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2013-03-17 05:10 3570401 Anonymous (insult.gif 269x185 11kB)
/lit/ write my valedictorian speech for me. It must be 3-5 mins long. Take some time off your Starbucks job and utilize your English degree!

2 min later 3570407 Anonymous
bump...

4 min later 3570409 sage sage
Go back to /b/

5 min later 3570412 Anonymous
>>3570401 We're all about to enter 'The Real World'. That's what everybody says. But most of us have been in the real world for a long time. But I have something to tell everybody. I've glimpsed our future, and all I can say is... 'Go Back'. Well, it's almost over. We've gone to school together for three years, and we've been through a lot. But with that training out of High School gone, what's going to happen to us? We all know what the answers are. We want to be happy, go to college, own a car, maybe raise a family. But what if that doesn't happen? I have, I have to be honest though, I have all the hope and ambition in the world. But when I think about the future, the truth is, I am really...scared.

7 min later 3570415 Anonymous
>>3570412 that was some deep shit. but was only 30 seconds, unless I read too fast?

7 min later 3570417 Anonymous
>>3570415 Yeah, you got to go really slow. Makes it sound profound and confident.

9 min later 3570419 Anonymous
>>3570415 Also, fill it out with some stuff from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vET9 cvlGJQw

10 min later 3570421 Anonymous
I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. My posture is consciously congruent to the shape of my hard chair. This is a cold room in University Administration, wood-walled, Remington-hung, double-windowed again the November heat, insulated from Administrative sounds by the reception area outside, at which Uncle Charles, Mr. deLint and I were lately received. I am in here.

12 min later 3570428 Anonymous
I want to stand and piss in a woman's mouth, do you dare belay me, fuckdogs?

30 min later 3570480 Anonymous
>>3570428 This is the shit I look for when I come to /lit/.

1 hours later 3570639 Anonymous
>>3570428 Too short... >>3570419 That actually was a good video. Took some shit from it, too.

1 hours later 3570647 Anonymous
I came here to write memos and fuck bitches. And I can't get score any bitches.

1 hours later 3570694 Anonymous
>>3570647 That doesn't make sense... Anyone know when Starbucks' shifts end? so I know when I can expect real speeches...

1 hours later 3570695 Anonymous
Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong. What we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us... in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Correct? That's how we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed.

1 hours later 3570704 Anonymous
>>3570694 Honestly, if you go to 4chan when you need to write a speech you're probably destined to work at something like a coffee shop anyway.

1 hours later 3570721 Anonymous
Even though you're smart enough to be Valedictorian, it surprises me that OP doesn't realize there are different time zones, and therefore different Starbucks shifts. Assuming that people who work in Starbucks are actually intelligent.

1 hours later 3570724 Anonymous
>>3570695 You magnificent bastard. Capcha: given

1 hours later 3570729 Anonymous
>>3570704 There's a reason I was chosen to have this honor... >>3570721 Starbucks employees go on 4chan during their breaks, no? >>3570695 I actually already stole shit from that...

1 hours later 3570731 Anonymous
>>3570694 Of course it makes sense. It means your only remaining course of action is to write memos for the rest of your career.

1 hours later 3570733 Anonymous
How many other 80s movies have valedictorian speeches? There's always the one form Gilmore girls too.

1 hours later 3570739 Anonymous
Read Larkin's "This Be The Verse." Since OP is valedictorian, and that really matters because after high school people sincerely give a fuck about things like that , he's smart enough to Google it himself.

1 hours later 3570742 Anonymous
>>3570729 >There's a reason I was chosen to have this honor... Newsflash: there are plenty of other 18 year old student with high marks in this world, probably even on this board. If you're not willing to actually apply yourself in creative measures as well as filling out some answers on a test and doing extracurricular activities you won't go anywhere in life.

2 hours later 3570750 Anonymous
>>3570742 True that. I'm also valedictorian, but I'm not interested in "honor" to ask a bunch of strangers to fill it out for me.

2 hours later 3570751 Anonymous
>>3570729 >There's a reason I was chosen to have this honor To come to the asshole of the internets and get help? Wow. You must be really smart.

2 hours later 3570765 Anonymous
>>3570751 How else do you think I got 90's on my essays? /lit/ has never failed me...until today.

2 hours later 3570775 Anonymous
>>3570765 This must be your first time on /lit/... from what I recall, /lit/ does not help with homework. Go back to /a/ and /h/, anon.

2 hours later 3570795 Anonymous
>>3570775 /lit/ has helped a great deal. Perhaps I should come back in a few hours when the Starbucks employees finish for today...

2 hours later 3570799 Anonymous
>>3570765 We let Opie down, guys. Sad days on /lit/. Vedgew than

2 hours later 3570800 Anonymous
You can achieve everything. That's the motto I've given myself for years. Sometimes I doubt it because we often trip on our failures. However, each time I just stand firmly again. I get wounds, sometimes they are terrible, horrible wounds but as long I can stand again, all I can do is go forward. Nothing stops me and this is why I am here today, standing here. Nothing is due to randomness. It's about you, your determination, your will. And I now cherish this motto. Grab the dream while you can, don't let this cheeky bastard play with you. Catch it, tame it. It's all yours.

2 hours later 3570807 Anonymous
>>3570401 "From the front to the back, lick the sweat right out my crack" Then proceed to dance for the remaining 4 minutes

2 hours later 3570817 Anonymous
>>3570800 THIS. Thank you. I think my speech is coming along greatly. 600 words. I think I'll aim for 700

2 hours later 3570826 Anonymous
Here, Opie. This http://youtu.be/WVXGC896Jdw

2 hours later 3570829 Anonymous (1353826678816.jpg 800x600 407kB)
>>3570817 Well that's cool. It's funny how I give speech material to everybody (including a god damn CEO) except to myself. >mfw I'm a beta faggot with low self-esteem

2 hours later 3570834 Anonymous
Also OP, what's your major and which university, may I ask? (Or state/country if you're too scared that your peers discover your secret.)

2 hours later 3570837 Anonymous
>>3570829 Don't feel bad. You helped a valedictorian. A VALE-MOTHERFUCKIN-DICTORIAN. That's a big deal.

2 hours later 3570840 Anonymous
>>3570834 Business. NY.

2 hours later 3570842 Anonymous (How embarrassing.png 380x310 111kB)
>>3570840

2 hours later 3570845 Anonymous
>>3570842 What's the issue? There's a reason I'm here asking English majors to write a speech...

2 hours later 3570846 Anonymous
>>3570840 Thank god you studied something important.

2 hours later 3570850 Anonymous
>>3570846 Agreed. Anyone else got some inspirational quotes I can shove into the speech?

2 hours later 3570855 Anonymous
>>3570850 "My daddy told me the reason we is live is to get ready to stay dead for a long time." --Faulkner.

2 hours later 3570858 Anonymous
>>3570855 How oddly profound, and yet utterly devastating. I may have to go read As I Lay Dying, now.

2 hours later 3570861 Anonymous
>>3570850 I'll add some: And every morning, what do I tell to myself? "Every day, I can only get better and better". The reason why is very simple. Time is ongoing, and if you flow with time, fight with it, so you can only grow big. Of course, you could let time tame you and play with your fate. Well, that's not the deal I've ever wanted. This is why I fought hard. I fought something terrible called "fate". Back then, people were very afraid of "fate". Well I want to prove you all that because of my determination, I beat it and I surpassed it. I'm not a subject of fate anymore simply because I don't want to. Thoughts are only mere promises and this is why you have to fight. Action is where it is. But action without thought is nothing more than crude violence. So this is why I had to rely on my thoughts and on my actions to make something, to build something. Even if someone crushed me, I'll rebuild again, and make my fort stronger and better. Learn from your mistakes if you can't avoid them, and show to the world what are you made of, even if you're shy or whatever. Show your true thoughts, your true self, through action. That's your true value.

2 hours later 3570872 Anonymous
>>3570861 Where did that come from?

2 hours later 3570873 Anonymous
It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

2 hours later 3570876 Anonymous
>>3570872 >>3570829 here From me. Told you bro, I do speech material everyday for everybody.

2 hours later 3570878 Anonymous
>>3570876 MFW. I said /lit/ failed me today...but I was wrong.

2 hours later 3570881 Anonymous
>>3570861 >Time is ongoing, and if you flow with time, fight with it, so you can only grow big. Of course, you could let time tame you and play with your fate. Sounds very Garth Marenghi.

2 hours later 3570883 Anonymous
>>3570861 >that's not the deal I've ever wanted. It sounds belittling. >Back then, people were very afraid of "fate" The orator who speaks this will sounds very narcissistic; it sounds as though you're saying your audience is neanderthalic >Thoughts are only mere promises and this is why you have to fight This conceit is tenuous, because you haven't explained it. >But action without thought is nothing more than crude violence. Wrong, and also pretentious. Action =/= violence.

2 hours later 3570893 Anonymous
>>3570883 Yeah I know it has flaws. I just randomly spout shit but that's the feeling I did get when I worked in a company . Btw the action thing is just an idea I grabbed from some German philosopher. I noticed that people like to hear that, usually.

2 hours later 3570894 Anonymous
>>3570883 But Opie is a business major. All of those adjectives fit.

2 hours later 3570897 Anonymous (Bioshock Belle.jpg 1032x671 561kB)
>>3570894 Well-played.

2 hours later 3570901 Anonymous
>>3570894 Needs more arse-kissery.

2 hours later 3570912 Anonymous
>>3570861 >my fort So, you're saying you want your audience to exhibit defensiveness? >even if you're shy You just contradicted yourself with the previous statement. >show your true thoughts Again, another contradiction. You can't tell someone to be an honest extrovert if you're simultaneously telling them to shield themselves against others. This speech is hardly didactic.

2 hours later 3570924 Anonymous
>>3570897 Thanks, anon.

2 hours later 3570927 Anonymous
>>3570912 Yeah. Like I said I just randomly spout some shit but OP can work it up a little and clean it up. The background's there.

2 hours later 3570928 Anonymous
>>3570894 oh that was cold...

3 hours later 3570951 Anonymous
Looks like I've finished guys. I might edit it in a couple days and come back for more, but it looks like /lit/ hasn't failed me yet.

4 hours later 3571202 Anonymous
>>3570951 Is your university any prestigious?

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