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2014-03-18 11:49 11003006 Anonymous (despair.jpg 600x750 145kB)
Why are you like you are, robots? What happened to you, where did it all start to come apart? I can't fathom the thing that made you into this whiny, misogynist, suicidal mess.

6 min later 11003032 Anonymous
Right from the moment I started going to school.

10 min later 11003049 Anonymous
>>11003032 Bullied? I was bullied heavily too, but that can't be the sole reason.

11 min later 11003058 Anonymous
I grew up listening to sad music and horror stories. And I've always been pretty ugly.

12 min later 11003066 Anonymous
>>11003006 School and the years of torment from my peers has turned me into an insecure miserable sack of shit who was never able to move on from my teen years. And of-course I am a kissless virgin.

15 min later 11003083 Anonymous
>>11003066 Eh not much different bro, KV at 27.

15 min later 11003087 Anonymous
>>11003032 I can kind of relate to you. >>11003049 I'm not that guy, but bullying was a small factor for me. I had a very close family, and ever since I was small I felt the need to cling onto them. My teachers always told my parents I was over-reacting and needed help with communicating with other kids, but they just ignored it since I was fine at home. As I grew, it just looked like it was more hopeless to attempt to socialize with anybody outside of my family. I took up reading everywhere so people wouldn't approach me and try to talk to me. Talking and conversation is just a skill I never really learned for strangers and as a result I just feel terrible because I would really like a friend, not a brother or sister.

16 min later 11003089 Anonymous
I'm not sure, I've always been a little off, even as a child. I grew up in a poor environment surrounded by depressed and angry people on high on drugs, so that probably has something to do with it. Maybe its just in my genes.

21 min later 11003111 Anonymous
i was blissfully unaware of how awful i am and had an average self-esteem before i started visiting 4chan i feel like i'd be an entirely different person if i just stuck to newgrounds

21 min later 11003112 Anonymous
Parents were both 400-450lbs at their fattest and passed their bad habits onto me; saw nothing wrong with me eating twinkies for breakfast, second helpings, etc. 6 feet tall, 310lbs at 20 years old. I carry it well since I was steadily gaining by entire life. Obviously this has led to bullying, overcompensation, and rejection from every girl I've ever tried something with. Now I've got to spend the next few years correcting the damage and getting down to a healthy weight before I can even think of having a happy life. So I'm a little mad.

25 min later 11003133 Anonymous
>>11003112 pretty much this fat and mad about it fat that I'll have to spend years in the gym sculpting my body when some pig fatter than me can easily get what I never will

26 min later 11003139 Anonymous (1394578033433.gif 500x382 932kB)
Acne happened, horrible acne. You can't get a girlfriend with a disfigured face. That's the only reason why I don't and will never have a girlfriend. I'm also a schizo and wouldn't call myself sociopath but I contemplate the idea of murdering a random person every day. My grandmother was a schizo so I got that from her, my dad might be a sociopath he went to jail for shooting some guy when I was little. Other than that I live in a nice family, my step dad is a cool guy, my mom is nice and siblings and all turned out to be good normal people, I'm the black sheep of the family. So even if I had clear skin it wouldn't be any better, in fact it'd probably be worst because I'd actually go out and socialize and eventually would end up just killing someone for the hell of it.

28 min later 11003143 Anonymous
>>11003133 >i'm so mad my parents kept our house well stocked with food sorry you are such a weak willed faggot that you cant stop stuffing your face for 5 seconds, i often was forced to go days without eating, and even today I'm still trying to recover from that.

28 min later 11003144 Anonymous
>tfw it can all be traced back to our shitty parenting aint that some shit

28 min later 11003146 Anonymous
I'm not really misogynist or suicidal. I just pretend to be when I post here.

29 min later 11003153 Anonymous
>>11003143 This thread isn't about who's more miserable you fucking idiot.

29 min later 11003156 Anonymous
Psychiatric drugs

30 min later 11003163 Anonymous
Captchas. This is all the fault of captchas.

30 min later 11003165 Anonymous
>>11003006 my gf of 7 years, 27, quite intelligent, cute, loving, became an alcoholic and left me for some white trash rednecks who do nothing but partying and drinking loads of alcohol, most likely one of them is giving her the D now. basically my ex gf traded me in for a huge downgrade, human-wise this happened last august. i am a robot since then.

31 min later 11003170 Anonymous
>>11003153 good cause i'd win

32 min later 11003172 Anonymous (1337131151541.jpg 126x126 2kB)
>>11003165 >i am a robot since then. get out, for your own good m8

32 min later 11003177 Anonymous
>>11003143 >>11003170 There's always one of these fucking people in every thread Asian males, manlets, etc We get it.

33 min later 11003180 Anonymous
>whiny That's right, because a man who expresses his pain on an anonymous image board where he has little to no hope of actually being accommodated as an individual is "whiny". Nothing like the women I see all around me and their mouthpiece political feminism. >misogynist Because we live in morally lawless times where women do what they like all at the expense of men. We were also raised in a culture which encourages silly romantic thoughts about women and messages like "stick in there boy, you'll get a girl eventually", and we were fed this message during our vulnerable years so we actually believed it. Being misogynist is actually a marker of spiritual health, because women ARE morally depraved in general, and true compassion for women requires that we hate them in their present state. >suicidal Few of us are genuinely suicidal, and the above reasons are just a tiny fraction of what most of us have been dealt. Worst than any of the ACTUAL problems that face us, though, is that the media saturation I mentioned above causes most of us to get stuck feeling like things are hopeless because these are the only things we can measure ourselves by.

33 min later 11003185 Anonymous
>>11003172 Why? If he was a robot before he would have been prepared for when his woman acted like a typical woman

34 min later 11003189 Anonymous
I watched too much animu, for a while there it made me a real loser. I'm recovering now, but I still cringe at some of the stuff I used to do.

35 min later 11003199 OP
>>11003189 iktfb i once was a leading member of an animu community... with like lots of weaboos looking up to me and finding me hella cool it still makes me cringe at night

35 min later 11003200 Anonymous (TEMP-Image_1_9.jpg 520x386 30kB)
I had an auto accident on the job 4 years ago. The "insurance" my company was to provide for me driving on the job was bogus. They refused to help me fix my car. Then... Kr. K. always played mind games. She was my first serious relationship, but I was the one who had gotten too attached. I got a job and went back to school for her. I gave up booze for her. But after the accident, her fucking games made me break. I got drunk and started making a noose. She found it and called the cops and I got a very expensive, all inclusive stay at the hospital. Kr. made me realize that every relationship I was ever in to that point was a lie, and it scarred me. Then I met another girl a year later--lets call her S. Sr. didn't want me to spend money on her. The token of love with Sr. was simply spending time with each her. She was perfect for me: Beautiful. Smart. She would sing for me and had the voice of an angel. I met her in the spring and we'd take walks and she'd collect flowers and wear them in her black, flowing hair. She made me feel refreshed, and I would be lying if I said I never loved her, but... I was so damaged from the previous relationship that I was afraid. There was a shadow in the corner that lingered and haunted me and kept me awake at night. I had acquired a pill habit interim in meeting her and would numb myself by smoking heroin or sniffing ketamine. I kept it hidden well but I spiraled eventually, as is the path of any addiction. She hated seeing me nodding. She pleaded. She would cry, and her pain made me only crave being numb even more. I hated myself for hurting her so badly. It wasn't her fault. She didn't deserve any of it. I still hate myself for damaging her so badly. I slipped away into stupor and she slipped away into the night. She simply said goodbye one evening and I've never seen her again. ...And now I'm here.

36 min later 11003205 Anonymous
>>11003185 if he was prepared he wouldn't have ended up in here. He needs to get out. He can still get over it and move on with his life and that's what he should do instead of becoming a bitter whiny bitch like the rest of us.

36 min later 11003207 Anonymous
being whiny and misogynist happens to everyone given obvious circumstances. are most right to hate women or whine? probably not. but it's still an average reaction to those obvious circumstances. being a suicidal mess is what happens when you give up and depression takes you under . stay too long and you'll end up crazy and perhaps learn of a hatred far beyond what was warranted in circumstances that'd produce a buttmad 'friendzoned faggot'

37 min later 11003211 Anonymous
>21st century >not despising females Fuck off and kill yourself, OP.

38 min later 11003218 OP
>>11003205 >>11003172 but how am i supposed to deal with this feel

39 min later 11003219 Anonymous
>>11003006 Possibly my environment like friends and stuff. I went to Christian school and my best friends were a manwhore who had sex with most of my female classmates and a guy who slept with a prostitute at 15. And a girl I had a crush on who slept with the manwhore like 2 days after she talked shit about him. I think that might have caused at least if not the whole of the misogynist part of my mentality.

39 min later 11003221 Anonymous
Because women are shit and never have anything interesting to say, no personalities of their own, or have any interesting hobbies or passions They just hop from party to party or "nerd" dick to "nerd" dick >inb4 you're meeting the wrong women I've met a lot.

41 min later 11003231 OP
>>11003221 men are not born with misogyny. we get it imprinted in our minds by how certain women are treating us.

41 min later 11003232 Anonymous
>>11003200 Damaged goods, ladies and gentlemen. This is why both men and women need to find pure virgin partners.

48 min later 11003265 Anonymous
due to the household i was raised in (verbally abusive parents, even now), I was always full of contempt and rage. I have no respect for my parents whenever I look back at the things they said to me, even if they're empty insults. I try to not dwell on my grudges since it's in the past and they are my parents but it's hard. 4chan and r9k isn't actually a shameful place to be for me, as it calms me down and makes me forget. Fuck man, I'm usually very patient and non confrontational with people who aren't my parents, but when I dwell on these things, I become a different person. I recently didn't eat or drink for 48 hours because of how upset I was after taking a barrage of personal insults from my mother beforehand. I know I'm going to be attacked for having contempt for my parents but please understand that it's really difficult to continue your day productively when your mom starts calling you garbage out of nowhere.

49 min later 11003269 Anonymous
>>11003211 >despising females >not despising people regardless of gender pussy >>11003218 I'm not sure, I have not been in a situation like yours, but I know it's not impossible to get over. Think of it like this, people are selfish, people get bored easily, people sometimes hurt other people because they don't understand their feelings or they think those people can relate to theirs. You can't avoid being hurt ya know, and there's more to life than a few pretty memories with some bitch that liked you. u only have urself etc

50 min later 11003273 Anonymous (1357008505726.jpg 453x460 49kB)
>Be raised in good white home >Grandfather refuses to put me in shitty arkansas public school >puts me in a southern baptist school instead >spend eight years there, from 2nd grade to 9th >Sheltered and blinded as fuck, still believed in evolution thanks to my smart father but I was forced to live a lie for much of my life, including the christian school i went to in first grade. >Typical ADD kid who grew more socially awkward as the years passed >Most of my old friends had moved and the ones I had started to get fed up with my immature shit >Fall in love with qt blonde who was once a close friend >Big mistake but take her to 8th grade homecoming (no dancing at baptist homecomings, we had a magician) >9th grade, find out she's dating my best friend since 1st grade and didn't tell me >Extreme depression that I tried to work out by running track and digging a hole in my woods >Lose brain power and energy >Spend all 9th grade being the lonely kid that never smiled >got the fuck out of christian school after that and went to the local public school >That transition summer, I meet Caitlyn, a qt redhead >Blonde was a lost cause, i was only miserable about her but i worked things out with my friend who dated her (and dumped her at homecoming). Couldn't feel anything for her. >Caitlyn was something else. Originally I just wanted to man up for once in my life and talk to a girl so I could get over the blonde even more so and to cheer me up >We become friends and exchange numbers >Spaghetti galore every day, holy shit I was sheltered at this point and had no idea how to talk to girls, i had to have annoyed the piss out of her >Get turned down twice, Caitlyn is always talking about "Zack" but he eventually falls into irrelevance >On church trip to six flags, she leans on my shoulder and i pop three boners before we arrived >Do Hurricane Harbor but pussy out when she wants to take me on the roller coaster Cont. in next post

51 min later 11003276 Anonymous
>>11003269 >a few memories >7 years

54 min later 11003293 Anonymous
>>11003276 Yeah well treasure those 7 years with that lovely girl because she isn't as lovely anymore is she? would you go back to her?

56 min later 11003301 Anonymous
>>11003006 A number of circumstances that led to me turning into my mother's object of security. When a child suddenly becomes the only thing in the world that can make someone happy, that child grows up: >being overprotected, since your mother always coddled you too tight and made you fear the world when she wasn't around >learning to feel under immense emotional pressure to serve everyone's needs, and inevitably hate themselves when they can't make everyone happy >with a horrible work ethic, since their mother never let them make mistakes and always told them they were "super special no matter what" >unable to look after themselves, since everything was always handled by their mother and all you had to do was look afraid and she'd come straight to the rescue Goddamn, I hate so much how I've been conditioned to be a dependent, fearful person

57 min later 11003309 Anonymous
>>11003006 To me, things have always been apart. I posted my story on another thread not long ago. tl;dr version: bad genes and environment combined with bad luck Anyway, here are some answers: >whiny bad experiences in and sucking at life, being different from other people, sense of not really belonging anywhere, almost nonexistent self-esteem etc. Life has taught me to keep quiet, so I don't actually whine anywhere besides /r9k/. >misogynist I don't really consider myself that, although I have got some "women have it easier" and similar thoughts from here. I don't take them completely seriously, though. >suicidal This was probably caused by the same things as the "whiny" part. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 4 (or younger, can't remember). Growing up, realizing that many things I did in the past were cringeworthy has been an additional reason. However, last time I seriously thought about killing myself was probably at age 16, so I don't think I'm really suicidal anymore.

58 min later 11003314 Anonymous
Basically, my parents are hardcore Mormons and did not believe in sex ed or anything like that. So I was behind my peers in knowing anything about sex. My parents also would not let me date and demonized sex. What this caused was a fear of interacting with the opposite sex throughout high school, I was asked out a few times and rejected them out of fear, I had a few girls grab my dick or ass, but it would just freak me out, and some girls just completely came out and told me they had crushes on me, but I was too afraid to do anything about it. On top of all of that, one of my sisters had some crazy psychological problems and had to go to a mental hospital out of state, and my mother had to accompany her. My father was always working so I had to take care of my other sister, cook her dinner, make sure she did homework and went to bed. So in spite of being an otherwise normal seeming teenager, and apparently at least kind of attractive, I graduated high school with no dating or sex experience at all. When I left the church my fear of dating was less about hell and more about not knowing what to do. The first girl I ever dated, I never kissed. My fear of not doing things right kept me from going for it, I saw a text she sent one of my friends saying that she thought I was good looking and fun to be around but that I was basically autistic about kissing, touching, etc. The next girl I dated was a friend of hers and was just so aggressive about making out and everything that I couldn't fuck it up, but then I got autistic about sex so she left me for another guy. So now I'm 22, and I'm not a virgin at least. I still get so afraid of initiating anything that I don't get sex much and I'm so inexperienced with typical dating and intimacy that I've ruined relationships with any of the girls that have fucked or dated me. That's why I'm here, basically environmentally induced love-shyness. I'm not a misogynist, but I'm definitely whiny and suicidal over it.

59 min later 11003316 Anonymous
>>11003112 >>11003133 I'm >>11003301 Get over here bros. >tfw having to spend the better portion of your youth undoing the damage your parents did to you because they didn't make the effort to know any better

1 hours later 11003319 Anonymous (1330296435136.jpg 400x600 61kB)
>>11003273 >My irrational fear of heights got the better of me >She rides home on Casey's shoulder >Get pissed at casey, James talks to me about it and says Casey didn't mean to do that and it was all her >Typical douche James actually talking to me about the only time he's ever seen me with a girl actually got to me >Go off on Caitlyn via 15 page text message (in terms of 2008 phones anyway) explaining why she's a cunt >Get called a bitch, never text her back >Spend the first year of public school in complete culture shock while trying to forget caitlyn >Learn about more kinds of people than i thought existed in my city, learn that niggers are horrible people around here but the blacks are cool, learn that gays aren't the devil like those christfags made me think >Still a social disaster, can't keep close friends very long >First group of friends, a couple of cutie girls into indie rock and their friends only wanted me around to make fun of my stupid questions and behavior >call me the group's "Karen" in reference to the Dane Cook joke about one person in every group everyone hates >Look up the reference and get crushed but i deserved it i guess >Can't forget about Caitlyn and no girl wants to touch me at public school >My friend from private school who moved with me starts hanging out with a guy that would bully me for two years and turn much of the school against me >Diego makes 10th and 11th grade hell but gets kicked out of school for sending pics of his nuts to a gay kid as a really gay joke but not before ruining my reputation forever >Get made fun of for having "no swag" by wiggers every day >intelligence is not accepted here, stupidity is the norm >Depression from 9th grade rolls around the following year and would continue from the time I was 14 to now, almost 21. It appears like clockwork in winter >Have sleep paralysis since 14 and that scared me to death and fucked with my sleep >Summer after 10th grade Cont.

1 hours later 11003322 Anonymous
>>11003314 >I don't get sex much God damn I'm about to cry in empathy. Why don't you go ahead and kill yourself whiny faggot?

1 hours later 11003334 Anonymous
>>11003322 >YOU CAN'T HAVE REAL PROBLEMS BECAUSE MINE ARE WORSE kill yourself

1 hours later 11003342 Anonymous
>>11003334 how is not getting "much" sex even a problem holy shit

1 hours later 11003345 Anonymous
>>11003334 Not having enough sex isn't a real problem kiddo, get over yourself

1 hours later 11003362 Anonymous
>>11003322 I've thought about it, and even though it feels like I'll never have a normal relationship, I enjoy other things about life and have other goals I want to pursue.

1 hours later 11003363 Anonymous
>>11003301 Holy shit, that sounds so much like me. My parents are narcissists, except they extended their narcissism onto me. Mom said that all that is important are grades, when the bullying started she just kept saying that grades are everything, people don't matter, and since in that age you don't have an own opinion I fulfilled her wishes 100% and ended up being the asocial shit I am today. Recently I blamed her for being clingy and she went and came back an hour later and said she thought about it and decided she was not clingy ENOUGH, since the years until I was 12 were "the best" (for her). Those were the times I got bullied the most, so my bet is that she indirectly enjoyed me getting bullied since every time it happened, I ran to her for cuddles and shit. Oh yeah and dad once made it possible that a bunch of white trash pressed charges against me, long story short, believing my version of the story would have meant he'd have to admit that I (his!!! son) was anything but perfect, so he rather believed I was just being an asshole to those people and gave them the information to press charges.

1 hours later 11003369 Anonymous
>>11003342 >>11003345 I'm not even that guy But believe it or not, once you've gotten your dick wet once or twice in an awkward bedroom encounter, your female problems don't magically disappear like you imagine them too. Anon still clearly has unresolved psychological issues around women. I'm putting my money on the idea that every encounter he has with them is painful, awkward and distressing, and he hates himself for not knowing how to be more open around them. Just because you're too deluded by your own bitterness to accept that possibility, doesn't mean it ain't true.

1 hours later 11003372 Anonymous (1357007691785.jpg 500x500 21kB)
>>11003319 >Go back to church to find Caitlyn, still madly in love with her even after all this time >Apologize for being a faggot and we're all cool for a time >The neighboring church we were having an event with had a lot of people from my school including a football player i'd only seen around named Blake. >Talk to Blake because I was happy I was right with caitlyn and i felt like i could even talk to football jocks >He's cool as fuck and he, Caitlyn and I start hanging out >She subliminally turns me down by saying "I don't want a boyfriend because my last one was too clingy." >Respect it because I'm beta >She starts acting funny one day >Find out her and Blake are dating >What the fuck oh my god no you cannot be serious not after all I've been through >Remain calm, have deep FB conversation about how I just want her to be happy and I could forgive him for taking away my chance >We talk in a status too about another topic and he just loses it and starts insulting me like I've never had it before >He tells caitlyn all kinds of lies and he tries to fight me by luring me into a trap i didn't fall for >Too weak but I was about to get this mother fucker one way or another >One week into relationship, he goes off to college and leaves her >Rachel is close friend of mine who dated another friend named West >Before Blake left, she pleaded to giver her up because she knew I loved Caitlyn more than Blake ever would >Fast forward several months >Find out Rachel cheated on West with Blake and only took my side because Caitlyn was in her way >Which means Blake cheated on Caitlyn in one's week's worth of time >I feel absolutely fucking done at this point >Stop trying, go into another wave of depression, mainly during winter of course >Been struggling with Seasonal Affective Disorder ever since 9th grade and it has made my life hell but find out more about what sleep paralysis really is and i start getting into that, start reading Robert Monroe books cont.

1 hours later 11003378 Anonymous
>>11003345 This guy >>11003334 Is a different person The point wasn't about not getting much sex, it was about not being able to have a normal relationship, having almost no sex life is just whipped cream on top. It's not as bad as what some people go through, but it's a problem for me, it's why I'm here, it's what I'm normally sad about.

1 hours later 11003383 Anonymous
>>11003363 Damn dude, sounds like you had it worse than I did. My mother was definitely narcissistic and basically used me to fulfill her own petty needs, but at least my dad was chill as hell and inspired a love of learning and exploration in me that still persists to this day. Of course, he was a little TOO laid back, and basically let my mum get away with whatever it was she was doing to me, so he's not entirely blameless. But still, I'm glad it was only one.

1 hours later 11003389 Anonymous
>>11003369 >But believe it or not, once you've gotten your dick wet once or twice in an awkward bedroom encounter, your female problems don't magically disappear like you imagine them too. I know that honey bunny. But not getting enough sex is really a problem by itself? really? you're a bunch of faggots.

1 hours later 11003393 Anonymous
>>11003378 >>11003362 Dude ok ok, my problems doesn't invalidate yours but I'm a bitter 27 year old kissless virgin so I lashed out. Truly sorry for telling you to kill yourself, you sound like a decent guy and I wish you the best.

1 hours later 11003397 Anonymous
>>11003369 That pretty well sums it up, every sexual experience I've had basically had to be forced upon me, otherwise I would have screwed up. It's tough to open up for fear of my own inexperience and everything and when I do open up, I do in fact get spurned. A girl who had sex with me a few times and would invite me out with her basically told me she wasn't interested in dating me when I opened up about my feelings for her. Like I was just a toy.

1 hours later 11003403 Anonymous
>>11003389 He never claimed it was just a lack of sex that was his problem, he said it was his inability to form proper connections with grills and how much he has no idea what he's doing around them.

1 hours later 11003418 Anonymous
>>11003372 >Senior year >New girl in band named Shelby, who starts dating half the school >Tfw virgin and reminded of it by wiggers every fucking day >She messages me on fb and we exchange numbers >She tells me i'm cute and she wants to start talking to me >I tell her to fuck off >She is persistent, who the fuck hired this crazy bitch? >eventually start "talking" as she called it, she is a depressive too and we have a lot of melancholic shit in common >Never expected the girl who dated everyone to have so much in common with me and my heart is finally opened up for the first time ever >Get my first kiss and get shown the ropes but she won't put out >She tells me she wants to stop talking after about a month because she still had feelings for a meth head named Brandon but really I later found out she considered me boring and annoying >By this point I was completely numb and quiet and mysterious and that's why she was attracted to me in the first place >Still get heartbroken, vow to never love a girl again because while everyone my age was getting laid and had been in relationships, I was just terrible with women and had terrible luck. >Graduate an average student because I could never be motivated to do great in school after my depression hit but I was the smartest kid in class before it did >Shelby and I fight over fb but I'm the one who matures up and straighten things out because I really didn't want to lose the only good thing I've had >Years later she would admit how much of a cunt she was back then >Caitlyn and I are on meh terms, speaking few and far between but I hold all those moments dear because I still felt so strongly for her even after all that >Actually get some girls after high school, including Kellin, Laura (a fat bitch I couldn't stand to be around after getting catfished but the kiss was great), Allison, and Lindsey, a school friend of mine >Half-ass every one of those almost-relationships and they don't last more than a day Cont.

1 hours later 11003428 Anonymous
>>11003393 Thanks, and I understand, it's easy to say things like "kill yourself" on 4chan, it's thrown around so much here and you're anonymous so it's easy to just say it. I wish you the best as well.

1 hours later 11003433 Anonymous
>>11003383 Yeah, my dad was chill as hell too, though only because he was a lazy fuck and it meant undermining mom's authority. Such is life when you have two married narcissistics. Constant fighting. Every 6 months or so it became really tense and he started to scare me with thoughts of breakup/divorce and I'd have to think up soon who I want to live with and shit. Then it cooled off (since they don't have the willpower to actually go through with it), rinse and repeat.

1 hours later 11003470 Anonymous
>>11003418 >Have to attend two classes at community college before I could go to uni >English >Have B in class >Have fight with parents that results in me getting kicked out for a few days and i couldn't get to the internet to do my final >Get 69 in english, can't go to uni >Try algebra next semester >Fuck this shit math has always been my worst subject >Try coast guard >Don't get special treatment of a local recruiter to explain what to do at MEPS >Write down on medical sheet that I have depression and had surgery >Apparently I fucked up because they wanted records >Get recommend for another branch, i don't have any confidence left at this point >try air force >They spend months getting all the shit i fucked up from the coast guard eligible and i'm almost in when I get hit with a surprise drug test i was not supposed to be taking but i had to go to MEPS about five times so they said fuck it >Had gone to smoking spice for about a year and a half, my brain is fucked up but hey it's not like I had anything going for me at this point >Quit that in January and replace it with real weed, which shows up in drug tests >January I get disqualified from Air Force, recruiter wants to rip me to shreds to the point where he originally lied about me getting disqualified >Go to MEPS to the next day anyway because I took the shuttle for the first time after all those times I drove myself up there >If not for this I could have driven back and gotten clean >Tell liaison what went down >He said recruiter only mentioned a medical condition i had to be brought back for and i could still join >That mother fucker >He calls me and is furious as fuck, ride shuttle back home in shame >Get shitty job at Pizza Hut >Smoke a shit ton of pot because I fucking can and because it helps my depression >room is messy as fuck to the point where I'm battling large insects and the mold from old food is appearing all over the place and clothes and other shit are dirty and out of place Cont.

1 hours later 11003483 Anonymous
>>11003470 dude please stop I'm regretting even asking

1 hours later 11003508 Anonymous
>>11003470 >Also forgot to mention that i moved to the town that my old best friend who dated the original blonde girl now lived, loved spending time with him before I had to move back because my room mate hated me and i couldn't afford it but that was over a year ago and i was a spice junkie so i earned it >Parents and family want nothing to do with me but let me live in the house out of pity >Seen as lazy and weird and socially inept >They don't realize I just can't even think straight at this point and have no fight left in me. I was so weak before but I've just never had anything good >tfw 20 year old virgin who has never had an official gf >this year I've accepted that I was obsessed with Caitlyn and maybe what I thought love was was just a stupid charade and all those years of caring about her even after years of no contact were wasted time >almost 7 years later and every time i see her somewhere I go back to that time and my feelings are rekindled but I get very depressed afterward, hence why I'm here now (saw her in walmart the other day and was too pussy to talk to her) >Shelby got knocked up by some douchebag raver i once called my friend, classmate, and coworker, and he ditched her and left for Houston >Laugh my fucking ass off at her misfortune she brought on herself >Blonde girl from 9th grade just married an old friend of mine >Caitlyn single as far as I know, just as mysterious and beautiful as I knew her 7 years ago but we just can't build up at this point. I just don't love women anymore and can't even pretend I care about girls anymore. I've had it with them. I may try again in a few years but I really want to start embracing the "loner" image that I've always been I have quite a few friends and am not terrible in all social situations anymore but I just cannot deal with this depression and the fact that I will never be with a woman.

1 hours later 11003517 Anonymous
>>11003483 don't listen to this guy. This is a story you only get to let out once in a while. Keep going.

1 hours later 11003522 Anonymous
>>11003483 Yeah I know, and the scary part is that people at work are starting to catch on to just how fucked up my teenage years and beyond have been. I've been pushing suicide out of my head but the depression keeps getting worse. Should I go see a doctor? I don't trust a lot of those pills

1 hours later 11003536 Anonymous
>>11003522 I think seeing a doctor would help. It did for me at least. Don't knock down anti-depressants before you try them, a decent doctor would make you start at a very small dose to see if it helps you or not. You can go from there and make your own decision.

1 hours later 11003538 Anonymous
>>11003522 Don't take pills, smoke weed, get at least 30 minutes of sun a day, and exercise instead.

1 hours later 11003543 Anonymous
>>11003517 That's pretty much it. My life story consists of a childhood where I was seen as different and often immature but accepted to a degree by everyone and i had fun. I was bullied much of my life, dropped out of college for reasons I don't feel comfortable sharing around people IRL, got kicked from two branches of military, family hates me, never had sex or a gf but i'm not kissless at least so i know others here have it worse

1 hours later 11003549 Anonymous
>>11003538 I know these would help but my sleep schedule fucks me up. I've given up on trying to sleep at night, and now that I work in the evening and sometimes until 1 AM, I sleep in the day and miss most of the sunlight unless I'm in my car delivering. I've been meaning to get an exercise program going but my biggest problem right now is that I just can't be motivated to do simple things anymore. And it's affecting every aspect of my life but I just can't find any energy to do things away from work

1 hours later 11003574 Anonymous (jfghfgh46456gj.jpg 433x493 66kB)
The moment a doctor diagnosed me with autism when I was very young.

1 hours later 11003582 Anonymous
10 years of pent up anger only made worse by my family and the people I went to school with Living away from it all actually rehabilitated me, and changed me for the better.

2 hours later 11003640 Anonymous
I'm not sure, I feel like I never choose anything I really wanted to do, like I just did shit because I was supposed to. Then college came and my peers may not have been sure about what they wanted to do, but they knew themselves enough to make a decission and apparently be happy. How can it work for so many people at first try? Do they fake it?

2 hours later 11003758 Anonymous
>>11003640 I don't know, because one of the very few things I'm good at is making wrong choices. Perhaps those people just have some natural ability to choose right. Maybe some fake it 'til they make it. Sorry, I couldn't resist writing that final sentence.

2 hours later 11003783 Anonymous
>>11003640 >apparently [...] happy There's a lot of damaged people out there, it's just some are better at hiding it than others. I can also guarantee that many, many do not have everything "click" on the first try. I'm almost 27 and have switched majors 3 times and dropped out twice. I'm meant to be a system admin, the technical aspects of computers and networking come to me as second nature, but it's just not what I want out of life. I want to teach abroad and travel to foreign lands and lay my feet on places that I know no one around me could even dream of having the balls to go to. I'd rather be a happy, worldly teacher that's broke than be rich sysadmin that never got what he truly desired in life. Fuck faking it. To fake it is to cheat yourself at the expense of what others expect from you. Fuck. That.

2 hours later 11003824 Anonymous
>raised by single hard working mother, dad left when I was 2 >too smart for my own good, backtalk all the time, take everything literally, generally an insufferable know-it-all >go to schools full of dumb black ghetto trash >teachers ignore me because I already know everything and the dumb niggers don't >still have to go to school every day >6 hours a day bored as shit getting picked on by nigger trash while the teachers look the other way >acting up all the time just for the tiniest bit of attention, nobody cares unless I'm doing something I shouldn't >mom gets a better job in a new city >upper middle class white school, still acting out all the time because it's all I know how to do >never pay attention in class, spend as much time as I can reading, school assignments are way too easy >eventually someone thinks I'm "gifted" >go to private middle school, basically the same shit but I can get away with not doing any work at all >spend entire middle school reading and playing with classmates, discover computers and the internet >high school rolls around >still don't pay attention in class but I stop acting up, just isn't worth it >spend more effort figuring out how to do as little work as possible than I spend on the actual work >after school go home, vidya games and 4chan all night >rinse and repeat until I graduate >learned some math and science but no work ethic, no goals, no plan for the future >fall into depression >lose hobbies, friends, interests >drop out of college after a year >quit job a year after that >sleep all day, smoke weed and internet all night And now I'm here.

2 hours later 11003845 Anonymous
>>11003783 >To fake it is to cheat yourself at the expense of what others expect from you. Fuck. That. Anon your words inspire me but I'm scared as fuck of failure. I don't even know why since I have no friends and the only one to end fucked up would be me. I guess it's guilt and shame.

4 hours later 11004513 Anonymous
typical beta male pathology (single mother, annoying smart ass, good grades) but this is what made me crack: >freshman yr of college >talk to girl on OKcupid >turns out we go to same school >she wants to meet in the middle of night on campus >i agree >i go out to meet her >turns out it was guys running a prank on me >they recorded the whole thing >post on facebook >girls laugh like crazy >can never show my face again i felt hurt and stupid, with a ton of contempt for people. i started going here as a means to channel hatred out...and I never left.

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