly wasn't THAT much of a social outcast.
3 hours later 5993631 Anonymous
>Be in 7th grade
>Start picking it for first time
>Clear puss comes out
Fast forward a couple weeks
>Have speech infront of class
>Get nervous and pick pimples
>Start and finish speech
>Everybody's looking at me
>Cool must have done a good job
>Go through rest of the day
>Everybody's giving me looks
>"I must look good today"
>Last class of the day go to the bathroom
>As I'm entering, I attempt to do a cool smile at qt girl in hall cause I'm feeling good
>Piss and go to wash my hands
>Look in mirror
>There are dryed streams of dark red blood going down my face
>Don't leave bathroom until 1 hour after the school bell rings
3 hours later 5993682 Anonymous
So they saw a dude that was bleeding from multiple points of his face give them a speech?
That's creepypasta material.
3 hours later 5993811 Anonymous
Goddamn this one got me. I feel your bruh, I can totally see this happening to me.
3 hours later 5993815 Anonymous
Boy I have several of these, I have to sit down and try to remember
>Have a bible study tutor
>pretty nice girl, early 20s
>parents have her give studies for awhile, not bad at all she was fun
>one church meet
>I'm with her and several of her friends
>oh man I am horny
>she has her legs out with heels
>they all have heels and different sitting positions and one with stocking and one with anklet
>14 year old boner did not learn how to control itself, popped it hard and tried to hide it with pamphlets and bible and jacket etc
>nervous that anyone notices
>day ends smoothly, phew close call no one says anything out of the ordinary and we still go out to eat
>next weekend get a talk about how I am growing up and need a male tutor
>Used to think doggy paddling was swimming
>Out with some people for a school competiton
>Hey let's have a pool race!
>Sign me up!
>my innocent self learns the hard way that doggy paddling isn't swimming by hearing the cheers die out as I lose by half of the pool and I'm still flapping my arms floating like a faggot
>later group pic gets taken of the people who swam, I pretend I'm still toweling in the bathroom
Another swimming pool one:
>Forgot to bring swimming trunks
>Oh phew good thing I have this shortpants I wear to sleep in, it's light and feels like swimming trunks!
>swim for awhile, nothing wrong
>have to adjust pants every once in a while, feels weird
>mfw it feels weird because everytime I get out of the water, the thin pant material sticks to my skin
>mfw my balls and dick are visible through the wet pants and I've been adjusting them this whole time because they get stuck on my balls
And that's why they have those nets built into the swimming trunks
4 hours later 5993825 Anonymous
I gues but Idk I was smiling the whole day cause I thought I looked good only to find out people were actually giving me weird looks. I did alot of weird thing in middle and highschool.
4 hours later 5993863 Anonymous
You have no business greentexting son
4 hours later 5993923 Anonymous
I have a favorite romance one:
>Have a crush in this girl in 10th grade
>been friends for a few years in middle school, good fun had
>reeeally crushing in 10th grade on her
>last day of school, dress up with a suit and tie, which I got away with since everyone was kind of planning to dress nice last day
>spent the night before writing. A. LOVE. LETTER.
>nervous the whole day, ask friends about what I should do, so I get pumped up
>I even show the letter to someone
>Last bus stop
>I give her sister the letter, I was friends with her too
>Die. From. Embarrassment.
>too fucking nervous to know the answer if she'll go out with me
>next year starts
>THAT FUCKING MORNING WAITING AT THE BUS STOP AND THAT ENTIRE BUS RIDE.
>we're late to our class
>same first class, sit next to each other
>the entire year we play this game of avoiding but not avoiding each other until I go full scared and avoid her
I still have the first draft of the letter and all my other gfs know this story. We ended up talking again senior year but we never brought it up. I think her sister started to like me during the end of senior year too but by then there was a whole other girl
4 hours later 5993985 Anonymous
I doggy paddled until I was 15. I tried to impress girls by say I can swim and then doggy paddle around the pool as everybody else swam right. I regret nothing.
4 hours later 5994013 Anonymous (come on....jpg 124x124 2kB)
>be with group of friends
>stopping at a gas station
>friends always steal things, figure I'll try to get a kit kat
>slip it in my pocket
>walking away while other friend is buyign some stuff
>cashier lady makes me come back in and pay for it
4 hours later 5994144 Anonymous
>have a dickload of cringeworthy and otherwise regretted memories
>it litterally hurts when I remember one
>I often mutter violent things to myself to drown out the thought
My list is huge, yet kinda mediocre. Still enough for whatever daemon is fucking with me to make me look like a psycho.
>played Pokemon constantly through highschool and cried when someone evolved one of my pokemon before I wanted it to evolve and saved
>cried at various other silly moments
>when I was a teenager my room would often smell like cum and people would smell it
>pretended to be stupid when I was 11 because I thought it was funny
>would often stare at people's tits/crotches and thought they didn't notice
>gave a girl so much shit she started cutting herself
>said various disturbing things that made me look like a sadist and a self-entitled shit
That's all I can think of at the moment. Maybe I should keep a diary for whenever I get one of these "flashbacks of shame".
4 hours later 5994233 Anonymous
You fucking suck.
4 hours later 5994366 Anonymous
>Smoke a g and drink too much ka.
>Fucked out of my mind downtown.
>Friends need to leave, I'm alone at like 5 PM.
>No money, and I forgot my cell.
>See kinda qt girl.
>"Listen, just by the way, well by the way I'm fucking moving and shit, you can tell I'm obviously highly, highly intoxicated."
>"Yes I can"
>She starts walking away.
>"Listen, I don't want to be one of those pan handel negros, but."
>She gives me bus fair.
>I ask for her number to pay her back.
>"Please just leave me alone."
>See her on campus 2 days later.
>"Hey, you saw me really messed a few days ago, I'm really sorry, here's that buck fifty."
>She looks at me like I'm on crack.
4 hours later 5994607 Anonymous
>In 11th grade
> Hot Russian girl that moved to US when she was 13
>was pretty much in love with her although I rarely talked to her in class
>we were in marketing class so the last 30 min before lunch the class set up the student store
> I decided one Friday that I was going to ask her out to a movie
>beta as fuck so I spend 3/4 of the set up time following her around leering
>eventually ask her out after nearly filling the hallway with spaghetti
>she says yes (clearly out of pity, but my beta ass couldnt tell)
>We see Finding Nemo
>after the movie we get ice cream and talk for about an hour
>spend most of the time talking about how beta I am but think that im sounding "2deep"
>she says she has to go
>I offer to drive her home but she says her friend lives nearby
I Havent watched Finding Nemo since
5 hours later 5994656 Anonymous
>lunch in highschool
>kids are throwing milk cartons and shit at my table
>my friends are all just looking away or discussing the milk carton bombardment
>I decide to take initiative and WHIP A MILK CONTAINER AS HARD AS I CAN at the back of a black kid facing the other way, eating his lunch.
>"Why would you throw it at ME?
>(quietly) "umm, i have terrible aim"
> everyone around us laughs hysterically
>say nothing to anyone the rest of the day
5 hours later 5994696 Anonymous
I'm sorry but I'll give some advice I've learned
>Just keep swimming until you reach a turn
5 hours later 5994713 Anonymous (Vc6q8.gif 315x236 1024kB)
Haha oh man, don't cringe, you are bringing joy to at least one person, mfw man, mfw.
5 hours later 5994804 Anonymous
>in high school
>never have a girlfriend
>spend all free time watching anime, playing video games with friends, or browsing /a/
>have tons of great friends I still talk to today
5 hours later 5994828 Anonymous
Man, your friends are fags. I hate how idiots just ignore it when they're being bullied. It just makes you look like a pussy and an idiot.
I'd say you have no reason to cringe, but yeah, you did hit the black kid with a milk carton. Still. Funny story to tell people!
5 hours later 5994887 Anonymous
>activity in english class where we choose whether we agree or disagree with a statement by standing on either side of the room and discussing our opinions
>statement was: "some people deserve to die"
>only people who said yes were me and an emo chick
>she calmly says "no comment"
>everyone then turns to me
>try to say "pass" but I cant so I just shake my head
>teacher doesnt notice my gesture
>continues waiting for an answer
>mumble "i dont know what you want me to say"
>classmates have to REAPEAT IT SO THE TEACHER CAN HEAR.
>I said some other stuff which I think included an answer but I dont remember
5 hours later 5994922 Anonymous
You aren't going to have it as bad as these kids growing up posting all of their lame teen angst crap on facebook these days. It's stuck there, forever.
"I see here in 2013 you said 'I wish I would just die' on facebook? Why should we hire you for this position when you clearly have suicidal tendencies?"
5 hours later 5994931 Anonymous
Just sounds like average hipsterjunk now, bro
5 hours later 5994948 Anonymous
I dont have it bad at all
embarassing stuff that happened as a kid doesnt really matter
5 hours later 5994952 Anonymous
You deserved it, you couldn't back up your position.
5 hours later 5994968 Anonymous
>Eventually we must all take out burdensome sexualities out back and shoot them in the head
The guy who posted this is probably gone now, but that's a really nice turn of phrase. Is that a quote from somewhere?
5 hours later 5994973 Anonymous
I wanted to say something but I quickly realized it wasn't going to happen once everyone looked at me.
5 hours later 5994998 Anonymous
"So Hitler didn't deserve to die guys? Even though if someone would have killed him early and saved the lives of millions of good goyim and faggots, he ultimately didn't deserve death huh? No evil exists in the world? There is no such thing as a greater good? What's justice?"
Your old English class sounds like a bunch of brainwashed idiots.
5 hours later 5995004 Anonymous
Including him. Or maybe he's just uberbeta.
5 hours later 5995027 Anonymous
>didn't realize girl's feet was under my desk
>reach down under desk thinking book or something
>grab her foot by accident
5 hours later 5995037 Anonymous
Actually I did this before too in study hall. I think she might saw me, but didn't care.
5 hours later 5995045 Anonymous
>think a girl is cute
>don't talk to her because I think my voice is too deep
I needed a father
5 hours later 5995050 lowsingle (image.jpg 774x1032 231kB)
>trying to hook up with 16 year old
>dont know how to french kiss, keep getting slobber on her mouth
>try to finger her, dont know what a clit is and just jackhammer her vagina with 2 fingers
>she starts jerking me off
>horribly embarrassed of precum, keep trying to wipe it, forcing her to stop every 5 seconds
>she gives up
>says shes going to blow me
>"but what if that stuff gets in your mouth, isnt it going to be gross?"
>her parents call down from upstairs asking if were hungry
>tfw i realize theyre home
>they could hear everything the whole time
>she doesnt give a fuck and knew
>they heard how horrible i was
i just got up, zipped my pants and left. no explanation, never talked to her at school again, just mentally block it
im sorry christine
5 hours later 5995065 Anonymous
This reminds me of one time in elementary when I was throwing rocks at my friend. I would throw a big rock at him and he would dodge it. It was a pretty cool game. I threw a medium sized rock at him and just as it left my hand a tard (my school had a program for severely autistic kids) walked into its trajectory. It hit him right on the side of the head and after a brief pause, he burst into tears and started screaming. He ran off and I never played the rock game again.
5 hours later 5995068 Anonymous
>Meet girl on school trip to disney world freshman year of HS
>she goes to another school
>tell all my friends as if I lost my virginity
>they humor me and one kid doesn't shut up about it for years
Fuck you, Tony. I was excited to interact with a willing girl.
5 hours later 5995081 Anonymous
I used to masturbate in one of the school bathrooms at lunch every day.
5 hours later 5995097 Anonymous
how has no one said that yet?
5 hours later 5995103 Anonymous
this is r9k. he would have gotten muted if he typed "I fucking suck"
5 hours later 5995137 Anonymous
I fear this feel m8, suicidal gf feels are bad
5 hours later 5995152 Anonymous
and now, you're an awkward faggot? or still normal?
5 hours later 5995154 Anonymous
when i was in elementary school me and this girl would play with random action figures and cars and pretended to have them participate in contests and climb things to win upgrades. Also me and another kid would use the swings sideways and "battle" eachother with kicks and spin moves and stuff. We even had a name for it and we did it every day but we stoped when people started to copy us
5 hours later 5995164 Anonymous
I was in the same situation. Except the girl asked me to hang out regularly and I thought I actually had a chance with her.
>Because she sent me hearts over Facebook when we'd say goodnight to each other.
And I still feel kind of bitter about it. The fuck is wrong with me.
5 hours later 5995173 Anonymous
I snap at my mother for some reason too, it makes me feel so bad. But I can't help myself.
5 hours later 5995177 Anonymous
>we did it every day but we stoped when people started to copy us
5 hours later 5995185 Anonymous
shut up foot freak. your kind are as wierd as those pony beastality freaks
5 hours later 5995217 Anonymous
>hear about Oscar Pistorius (paralypian with no legs) shooting his gf
>start talking about it with autist friends
>ask them all if they have seperate jails for people with no legs
>everyone pisses themselves
>i sit there giggling and snorting, spit and snot dribbling onto my neckerchief
>mfw i look around to see what peoples reactions are to us
>mfw guy sat on next table has a prosthetic leg
>mfw his face when
It wasn't that his face was mad, it was that he looked like he was going to kill himself when he got home. I was too autistic to apologise to him. Feels bad and cringey.
5 hours later 5995225 Nobody will read this post
>used to do flips on muh bed while listening to the WWE soundtrack and pretend I'm a wrestler (about 11 or 12 years old)
>used to draw autistic-as-fuck Sonic rip-off comics
>Used to be an emofag in junior high who bragged about how I was like Tony Hawk and could do a 720 triple heelflip 50-50 sex change, when I could barely do a manual; basically, poser as fuck.
>Make a math joke while ordering food. Nobody gets the joke. They all stand there with blank looks on their faces.
5 hours later 5995255 Anonymous (severus-snape.jpg 584x417 24kB)
>be high school
>accidentaly call the girl i'm in love with a degrading term
>she stops speaking to me
>cry like a bitch to her and her friends
>threaten to sleep outside her dorm until she speaks to me again
5 hours later 5995305 Anonymous (4uZ9a.jpg 474x595 29kB)
I still do it but I don't show people, I'd die inside if anyone saw me do it most likely. I also eat my jizz because it's the easiest way to clean up and it has a neutral taste.
>tfw no one knows
6 hours later 5995355 Anonymous
Using smileys when texting a girl I was into. Not just a few either, ending every fucking text with either :) or :P. Also, I would send her texts multiples times a day, not really to say anything just to strike up a conversation. It was borderline stalking, I have to admit. It all worked out in the end because though because she wasn't important to me anyways and I got some bad habits out of the way.
6 hours later 5995380 Anonymous
>had a fat crush on a girl
>kinda deep in the zone
>message her on FB
>about 15 1 or 2 word messages in like 30 seconds
>she doesn't respond
I still know her though
6 hours later 5995381 Anonymous (1361942537309.gif 200x528 868kB)
I'm shocked by your denial
6 hours later 5995385 Anonymous (1353919811031.jpg 252x240 7kB)
>proceed to initiate dump sequence
I hadn't laughed of smiled in about a year.
thank you anon.
6 hours later 5995407 Anonymous
>black errthing including shoes and socks
>tightest jeans, sometimes even girls jeans because they're tighter
>post-hardcore, metalcore, anything *core
Jesus christ I was a faggot.
6 hours later 5995680 Anonymous (1354492924586.jpg 383x500 29kB)
sorry about your shitty youth, bro
6 hours later 5995695 Anonymous
>in super market with dad
>have to piss
>go to only bathroom in store
>fuck it, ill hold it
>standing in checkout lane with dad
>urge to piss hits max level
>cant hold it
>start to piss in my pants
>try to stop the stream but not strong enough
>let everything looose
>piss starts soaking up my pants and then starts running onto the floor
>no one sees
>have an umbrella because it was raining
>try to push piss away from me to make it seem like not mine
>old lady sees me and I make eye contact
>makes extremely weird face and keeps walking
>hold the umbrella against my crotch to cover the piss stain
>employee sees the puddle
>"uuuh lol I think someone peed, someone get a mop lol"
>trying so hard not to get caught
>waddle out of store with dad
>no one knew it was me
>the guilt kills me
6 hours later 5995749 Anonymous
I can fap to this. Can and will
6 hours later 5995802 Marker (why.png 861x612 46kB)
Looking back on old facebook posts always make me cringe.
6 hours later 5995825 Anonymous
>12-year-old Transfag staying in holiday home belonging to family friends. Sleeping in their teenage daughter's room.
>They've left a bunch of stuff behind.
>Start dressing up every night when everybody has gone to sleeping.
>Decide to sleep in girl stuff too, set an alarm to get up and change before people wake up.
>Alarm doesn't go off one morning, older sister barges in to find me laying out on top of the sheets in full girl-mode with morning wood poking tenting up the front of the skirt.
>Freaks the fuck out. "MUM DAD ANON IS A TRANNY!"
>Parents burst in while I'm trying to hide myself. Still sporting an obvious erection and looking every bit like I'd been wanking.
And that, robots, is how I came out as trans. I can feel my stomach sinking just typing it out, but me and my sister actually laugh about it from time to time now.
6 hours later 5995855 Anonymous (1359613349735.png 250x272 92kB)
7 hours later 5995861 Anonymous
>my 19th birthday
>constantly complaining how much it sucks to everyone
>I spent the whole day alone, high as shit on some oxy and weed
>kept popping pills periodically
>eventually I'm so fucking out of my mind I send the hottest girl I know three gibberish texts
>the only words legible are "cuddle" "night" "kiss" and "google"
>she has hardly talked to me at all since
>if it wasn't for that there was a chance of me hooking up with her
7 hours later 5995865 Anonymous
I forgot all the stupid things i made in life that's why it's keeping all the time
7 hours later 5995869 Anonymous
I feel sorry for you that's just fucking awkward as hell
7 hours later 5995882 Anonymous
Man I live in FL near disney world and I don't have cool stories like that
unless you're mark in which case you're still a faggot mark
7 hours later 5995889 Anonymous
Oh shit, tht made me laugh a lot more than it should have
7 hours later 5995892 Anonymous
when I look at my tweets from 1 or 2 years ago they make me cringe. I used to overly #hashtag everything and tweet pointless shit like "I am going to go tryhard everyday on #black #ops when it comes out!
A lot of them were just stupid and edgy as well. Kinda how funny how much a person can grow in such a little time.
7 hours later 5995895 Anonymous
>>Make a math joke while ordering food. Nobody gets the joke.
Come on, man. You can't just say that and leave us hanging. Everybody loves a good math joke
7 hours later 5996052 Anonymous
>Kid next to me is laughing about something
>Think he's laughing at me
>Slam my locker and punch him
>He's still laughing
>My puny 5th grade muscles are so weak
>I let out a huge growl and punch him again
>My yells break the sound barrier
>Focus too much of my energy on yelling
>My next punch is little more than a push
I can't remember what happened next. I just know it involved me crying.
7 hours later 5996162 Anonymous
What about Cringe General?
>guy on the right
> he stays there the whole dance
7 hours later 5996192 Anonymous
>GF of 5+ years dumps me in crowded subway
>get on my knees and beg her to stay with me
>she casts me away like trash
7 hours later 5996204 Anonymous
When I was in high school I thanked a girl for adding me on Facebook.
That was about 4 years ago, I've deleted my Facebook and cut all contact with everyone since. I wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was dead.
7 hours later 5996208 Anonymous
>Not a single comment or like except for a pity one
Exactly why I deleted Facebook, I couldn't handle the feels
7 hours later 5996223 Anonymous
>be in highschool
>just be quiet kind of guy, don't have many friends
>someone else in my year with the same name said he fucked a guy in the ass or said hes gay or something
>huge year group
>everyone mistakes me for that guy
>in sport class
>out on the oval
>teacher says my name
>someone yells out that i'm gay
>at this stage I'm used to it so I just glare at him
>the sports teacher puts down the pen
>"You gay son?!?!"
>Tell him no, that it's some other kid with my name
>End of the sports session everyone is talking about the game (I'm shit at all sports)
>Teacher pulls me out in front of the class
>"Even thought Anon says he's not gay, you guys shouldn't judge him because he's probably shy about it or something"
>Just shut up and take it
Fuck I hated that school.
7 hours later 5996246 Animal
The need for attention is a sign of a deeper problem. Good luck, anon.
8 hours later 5996248 Animal
>I can feel my stomach sinking just typing it out
I think you still have some issues
8 hours later 5996264 Animal
personally, I feel he has an obvious mental issue and that instead of the video being cringe, I feel a bit thankful for the crowd for including him, but angry for not REALLY including him
8 hours later 5996266 Animal
I think that want for comment is an indication of a deeper issue
8 hours later 5996272 Animal
what a teacher
>your actually gay
8 hours later 5996277 Anonymous
>do u like me
>i like u
8 hours later 5996292 Animal
its past, stop being so theatrical, although I must say I lolled.
8 hours later 5996307 Anonymous
that is pretty funny actually, if you didn't get caught i don't see a reason to cringe.
8 hours later 5996308 Anonymous
>i went out with this girl back in HS
>she friendzoned me
>i asked for a kiss before i leave her forever
>NOPE bye anon :( .png
8 hours later 5996342 Anonymous
I was fapping to my cousin on the couch when she was in bed and she "snuck out" to scare me.
I still don't know if she saw me or not..
8 hours later 5996357 Anonymous
>science lab every one at break
>see bag of cute girl I like
>Creepily put it under my shirt and walk to toilets
>try to find P.E. kit inside bag, hoping for swimsuit/dirty knickers but meh
>find nothing sadface.jpg
>oshit tiem to head back
>clinging to really awkward bulge under my shirt as step out toilet
>two friends walk up to me
>oh hey guys
>crab crawl back to lab with them, place bag back in original spot
>nothing was ever said again
8 hours later 5996370 Anonymous
>read about the elite hacker group called "Anonymous"
>nearly shit my pants every time something happened to my computer because I thought Anonymous had targeted me
Needless to say, that fear disappeared with time.
8 hours later 5996400 Animal
she wouldn't know if you were fapping to her.
I think you are being a tad bid too insecure. If that kind of thing happens again, laugh it off and it will be a positive experience albeit emberassing
8 hours later 5996411 Anonymous
>gave money to kids in elementary school so they'd hang out near me
jesus christ that was a low point
>texting a girl in highschool asking her to go out with me
>texting a different girl asking her to go to a school dance with me, but the entire sentence was a single word, Istringedeverythingtogetherlikethis
>freshman year of college
>making out with a girl in her bed, both pretty drunk
>she goes out to use the restroom, I wait for a few minutes
>she doesn't come back, I go check in the restroom, she's passed out on the toilet with puke IN her pants down around her ankles
>I puke in her pants
>go downstairs to my dorm room
that's actually a pretty funny story now that I think about it
8 hours later 5996436 Anonymous
why the fuck did you puke in her pants?
it is funny i just dont get it
8 hours later 5996443 Anonymous
>be in 7th grade
>in ASB as social retard so I could get out of singing in chorus
>girl likes me
i don't even want to type the rest fuck this shit
8 hours later 5996449 Anonymous
lel I did something similar to the money
8 hours later 5996454 Anonymous
>tfw wore a fedora briefly in high school because my mom pressured me into it
>she said it looked good on me and i believed it
>tfw had huge afro and pubestache until 9th grade
>also because my mom convinced me to keep growing my hair out
mom is the biggest cockblock in the universe and she has no idea
also mom cringe story
>dude comes over to my house briefly because we are going to a concert
>he is getting a ride to my house so i say "just get dropped off at my house at 6:30 and we'll go"
>gets there at 6:00
>mom is so happy that i have a friend over
>she immediately sets up the wii and FORCES us to play wii tennis for 30 minutes
>torn between being like "mom this is so dumb" but don't want to bitch out my mom in front of guest
>also at some point my dog runs out the front door
>30 long minutes pass
>going to concert
>dude: "your mom is weird as f-"
>me: "I KNOW"
8 hours later 5996480 Anonymous
oh fuck thought of another one
>have crush on a girl in seventh grade
>want to kiss her, but not make it seem like a big deal
>offer to kiss anyone at my table
>two other dudes and her
>wtf why did i do that
>she still says she's down
>we go out after class, kiss, I have to lean down, and she wraps her arms around my neck
>I start to straighten up, and she keeps her arms around my neck
>I start spinning to get her off of me, and she thinks it's a game
what the fuck bitch leggo my neck
the smell, man. Half digested subway along with girl-poop. It was unimaginable. Plus I was pretty nauseous from all the alcohol. Overall though, it was a pretty fun night.
god it was so awful
glad I grew out of it, though
8 hours later 5996487 Anonymous
9 hours later 5996643 Anonymous
>acting afterschool thing
>get in classroom with rest of people most of which are older
>told we're going to sing a song
>a song of our choosing
>no preparation time, just get in front of everybody and sing
>struggle through "oh say can you see"
> literally https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SH npWohrg0
10 hours later 5997043 Anonymous
> 16 years old
> first real gf
> been together for like 4-5 months
> have sex regularly
> been browsing 4chan since i was 14
> want to take the sex to another level
> take a bath together, fuck in the bath.
> tell her i want to piss on her
> shes doesnt really want to but im the alpha of the relationship so she agrees.
> shes laying in the bathtub
> im standing above her with my dick in my hand
> cannot piss a drop
> she tells me to let the water run in the sink
> it helps, i pee on her
> she freaks out
> tells me to stop
> i cant, drank too much and toilet is too far away
> pee all over her except her face but splasharea
> finish, she cries and takes a shower
> she returns to my room while i shower
> i can hear her cry
> shower for 45 minutes then return to my room
> agree never to speak about this again
> im not even into pee
> 4chan fucked me for life
10 hours later 5997236 Anonymous
>Quickly slip on pair of old swim shorts
>waiting for my friend, on his couch
>two girls come in, both relatives of his; they are like a year younger than me.
>I act alpha; both hands on the upper part of the couch, legs spread wide.
>They sit down at the couch opposite of me
>I hear giggling
>"Yea, it must be because they like me" I thought
>Friend's father comes in "hey slim" (he called me that because I looked like Marshal mathers)
>He sits down in the opposite couch
>He looks down and whispers "Your balls are showing".
>I nonchalantly look down as slow as possible, extending embarassment when I notice my two testicles hanging out of my shorts.
>I cover up with a blanket.
>Confused, I tried to fix it with one hand, and I showed them, and one of my balls went through a small rip, and they could still see.
>I started crying
>left the room, headed towards the door.
>I open and shut the door, but I jam my fingers before shutting it completely.
> The pain shock makes me fall on my head, exposing my testicles once again.
>I eventually make it home and cry.
I still cringe like it just happened when i think about it.
10 hours later 5997257 Kitchener (Original Content.jpg 1583x2963 402kB)
I used to regularly talk to the guy who got married to this ginger. It's one of my biggest regrets.
10 hours later 5997268 Kitchener (Starstruck Lovers.jpg 960x720 91kB)
He also mated with this beast before his marriage.
10 hours later 5997279 Kitchener (Harpy Sighting.jpg 720x540 88kB)
She's the one on the left here. She was 16 and he was in his 20s, the others were younger than 16 but he said he "wasn't that desperate."
10 hours later 5997293 Kitchener (Hagspawn.jpg 720x960 76kB)
This is the spawn he had before the marriage, it bears a resemblance to him. He denies it today but it's obvious, all the other hagspawn look different.
10 hours later 5997312 Anonymous (1362574119856.jpg 1160x1419 567kB)
>got roped in pokemon/sonic RP on some IM client
>girl was cheating on her fat furry boyfriend with me
>told me she looked like a gorilla and everyone bullied her
>never came back
>sprinted with my arms limp on several occasions
>was generally unkempt and disgusting during high school
Thank god those days are over.
11 hours later 5997502 Anonymous
>in Maths class
>have to move seat for some reason
>seat is right in front of window on a hot day
>I begin to sweat
>girl next to me had shoes off, is sitting with one leg on the other
>her foot brushes my thigh
>boner, control thyself!
I am so glad nobody noticed.
11 hours later 5997507 Anonymous (jesus christ.jpg 594x885 90kB)
>Few years ago
>I was in my bathroom, just stepped out of the shower
>As I went to grab a towel, I passed the mirror.
>I start making retarded faces and poses in front of it like an idiot
>After a while of doing this I heard a quiet giggle behind me
>My face when I saw my mom and my sister watching me through the door that I forgot to close
>They run away laughing for at least 10 minutes
>"I knew you were there the whole time!"
It's more funny than cringe worthy now that I think about it.
12 hours later 5998084 Anonymous
Dude...are you me? I was pretty much exactly that in high school.
12 hours later 5998152 Anonymous
I'm laughing my ass off
12 hours later 5998445 Anonymous
>popping a boner
cool story, does it come in true?
12 hours later 5998480 Anonymous
>sang really loud in first grade all by myself during class hours
>drew stuff on the blackboard while the teacher was discussing in the fourth grade
>shouted about wanting to attain world peace in a group of bullies which led to my first-ever fist fight
>made a Yu-Gi-Oh customized box and put it in my locker for the rest of the year
Damn, I can't remember more.
13 hours later 5998506 Anonymous (how-to-treat-excessive-sweating.WidePlayer.jpg 640x360 19kB)
Prepare for maximum beta guys:
>fall in love with a girl in my class in grade school
>she is perfect and all that
>never get the courage to talk to her in high school
>I maybe talk to her like once a year by accident, she is always really nice to me despite me being a sperglord
>new year starts, new seating arrangement in maths
>teacher sits me beside her
>I'm sweating buckets
> incredibly nervous, I'm always sweaty at the beginning of class and for minutes afterwards until I can calm down
>occasionally talk to her, but never after class, just sit there awkwardly
>one day a friend of hers is reading her texts
>"you like anon"?
>my face burns with the intensity of the sun
>I just sit there silently and do nothing, sweat pouring down my face
>year ends, I never make any close to a move
13 hours later 5998528 Anonymous
Everytime anon gets a phonecall:
>on the bus
>early morning, people from all walks of life getting to their jobs
>CRAAAAWWWWWLLIIIIIING IIIIIN MYYY SKIIIIIIIN
>rest of the bus looks at anon
13 hours later 5998541 Anonymous (94484_please%20respond.jpg 300x400 24kB)
>years later still can't get her out of my head
>send her a message through facebook saying something like "Seeing you was the happiest part of the day at school, I was messed up blah blah"
>she doesn't reply for a few days
>send another message saying something like "please respond, I really want to talk to you, I hope I haven't creeped you out"
>she still doesn't respond
>send her another message, basically begging/demanding that I get closure from her
>she eventually responds, she is really nice
>we send a few messages back and forth
>eventually she doesn't respond for a week
>I basically snap and unfriend her, close facebook account
13 hours later 5998542 Anonymous
>call people "baka hentai" in 8th/9th grade
>draw shitty animu and show people
>study hira and katakana in public in 9th and 10th grade
At least you had decent taste.
Why do middle and high school students in my chinese cartoons act so grownup? Everyone IRL was a flaming dweeb and an embarrassment at that age.
13 hours later 5998546 Anonymous
>roleplay as a woman in sex chats
>got boners from cybering about how my tight pussy got fucked by alpha dicks
Today I'm a misogynist and would never rp as a woman ever again. lol.
>had Crazy Frog ringtones, unironically, 'til I was 17
13 hours later 5998560 Anonymous
I still do this, by the way:
>ringtone is set to The Beauty Underneath
>"Have you ever dared to go past the world you think you know when enthralled to the call of the beauty underneath--"
I should probably change it.
13 hours later 5998580 Anonymous
i used to have an emo haircut and wear oversized metal band shirts with black skinny trousers and nike air shoes. also a leather belt with spikes and a rosery
13 hours later 5998583 Anonymous
How the fuck old are you now, 15? Change your goddamned sodding ringtone you permavirgin imbecile. Just kill yourself.
13 hours later 5998587 Anonymous (image.jpg 259x194 7kB)
>finally start to forget about her as I become a bit more normal
>lost weight, dress better, nice glasses, nice haircut, can hold a conversation. Still a friendless, kissless virgin though
>one day see her exiting a train in front of me
>we're walking the same way, empty street
>ALRIGHT ANON THERE SHE IS GO TALK TO HER
>I don't talk to her
>but I keep following her
>we're standing right beside each other at the traffic lights
>GO ON ANON
>awkwardly try and avoid eye contact so she doesn't see me and think I'm following her
>she is still walking the same way, I'm still following her
>OH GOD SHE IS GOING A DIFFERENT WAY FINALLY
1 week later:
>see her getting on a train
>this is it anon, take 2
>actually get the balls to talk to her
>conversation actually goes fine, I'm not visibly dropping spaghetti even though I'm really tense
>apologise for being a fucking weirdo
>say good bye to each other amicably
>its finally done, I can put it to rest
Well I saw her 2 years after that working in a night club. I was really drunk and I bro hand shook her twice. Send her a facebook message a couple of days later asking how she was, but she never replied. I have so say, being that beta about a girl is a good experience. It teaches you that no girl is ever that special, so you shouldn't give a fuck what they think or if it doesn't work out with them.
13 hours later 5998589 Anonymous (b1-l_p_52882_4_nietenguertel.jpg 265x198 9kB)
forgot to add. i also wore this at school. during recess people would come up and hold it like i'm their pet dog
13 hours later 5998601 Anonymous
I'm 24 and still think that's sexy ;_;
but it only fits in a BDSM club context, lol.
13 hours later 5998615 Anonymous
I had neglect dreadlocks (random sizes, including a huge lump of knotted hair in the neck) back in 2006-2007 when I smoked weed.
I'm not into drugs anymore, but I still want that hair back. Short hair sucks.
13 hours later 5998627 Anonymous
ANON WHY DON'T YOU WEAR YOUR BELT CORRECTLY
i've heard this so many times.
>be unimpressive quiet guy no one knows about
>come dressed to school in metal outfit
>suddenly everyone notices me
>day later get laughed at
such is life in high school as an outcast
13 hours later 5998655 Anonymous
>be 15 at vacation
>hot girl with short hair and huge breasts for her age who was into me
>she stands close to me under the sea
>our bodies touch
>I was so shocked that I say "what the fuck" and back away
>never see her again after that day
>still a virgin
13 hours later 5998656 Anonymous
>try to say either "I fucked him up" or "I beat the shit out of him"
13 hours later 5998690 Anonymous
I can't stop laughing, oh my god. I'm picturing you waddling across the room to close the door, a bottle full of mud shit sticking out of your ass, still at half mast, scrambling over headphone wires, with your innocent and oblivious mother slowly unlocking your door.
13 hours later 5998714 Anonymous (1322408093507.jpg 795x516 120kB)
>be 1st grader
>showed neighborhood girl my penis in exchange to see her butt
>she pulls up her dress, panties down
>i pull down my pants then my spiderman tighty whiteys
>i get hard infornt of her face
>'wow i never knew you can do tricks with it!'
Worst part it, another neighbor mom saw it and we were both grounded for ages.
13 hours later 5998723 Anonymous
>tfw never explored my sexuality with girls my age when I was a child
13 hours later 5998729 Anonymous
>elementary, like 6 or 7
>awkward with no friends, mom never let me leave the house
>instead played with family cats, really like cats
>get off bus in front of school, hundreds of k-8 students everywhere
>scream/announce as loudly as I can, "Call me cat-woman!!!"
>(this is before the movie, and I didn't know about the comic. I just really liked cats.)
>next two years would meow, purr, and make cat noises
>acted like a cat
>finally cut it out when ~9 or so
>forever known as catwoman
>follows me until 8th grade
>weirdo with no friends
>oh god why
>icing on the cake
>dad passive-aggressively "teases" me about it forever after, whenever he thought I was in too good of a mood
>tells my first boyfriend
>shames and guilts me about it
>something I did when I was 8
13 hours later 5998737 Mole
Ok for some dumb reason me and my 4 best mates got in the middle of a "all school" rugby/bash people game.
Because we were well known to the principal we got called over in front of him.
We called him "brother Kermit" because of certain physical features he had.
Anyway he has about 100 kids in front of him and says "I want you boys to stop pulling on each other"...
Calamity, we were in front of him and were all trying not to crack up first. I pulled out a hankey and pretended to sneeze which set my mates off, followed by the other 100.
I got away with it (though copped a stinkeye) but my poor mates got held back and detention to write "what was so funny".
13 hours later 5998761 Anonymous
It's better off that way. some of the worst cringing memories of mine come from that era in my life.
i stole the book about sex from the elementary library in 1st grade. (you know the one they use to teach the 5th graders) and would read it to the same girl.
they should have put me down at that point in my life.
13 hours later 5998767 Anonymous
Great, there are two faggots like this?
Just kill yourselves.
13 hours later 5998771 Anonymous
>tfw got more pussy when too young to know about sex than you ever did after puberty
13 hours later 5998780 Anonymous
>in middle school I wrote gay fanfiction on ubisoft's rayman forums
13 hours later 5998796 Anonymous
About Rayman? not gonna lie, when I was like 7 years old he was kinda hot.
13 hours later 5998814 Mole
Know that feel, more tops and fingers from the age of 12-15 than any time after...
>why life, why?
13 hours later 5998815 Anonymous
Exactly. Only been in one serious relationship in my life. know what is ironic?
The my ex was great friends with the same girl i showed my penis to in the first grade.
Oh god they are probably laughing about it now
13 hours later 5998846 Anonymous
>be a girl in 9th grade
>creepy guy in my gym class
>always watching me
>always wants to partner with me (like for toe touches where the other person pushes your back, or sit ups where they hold your feet)
>i-i-i never asked for any of this
>no one else wants to partner with me, have to accept him
>about a month later, he gives me a letter
>oh god, no
>it's a love letter
>asks me to be his gf, says he watches me while I'm in gym and thinks I'm pretty and nice
>brain shuts off, don't know what to do
>remember reading DNAngel where the girl returns the guy's love letter
>engage this course of action, return letter saying "no thank you"
>try not to talk to him again
>he's super distant
>he's in my gym class again
>playing team sports in the gym
>this guy comes out of nowhere and crashes into me
>falls on me, I twist my ankle and have to sit out
>can tell he feels really bad about it
>j-j-just leave me alone ;_;
13 hours later 5998851 Anonymous (spiderfeels.jpg 500x517 94kB)
>use memes when playing CS in school
>liked Linkin Park
>had an anime wallpaper in HS
13 hours later 5998867 Anonymous (the gay2.png 779x523 60kB)
>>used to draw autistic-as-fuck Sonic rip-off comics
Or Tails Gets Trolled guy?
13 hours later 5998870 Anonymous (meme.png 3186x1398 541kB)
>being in high school while memes were a thing
13 hours later 5998901 Anonymous
I have a facebook. Haven't posted a status in years though. Only use it to message a few people.
>tfw in grade 8 I posted
>tfw some girl took pity on me and asked why
14 hours later 5998968 Anonymous
memes have been a thing for years, broseph
14 hours later 5998977 Anonymous
>grizzled penis develops 1000 yard stare and tragic inability to reintegrate into human sexuality
This needs to be a movie
14 hours later 5998987 Anonymous
In my case, it was epic fail guy, so it's not rageface shit and so.
14 hours later 5998995 Anonymous
happened a few nights back:
> be texting with some girl I want to bang
> some friend saays I have to send something
> fails pretty badly
> telling him he fucked up etc
> some girl joins the dicussion, saying I'm right, giving me advice etc
> later on girl joins us on walking home, taking a detour just for that
> she mentions someone should walk with her
> I go along
> she's giving me really obvious hints such as: "girls just need sex too anon", "do you want me to believe you'll just drop me off without trying anything"
> too drunk to realize even that
> end up at her door
> say my goodbyes
> arrive at my friends place
> he asks me why the fuck I'm there
> continues to tell me she was into me and that anybody could see it
> I think for a second
> realize I could have tapped that
Not that cringe-worthy but I've been feeling like a total idiot for the past few days.
14 hours later 5999041 Anonymous (hairy-ass.jpg 1600x1200 688kB)
>at party with about 30-40 people
>a bit drunk
>need to piss and decide to go to toilet
>toilet for men was occupied so i went into the room for women
>lock door but door was fucked up so it still was open
>drop the trousers because i didn't want to piss on myself
>start peeing, suddenly door opens
>two guys and one girl wanted to wash hands or some shit
>see me and my ass and burst out in laughter
>they run out of the room and tell everyone on the party that they've seen my hairy ass
>now formerly known as that guy with the hairy ass crack
god, that was so embarrassing
14 hours later 5999298 Anonymous
2 years ago at the station's ticket counter, had to get a semester ticket
>hot day, sweating hard
>finally get to the gorgeous lady behind the counter
>get my ticket and students card out of my pocket
>give it to her
>she types something at the computer, then freezes and gives me a disturbed look
>wonder why then notice a condom between card and old ticket
>she instantly gives me back the condom and goes away
>a man continues her work and looks at me pissed
didnt realize i had a condom in my pocket
14 hours later 5999342 Anonymous
>always too shy to ask for permission to go to the bathroom in the middle of class
>hold it in
>school's up finally
>everyone leaves, I just sit there, my bladder so full that I'd piss if I got up
>piss myself sitting down
>grab all my things
>leave the school with a piss stain all over myself
>thankfully no one was around anymore
>my dad picks me up and notices
>asks what happens
>"there was this guy that just came over and pissed on me. He left school forever right after that though, so don't bother looking for him"
>dad just goes along with the story
>think to myself I managed to fool him for years
Fuck you /r9k/, I was working hard on repressing that.
14 hours later 5999420 Anonymous
>be 17, girl
>go to beach with male friend (yes, platonic friend)
>huge wave comes, smashes me in the face
>I'm thrown by it, underwater, can't see, disoriented
>my flailing hand smacks into friend's dick, takes me a few seconds to realize and move away
>wave passes, I surface
>he's freaking out
>I have no idea what to do, mutter sorry, wave, etc.
>he asks me to toss his glasses (or was it phone?) to him
>falls short, lands in sand
15 hours later 5999667 Anonymous
What a fucking twist. I lol'd.
Hell next ;_;
15 hours later 5999686 Anonymous
> I was fat with curly hair on top of it all.
L TO THE FUCKING OL
15 hours later 5999754 Anonymous (hugo-hurley-reyes_1.jpg 1280x1024 188kB)
>I don't know why I thought any of this was cool, I was fat with curly hair on top of it all
because you're a star, hugo
15 hours later 5999864 Anonymous
You should've kept studying, faggot. I started in grade 10 and now I know quite a fair bit of Japanese.
15 hours later 5999981 Anonymous
My first email was Rommel and then some number. Everyone assumed I was like, a nazi. Damn my history obsession.
18 hours later 6001536 Anonymous
>at work (in a shop)
> there is one cute guy who comes in sometimes and I usually avoid serving him when he comes in because spaghetti.
> he comes in and the other girl working is in the back so I cannot avoid serving him
>manage to contain spaghetti but feel a little shaken
> he leaves
> me and coworker start talking about him and how attractive he is and shit. being fairly loud.
> coworkers face suddenly drops and she runs into the back
> I turn around and realise he didn't actually leave he was just standing in the doorway under the heater
>run to the back and don't return til he leaves
He has never come back to our shop since.
18 hours later 6001572 Anonymous
Not the one you responded with but I had erections since I was 5 or so. Didn't feel horny, just had a boner.
18 hours later 6001586 Anonymous
That is hysterical. If he was awesome, he'd come back every day after that happened.
18 hours later 6001659 Anonymous
if this is true it's the worst feel i've ever seen, my heart goes out to you brobot.
18 hours later 6001752 Anonymous
this is funny as fuck, you should tell girls this story so they want to see your ak 47 pecker
18 hours later 6001818 Anonymous
alpha as fuck rating through the roof.
18 hours later 6001854 Anonymous
>wash my hands after
implying this makes it hygenic?
You know mucus is like a net for catching germs in the air, and you're literally taking those dried up globs of virus and ingesting them?
18 hours later 6001976 Anonymous
>at a wedding party
>get drunk as fuck
>go to the toilet
>casually take a piss
>happens 2 times more
>it was the women's toilet
i didnt even fucking notice when there were girls in there
i even conversed with them
fucking flying fuck
19 hours later 6002260 Anonymous
>tfw when they have the semen tested and it's a match for your father so they fire him
>don't cum on christo motherfucker
19 hours later 6002489 Anonymous
But Rommel wasn't a Nazi anyone who knows his name should know that, you should have laughed at them for their paltry knowledge of history.
19 hours later 6002572 Anonymous (Ed-Edd-n-Eddy-Season-4-Episode-19--Hand-Me-Down-Ed.jpg 487x768 110kB)
In middle school:
>hung out with pretty popular dude and his two popular female friends, one of the girls said something, I reached out and grabbed her by the neck and started shaking her, can't even remember why
>stuck a dead mouse in another popular girls locker
>wrote an essay about grinding/twiriking (the dance) and passed it out to everyone in the school for shits and giggles
>stalked a couple of girls I had a crush on, didn't care about it at all and was very open about it
>went to a nearby bank building everyday after school, went down to the basement and fapped in a bathroom down there (I still don't know why to this day I didnt just simply wait til I took the bus home)
>Hitched rides from complete strangers to get back home after above fap sessions at bank
In high school:
>Told everyone I was gay for shits and giggles
>Wore big white rave pants with bondage straps and glow in the dark trim
>Climbed on top of the clock tower at my nearby elementary school, got busted, everyone at school found out
19 hours later 6002597 Anonymous
I did. Unfortunately, the school bored was not amused.
19 hours later 6002616 Anonymous
Oops... I just went full retard
20 hours later 6002894 Anonymous
most of this is actually pretty cool
20 hours later 6002987 Anonymous
Until it was a used condom I don't see any problem. I always goes around with a condom in my pocket.
20 hours later 6003028 Anonymous
What a great /ss/ that was lost
20 hours later 6003042 Anonymous
>talking to girls via social media but not irl when i saw them at school (that really impresses them)
>inviting a friend over so we could watch anime, pause it, and draw what's on the screen.
20 hours later 6003052 Anonymous
i don't think that's how immune systems work
i balance glasses on strange parts of my body, reckless to the consequences
i'm doing it right now, there's a glass of water on my leg just above my knee, it feels like it could go at any moment cause i just got done stretching and i'm trembling
20 hours later 6003060 Anonymous
no it's not but i guess that's why you're on r9k
20 hours later 6003082 Anonymous
I used to talk to a girl every night on facebook for hours and would pretend she didn't exist IRL
20 hours later 6003094 Anonymous
dude, do not text her. call her. you need to show her that you are confident.
20 hours later 6003104 Anonymous
>brought like 30 beanie babies to school to hide in my desk and play with (i'm a male btw)
>one time for show and tell i just put a mouse i a jar.
>another show and tell time some girl brought her dolls. i thought it would be funny to check under the doll's skirts, but my teacher saw me.
20 hours later 6003126 Anonymous
did you comment on her pics telling her how pretty she is?
20 hours later 6003133 Anonymous
>stay over at nephews house for a week
>sleep on floor next to his bed, on a matress
>piss my pants at night because im an idiot
>this happens three nights in a row, didn't tell him
>then there were no more dry spots to try and sleep
>basically been laying in my own piss for 3 days, no shower
>finally aunt realises and changes the sheets
>cool guy nephew who was older than me and alpha must've surely known
>every time we meet (only once every 3 years or so) i cringe into oblivion thinking about that
20 hours later 6003171 Anonymous
your strange style of thinking is going to weed you out through natural selection
20 hours later 6003185 Anonymous
>>have a bed wetting problem
>taking a nap on couch
>fly is down
>get a boner and it somehow pops out of my pants
>i pee straight up in the air, it gets all over everything
>entire family is in the room watching tv
20 hours later 6003295 Anonymous
>be in high school
>history class project
>research the history of a foreign country and present it to the class
>be massive weeaboo so I choose Japan
>think it would be cool to present my name in Japanese
>didn't realize that Japanese don't pronounce "U"
>my name is Alex, spelled in romanji would be Arekusu
>I say AREKOOSOO
The day I realized what I had done, The Old Spaghetti Factory went out of business.
The Asian girl I liked was in the class.
20 hours later 6003413 Anonymous
>Be about 13 and in middle school at the time.
>Have an adorable Goth girlfriend.
>Going through A really mentally fucked up time with myself.
>I decided to write her poetry, notes and on occasion a song.
>One morning I come in to see her before I go off to the isolated part of the building for ISS.
>I hand her a poem I wrote before leaving without a word.
>I think about how complex it was even for me to write and it was a bit hard to understand.
>So I just left her there with a paper full of mindfuck and confusion.
>Can't see her at the end of the day cause the teachers in ISS make sure you suffer like the assholes they are.
>Had to wait three more days to see her cause of ISS and our parents had us separated.
>By the time I got out we both forgot...
>Until high school. (Age 16.)
>She broke up with me cause over that three years we still were not able to see eachother.
>One of her friends I still speak to mentions that note and how she found in on the floor in the halls at school.
>She said my GF and herself both laughed at how fucked up it was.
Still thinking of an heroing today Anons.
20 hours later 6003420 Anonymous
>pronounced Japanese wrong, when almost no-one would have realised
Only on 4chan.
20 hours later 6003422 Anonymous
>watching anime with my dad
>Talking to my dad about anime
>Telling him I want to be a mangaka
>Use the word mangaka in front of him
>Realize years later he was dissappoint
>Every interaction with girls in middle school
21 hours later 6003434 Anonymous
even if you looked retarded at least you beat them up
21 hours later 6003468 Anonymous
I was going to call you an idiot, then I realized that I write like this.
21 hours later 6003470 Anonymous
>getting stoned with mom
Confirmed for bydlo.
21 hours later 6003577 Anonymous
If that was a girl from ASB who liked you, the way you wrote your post would be comedy gold
21 hours later 6003629 Anonymous (my sides.jpg 446x388 47kB)
I once loaned a drunk nigger lying on the stairs my cell phone to call a cab. He was so grateful about it that it made my whole day.
>mfw I still drive past that building
>mfw he still gets high every fucking day
21 hours later 6003744 Anonymous
You swallow the majority of all mucus anyway, it kinda kamikazes into the stomach to ensure the bacteria are killed before they get into the lungs. Eating boogers is harmless.
21 hours later 6003788 Anonymous
As a fellow hairy ass anon, I feel you.
21 hours later 6003868 Anonymous
>college speech class
>guy giving speech
>teacher asks question about his mom (it was somehow relevant)
>he says, "she's dead."
>something about his delivery made me giggle
>i feel terrible. nervous laugh?
>really like this guy, but I'm unusually nervous around him
>he's pretty quiet. i'm pretty quiet.
>asks me to hang out with him (just us)
>he smokes a lot of weed, so he wanted to smoke with me when we hung out. i had only recently started smoking, so weed made me feel even more awkward and quiet.
>quiet, awkward spaghetti everywhere
>after hanging out like three times, tell him i like him via text (because our hangouts didn't seem to be going anywhere)
>he says he's talking to someone else
>continue texting periodically
>by texting periodically, i mean me texting him "hey" occasionally with little to no response
honestly, every time i talk to a stranger or someone i like, it warrants a greentext story like this.
how do i fix myself
21 hours later 6004109 Anonymous
I can relate to that fedora phase
>mom wanted me to do efforts on my looks
>says a fedora would look good
>I buy a cheap one in a thrift store so she leaves me alone with that
>start to wear everyday to hide my dirty long hair
I didn't know the true meaning of sporting a fedora at the time, but damn I totally looked like one of those okcupid dudes
22 hours later 6004457 Anonymous
>Hating foot fetishists
I know I'm 4 hours late but god damn. It really gets me when I'm on a site with such a mix of bizarre and lovely sexualities, and someone can't into basic tolerance. No wonder you're a robot. I bet you watch vanilla porn, too.
On an unrelated note, I still want to see dem feet.
22 hours later 6004592 Anonymous
>"l-let me get the apple 3.14, eh heh heh.."
22 hours later 6004620 Anonymous
I immediately get embarrassed and regret everything I've ever done.
22 hours later 6004702 Anonymous
>be 7 or 8 years old
>really like this guy
>we're playing on the swings
>he's laying under the swings while I swing over
>for some reason it's really funny
>we're both laughing our asses off
>I have to pee
>can't say anything because laughing too much
>can't hop off because I'm wearing winter pants
>it goes through winter pants
>I accidentaly pee all over him
>goes into his mouth
>he's super grossed out
>I start crying
22 hours later 6004722 Anonymous (1342156611075.png 200x197 24kB)
>be lonely friendless loser at 15
>one day decide to make a girl account on a game I played
>used fake pictures and shit
>but was pretty honest about everything else in my life
>develop a bunch of friends
>oh god is this how it feels to be normal and have friends and shit
>happiest time of my life
>this goes on for about 2 years
>get found out one day through a series of events where someone figures out my brothers facebook
>brother is an asshole to me, so when news of whats happening comes along he doesn't hesitate to spill all the beans to the guy
>the person who found him reveals everything about me to my group of friends right down to my real name
>everything just ruined completely
I was just a lonely kid ;_;
22 hours later 6004731 Anonymous
I would love for a girl to piss through her pants and into my mouth.
22 hours later 6004750 Anonymous
>7th or 8th grade
>try to be popular by being the lolrandomfunny guy not ashamed of anything
>only 4 people left in class, two girls, me and a friend of mine
>turn to him and say "Oh man, I just need to do this now!"
>go to the chair of my first crush/maybe first love
>pick it up
>take a long sniff of the seat
>the girls were staring at me the entire time
22 hours later 6004759 Anonymous
>i balance glasses on strange parts of my body,
I do this, too. Plates and bowls as well. Steady as fuck.
I can also walk up stairs with a book balanced on my head. I saw a movie or something when I was young that said nobility/royalty are trained like that for posture, so I went and practiced until I could. No regrets.
22 hours later 6004774 Anonymous
>went through my facebook when timeline came about deleting everything pre-2011
>holy fuck what the hell was i
>17 posts about hating twilight
>hundreds of statuses about being depressed
>if not about being depressed, about something stupid and 'lol so randum'
>scared i missed some
22 hours later 6004786 Anonymous
>yfw you realized just how easy and great life is for a female
22 hours later 6004789 Anonymous
>Japanese don't pronounce "U"
But that's wrong--it depends on circumstance. In "umi" it would be pronounced, but not in "desu" or "areksu".
She knew, disgusting white piggu.
22 hours later 6004885 Anonymous
I can barely even read through this thread.
22 hours later 6004964 Anonymous
There is nothing to cringe about, that is fucking awesome. I love you man.
23 hours later 6005012 Anonymous
Not a quote. From the cuff. So it's yours, if you want it. Take it upon yourself to write the sequel to "FIght Club" and work it in there somewhere.
23 hours later 6005028 Anonymous (1360674335398.png 516x381 83kB)
>listening to music on headphones
>walk up to friends
>girl i kinda like asks to listen to what im listening to
>'yeah sure' listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvZm d1ceCLY
>'omg anon id thought youd be listening to something better than THIS! THIS is POINTLESS MUSIC!
what music has a 'point'?
23 hours later 6005047 Anonymous
>see on the media do a kitty meow thing
Anon, only girls do this. Guys do it ironically or mockingly. Anon, god why?
23 hours later 6005097 Anonymous
>fall in love with girl in my class
>we exchange a couple of letters
>in one of them, I admit that I love her
>hand it to her during the break and powerwalk away
>watch her from across the schoolyard
>she's reading through the letter with her best friend
>both of them look at me after they have finished the letter
>first love puts me deep in the friend zone (obviously)
>feel like shit
>grow my hair to shoulder length
>have a fringe always covering one of my eyes (sometimes both)
>wear only black
>paint my nails black
>tfw I was an Emo years before the whole neo-Emo thing even started
What made it worse was that I wore glasses and that I have wavy hair.
23 hours later 6005196 Anonymous
Oh man how
23 hours later 6005219 Anonymous
>be in middle school
>have a neighbor with a swimming pool
>he has a bunch of family over
>invites me over to come swimming
>we're jumping off the diving board having a blast
>he had his hot cousins over, in hot swimwear
>of course i pop a boner
>like full fledged raging dragon in my pants
>for some reason i didn't think of tucking it up on my waist
>...or even waiting in the pool for it to go down
>i kept getting out, walking the length of the pool and diving back in
>i remember seeing my friend go over to his family on the other side of the pool
>i kept getting out and diving in, so much fun
it wasn't until the next day i fully realized what i did, and that everytime i dove in his whole family just had a nice laugh
still friends with him to this day, we got drunk as fuck and started talking about cringe things we've done and that came up, had a nice laugh
23 hours later 6005260 Anonymous
>did wrestling one year in highschool
>got up at 4 am to drive to some meet
>After half of the meet I had a fierce urge to fap
>Fuck it nigga
>took my unitard shit down, began to fap
I tried to supress the thought, but I'm cringing really fucking hard right now
I also fapped a lot at school.
More from my youth
>Bought oregano from a shit friend continuously for a while, spent at least $100
>I thought studded belts were cool for a while
...I don't even want to think of this shit, it makes me cringe so hard
23 hours later 6005286 Anonymous
>have to piss
>teacher is a bitch and continues to read after seeing me with my hand up for 10 minutes
>sit there and piss myself
>teacher's aid cleans it up
>get into petty theft
>taking numerous toy cars from people's bags
>turns to me taking cash from one kid's bag
>teacher sees me with the money and seems suspicious
>I buy kitkats with it throughout the week
>finally teacher calls, says money has been stolen, that I was seen with some, is there any connection
>9pm, in bed, mother starts screaming at me telling me to find it
>sobbing, I make some bullshit up about hiding in the park when I got on the swings so it wouldn't fall out of my pocket, but I saw some girls take it
>get told to find it
>out in the park at 9pm
>it's tennis night
>tennis players watch some sobbing kid digging through shit to find money that isn't there
>acquaintances are discussing what type of underwear they use
>mine are some half boxers half underpants abomination
>they both look at each other and say 'PANTAY-HOSE' and skip off
>they continue skipping around me and saying that throughout the day
>it becomes less and less funny and I get pissed off
>when we get back to class I cry and throw a chair at one of them
>in the forest outskirting the oval with a friend
>watching people play cricket
>shouting 'CHOKE' whenever they go to bat
>they fuck up a number of times and hear us laughing
>biggest guy in grade runs up to us
>friend runs away, the right way
>I run the wrong way, up a hill, get caught
>guy sits on my chest and winds me
>crying like a little bitch
>the principle happens to be there
>claim I was being harassed
>I elbow some guy trying to rake the ball
>he punches me
>people are telling us to fight
>I just get teary-eyed and stop playing
>I was friends with the guy and say sorry later on
I was a pathetic person.
23 hours later 6005316 Anonymous
Can't stop laughin man oh fuck this is too good
23 hours later 6005412 Anonymous
You now realise that all the guys making fun of you for having a hairy asscrack also have a hairy asscrack.
And some of the girls, too.
23 hours later 6005428 Anonymous
The shit you come up with when you're panicking is just hilarious in hindsight.
24 hours later 6005707 Anonymous
my first email address was
thedestroyer1992 or someshit like that
24 hours later 6005725 Anonymous
>met girl through a female friend
>she's a slut, literally, but I didn't want to realise that
>she's the only girl that shows me any obvious attention ever
>fall in love with her for that reason
>one night, at her place
>lying in bed together, watching a movie
>slowly scoot over to her inch by inch
>think to myself "Now is the time for your first kiss, at the tender age of 20"
>our foreheads touch
>I awkwardly put my arm onto her hip with my elbow angled upward so I wouldn't block the view to the movie
>move my mouth towards hers
>"You know I have a boyfriend, right?"
>powerscoot back against the wall
>sit up and turn into a morphball
>don't say a single word until the movie is finished, 45 minutes later
>stand up, say "I think I gotta go" and leave
24 hours later 6005908 Anonymous
Not me, but a guy I knew.
>He really liked this girl
>He thinks it's a good idea to write her a sonnet, because we'd learnt about sonnets in the English lesson we had that day
>She rejects him, and tells everyone about the poem
Total bitch move on her part, I must admit.
>same guy makes a kill list for people who have done him wrong
>somehow loads of people find four about it
>it's a list of names, it either says "Kill" next to their name, or "Snitch"
>taunting ensures over the list
>makes a list in his school planner of all nicknames he has ever been given
>some fucking funny shit in there
>people find out and make fun of him
>use all the old nicknames
Man, I was friends with him in secondary school, and yeah, I felt bad for him, but he really didnt fuckin help himself.
Captcha: was pitiful
24 hours later 6005920 Anonymous
14 year olds wear thongs? wtf
24 hours later 6005931 Anonymous
alpha as fuck my dude
24 hours later 6006267 Anonymous
I've gotten erections since I was about 3.
24 hours later 6006287 Anonymous
>start saying i have the soul of a fox
>growl at assholes who make me angry
>walk around on hands and knees
>eat off the ground
>pester people into stroking my back
this goes on for about 3 months
>some douchebag jocks decide to beat me up
>one of them comes up to me and kicks me
>make a whine/yip sound
>jump all over him and start biting and scratching him
>cause some actual serious damage
>they run like hell
>get suspended and sent to psychologist
24 hours later 6006323 Anonymous
24 hours later 6006349 Anonymous
Go fuck her, Anon.
24 hours later 6006373 dialsquare
>having a camera phone in elementary school
24 hours later 6006375 Anonymous
>had a vampirefreaks account
>had an account on an emo forum
>went on both regularly
24 hours later 6006438 Anonymous (1358899194950.jpg 500x385 79kB)
>first learning to fap
>be into bestiality in 3rd grade
>never cleared history
>animal on dude or animal fucking fat women would come up on history
>show horse porn to everyone in school
>everyone says i'm a freak
>call me horse dong in class
>teachers never got it
>parents find out about it
>cry because they think im insane
>claims its all their fault
>this all started with my friend introducing me to runescape
24 hours later 6006459 Anonymous
this is why furfags need to die.
25 hours later 6006517 Anonymous
Oh jeez. I'm sympathetic towards you, but getting beaten up might have honestly helped.
25 hours later 6006544 Anonymous
>camera mirror pics wearing pink from 6 years ago.
25 hours later 6006630 Anonymous (1326151608239.jpg 455x451 83kB)
At least you got your crazy out.
25 hours later 6006633 Anonymous
It was a camera.
25 hours later 6006669 Anonymous
it got worse. currently taking anti-psychotic drugs for clinical lycanthropy.
25 hours later 6006732 Anonymous
>meet a 16 year old girl online
>oh cool she's an edgy atheist like me
>'troll' people together
>be on /b/ and say how good it is to her
>sends me pictures giving me the finger like I ask
>qt3.14 black, short hair and somewhat androgynous
>our conversations devolve
>tell her I'm sitting naked in my chair
>a day later she tells me she's deleting all of her accounts, and says bye
>I just say Goodbye.
25 hours later 6006806 Anonymous (1358800513359.png 1062x706 292kB)
>Move to US from Russia when I was 10
>Beta nerd in HS
>Sit next to druggie/stoner kids in one of my classes
>One of them jokingly asks "Hey anon can you get me some meth to sell haha"
>I go full autist and actually phone a Russian friend in NY with connections (30 mi away) who can actually sell me crystal
>Show up to school with three grams of ice
25 hours later 6006859 Anonymous
that's all fucking awesome and not cringeworthy at all. except for the rave pants.
25 hours later 6006879 Anonymous (1362789183730.jpg 250x391 37kB)
Sorta the same
>meet edgy girl online when im 12
>she is 16 at the time
>talk for a long time
>give her my number
>talk for years
>get pics of her
>sorta chubby, emo, sorta cute
>on night (im 14) ask for tits
>get pic of her tits
>delete pics, say I never got them
>getting horny around her again
>tells me all the shit she would do for me
>get really guilty after all of this
>stop talking for a year
>talk to her again when im 17
>she wants to preform on cam for me
>never talked to me again
I want to contact her again. Maybe I have grown too attached to her.
25 hours later 6006880 Anonymous (1268809678968.jpg 451x392 47kB)
that's too fucking good
25 hours later 6006901 Anonymous
I bet no one fucked with you after that
25 hours later 6006947 Anonymous (GL6.png 627x354 197kB)
>8th Grade me
>go to bathroom
>start shaking cock to get rid of piss
>no one is in bath
>still shaking and turn around to find myself looking into a mirror
>mfw some sixth grader comes out of the stall next to the urinals
>mfw I just scarred a human being
25 hours later 6007005 Anonymous
jesus christ on a stick
25 hours later 6007034 Anonymous
>Mooned the teachers
>Snuck into the classroom at recess and drew dicks on the whiteboard with permanent marker
>In the middle of Phys Ed, pulled my pants down and started swinging the D around shouting "LOOK AT MY SCHLONG! MY DING-DING-DONG!"
>Threw rocks at buses
>Flipped off random people
>Prank called a guy pretending to be from a brothel
>Called the black janitor a nigger and threw chicken nuggets at him
>Drew a swastika on my ass and streaked the school rugby game
>Made chinky eyes at a new kid from Japan
>Smashed an important water pipe with a hammer, causing the school to get shut down for a week
>Arranged 2 passed-out guys at a party to look like they're kissing each other, jerked off on their faces
>Snuck into the kitchen before the prom, wanked into the punch
>Fucked my dog, posted the video on Zootube365
25 hours later 6007061 Anonymous
Yes and I took her on a date to McDonald's and I don't think we said more than 5 words to each other
25 hours later 6007085 Anonymous (HEATHCLIFF.jpg 828x615 181kB)
Singing j-rock songs in high school art class.
I was old enough to know better. Eleven years later and I'm still so ashamed. I can't believe nobody ever beat the shit out of me. Even I'd beat the shit out of me.
25 hours later 6007127 Anonymous
>feeling guilty about masturbation and sexuality
are you still 14? this is why men are such pussies today. i had sex with three different girls and got a few more to suck me off by the time i was 14, and i fucking loved every second of it.
25 hours later 6007132 Anonymous
>13 years old
>nervous as fuck around girls, fancy crazy bitch that eventually got kicked out for threatening to kill girls in her dorm with a toothbrush
>sitting one place away from her
>daydreaming about her for minutes and end up mumbling and saying aloud to myself "Maybe I do fancy ___, so what"
>hope nobody heard
>turn to friend next to me
>promises he won't tell
>somehow she ends up as my drama partner and seems quite sympathetic but I'm too beta to even look her in the eye let alone respond
>for the next year my entire grade winds me up and tries to set me up with this girl while I NOPE the fuck out everytime she's near me.
>she eventually is fired later in the year
Fuck you /r9k/ I'd blanked out that memory for life.
Still, it was nice to be the focus of 100 people, about the only thing I was ever noticed for.
25 hours later 6007134 Anonymous
I have had plenty of dates where not more than a few words were said
25 hours later 6007151 Anonymous
>be boring nerd as a kid
>rented Tales of Symhponia for the christmas vacation
>WOW WOW THIS GAME IS GREAT WHOA
>literally two weeks of eating frozen pizzas and playing ToS
>Literally as in I LIVED that game, I was so sucked into the story and characters, every waking moment was about ToS
>Dad wants me to go out with him, which was ok we always went to eat out when we did stuff together
>The drive away from home, I looked outside and talked to dad and actually had a moment where I remembered that there was a world out there, and we were going to eat at this place, there's restaurants too, and look I forgot cars exist
>Tell my dad thanks for taking me out
>He doesn't even respond
>I'm still rediscovering my old life before that game
>He never mentions it again
That game really did blow my 13 year old mind I just did not want to stop playing it. That held the record of being immersed until recent years when I played 999 and Ghost Trick
25 hours later 6007178 Anonymous
>Some type of pressure situation - offer to pay some smart kid to do my math hw
>He's a nice guy, doesn't want my money, helps me out in library
>Apparently librarian overheard me talking cash with this nerd
>Told the vice principle who pulls me out of English class
>He questions me in a nice enough manner
>Get flustered as fuck, face turns bright red, heart beating out of my chest - basically act as guilty as possible while skirting around the issue.
>Think he just feels sorry for me because I am pathetic, tells me not to do that shit and leaves.
FUCK THE POLICE
25 hours later 6007199 Anonymous
>Fucked my dog, posted the video on Zootube365
You're a hero to me
Any chance for the link?
25 hours later 6007214 Anonymous
What was their reaction when you brought meth to school?
25 hours later 6007250 Anonymous
No, no clue where it is now. Shame too, it was a fucking amazing video. He was humping me so hard I came pretty much every 10 seconds.
25 hours later 6007253 Anonymous
I know that fucking feel
>cousin and me always liked anime
>we spend a day looking up videos and songs
>I pretend I know the lyrics to DBGT's opening
>Spend the next few minutes just fucking making sounds NEE AH JOO TSUKATO NA MEH DO WAKA BANEE
My cousin is too nice to me. He had all the right to call me a faggot.
26 hours later 6007260 Anonymous
does anyone have that post where the kids playing soccer and he hits the goalie in the head and proceeds to unintentionally yell
Are you fucking sorry!
26 hours later 6007278 Anonymous
Archive this thread so if anyone asks which is the most autistic board on 4chan then they can just read this thread
26 hours later 6007290 Anonymous
I really wish I knew more beast people, it's becoming my holy grail
26 hours later 6007311 Anonymous
Maybe it's just me but this has been one of the funnier threads I've read on /r9k/ in a loong time.
26 hours later 6007323 Anonymous
>have a crush on girl at work I never talked to
>girl quits job (loads of people at this workplace)
>regret not talking to her
>find her on fb and send her a message containing all my feels
>tfw no reply
Shit was so stupid, my friend convinced me to do it. Don't know why he thought that was a good idea, I was too in love to think clearly, fuk.
26 hours later 6007360 Anonymous
>don't realize my "level" early in the dating game
>ask out the most attractive girl at school
>constantly turned down.
26 hours later 6007366 Anonymous
I don't mean autistic like "faggot" but like medically diagnosed autism
26 hours later 6007368 Anonymous
10/10 would roll on floor cringing again
26 hours later 6007426 Anonymous
>for whatever reason I felt being funny
>go around in after school club yelling in a old man voice "BOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOO BOO TO THE LOOOOOSERRRRR!"
>I still remember one of my friends just staring at me with that kind of smile and look like "what am I witnessing"
I was a fucking weirdo
26 hours later 6007455 Anonymous
that's fcking funny.
26 hours later 6007528 Anonymous
Roleplay fags are the worst.
26 hours later 6007543 Anonymous
>Play soccer in gym
>Ball is up in the air
>Think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal
>Miss the ball
>Kick goalie in the face
>Try to ask "Are you OK?" and "I'm fucking sorry" at the same time
>comes out as ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!
>Goalie is choking back tears
26 hours later 6007584 Anonymous
>one friend tries to do the kiss on cheek greet
>I go too quick and low and bump my forehead on her cheek
>fuss around say sorry and grab her head with both hands and kiss her cheek softly
>way past the normal greeting and now implied romance
>she just stares and turns around
>you see this was in a lunch line in a crowded cafeteria
No wonder I didn't have a gf in hs
26 hours later 6007611 Anonymous
They were kind of shocked and started laughing
Then they told me to "put that shit away man you fuckin crazy"
26 hours later 6007685 Anonymous
That is fucking awesome, you should feel like a king around other betas
26 hours later 6007737 Anonymous
>Be paranoid little kid
>Jerking off all the god damn time
>real and article on sex addicts
>Wake up my mom at 3 in the morning and tell her I can't stop jerking off
>Ask her to block porn on the computer
26 hours later 6007805 Anonymous (1351735116258.jpg 236x210 57kB)
You brought that upon yourself, retard.
26 hours later 6007856 Anonymous
>all have to do some wacky 70s dance
>decide air-humping is a wacky 70s dance
>air hump for a good 20 seconds in front of whole school.
Pretty funny now that I think about it
26 hours later 6007863 Anonymous
>Be in philosophy class in high school
>Class discussion on the existence of God
>Class mostly filled with Christians
>I shout out "I don't know how anyone can believe in God!"
>Everyone glares at me, including teacher.
At the time it felt good to say it but now when I think about it I realize how disrespectful and edgy it was. I cringe when I think about it
26 hours later 6007874 Anonymous
>see donut vendor in the street
>decide to buy a donut, only 0.50 cents.
>play that game where you have to eat the donut and not lick your lips
>walking along with sugar coated lips
>girl I know comes out of a shop
>'Oh hello anon!'
>start licking my lips frantically, too much sugar
>keep licking as she looks at me like I'm a molester
>finally can speak 'Hey, how are you?'
>she says 'good' turns on her heel and walks away.
>...s...sugar I mutter meekly. It's too late
26 hours later 6007914 Anonymous
Sometimes I do that. It works.
26 hours later 6007959 Anonymous
Did that during my senior year. Essentially the same thing except it was the entire hot girl crew. But I just got in and was like "Sheeit, they remodeled and didn't include urinals?"
Then heard laughter and my best friend was like "Anon, this is the girl's bathroom..."
26 hours later 6008207 Anonymous
26 hours later 6008239 Anonymous
>used to say random words like twinkie, bowflex or barney because they were so lolrandom and funny
>used to do the hand signs for Naruto in public (whenever I thought nobody was looking)
>after school in middle school, the bus took over an hour to arrive so while waiting in class, I would write fanfiction on paper, it only lasted a week though
>I would purposely look sad or make very shallow cuts (with a the nail file from a toe clipper) for attention
>nobody would pay attention anyway
>I tried pulling a piece of stray hair off of a girl I had a crush on so I could keep it but I pussed out
>never wore deodorant until my junior year of high school
26 hours later 6008247 Anonymous
I-It's called pelvic thrusting...........
27 hours later 6008269 Anonymous
My 2000 word research paper is now three days late. I regret not starting it four nights ago.
27 hours later 6008494 Anonymous (dicktacos.png 819x460 20kB)
I invented sonichu before chris-chan did when I was about 11
He had a black t-shirt with flames on it and weilded the master sword
>mfw i drew him so many times I was able to do this from memory on my touch pad
27 hours later 6008621 Anonymous
Oh yeah. It's to prevent "panty lines" they say.
27 hours later 6008675 Anonymous
>Be in primary school
>Five or six
>Decide to enter school talent show with a joke
>Get on stage
>"Why couldn't the giraffe fit in the fridge? Because his neck was too tall"
And then when I was 12...
>Me and friends used to pretend to be airplanes
>We ran around with our arms out like wings making flying and shooting noises
>Other kids my age were playing sports and starting to take an interest in dating
>I was pretending to be a fucking airplane
Well I guess I'll be killing myself after remembering that
27 hours later 6008714 Anonymous
>Mum finding rape hentai I downloaded when I was 12
>going after the first girl I liked, cutting myself because she'd cut herself once before, being clingy, sending her pictures of my dick
>getting drunk and revealing my powerlevel to anyone
There's so much more but none of it's very interesting.
27 hours later 6008730 Anonymous
Holy fucking fuck that's not as bad as mine
27 hours later 6008769 Anonymous
That's NOTHING. You did quite well.
27 hours later 6008992 Anonymous
>have a crush on a girl
>we hang out a few times
>I think I should ask her out the next time we meet
>the next time we are supposed to hang out she doesn't show up and she says she forgot
>doesn't text back when I try to reschedule
>facebook changes to "in a relationship" with some guy
>I get all upset and send her a message calling her out for ignoring me and admitting I had feelings for her for some reason
>she sends a message back saying sorry or some shit
>didn't even know I was interested
>probably didn't care
>later posts a status saying that her phone was broken
And here's the clincher: this happened THIS FUCKING MORNING. Normally these stories are about you being awkward when you were younger, but I never fucking stopped. I'm not what you would call a "normal" person.
28 hours later 6009047 Anonymous
>first year at uni
>roommate invites me to dinner with his group of friends, probably because he feels bad for seeing me be a piece of shit
>go out to dinner
>more than 5 people
>get overwhelmed and can't talk to anyone
>choke on food
>cough it up
>continue eating the part wasn't in my mouth
>never speak to these people again
I am one smooth motherfucker.
29 hours later 6009924 Anonymous
this ain't weird. Same age and I still do it. Eat in private. Will pick in presence of close family. Don't go near nose in public or with friends. All's good bro.
30 hours later 6010337 Anonymous
>choke on food
>cough it up
>continue eating the part wasn't in my mouth
My head just slowly landed on the keyboard and I sat there for about half a minute contemplating life.
30 hours later 6010421 Anonymous (794px-Julian_Assange_full.jpg 794x600 60kB)
Ogod, I've started getting into sissy hypno. I am fairly normal and have a qtgf sleeping beside me right now... Will this ruin me?
30 hours later 6010474 Anonymous (1339115660354.jpg 330x381 34kB)
>be yesterday at bar
>cute girl keeps smiling at me
>muster up the courage to ask her and the girl with her to sit with us
>get rejected pretty hard while they have the same smile on their faces
>later realise she smiles the same way to everybody
fucking bitches and their soul-crush powers
30 hours later 6010512 Anonymous
>notice that putting the vibrating controller on your crotch feels really good
>i show my older sister this amazing trick
>she doesn't respond
30 hours later 6010675 Anonymous
Brace yourselves, because this is a long story.
>We have visited my grandmother from the side of my mother for christmas, and were living in her house for the week.
>I spent most time with my cousin (her daughter's daughter), just hanging out, talking and the like.
>She's a good person. Kind of slutty, but always kind and interesting enough to spend time with.
>She had had sex with at least five men
>I had had sex with my hand.
>One night she broke up with her boyfriend and she was really sad, crying and the like.
>on an unrelated note the dude was a grade A douchebag and I was very happy she broke up with him.
>Anyway she pops out a bottle of whiskey (don't know where the fuck she hid them) and invites me to drink with her.
>We're drinking, she's telling stories, and I'm trying to cheer her up as much as I can because I like her and don't want to see her sad.
>One bottle is done, second bottle is up
>i'm not drinking almost at all, only enough to seem like I am.
>I have succeeded in cheering her, but now she has drunk way too much and she barely understands where she is.
>At this point I shamefully decided I should take advantage of her state
30 hours later 6010679 Anonymous
>So I told her, "you're pretty why don't we take some photos to pass the time?"
>After all what's so bad about some hot photos? right? It's not like it will hurt her, or that she'll even remember it for that matter.
>She giggled and said ok, why not.
>As I'm taking pictures with her phone (I didn't even have one with a camera) and she's still drinking from photo to photo, I start urging her to remove some of her clothes to take some "more artistic" pictures
>She was really not in a state to say no, she just giggled and started removing her clothes, in the order I told her to.
>I soon had her completely naked.
>At that point I decided I had gone too far, and I should probably get to bed and find a way to pass her photos from her cellphone to mine to eliminate the evidence.
>She disagreed, "are you going already anon?"
>"stay some mooooreeeee, I don't want to sleep yeeet".
>I tapped her on the back and told her to get some rest now that she's happier than before.
>She hugged me (still in the nude) and told me "that I'm so good to her, she' wants to make me happy, too"
>My mind is full of wat and spaghetti at that point.
30 hours later 6010684 Anonymous
>She reached down and actually started trying to pull down my pants (In a very erratic way, courtesy of her state)
>This makes anon very very confused.
>on one side she's my cousin and this is sick, and I like her and don't want to hurt her in some way, or exploit her so much
>On the other side she is hot, and I'm 15 and THIS IS A FUCKING BLOWJOB SHE'S ABOUT TO GIVE ME.
>By the time she has found a way to remove my pants there is a full blown civil war going on inside my head between wat, spaghetti, guilt, duty, lust and opportunism that had rendered me completely immobile.
>I whispered a little "no,no,weprobablyshouldnt", but in the exact moment her mouth touched my penis a certain side had emerged victorious over the others.
>Needless to say it wasn't duty.
Now here's the fun part.
>She was amazing, the feeling magnified by her skillz and my inexperience.
>So I eventually orgasmed in her mouth.
>After which point she looked at me, smiled, and just at that moment when I observed how adorable she was and a little bit of guilt started resettling in my heart
>She passed out with my cum dripping from her mouth.
>Now that's not very good when in your grandparents house.
>The same grandparents that wake everyone up every morning, individually.
>And even if that wasn't the case, her waking up with a mouthfull of cum might have stirred suspicion.
>And what if she drowned in my cum? Yes I really thought of that
>I couldn't take the guilt or embarassment.
>So there was I, running around the house ninja style, trying to find some towel or something, while feeling more and more guilty.
30 hours later 6010688 Anonymous
The rest can't be greentexted, but it consists of me awkwardly trying to open her mouth without waking her to remove the cum with a kitchen towel.
>I succeeded almost an hour later then I liberally applied whiskey to the towel and tried to kill the smell from her mouth
>How she didn't come to is a miracle of sorts.
>Put her to bed, tucked her in (without redressing her).
>Put the towel back into the kitchen like nothing happened, and went to sleep, confident that I had eliminated all evidence of my wrongdoing.
he next day I woke up to find her drinking coffee to ward off the hangover and my grandma whinging that someone used her favorite towel to clean the dishes or something similar irreperably destroying the towels complex designs.
The next time we spoke was that same night.
>She told me that she may have gotten a little too drunk last night
>Because she woke up and found something very alarming
>We have both done something quite innapropriate
>Oh god, did she smell the cum or something?
>But it's alright, as long as I didn't tell anything the secret would be safe with her.
>"so you're not angry"?
>"Nah, I know I got a little freaky with you, but it's not like we did anything too bad"
>"Phewww, I thought you would get mad at me, seeing as you were drunk and all, I was a little guilty I confess".
>"Guilty for what, it really wasn't anything too serious."
>"Well it was technically incest"
>What? Silly anon, always exaggerating, we just played a little game, no harm done"
>Are you sure about this? You're not kidding me?
>Well we're not gonna do it again, but yes, It was just some pictures after all.
In all my haste to take care of the bigger problem I had completely forgotten about the cellphone.
All in all it went far better than it would have gone, but I'm still feeling kind of guilty for exploiting her, and I still cringe at me almost spewing what had trully happened. I doubt that would have ended well.
31 hours later 6010875 Anonymous
31 hours later 6010913 Anonymous
it was indeed someone in asb
31 hours later 6010915 Anonymous
>Wearing the same clothes regularly
>One time my cat pissed on my winter coat and my mom didn't wash it so I had to go to school and I was standing by and some kids started asking each other what smells like cat piss
>Was reading Tom Sawyer and told my black best friend that a book said nigger a lot and he kicked my ass and then I had no friends for 2 years
>Being generally unhygienic
>Shitting my pants in grade 5 because I was too nervous to shit with people in the bathroom
>Telling my grade 8 teacher I wanted to work at Best Buy as a career because I like computers
>Being an edgy faggot about atheism and Marxism in high school
>Arguing with this Fundamental Muslim kid in class loudly about religion
>Asking a girl out drunk and then she rejected me so I ran 60 km to a different town
>Asking a girl out to prom and then she just says awww and then tells everyone and I get made fun of for the rest of the time
>Throwing up all over myself during my first frosh week (a few days in but I still had a bad rep after that)
>Every gym class ever
My life is just a constant cringe.
31 hours later 6011012 Anonymous (1357709920693.png 541x541 234kB)
>be in 7th grade during a computer class
>kids would spend the whole hour fucking around while the teacher sat at his desk every day
>one day all the popular kids decide to make a giant wad of gum and take turns passing it around and putting it in their mouths
>the gum gets passed and put in at least 12 peoples mouth, both guys and girls
>think to myself that I'd probably do it too if they asked me
Looking back on it I can imagine getting herpes or something from that shit.
31 hours later 6011160 Anonymous
I had an account on Newgrounds named lordofchaos42591.
31 hours later 6011212 Anonymous
>going through emo phase
>did roleplay on habbo hotel, star wars and shit
>take my character extremely seriously, looking back he was a pretty interesting character but I let it take over my life
>started to make my character kill himself for attention and bring him back to life in stupid ways
>female roleplayer is starting to get into a flirty stage with another roleplayer
>decide im going to be alpha and take her from him
>start competing for her love with him
>end up getting the girl when she turns her attention to me
>he's a jealous fuck and hates me
>start to mess around, cybering with the girl, we get married in game and shit
>we start talking on msn, getting close
>she doesn't want to show me a pic of her, assures me she's a hambeast
>don't really want to see her, thinking it'd ruin my image of her and i wanted to continue cybering
>we're both depressed IRL and I start telling her I'm going to kill myself
>start cutting myself and hoarding medications for overdose
>show her photos of my cuts
shit was fucked, eventually she fucked off because she started to hate me for fucking with her head and making her depression/schizophrenia worse.
>continue fucking with her on msn and through roleplay, often planning entire events beforehand using conversations we've had using her IRL fears, thoughts and insecurities
>use references to those trigger events in our roleplay scenes to subconsciously trigger her depression
>she would go into depressive moods, skip school and started to abuse herself
i feel horrible about it now but secretly it's still my fetish to fuck with girls, get them obsessed with me by showing a few photos of me and making them feel like princesses, then destroying them
31 hours later 6011238 Anonymous
Uh huh. That's right man. You "destroyed" her. She probably doesn't even remember who the fuck you were in 2013.
31 hours later 6011267 Anonymous
In 8th grade for our fine arts class everyone had memorize and perform a skit or a monologue or a song that we were going to be graded on. You could partner up with other classmates if you wanted, but for some reason I chose to reenact an entire episode of Dexter's Laboratory by myself, where I was playing like five different characters.
I got like 30 seconds into it and then completely forgot the rest of my lines. I just stood there frozen for like ten seconds before I ended up stumbling and bullshitting my way through the rest of it. It was fucking mortifying.
I ended up getting a C-.
31 hours later 6011293 Anonymous
I wonder what you guys do when you remember those experiences?
I always say out loud "FOR FUCKS SAKE" or start moaning when I remember cringe shit I've done.
31 hours later 6011298 Anonymous
>mfw I had to make an email account for a highschool class
>mfw I went with fish head for the fuck of it
>I was only going to use it this one time
>I later on need to access this email more often
>I continue doing so, so I never stop using this address
>I go through college and make a resume and business cards
>TFW first batch of Resumes and Business cards have THAT as the contact email
I was almost shamed right out of graduation
32 hours later 6011396 Anonymous
The only reason I remembered was because she sent me a message tonight telling me she still thinks about what happened with us, and that it really hurt her and she doesn't expect me to apologize, and that she wanted to stay away from me forever, but hopes I've changed and that we can be friends because she needs some kind of closure. She's dating some robot-looking fedora now though.
Now I'm considering whether I should fuck her up again for fun.
32 hours later 6011523 Anonymous
no john you are the issue
>and then namefag was an issue
32 hours later 6011709 Anonymous
Jesus, you need some real friends, really.
>know this 9/10 ebony goddess
>talk to her whenever possible in hs
>she's shy and cute
>one day invite her to my house out of fucking nowhere
>she has no choice because we were already near
>she stands at the door as I'm a fucking rapist
>I decide to make my move
>I try to kiss her
>she dodges and say "Anon!"
>I hug her and say sorry
>we go back to school and I'm saying how perfect I think she is
>she's now dating a guy 1 year younger than me I used to hate back in school
Fuck me. I'll never meet someone as beautiful and smart as her again.
33 hours later 6011886 Anonymous
I'm turning 20 soon and I still eat mine. Don't see the big deal as long as you do it in private. It boosts the immune system.
33 hours later 6011948 Anonymous
>grow emo hair and wear black because fuck you
>tell how you hate womyn, draw dark and edgy shit
>almost go to school with eyeliner, realize how dumb you have been
>now a normal guy
I still wear black.
33 hours later 6011968 Anonymous
>friend finding panties in my room that i stole from dorm laundry room
>having to fess up
that was not a fun time.
33 hours later 6011976 Anonymous
Why is this so funny?
33 hours later 6012003 Anonymous
>showered every 3 days
>hair was really greasy
>no idea why I was like this
>Friend calls me "stink"
>Walking down the hall and a girl yells something along the lines of "take a shower some time"
>I showered the night before;-;
I was a skinny kid, not obese and a little above average looking.
33 hours later 6012021 Anonymous
>"take a shower some time"
that's cringe-worthy in itself.
33 hours later 6012049 Anonymous (1349501729137.jpg 550x733 221kB)
>thought bedhead hair was cool, so I never combed my hair
>also thought spiky hair was cool, so I put a metric fuckton of hair gel in my hair every day
>only washed it once a week
>wore Salvation Army clothes, as well as button up shirts and khakis
>threw bitch fits over the smallest things, like getting one question wrong on a test
>wonder why I got bullied for it, namely by kid A
>one day, A was being a dick
>outside for gym
>"Hey Anon, step back"
>be retarded, take a step back
>shoe covered in dog shit
>threaten to kick him and cover him with dog shit
>don't follow through
>later in class, he taunted me about something
>grab one of those long wooden chalk brushes and threaten to smack him across the head
>don't follow through
>parents find out about A towards the end of the year after constantly whining about changing schools
>scream at A's parents to punish him for bullying me
>A finally stops
>from then on, he just glared at me
Is it possible to retroactively kill myself?
34 hours later 6012093 Anonymous (1344523102619.jpg 600x450 50kB)
>continue to throw bitch fits when I lost in a game
>get kicked out of gym class because of it
>have to spend that half hour with one of those people that shadow the "special" kids
>regularly posted on emo forums
>wanted to buy emo clothes, but there wasn't any Hot Topic where I lived so I substituted it with West 49 skater stoner shit
>cut my wrists with the blade from a pencil sharpener
>covered it up by wearing hoodies all year round
>still only showered once a week, mind you
>listened to Linkin Park and Disturbed because I thought it was "deep"
>fantasize about singing Linkin Park songs in the talent show to show off how edgy I am, but too much of a wuss to do it, thank god
>almost showed off my cuts in some project we had to do about ourselves, where I boasted about how emo I was
>thought I was psychic
>made a pact with the devil to get telekinetic powers on halloween
>halloween comes and goes
>can't move anything with my mind
>assume that I have to chant incantations to do it
>try to figure out what they were during recess
>while I was alone, on the swings
>my hand gets tingly while saying one
>"OH MY GOD I MOVED BLOOD WITH MY MIND"
>figure out a day later I just cut my hand on the swings
34 hours later 6012147 Anonymous (1352115564430.jpg 600x450 66kB)
>continue edgy bullshit until grade 10
>learned to shower daily in grade 9 after hearing people whispering about how much I smelled behind my back
>start buying normal clothes
>meanwhile, really wanted to figure out how to buy drugs
>halfway through the year, get stuck in a comm. tech course
>only guy there that I could tolerate happened to be a stoner
>after a couple weeks, somehow make friends with him
>become 420BLZITFGT stoner
>get in with the stoner crowd
>start doing ultra hardcore drugs like Tylenol 3 beginning of grade 11
>stole actual drugs like morphine and clonazepam from my grandmother
>my family still thinks she's addicted to morphine
>manage to pull off a script for clonazepam and Adderall
>marks continue to tank over anxiety
>move to a different province for grade 12
>make no friends because I had a habit of throwing up and nodding balls in the middle of school
>decide to start doing well
>manage to pull off a 70 average, which I thought was pretty good
>find out it's considered a high D instead of a low B in my province
>currently taking a year break between high school and uni actually just going full NEET mode
And that is the story of how I want to kill myself.
34 hours later 6012158 Anonymous
one of my earliest memories is me asking my mom why my dad's dick was so much bigger than mine. no abuse.
34 hours later 6012354 Anonymous
That's what I'll try when I see her again. Just hoping that I didn't miss my window.
35 hours later 6012387 Anonymous (1362271535345.png 219x238 75kB)
35 hours later 6012418 Anonymous (1361360118319.jpg 530x309 30kB)
>Dad caught me looking at lesbian porn when I was 8
>Dyed my hair orange in year 9, had puffy curly orange hair. Looked horrid.
>In the same year, told this chick things like "i was going to ask you out today but I got nervous xP" and then barely talked to her in person. When I did ask her she said yes, our relationship was the awkwardest 4 days ever.
>Got drunk and laid in dog shit at this girl I liked's party
>Partied really hard at another chick that I had liked's party, the photos the next day made me look fucking disgusting.
35 hours later 6012487 Anonymous
haha i was one of those kids who made fun of the punk/emo/goth kids at first... somehow ended up making friends with a few of them (this was 5 years ago) and now that they've grown out of that, they're actually some of the coolest people I know.
35 hours later 6012540 Anonymous
Oh, I got one.
>be me, 6th grade
>lust for qt crush in my class
>started fapping, got horny one day
>pull up a diary
>start writing about the imaginary life of me and qt crush
>to the point where we lay in bed together in our underwear and kissing
>friend found said diary
>told everyone at school about it
>had to defend myself against 15 other kids asking me about it
>including my crush
35 hours later 6012579 Anonymous
holy shit reminds me
>big, annual house party in October last semester
>trying desperately to un-beta myself
>alpha mode; flat out ask cute girl i hardly know to this party
>successfully acquire date
>at party, meet friends
>realize i hardly know how to entertain a girl
>first time really grinding with someone feelsgood.jpeg
>friends decide it's time to leave, get dedicated driver to come take them home
>not telling me and my date
>we have to make the 30 minute walk in the cold and rain (we live in the same building)
>attempt small-talk while drunkenly trying to find the way back
>evening has not really gone well, can tell she's giving off the 'creeped by beta' vibe
>resign myself to failure
>3/4ths of the way backrun into sorostitute saying goodbye to her bf
>sorostitute sees us and says something like "can i walk back with you guys? also I want to cockblock for her" referring to my date
>kicking me while I was down
>my soul is eating shit
35 hours later 6012616 Anonymous
>Went with my mother, sister, and little brother to visit my grandmother in hospital.
>When we leave my mildly paranoid mother says "That security guard was glaring at you three a bit".
>My sister sarcastically says "Yeah mum, I'm sure he was going to rape and murder all three of us".
>No one really bats an eye.
>To which I say "Yeah, and he probably wouldn't even wipe off his cock between victims".
>Mum has a shitfit.
I still think it was funny.
35 hours later 6012628 Anonymous
>pushing a girl with brute force after she laughed and teased me, so hard she fell down with immense velocity and cracked her upper lip and almost broke her nose.
>saving a picture while dad in the room and the "last folder you were in" pops up and lots of julius zimmerman art (pretty much nude jessica rabbit drawings), closed immediatly and was like "man must've been a friend of mine pulling a practical joke or something, y'know..." (fuck me sideways)
there are lot's more but can't think of any now.
35 hours later 6012688 Anonymous
>be 17 (inb4 underage b& I am 19 now this was in the past)
>going to a party and staying the night so parents don't see me drunk
>dad comes into my room
>"anon I just want to say make sure you always use a condom because girls will lie about being on the pill"
>awkwardness as I try to explain that will not be an issue
>"err haha I will not be having any sex Dad"
>"oh ok but remember that
35 hours later 6012705 Anonymous
that's pretty aspie dude
35 hours later 6012730 Anonymous
"Only he who risks going too far, can find out how far one can go."
35 hours later 6012732 Anonymous
I giggled, continue being hilarious anon
35 hours later 6012748 Anonymous
>be 14 or something
>get friend to ask out girl at youth club
>I hide in the toilets until he gets back
>"It's not good news anon, she was weirded out"
>I hide in the toilets for another hour until hometime
>Dad: "did you have a good time"
>"Yeah lots of fun"
>Later that night
>crying in bed
>wake dad up
>he asks whats up
>make some shit up about how he got angry at me earlier
>She told all my friends and since I went to an all boys school I got made fun of lots.
35 hours later 6012764 Anonymous
>ugliest girl in me
>she tells someone, news spread out
>everyone in class knows but me
>friends start hinting it
>they're doing this because I'm equally weird and ugly
>give in to her seduction because I am a lonely sad virgin and we kiss
>she tells her friends
>next day everyone knows
>all of my fuck it
Now she is in med school and will probably be more successful than me. She also accepted her condition as a hideous unlovable girl and became a shut in.
35 hours later 6012772 Anonymous
I think /a/ is probably the opposite of love.
36 hours later 6012823 Anonymous
That sorostitute was a real fucking bitch
37 hours later 6013467 Anonymous
>be in an all guy school
>be in basketball team
>lining up in hallway for class
>too many people trying to get through
>everyone is shouting/pushing
>get shoved against wall
>someone gets pushed on me
>realise it's the guy in the basketball team i've had a crush on
>feel his breath down my neck
>feel his dick pressing against my crack through clothes
>he says "haha, sorry about this" really close to my ear
>i want to say "oh it's fine" or "oh it's not your fault"
>need to speak loudly otherwise he can't hear me
>all i say is "ohhhhhh" loudly as the hallway goes really quiet
>everyone stops pushing and watches us as a teacher arrives and gives us detention for 'indecent acts' in school
>everyone thinks we're gay (he's not, i hadn't told anyone)
>quit basketball team
>never speak to anyone again
37 hours later 6013521 Anonymous
bravo, r9k, i laughed
38 hours later 6013627 Anonymous (1335901878269.gif 198x134 1122kB)
>going to one of my classes
>really cute 19 year old sophomore girl walking in front of me
>my nerdy female friend is in front of her
>we get to the door and I try to speed up so I can grab friend
>hold door at the same time so I can get in
>me and the cute girl can't fit through door because I wasn't fast enough to get in front of her
>say sorry for running into her
>she says thank you for holding the door
>asks me why im sorry
but then I told her and we laughed about it
the next day, I made out with her
38 hours later 6013712 Anonymous
Reminds me of something:
>move to new place
>have huge crush on neighbor for years
>I don't want to show I'm interested
>she sends me a pic of her or something
>say "not as beautiful as my Colette"
>"who is colette?"
>send a pic of colette to her
Girls ruined my childhood. I was in love most of it and always got rejected.
38 hours later 6013760 Anonymous
I didn't cringe at all reading that you filthy normal
38 hours later 6013766 Anonymous
38 hours later 6014085 Anonymous
Mr Gravely's class?
38 hours later 6014117 Anonymous
>internet dated the epitome of fat neckbeard
>24, lived with parents, part time janitor, no college
>dated for a year and fought for him, like when he'd dump me i'd beg for him
that's the only one i think.
39 hours later 6014315 Anonymous
At least you were a Rurouni Kenshin fan. That's always good.
39 hours later 6014423 Anonymous
People, one more vote is needed before this thread gets archived!
39 hours later 6014460 Anonymous
you know everything is archived, right?
39 hours later 6014613 Anonymous
I was talking of it being archived in chanarchive
39 hours later 6014676 Anonymous
>tfw I still use the Hotmail address
>that my ex-online GF made me
>8-9 years ago
Pretty much I only had a Yahoo email account back then, was a complete computer & internet noob so when I sort of accidentally made a internet GF without realising it and she wanted to chat on MSN I asked her to make a Hotmail equivalent of my Yahoo account; and as the name of my email wasn't something stupid (hence it was my real first name and surname) I still use it even these many years later.
Still it is a really odd feel when I think about it.
39 hours later 6014739 Anonymous (1346180656275s.jpg 218x250 12kB)
41 hours later 6015844 Anonymous
My old myspace posts make me cringe everytime I read them. Thank fucking god I was able to delete my account and everyone moved to FB.
41 hours later 6015869 Anonymous
41 hours later 6015877 Anonymous (1359882540071.png 252x221 62kB)
>delete old Facebook account I used when I was 16
>have to wait 2 weeks for it to actually be deleted
>hope no one actually goes on there and sees the shit I posted
42 hours later 6015998 Anonymous
I like your taste in music
42 hours later 6016027 Anonymous
they can't when you deactivate it
42 hours later 6016207 Anonymous
Are you me? I was obsessed with that when I was 12-13. God dammit I wanna play that game again.
42 hours later 6016257 Anonymous (1362723273341.jpg 720x803 133kB)
No one cares, no need to shit out your entire life story
42 hours later 6016335 Anonymous
42 hours later 6016338 Anonymous
>got drunk so many times
>all the things I've done drunk
Sometimes I just wish I get hit by a car and get a permanent amnesia
But not really, I'd lose a lot
43 hours later 6016865 Anonymous
>and then namefag was a deeper issue
Is what you meant to type.
43 hours later 6016955 Anonymous
If you can listen to the whole song without wanting to suicide, you're over it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd9 OhYroLN0&lc=jqZg2FP9a4NNdzlPXdbLw69 0k5XBeWkR5cxzyNadoqs
46 hours later 6018904 Anonymous
>>I was pretending to be a fucking airplane
I actually find that really cute, not that abnormal.
48 hours later 6020780 Anonymous
THAT FUCKING IMAGE, I CAN'T BREATH
48 hours later 6021367 Anonymous
>I hadn't laughed of smiled in about a year.
And that's what did it? 4 real doe?
51 hours later 6023411 Anonymous
Be 18 and this is seemingly the cringe highlights of my senior year
>take Krav Maga and learn bad ass self defenses
>one day I'm in the halls and someone grabs my shoulder
>do the defense for it (involves elbowing in the persons face)
>just elbowed the girl i liked in the face broke her nose
cant look at her in the hallway without cringing
there were these two hot sophomore twins
>talk to guys on my cross country team
>say hey what if we ran with the girls from JV soccer?
>say sounds good
>jogging with these girls they cant run for shit
>say if you don't run faster im gonna stalk you the next mile
needless to say they avoid me now
>one day I'm talking to a friends friend (girl) in class
>my friends not actually there and so the girl says "where's Bob (not real name) anon? i want a shoulder rub"
>say with full spaghetti showing "i'd give you one, but I don't know you that well..."
still talk with the girl were friendly just i act like shes not even there anymore because I'm just that beta
One of my more alpha moments still cringe for some reason
>walking between buildings with this girl
>girl has been leading me on for the last 4 years
>I'm sick of it at this point
>girl asks "Anon wana hear a story about how dumb the kids are in my class..."
>cut her off mid-sentence "No i dont wana hear your story"
>the look on her face was gold thought she was gonna cry
>she ran off to class i felt awesome the rest of the day
found out later that she did cry (felt awesome when i found out), i just cringe every time i look at her whore face
52 hours later 6024265 Anonymous
>Be 7 or 8
> At grandmas house playing underneath coffee table in clear view
> Their little dog comes up and starts sniffing my crotch
> It starts to walk away but I decided it felt good so I forced its face on my crotch
> Be 11
>Don't know how to delete browser history
> Search "the rock naked"
> As in the wrestle
> No way my parents didn't see that
> Be 10 at school
> Kids being stupid kids ask this one guy if he would rather date me or my friend
> He says my friend because I eat my boogers
53 hours later 6024859 Anonymous (20130309_212024.jpg 3264x2448 866kB)
All the beta stories are the fucking same
> in love with girl
> never talk
53 hours later 6024971 Anonymous
Yes, assuming you followed the usual progression of femdom>>strap-on>>traps>>shemales>> sissy-hypno. Sissy-hypno is not the beginning of the end for you, my friend; it is the coup-de-grace. Try to abstain from fapping and weird porn for even a week. You'll find you just can't do it. You are irredeemably demented.
53 hours later 6025133 Anonymous (facepalm.jpg 300x300 13kB)
>be weird/awkward/beta kid that no one liked in 4th grade
>had crush on 10/10 girl
>tell friends about it
>tell me I should confront her
>"b-but what should I say? I'm bashful."
>friend is like, "you go up to her and say 'femanon, I am a man. And I want to know once and for all, do you like me and will you be my gf?'"
>actually be retarded enough to believe this will work.
>go up to girl at recess, followed closely by my friends.
>"Femanon, I am a man. And I would like to know once and for all, if you like me and would like to be my gf.
>put a lot of emphasis on hand motions and movement
>girl just stands there unimpressed with her arms crossed, and simply says "no" then walks away.
>friends all cracking up behind me
53 hours later 6025160 Manic Pixie Dream Girl (505_sad.jpg 301x477 44kB)
>tell asian priest I think I'm part japanese
I cringe to this day.
53 hours later 6025172 Anonymous
That was likely coincidence. Eating boogers isn't going to boost your immune system.
53 hours later 6025217 Anonymous
I kinda know that feel man. Sometimes at social events, I'll look in the mirror and say allowed "what the fuck is wrong with you".
Because I'm a robot masquerading as a normalfag, and sometimes its too much[/spoilers]
53 hours later 6025235 Anonymous
Dude, you write like my friend. Maybe I know you irl!
53 hours later 6025253 Anonymous
>biggest spot ever on my face, its approaching the size of a golf ball
>its reaching critical mass
>at lunch break pop it in bathroom, gallons of puss fall out
>think I've cleaned it up
>go back to class
>touch the spot, realise its still leaking
>spend rest of class 'subtlety' touching it to make sure its all gone
53 hours later 6025280 Anonymous
This just in: Eating boogers is going to BOOST YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM:
http://www.timesunion.com/living/ar ticle/Like-to-become-a-stranger-to- illness-Read-on-3430548.php
54 hours later 6025403 Anonymous
>> Search "the rock naked"
are on fire
54 hours later 6025513 Anonymous
ok after reading everyone else's, I should contribute.
>primary school, maybe 7-8
>deliberately wet my pants and convinced a friend to do the same
>no idea why I thought this was funny
>(I may have a slight pee fetish now...)
>13, went to a different high school to my friends from primary school
>sneakily took a photo of a hot guy from school and showed it to my old friends, lied about him being my bf (femanon, not gay)
>still 13, started being a faux-goth/fairy/hippee, died my hair purple and wore a cape, in public, a lot. Seriously, it was like a fucking wizard cloak.
>16, first time I went out with friends from high school
>drank tequila for the first time
>threw up on myself while sitting on a guy's lap
>15, didn't have internet
>used my artistic skills and imagination to draw my own porn
>...my dad saw it
>17, way too drunk at a party
>really wanted to have sex
>sloppily hit on every guy I met until I was taken to the bathroom to be sick and had my friend undress and shower me
ugh I'm sure there are so many more.
54 hours later 6025635 Anonymous
These are funny.
>15, didn't have internet
>used my artistic skills and imagination to draw my own porn
>...my dad saw it
This got me the most. I used to draw naked girls and then run and flush them down the toilet I'm not even a lesbian .
What did your dad say?
55 hours later 6026030 Anonymous
>>...s...sugar I mutter meekly. It's too late