4chan archive /lit/ (index)
similar threads
2013-09-29 09:18 4147455 Anonymous (simple-black.jpg 1440x900 740kB)
New Scent I No one remembers The scents we inhale No one remembers The shared dreams Life is what happens between last gasp first seed Patterned stone tentatively turning unturning scent We sli(c)(d)(e)(p) through life with scent alone to mop the sweat from our browser w/ Patchouli Citrus Sexuality olfactorily classified We are all blind drunks with withering limbs, sniffing our way to escape We have no eyes to face the reality of necessity We grotesque pack of mutilated bird dogs In beds, he sucks in the aroma of embrace, desperately kneading the being into a state of powerful ignorance while the band plays on New chords Placid, serene, artful, passionate is mine ocean, but shallow as a dart of paper thrown from the papacy of genetic expression The scent unknown, A Y E there's the gain, the ledge Hold on by fingernails and propel dreamlike reversal New scents like associated words New glands like stagnant flame New strands New chemicals New sheets II Squalid redolence crook and cheese of recluse Wet knuckle w/ crowd soap/ erase We never remember The wintry gaze of unscented pathology Feel like an adventurer in clocks of rosewood as we smash reality like a box of loans Blizzardous path through chair and fern Alchemy of odor and thought Take it all in Inhale What do you think?

11 min later 4147500 My name is Thomas.
OP: Here's another. CAVALIERE DI SPADE An uneasiness godspeed! Cormac An eternity eternation etruscan urination As Orion cried at the starry scorchion and Mrs. Shade barked at the savior I spread my glass wings and fell with style To think my life is tragic is the true tragedy When thousands are flayed while I cut my morphine and inhale I CAN NOT DEFEND MY BROMELIAD The first apparition: the [KNIGHT OF SWORDS] A reclusive beauty who escapes into a screen, a woman of pixels and chocolate and irregular hours. The second apparition: the [CHEVALIER D'EPEES] A healer puts her faith in celestial movement healers The third: [RITTER DER SCHWERTER] A voice of passion and innocence a bottle of fire The fourth: [CABALLO DE ESPADAS] An herbalist with fatal femininity A quiet sword in the dark A druidess

14 min later 4147515 My name is Thomas.
>>4147500 To clarify: As of this moment, both poems in this thread were written by me, Thomas, the OP. I understand you're all probably busy with something, but I would appreciate some feedback, however cursory.

24 min later 4147536 Anonymous
>>4147515 >poems Well? are you going to post them?

29 min later 4147551 My name is Thomas.
>>4147536 Uh... they are posted.

59 min later 4147615 My name is Thomas.
>>4147551 This is odd...

1 hours later 4147623 My name is Thomas.
>>4147615 If anyone can see my poems... please tell me. I'm starting to feel as though my interactions using the internet as an interface are wholly imagined. And my poems don't seem to exist. And any post I can make on the subject will seem platitudinal even to myself.

1 hours later 4147628 My name is Thomas.
>>4147623 Are you real?

1 hours later 4147630 Anonymous
>>4147623 I don't see them and I'm beginning to think you're a troll, maybe if you reposted them.

1 hours later 4147633 My name is Thomas.
>>4147630 >New Scent >I >No one remembers >The scents we inhale >No one remembers >The shared dreams >Life is what happens between >last gasp >first seed >Patterned stone >tentatively turning unturning >scent >We sli(c)(d)(e)(p) through life with scent >alone to mop the sweat from our browser w/ >Patchouli >Citrus >Sexuality olfactorily classified >We are all blind drunks >with withering limbs, sniffing our way >to escape >We have no eyes to face the >reality of necessity >We grotesque pack of mutilated bird dogs >In beds, he sucks in the aroma of embrace, >desperately kneading the being into a >state of powerful ignorance while the >band plays on >New chords >Placid, serene, artful, passionate >is mine ocean, but shallow as a dart of paper thrown from the papacy of genetic expression >The scent unknown, A Y E >there's the gain, the ledge >Hold on by fingernails and propel >dreamlike reversal >New scents >like associated words >New glands >like stagnant flame >New strands >New chemicals >New sheets >II >Squalid redolence >crook and cheese of recluse >Wet knuckle w/ crowd soap/ >erase >We never remember >The wintry gaze of unscented pathology >Feel like an adventurer in clocks of rosewood >as we smash reality like a >box of loans >Blizzardous path >through chair and fern >Alchemy of odor and thought >Take it all in >Inhale

1 hours later 4147636 My name is Thomas.
>>4147633 sorry for le maymay arrows hang on

1 hours later 4147642 I'm sorry for the pretentious name field.
>>4147636 New Scent I No one remembers The scents we inhale No one remembers The shared dreams Life is what happens between last gasp first seed Patterned stone tentatively turning unturning scent We sli(c)(d)(e)(p) through life with scent alone to mop the sweat from our browser w/ Patchouli Citrus Sexuality olfactorily classified We are all blind drunks with withering limbs, sniffing our way to escape We have no eyes to face the reality of necessity We grotesque pack of mutilated bird dogs In beds, he sucks in the aroma of embrace, desperately kneading the being into a state of powerful ignorance while the band plays on New chords Placid, serene, artful, passionate is mine ocean, but shallow as a dart of paper thrown from the papacy of genetic expression The scent unknown, A Y E there's the gain, the ledge Hold on by fingernails and propel dreamlike reversal New scents like associated words New glands like stagnant flame New strands New chemicals New sheets II Squalid redolence crook and cheese of recluse Wet knuckle w/ crowd soap/ erase We never remember The wintry gaze of unscented pathology Feel like an adventurer in clocks of rosewood as we smash reality like a box of loans Blizzardous path through chair and fern Alchemy of odor and thought Take it all in Inhale What do you think?

1 hours later 4147647 I'm very disassociated at the moment and this is a surreal experience for me (heroine.jpg 891x1000 73kB)
>>4147642

1 hours later 4147651 stop
>>4147647 Hey if you don't respond I'll probably disappear

1 hours later 4147656 Original Poster
>>4147651 Fuck I was trying to be all arty and shit with the name fields and now I just look like a stoned newfag.

1 hours later 4147658 Original Poster
CAVALIERE DI SPADE An uneasiness godspeed! Cormac An eternity eternation etruscan urination As Orion cried at the starry scorchion and Mrs. Shade barked at the savior I spread my glass wings and fell with style To think my life is tragic is the true tragedy When thousands are flayed while I cut my morphine and inhale I CAN NOT DEFEND MY BROMELIAD The first apparition: the [KNIGHT OF SWORDS] A reclusive beauty who escapes into a screen, a woman of pixels and chocolate and irregular hours. The second apparition: the [CHEVALIER D'EPEES] A healer puts her faith in celestial movement healers The third: [RITTER DER SCHWERTER] A voice of passion and innocence a bottle of fire The fourth: [CABALLO DE ESPADAS] An herbalist with fatal femininity A quiet sword in the dark A druidess

1 hours later 4147671 Anonymous
No one remembers The scents we inhale No one remembers The shared dreams This stanza is beautiful. The rest is shit imo. Stick to short and sweet OP.

1 hours later 4147694 Original Poster
>>4147671 You have brought a joyful tear to my eye.

1 hours later 4147708 Original Poster
>>4147671 This is exactly the kind of brutal honesty I was searching for when I posted this on an anonymous image board. You're response is a godsend because I actually considered that first stanza to be weak. It's a very personal, wangsty poem, and it will probably never traverse the chasm between poet and reader because it will be written off as self-indulgent. What did you think of the last two lines?

1 hours later 4147713 Original Poster
>>4147708 And, secondarily, what did you think of CAVALIERE DI SPADE?

1 hours later 4147730 Anonymous
>>4147708 >>4147713 I think you're style is overly experimental. Some lines are nice but they don't fit next to the lines that are full of obscure references which don't seem all that sincere. Fyi this is coming from a guy who doesn't write.

1 hours later 4147731 Anonymous
>>4147730 Like wtf is bromeliad? If you made that up it sounds stupid.

1 hours later 4147733 Anonymous
The second stanza is stunning. The rest hurts my brain.

1 hours later 4147736 Original Poster
The Key (Stride) We are weavers and climbers Spanning whole octaves with our cords We are the whisper of dusty felt on shimmering cable We are gamblers Walking through red and pink lights Pursued discreetly by Stacatto 7ths Lurching forward Stride Let the cold steam fly through your organ respiratory calliope We are dancers romancers We are weavers and climbers

1 hours later 4147742 Anonymous
>>4147730 Yeah, I agree with this guy. It's awesome to be experimental, just don't go overboard. A little here and there makes for a good poem. I do think you could produce great work, just tone it down.

1 hours later 4147748 Anonymous
>>4147736 Now this, I like.

1 hours later 4147750 Original Poster
>>4147731 A bromeliad is a flower that provides a family of frogs with a permanent place of residence. The frogs within are not aware of reality outside this constructed worldview, if you will. I was using it to convey my use of drugs to create a severely limiting interface with which to live my life. I cannot defend this choice of lifestyle, I am not proud of it. Tell me are the drug references too obnoxious? I've been told not to write about drugs before.

1 hours later 4147758 Anonymous
>>4147750 Now I just feel like an idiot. You're writing doesn't seem so obnoxious because it is not explicitly referenced but once again it is all a diamond in the rough.

1 hours later 4147763 Anonymous
>>4147758 The drug use isn't explicitly referenced I mean

1 hours later 4147767 Original Poster
>>4147758 >not explicitly referenced when thousands are flayed while I cut my morphine and inhale No offense, but did you read the whole poem? Also, thanks a lot for the "diamond in the rough" comment. It means a lot.

1 hours later 4147779 Original Poster
>>4147748 Then you might like this. It has a certain immediacy, I think. Elites The mud and water cakes my new shoes As passengers and losts Gliding through their life of shit and grins And I apalled by my own upturned nose far above their ignorance A face, ephebic, with a crown of starry white hair looks on youth with the merest of smiles. I am the elitist I denounce I am the caustic polemic I went home and wiped the scum off of my new shoes

1 hours later 4147782 Anonymous
>>4147767 No I read that line but its like a back drop. The one line directly referencing drugs is okay I think but then that's not one of my favorites. I envy your ability. I've been reading poetry out loud for a good year now trying to get a handle on it and yet when I write its just shit and I can't build the confidence to just keep writing.

1 hours later 4147790 Anonymous
>>4147779 Why not say "wiped the mud off"?

1 hours later 4147800 Original Poster
>>4147782 Thank you so much. I think the most beautiful part of the creative process is when you talk to someone, as I am talking to you now, and through discourse arrive at something of a mutual understanding of the work of art, whether it be a poem, a painting, a song, etc. That heartwarming realization that only comes with human interaction is more rewarding than any other step in the creative process.

2 hours later 4147809 Original Poster
>>4147790 It is symbolism, of a sort. "Scum" is a very abrasive, elitist word. I was using the mud as a symbol for how I saw these people at a carnival. (who were generally poor, obese whites with dirty clothing and ignorant attitudes) If I was truly as accepting as I think I am, neither the mud nor those 'white trash' at the carnival would've bothered me.

2 hours later 4147811 Anonymous
You should go into nature and just write about what you observe. I would like to read that poem

2 hours later 4147818 Original Poster
>>4147811 Will do. Will you be here tomorrow?

2 hours later 4147820 Anonymous
>>4147809 I understood why you used scum but we already know what you're going for in this poem and somehow mud just sounds better to me. I just can't get over that.

2 hours later 4147821 Original Poster
>>4147820 I'll consider changing it.

2 hours later 4147822 Anonymous
>>4147818 Hah. Unfortunately yes. I was thinking of trying to do the same.

2 hours later 4147827 Anonymous
>>4147800 I don't know anyone that likes to read let alone read poetry

2 hours later 4147829 Original Poster
>>4147822 We can both write a poem about nature and compare each others work.

2 hours later 4147832 Anonymous
>>4147829 If you would like to. Mine would be very simple since I don't know how to write

2 hours later 4147833 Original Poster
>>4147827 >I don't know anyone who likes to read You do now. Nice to meet you, my name is Victor. Just kidding it's Thomas. Note: If you are a troll, please disregard this post.

2 hours later 4147836 Original Poster
>>4147832 Simplicity is never a failing. In fact it is something I try to strive for in my writing, never avoid.

2 hours later 4147841 Anthony
>>4147833 I am Anthony

2 hours later 4147850 Anonymous
Tired 12 hours of work Home I'll be going soon Excited 4 plus two halves of Breaking Bad soon over Bravo Vince Defeated A whole night of more work awaits And I think I got an ear infection

2 hours later 4147861 Original Poster
>>4147850 I like it, especially the mock-classical format.

2 hours later 4147864 Anthony (tumblr_mj41cwj0b51r0ams4o1_250.jpg 166x365 22kB)
>>4147836 Sorry to hijack your thread but here's a few completely unrelated lines that I actually kept: When you sweep with the wind The wind sweeps with you I am always so tired, my body weighs a ton He said poetry comes from the heart. What comes from my heart but movement and blood In death, atoms scatter and reassemble

2 hours later 4147865 Original Poster
>>4147841 Hello

2 hours later 4147870 Original Poster
>>4147864 Cool. I could never write like this.

2 hours later 4147871 Anthony
>>4147850 I am forced to only see the words tired, excited, defeated which makes the rest of the poem pretty funny.

2 hours later 4147882 Anthony
>>4147865 I hope you are not a troll as I certainly am not

2 hours later 4147887 Original Poster
>>4147882 No, what makes you doubt my authenticity?

2 hours later 4147890 Anthony
>>4147887 My paranoia

2 hours later 4147906 Original Poster
>>4147890 Pretty noided myself ATM, but it's probably drug-induced.

2 hours later 4147920 Anthony
>>4147906 My paranoia is from the long term effects of drugs (I am sober now) but really I have no excuse.

2 hours later 4147927 Original Poster
>>4147920 Do you want to... like... talk about drugs over email so we don't get banned?

2 hours later 4147932 Anthony
>>4147927 Srry I don't want to get too personal. Can they even ban drug talk.

2 hours later 4147941 Original Poster
>>4147932 Yeah it's happened to me before. If you change your mind, my email is where you would expect.

3 hours later 4147955 Anthony
>>4147941 I'll save your email and I will write to you when I write poetry. Otherwise I would feel weird about talking to a stranger for no reason. Especially from 4chan no offense.

4 hours later 4148112 Original Poster
>>4147955 Yeah that's fine.

2.602 0.089