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2013-08-04 07:22 3998833 Anonymous Writing Critique Thread (dfw.jpg 348x145 5kB)
Writing critique thread go. Critique one, post one would be a nice order.

3 min later 3998844 Anonymous
In all things most presently admired, I thank with a wealth of unused gratitude all: The degradation of the spirit inside walls of deceit and disease The discolouring of fibrous and proud morality for the same And most ostentatiously, and with a decade of choked-back venom, The entrapment of the soul in an embrace both torturous and suffocating.

4 min later 3998845 Anonymous
For thine is Life is For thine is the Life (is) Wow wow wow Life is wow Is wow life Yes Thoughts?

13 min later 3998870 Anonymous
>>3998845 Amazing

27 min later 3998894 Anonymous
Those hours that with gentle work did frame The lovely gaze where every eye doth dwell, Will play the tyrants to the very same And that unfair which fairly doth excel: For never-resting time leads summer on To hideous winter, and confounds him there, Sap checked with frost and lusty leaves quite gone, Beauty o'er-snowed and bareness everywhere. Then were not summer's distillation left A liquid pris'ner pent in walls of glass, Beauty's effect with beauty were bereft, Nor it nor no remembrance what it was. But flowers distilled, though they with winter meet, Leese but their show, their substance still lives sweet.

3 hours later 3999386 Anonymous
something I wrote based off of some time drinking with my family And then I hit the golf ball at the fucking queers, you shoulda seen them fuckin run, faster than my fuckin dog! Jim took another drink and listened to the group laugh and his girlfriend got up to check a text on her phone across the room and he slapped her on the ass as she stood up. Something about someone needin to borrow our fuckin lawnmower. What lawnmower? Aint had one for fuckin years! And the group laughed again as the radio station dedicated to classics from 80's and earlier played through the TV on at max volume and Jim's parents danced semi jokingly and his friends Joe and his significant other Jenny were amused by the story and the comical way his parents were acting. His dad joked with him about the fuckin queer cunts and Joe rubbed Jenny's pussy through her skirt with his fingers and Jim watched for a few seconds and admired his own skills at hosting saturday sessions of getting drunk with his friends and family.

4 hours later 3999418 Anonymous (file.png 415x492 88kB)
Local History “Worth a blue plaque!” Yes, a Greggs, but also the very spot in which the angered godhead tore down its own transcendent majesty to come into time again and open Mitch Penderyn from naval to nose, for receipt of sin, for father without son, father collecting son’s unfastened brain (child, three months) from bewildered stone and earth, June 1798. Will all of that fit--? This is reported through fragments, collected in pp. 23-67 McCann’s Local Disruptions, of which the eeriest is an account from Beth Heddeck, daughter of Inn-Keeper Caol Heddeck, whose Inn is now the Gatehouse: out layte a weepyng and scraping torche ne lampe. He had searched since that morning (speculation) and the passing of the debt’s deadline (there was definitely a debt). Debt unrecorded but I suspect it was a bull or two cows and when the light got up and Penderyn’s field had its expectations of occupancy disappointed he perhaps waited a minute on good faith and waited a few more simply because the affront had not really settled into will, not given itself properly over to the calculus that would soon bid the arm to come through the nursery window and snatch up the crying bundle, to bring it soon apart. “Did anybody see him do it?” Beth Heddeck might have heard this too but simply did not want to busy herself with it. She later busied herself with nine children, none of who were destroyed in any way that we might care about or begin caring about (destroyed census, mourned by McCann p.62, unburdens us of that). The owner then, Caol, broad-shouldered, a man who could read, probably just heard another infant on the air, and if he suspected something else, well, he kept shtum. Today those eating on the Gatehouse balcony would have seen at least the reddening knuckles of the up-swing hoisting from the stone less and less child each time (three times). But they only built that balcony in 2006. “The father a drunk?” Across the town a bull brought on rope. Sweating enquiry for Penderyn? Penderyn? Oh no. Two days in whispering about it, pretending to see the ghost. Then Penderyn is himself quite puddled out of shape, loosed on the earth but this time as slop. “And now a Greggs!” Yes. But this is aboriginal, and cannot really be lost.

4 hours later 3999438 Anonymous
>>3998845 I don't get it

4 hours later 3999467 Anonymous
>>3999386 >Obscenities? Check. >Vulgarity? Check. >Sleaze? Check. >Egotism? Check. >Substance? n/a. >Meaning? n/a. >Purpose? n/a. You're on for a best seller m8.

4 hours later 3999481 Anonymous
>>3999467 fair. I wrote it whilst semi drunk and pretty much as a writing exercise after reading hubert selby jr

4 hours later 3999497 Anonymous
>>3999418 retarded names

4 hours later 3999506 Anonymous
>>3999503 these things are genuine takes from actual conversation/behavior or my family and their friends, no egotism intended

4 hours later 3999508 whatever
DMV observations – The lighting here is very harsh and very terrible and my lipstick is very harsh and very red. A man in a suit is gesturing angrily, seemingly to no one, or to someone who is not presently here, in reality. I write a poem: "conducting drug deals over the phone, via text, while waiting to be called at the dmv" and I think “this is a ‘Koan’," but I look up “Koan" on Wikipedia on my phone and decide that it isn’t.

4 hours later 3999509 Anonymous
>>3999506 *of my family

4 hours later 3999596 Anonymous
>>3999508 I need more edge, doll.

5 hours later 3999633 Anonymous
After slumping back onto the couch and covering his head with a blanket for what felt like several eternities, proving to be about 20 minutes, the television was on to a show about survival in Alaska. He was able to lower the blanket and watch, and felt calmer in doing so, although what was going on onscreen was bleak. Images of wolves running from tree to tree, of a man talking about how he feared everyday that he might die out there, and leave his family behind. All of it was incredibly emotional, lit with a blinding white meter, and he felt somehow that they were speaking directly to him. A man looked pityingly past the camera. It was as if this show was a representation of his internal, hellish landscape, a sincere but knowingly doomed letter to a loved one describing painfully hidden ordeals, before he was swallowed by the void and no other evidence remained of why he had to be succumbed. Numan found himself once again driving the other two somewhere miles away, the passing headlights of other cars like strobing eyes staring at him as he passed, feeling strangely athroe in the inertia of the rolling vehicle, distantly and pleasantly tired, and unsure what he had just got done going through. It didn't seem to matter anymore and he felt silly for brief recollections of being afraid. His feeling silly made him feel sad.

5 hours later 3999809 Anonymous
Dave saw the man coming from yards away, but he kept his head down and continued to read his book hoping to God that he would just keep walking. Sadly, a few moments later a shadow fell over his book and Dave was forced to interact with the man. "Excusez-moi, Monsieur. Ou est le bar plus proche, s'il vous plait?" The man spoke slower than Dave expected him to, though the thick accent gave the man away as a tourist. "Mmm, allez tout droit, puis prenez la premiere gauche et, voila!, sur le gauche cote est la pub." The words felt wrong coming out of Dave's mouth. The English syntax butchered the French language. The man's face was a mixture of slight confusion and shock; clearly he'd never heard his language used quite like that before. "Sie Deutsch?" The man asked, still in a thick Lourdes accent. Dave smiled to himself. "No," He muttered, and folded over the corner of page 67 of 'By His Own Hand: Study of Cricket's suicides', "Je suis Anglais." As Dave stood up, the Frenchman stepped back. Dave smiled again and raised his hand, gesturing 'tout droit'. "So, the bar?" Dave suggested. The time it took the Frenchman to respond probably felt like minutes to him. "Oui, la bar." >Now, I don't want criticism of my prose or grammar or anything, I want to know if the idea is any good, and if it's been done in contemporary English literature before, I know that some (either Tolstoy or Dostoevsky or both and possibly more) used this sort of thing because french was used by the higher classes, but I assume that's lost in most modern translations. Anyway, thanks /lit/

5 hours later 3999815 Anonymous
A tetrad of dinner plates forming the end-points of a cross mark a distinct feature on the dinner table (the misemployed jorum in the middle, of course, for ossa). "Is this where Jesus Christ died? On our food?" "No, hunh, there isn't any food on the table.". "Are we poor?". "No, but I ~am~ preparing poori and borsht. Perhaps you can humble your arms akimbo to that of a reasonable taste by adjusting them to a sedentary posture in front of the table". "You mean behind the table" "No, the table does not face a particular direction, it is circular. If you want to argue which shade of #000000 to use, then you can find interest on your own time. I'm busy." "You asinine clodpate, we went from having a civilized discussion to talking about colors." "Well, it would first help to remind you that I AM an oratrix and a significant member of the Notre Amour de l'Apprentissage cenacle, which entails utilizing figures of speech as an efficacious and convenient means to get points across. This also entails reasoning, a concept which your cranium's melange of contents may never find light to apprehension. As a consequence, talking to you is like trying to explain the fundamental laws of nature to an avaricious magnate." "..What? What's an oratrix? Don't you mean dominatrix?"

5 hours later 3999818 Anonymous
>>3999815 "Why don't you take a seat and focus your inextinguishable energy on telekinetically bending your fork to a 45 degree angle?" "What if I want to telekinetically bend you over obtusely?" "First of all, "obtuse" is a constituent of the phrase "obtuse angle" and is thus rendered unalterable from an adjective to an adverb. Secondly, if you do use it as an adverb, it would derive from the other sense of the adjective meaning "annoyingly stupid", which perfectly exemplifies your behaviour right now." "But copulation is natural! And so is olive oil extraction. It would work great as a substitute." "My shapely buttocks would be very pleased if you heed me..I am placing a votive in each quadrant of this rood on which Jesus was crucified. This furnished design on the table will commence our quotidian ritual, so I will have to ask you to sit down so we won't remain standing here until the next ice age." ... "After every a word of your anecdote is uttered, we take a bite. Or you can sip on my orgeat or potheen I made last night. They are in the icebox. I don't care. This shouldn't take aeons." ... "Your..." HAAAOOGH "mother..." HAAAOOGH "is..." HAAAOOGH "a..." HAAAOOGH" "whore..." HAAAOOGH "She..." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA H Look I've arranged two slices of potato and a kidney bean phallically. Testiclitis."

5 hours later 3999821 Anonymous
>>3999818 "Stop toying with your food and exhibit some grace and civility at the dinner table. " "In a trice. This is awesome." "No, now." "Are you my mother?" "That is n--""--Answer me, are you my mother?" "No. But you need creative assistance and I don't want you to starve." "My mother's assistance wasn't characterized by incessant negativity of an unadulterated bitch. Perhaps you can practice identifying with my mother's attributes." "Yeah? And those attributes conduced to where you've ended up." "Lool. Imma go stravaig. Yo blue-footed booby! My, what lovely bastard wings you have. Would you mind if I take a ride?" The engine's maximum speed was deliberately derated to a speed at which hasty hank would not find trouble. Hopping up astride, he unfurled the sails and attached them to the mast, and set sail. "I like this fluyt. Its shape at a comfortable distance reminds me of my smile. The sail's fabric has a fremd design on it tho: several parabolic arches diverging from a common ori---"It's a flower, Tim" ... "Tim, are you a schizophrenic?". "I don't know, Bruce. Are you?" "No." ... "Did you know if you reverse the word 'no' you get 'on'?", "No. I didn't, Tim. Tell me what else you know." "'nametag' is the reversal of 'gateman', you can overlap 'borderlines' with 'orderliness', and 'gastronome' with 'astronomer'. 'anemone' is actually reversely embedded in 'phenomena', so is 'illegal' in 'flagellin'. 'desserts' is the reversal of 'stressed'. 'visu---"Thanks, Tim, but I need to go fetch me some desserts to chase away its reversal you induced on me."

5 hours later 3999826 Anonymous
>>3999821 .. "You can help yourself to the poori my virago made. I'm sure she altered the simple recipe with countless soupçons of trifling homeopathic ingredients that she deemed necessary for quality taste." ... "Would it have paprika?". "Undoubtedly, and a chiliad of others" "Can you name any others?" "I don't know. I know as much about food as you do about tensor calculus." ... "I'm in". But "in" where? Philosophers have pondered this paradox for ages. Was he thinking empirically or a priori? If you stand alfresco, "in" must denote an area beneath the earth's surface. Down past the topsoil; past the subsoil; past the karstic subterranean hollows of corroded limestone by pH 4-5 carbon-acidified rainwater. Where is he "in"? Perhaps he is "in" the universe? With"in" the sun's gravitational influence? Tim didn't give two flying-projectile shits, however, because he was busy calculating the physiognomy of a disfigured child with triangular eyes who was mouthless and had approached him asking for money. "If vanfuls of clones of this child encapsulated my personal space, would I be able to escape? Something has to be true, I just can't figure out what."

6 hours later 3999829 Anonymous
>>3999826 "HAHA HOHOOO BO SKKKKKKEEEEE :!! gagawaka cha ching", child (x) proclaimed. Tim couldn't figure out how x made any sense. How did x prolong the velar voiceless stop that is "K" in "SKE"? Tim gazed into the sunset connecting the dots between "what the fuck is going on with this child" and "there's a plate of leftover borsht waiting for me.". X gripped its tibiae and pushed them back dorsally so that its patella dropped and impacted the earth's surface with the force of the product of the unit of gravity and the amount of time it took to hit the ground relative to the distance between it and the earth. This effect dispensed a note from X's frons, which read "Amid this tumult, it is your fault; rather, all posterity, for the sapient sapiens are nothing more than slowpoking emulations of our lithe prehistoric genera, falling into the depths of oblivion. Boulders and pebbles alike are always casting perils over our infinitesimal world." Another note printed through the space between x's eyes. "Do not disclose what I am confiding to you. There is not such a thing as a confined solar system. A solar system, in real terms, is only the ambit which you, as a collective collaboration of scientists, declare the threshold of acceptable distance from the Sun. It seems jocular to the alien eye to assume from an earthen standpoint a boundary in which rock orbits and out from which nothingness diffuses and perpetuates to the next stellar system.

6 hours later 3999833 Anonymous
>>3999829 We are, in fact, in a universe of sintered, coagulated rock which coalesced from the elements emitted from the beginning of time. Yes, there's a Kuiper Belt and Oort cloud. There's also a Wow That's Far, It's So Far We Can't Detect It, And It Takes Absolutely Forever To Make One Whole Revolution Around The Sun cloud, and a Negligible cloud too. What you see, with regard to our Sun and every other star, is when a gravitational body grasps a hold of its surroundings, it acquires a hold of the game, wins it, and becomes a flaming hot ball sucking in everything smaller or less dense than itself. The enormous gravitational influence gradually abating outward, but existing infinitely in all directions, has a profound effect on the rocks near the body. The rocks coalesce to planets with the help of its star in a process uncountably faster than universal entropy.

6 hours later 3999836 Anonymous
>>3999418 I think I get what you're trying to do. Objectively, I don't like how long an convoluted the sentences get. It detracts from the overall piece. Subjectively, if you ARE talking about the McCanns I think you're talking about, I hope you never get published, stop reading the Express and the Daily Mail, reconsider your views on life and stop voting Tory/BNP/UKIP. Also, I like the idea of writing about the blue plaques, I live near a few of the Lewis Carroll ones. It's also interesting to know that there's one on a Greggs, thanks for that!

6 hours later 3999837 Anonymous
>>3999833 And of course all of this is orbiting a black hole. Like a star owning its set of planets through immense gravitational influence, a black hole (once a star itself) likewise owns its set of stars. A quasar is on its way to evolve into something beyond our comprehension. All central black holes (galaxies) are orbiting Something so incredibly massive and those countless Somethings are orbiting Something even greater. It's an entropic survival of the fittest for rocks, all of which compete for the most gravity, and eventually become stars at a gravitational threshold and black holes at a greater gravitational threshold. What the stars do is feed off smaller rocks with substantially weaker gravity. If a star gathers all of the rock from its surroundings, the outer rocks would be too far away to provide the star its required energy to maintain survival before the fuel is spent, releasing its materials. As a rock accumulation gets a certain size, increasing pressure at its center overcomes the intermolecular force threshold of atoms, triggering a molten core. What is the state of matter in the centre of a small rock on Earth? Solid. What about our large planet's core? Liquid. What happens when the the body gets so large that the entire body becomes a ball of molten rock? The centre becomes gaseous, likewise, What comprises the centre of the incomprehensible size of the Sun? Gas. The Sun is 1.3 million times larger than Earth. The surface of the Sun is therefore, and of course, gas. The centre is plasma. What becomes of a Sun when it evolves to a black hole? It embarks on a new journey emitting waves undetectable to our senses. The size of an object is commensurate with its state of matter (solid --> gas). Our planet is very slowly, but surely, inching towards the Sun with every revolution, like a very lengthy, seemingly forever, inward spiral. Gravity eventually gets everything. Mercury will be next to feed the Sun.

6 hours later 3999840 Anonymous
>>3999837 Once, a vast core collided with another (Big Bang) and ejected microscopic rock fragments, or today, galaxies, in all directions. These tiny grains, after millions of years, coalesced to pebbles, from pebbles to boulders, from boulders to planetoids, from solid small planetoids to molten liquid planets, from molten liquid planets to gaseous large planets, from large gaseous planets to stars, from stars with orbiting planets to black holes, from black holes with orbiting stars to greater black holes…… and so on. Do not adhere to the notion of dark matter, it's a complex idea that cannot be proven. Likewise, it does not exist. The universe is simply collecting the rock it spewed out at the beginning of our time through the process of gravity. Gravity; the key force; the Hungry, never fails an endless process." X walked over to its parents, which Tim discerned to be two rocks covered in moss.

6 hours later 3999844 Anonymous
>>3999840 Tim, upon the sudden realization that he just wasted 5 minutes of his life, sprinted home with a speed that overtook Bruce for the bowl of borsht atop a sheeny argent platter. Sunlight illuminated through the oriel of his dwelling, and onto the viand like a spotlight directed with purpose. "This is the porringer of God. We are splitting it." He held the cutlas his harridan threatened to use last week if he didn't comply with her orders in front of him and with a strike perpendicular to the floor along the centre of the bowl and harder than the force of gravitational free fall, he relocated the bowl asunder across the room. "It's everywhere." "Was that a comedic strategy or are you serious, Tim? What am I even doing here?" "Picking up the bowl and licking the food off the floor for generating more hell into this domicile"…"That's her?" "Yes. Men alike have expressed common uxorial issues apparently." "I imagined she would be leather-clad, brandishing a strop of pliant steel….He proposed the offer, madame." "You are standing next to a famished humanoid who, before having the opportunity of eating 3 hours ago, left the dinner table out of a whim. You are as doltish as him for accepting such a loose offer from a complete stranger. Lick it." "Can I opt for mopping?" "There is no mop or any cleaning utensil in the vicinity. However, your tongue has taste buds, so you will taste the food you came here for." "But I didn--" "--An idea to literally split the dish in half, put into practice in my absence unobstructed, has left a fuckload of unnecessary operose toil that neither he nor I would have to do had your arrival not occurred.

6 hours later 3999850 Anonymous
>>3999844 "I would prefer not to contract insidious ailments by interacting with pathogens… What is the white stuff?" "It's the liquified portion of bird shit… Sour cream, you lummox." "Perhaps I can get eudaemonic solatia of considerable value and get on my way?" The churl looked askance at his proposal and tacitly gestured and exacted her command. Like a Muslim in a mosque, he kneeled before his kafirs and got to work. "You know, I don't ask for much, and I can be a nice person, but I've always wanted a butler to relieve the burden of menial tasks. However I prefer not to expend my loose cash so I think I'll have to downgrade to slavery." … "Is this menial task being regarded as your venial sin, O Genial One? If licking your shoes clean is not next, I cannot imagine what is. Garrotte me with your strop already." "Who do you think I am? You should be thanking me for strengthening your immune system. Jesus christ. Before we know it, being exposed to any open-air situation will be a great fear for us, for having avoided virtually all contact with the external world for an epoch or two our immune systems will be completely depleted and our lymphatic systems imploded."

6 hours later 3999853 Anonymous
>>3999850 "I will lick your floor and shoes clean if you shower my phallic or scrotal region in amylase." "Why? To break down the cheese? Given that your uncontrollable desire for food made you perspire and exert more effort than necessary along a 3 and a half mile odyssey, your genitals now emit the stench of a Long John Silver's dumpster baking in the heat of a thousand suns. I would rather sing Rebecca Black's Friday to a coma than to eternally long to forgive myself for nearing towards personal areas of one of nature's greatest aesthetic mishaps, to be honest. I can appreciate a jocular euphemism, though. Thanks for that." Maintaining his insouciance with aplomb, Tim's acquaintance refrained from imparting the contradictions in her logic for fear of the rage that he imagined could only ensue like a barrage of technologically refined poison darts attracted to the flow of veinal blood, as the venomous, caustic nature of her ripostes would eat away and corrode his self-assurance and humility upon further musing. He was indeed aware of this. "With all due respect, madame, our repartee has veered towards a non-desirable state. I shall now resile from it and bid farewell to you, your complacency and your priggery. Goodbye Tim, thanks for the ground soup."….

6 hours later 3999856 Anonymous
>>3999853 "I've listened to you narrate your present life experience for 50 hours straight with god-tier patience, I've had to exhume your head from the ground after you severely twisted your ankle while imitating the behaviours and sprinting velocity of an ostrich. I've also watched you impersonate an authoritarian figure, endangering your life by a far-left, Gandhi-like liberal. Never hitherto have I suppressed so much vexation--where are you going? TIM." "Oh, what? Sorry I was pondering some---""---Tim, something is seriously wrong with you. How could you even consider for one………..moment……… that ….. . . … …that? bat, cat, shat, mat. A cat and a bat shat on a mat. Why are bat-infested caverns never clogged even half-way with guano? Those fuckers eat and defecate like Manuel Uribe phasing out sexaginti-horal diarrheic explosions. Imagine soaring in unison with thousands of your comrades to the forceful rhythm of the wind like a desultory improv dance known by all. We would add another sport to the olympics and dub it "Wind-surfing"; wind-surfing at fear-inducing altitudes; not impeded by any physical object; freedom; knowing your place and nanoscale importance in the world; discerning a slightly more spherical shape to the home we have called flat for thousands and thousands of years.

6 hours later 3999858 Anonymous
>>3999856 Birds have known the secret longer than we have! Those fucking bastards. Maybe that's why they sing more mellifluously than us. While humans burnt a man at the stake for claiming that the Earth may be round and that there may be an infinite number of worlds like ours, birds discovered our wonder hundreds of thousands of millennia before we did and found mates by synchronizing their joyous, universal, celebratory tune with another. Like finding synchrony in direction and V-shape teamwork, they also find synchrony and pitch perfection of tune. They are more strategic and beautiful than I thought. Hey, you know what, avian blobs of shit? We think we're better than everyone else despite the fact that we aren't equipped with any special physicality but intellect, we're too conceited to admit we're wrong, and the canaille are too naive and tenacious to recognize we are progressively but surely tainting our atmosphere with poison to potentially dangerous levels, only acting when our lives are threatened. FUNNY FOR A SPECIES EQUIPPED WITH OUR ONE AND ONLY USEFUL ADAPTATION. WHATEVER. FUCK YOU AND YOUR JOY, BIRDIES. Birdies; badminton; soaring through the wind across the net. The joy of flying has been reduced to being half-barricaded by a seine attached to poles buried in the ground at each end, across which the birdie's continuous, 200m^2 confined grace is dependent upon two sets of dexterous hands which are responsible for its consistently smooth to-and-fro trajectory. FUCK YOU BIRDIES. INEVITABLY BLOCKED AND SHAT ON. DONE. I WIN. Win: bolded, underlined, italicized, comic-sans'ed, font sized 84, royal blued, bordered-----------

6 hours later 3999862 Anonymous
>>3999858 --------TIM, TIM LISTEN TO ME, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. Never invite ANYONE over again. Ever heard of a stranger coming in and shoving their fist up your ass, torturing and dismembering you, and eating your hallux like a drumstick and your pollex like a drumlet? Now you have." "What? Your friends always distinguish you for your shrewdness. I feel that I beg to differ. In any case, at least your OCD would resolve your stress by counting over and over my body of three clean-sliced pieces." "Alright, where's the cangue? See me in the attic, prompto!

6 hours later 3999864 Anonymous
>>3999862 First we have to find it. May as well clean up while we're here. …."What you see is the pinguid residue and the eternal pressurized suffering of a chair that had underwent and endured the damaging effects of obesity. It truly bears the permanent scars of my grandmother's obesity. Discard." "What is that beside it?" " It's her omentum which I used to hold her things. Discard." "In it is her tureen I presume." "Discard." … "I'm sensing a sudoral eruption. Perhaps you should assume my place while I dry off the micrometer-layer of salty uric fluid upon my dermis." "Pardon me while I guffaw at a big contradiction in your logic which you may have overlooked in view of the fact that it satisfies your physical sloth. You concern yourself with the risks of exposure to an unnaturally sanitary environment over long periods of time, yet you sure as fuck don't pay heed to the fibers of your body begging to be contracted. So while you soliloquize the agonies of muscular atrophy, I will bask in the luxury of my lymphatic system imploding in the safety of a quiet home." "This is the rockoon that pierced through my roof and landed in my room when I was 5. I attributed the horrifying experience to a dipsomaniacal meteorologist inattentively doing his job. The deafening cacophony of entry and the plopping upon my floor a hot metallic ovate rod mentally scarred me in ways which have now been obscured to disconnected and further irrational fears that inhibit my daily life." "Yet you kept it. You're so fucking dramatic." "Maybe I'm willingly holding onto my trauma." "Maybe the meteorologist mis-predicted the weather forecast. You were 5."

6 hours later 3999867 Anonymous
>>3999864 "In this baggie is my lanugo and first lock." "The can of Ossetra caviar I tried in Sacramento which I kept to commemorate my first true taste of class can go. Its underlying motive contradicts who I pretend to be now." "Ew! It seems you didn't finish eating it." "Oh, right, that's my solidified meconium. My mother gave it to me as an heirloom to pass down to my kids before she died as though she thought of it as an object from my youth, among all other things, of most sentimental value. I thought of her heirloom to be in poor and disgusting taste so I took it out from the etui in which she thought it was necessary, into a can of caviar which I cared less about. Care for my thoughtful intentions; I wanted to make an efficient and economic saving of available surface area." "The curare darts that I pilfered from the prop set of Lost can go. I can no longer find value in killing you.". "My dinero, guinea, dinar, thaler… My uncia… Oh my goodness! Most of my coinage has patinated. The worth of their antiquity and rarity is little to nothing now. Whose fucking idea was it to spoil the time and effort I spent into my endeavours by storing them in an un-caulked, seeping attic?" "Yours, you thou--" "--ugh guh ugh guh guh, you have adenoids lodged above your pharynx. Clear it and try again."

6 hours later 3999874 Anonymous
>>3999867 "Bu--" "--What? Once more the sound waves are dissipating before entering the range of earshot." "Cin--" "The exordium of your oration was monotonous. It has bored me beyond tears to the point where I feel a strange void." "Listen to me. Cindy and Chad are hosting an infare tonight." "Okay, first of all, who the hell is Cindy, and who the second hell is Chad? The only "chad" I know is the residual waste of hole-punching a paper to penetrate the tines of a binder, waste which everybody lets fall to the floor to be walked on. Nobody cares for chads, we bend them in half, in half again, unfold it, observe the perfect quartered pie you created, and then throw them on the floor, and frankly, I don't think we care about "Chad" either. Secondly, I will bolster the monotony of the ceremony with my laughter for thinking to how silly it is watching them stand upon what they make seem to be as sacred as a bimah as they declare their moral obligations to one another."

6 hours later 3999880 Anonymous
>>3999874 "Cindy, Andrea. Andrea, Cindy." "Hi!" "Squeal that monosyllablic stridor one octave higher and you will be the Tits and Glamor soprano of Earth. Who are you? And how are you associated with oh, I get it. Shouldn't have asked. I will be at the table hurling my ingesta." "Embrace the calm warmth after the storm!" "Yes. And you embrace the misery after the marriage. Slainte." "Hehe!!!!" "You're already sozzled. The pain-numbing has begun." "No I'm not!" "It sure sounds like it. Is the conversation over yet?"

6 hours later 3999883 Anonymous
>>3999880 "I feel like I'm in the room of mirrors. 150 epergnes wrapped in tinsel before my eyes at the centre of every table so perfectly that each one appears to be a reflection of one at different angles. I'm lost. Help. I can't find my way out." "Does this imply that we can actually go now?" "I'm lost, can anyone find the exit? I'm kicking the mirrors down." ... "What is he doing?" "..There's a reverse superstition afloat that if you can kick a fly with your shoe, you'll get seven years of good luck. He's trying for it. No, I'm kidding. He's retarded. I'm taking him to a mental facility. You're a grace, a wonder, and a phenomenon, Mrs. Soprano. Ciao." She had forgotten his mercurial nature, and had later that day discovered that neither he nor she knew who they were.

6 hours later 3999888 Anonymous
>>3999883 "The cangue shall return to your head. I let the wild beast run amok and I got snagged along by his flailing arms." "For what duration of time shall I succumb to your torture?" "A minimum of the amount of time you wasted from my life at the infare of two mindless dolts." "They seemed like nice people." "They probably laced their gorditas with morphine so we wouldn't cry ourselves to death there." "She looked pretty at least." "Her face was vitrified from the countless layers of maquillage she slathered over her face. The lace malines of her veil was tattered as well. It had a small hole in it probably from a gust of air that strayed too close. I didn't bother telling her because I didn't want to be put under the obligation of coming up with a new word to describe the stage beyond soprano." "Hold on, do nouns that are said as their plural in singular context have a singular verb tense?" "As malines is the name of a silk it is correct to say "was" tattered." "So what is the plural of malines then? Malineses?" "Malines. Malines and maline are used interchangeably as a singular noun." "When will I be allowed to eat?" "When floor-licker returns for more food." "But that's ridi--" "--Hi, I'm still here."

6 hours later 3999890 Anonymous
>>3999888 ... "That's about accurate. Two days pass and this disgusting polyped waif clueless of an order to leave instead wandered astray from the door from which he entered inevitably getting lost in a three thousand ft. sq. barren space. Had Picaro not samuraied the porringer across the room, I could have ensured your exit by dumping the soup over your head so that the trail of dribbling borsht lead to and out the door." "You could have watched him leave." "If I had done so, peeling my eyes off you for thirty seconds, you would have curiously imbibed the ammonia solution under the sink. Let me guess, you were hiding in the food storage room."

6 hours later 3999894 Anonymous
>>3999890 "No, I was admiring the collection of tchotchkes you hoard in your basement.. And the lengthy ruler with which you lash this poor gentleman and scholar." "Questionable word choice, and incorrect purpose assigned to the ferule. I use it to measure the distance away he digresses aimlessly from the position I designate him to stay. If he trespasses the assigned radial value…….. I beat him." "I hate to impose, but do you have anymore food?" "Get out. We will now play the game I dub "reverse ferule" in which you must not trespass the radial distance towards this house that I assign to you. Don't think of testing the waters, you'll drop head first into the middle of the lake." "Okay, but I'm hungry and thirsty. Perhaps a deep water submersion and consumption will slake my thirst." "The ground beyond these doors is rich with vegetative verdancy. Join your fellow ruminants, you filthy cow." "But it's such a long way back home. Can you drive me?" "You ran here, you can run back. Write a bucolic grieving the pains of rurban life and the expansive acres taken to cross from one dwelling to another. Begone." "An avoirdupois?" "That is a unit of weight, probably equivalent to the weight of your brain. I will assign you one kilometre. Last request: leave."

6 hours later 3999899 Anonymous
>>3999894 "Tim, have you ever actually realized that the surface on which we are stationed every moment of every day has become so normal and consistent for us that we never think about it potentially being so large that it appears two-dimensionally flat? That we never stop to think how bizarre it is that we are in fact walking atop something so large that it appears two-dimensional? Or how bizarre it is that we are the three-dimensional awarenesses walking about our three-dimensional surroundings, manipulating the two-dimensional surface that is so consistent that we use it to maneuver ourselves around it to maintain our survival? Or how bizarre it is that humans, on a seemingly two-dimensional surface--the main frame of our three-dimensional awareness-- are now seeking the fourth dimension after establishing security? When this is analyzed further, we realize that this world is just a small speck of what appears to be an infinite expanse of reality. Reality; that that is and can only be, not tainted by the illusions of imagination. Reality is everything we empirically see. We can argue that the mind is part of reality since we are embedded in it, but something tells me that it is different. The simplicity of a reality not associated with complex chemical bonds seems more like reality because it is something our feeble minds can most easily understand." "Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down. Are you suggesting that we are just as alive as an atom?"

6 hours later 3999906 Anonymous
>>3999899 "No. That has absolutely no relevance to what I was saying. However, consider yourself as real as an atom. And consider your mind a product of said atom electromagnetically interacting with many atoms. Consider you, as an oxygen atom attracting 4 hydrogen atoms, as nothing more than a group of very complex bonds seeking what attracts it most: That is, food, or other compounds, that gives it the most pleasure, and the people similar to you so you can procreate with them. Perhaps that food contains the right bonds necessary to allow you to grow into the now brainless disease you are. However, belief is burdensome and gets in the way of what is natural. Someone who may enjoy fruit hears the rhetoric of mindless studies that say it is unhealthy. Despite its deliciousness, that person may now refuse to rest in his stomach the fruits of delicious fruit. His brain is so large that he stands there testing determinism and demands free will from the constraints of general predictability. He wants to manipulate the order of nature to transcend beyond what is already here. If that is a sign of disease, or pure ingenuity, I want to know." "Cheetos clot my arteries tho, but they are so delicious. I'm attracted to cheetos even though they kill me." "And just like that you've bulldozed the framework of my idea. Beautiful." "What?"

6 hours later 3999909 Anonymous
>>3999906 "I have a question for you. Suppose an asteroid was destined to hit our planet three hours ahead of time, one large enough to raze the entire surface of the planet, and one certainly large enough to shift our states of mind to one of instinct and truth. Do you think that people would come forth and admit the problems of everything and everyone? That everyone got so caught up in the material world that they forgot who they really were? Would the wealthy hop astride the podium and proclaim that they have won the game and hug and kiss their families? Would the folks who aren't gluttonous for money express to everyone the problems that may have went generally unnoticed? Or would we bring to our death the story that nobody ever wanted to tell?"

6 hours later 3999912 Anonymous
>>3999909 "Many people are quite satisfied with the way they live, toots. As long as most's necessities are catered, and their lives are not threatened, they will not think to change their way of thought or living. Many only know of the life they currently live and cannot imagine the world of another. The gift some of us have is the ability to imagine; to conjure an accurate, realistic view of something that has never actually happened because we see something they don't. We have analyzed their behaviour to the point where we can verbally express how their brain works and the nuances that separate realism from imaginative convolution. Ask that series of questions to the boy over there with the Yankees jersey. You will be given a weird eye accompanied with a delicious remark of disinterest: "what the fuck are you talking about?". If such a scenario were to occur, I don't imagine a surrender, but a panic for survival to maintain that which they only know." "That was the first coherent thing I have ever heard you say in the 20 years I've had to put up with you. Do you imagine a complacency among philosophers, who embrace and welcome the asteroid as it approaches, while trampled over by the vast stampede of panicky fools?" "What?"

6 hours later 3999917 Anonymous
>>3999912 "I see the cangue. Head down. This time it will stay on for a solid month." "Andrea, the problem with you is that you seem to think that because I don't see the world the way you do, that you think I am a blowfished, mentally incapable slug, unable to fend for myself in the real world. My brain is an open canvass. I paint pictures of intertwining ideas that have no semblance of reality. That gives me the most pleasure. This is another form of creativity, the same type of creativity that you possess in the fields that interest you most. Yes, jersey boy over there may not solve the problems he is causing and for which he is partially responsible. However, he works together with his kin so that they uplift one another as a team. He is centred on the social aspect of life, as most are. He works together with his people as a team emotionally to maintain survival, and expresses himself by means of what he learns through is interactions with his folks. You solve problems alone and interact with nature and yourself. There are pros and cons to your way of living, and there are pros and cons to his way of living. Me? I'm in the middle of it all. I can interact with people, but I can also understand what you are saying. I am the fire-breathing-flying 10,000-footed dragon with squares as eyes who takes over the world etcetera etcetera etcetera, while adhering to the blurred framework of nature."

6 hours later 3999922 Anonymous
>>3999917 "And how would thousands of you interacting maintain survival?" "I am still socially capable. You and I get along because we are slightly more abstract than social members are. I enjoy my solitude, and you enjoy yours. We cannot communicate to the masses in the same way two members of said society can. We clearly value different things than they do. Thousands of me would interact by telling epic stories. We would socially create an imaginatively nonrealistic world while still admiring the beauty of nature." "How does that have any bearing on your survival?" "Again, our emotions towards our ideas would fuel one another, motivating us to do good for one another. This is another type of society, different from the one you see now. Interestingly, the one you see now is determined by how the average mind works today in the society which we currently live. Numbers in favour of something which overpower other ideas will win, statistics will always win, which is why you see money working. From this, I can judge the average person by their desire for fairness and reward for doing good and can thus imagine the qualities the average person must possess. Some carry out actions for the better good without expecting reward. Can you imagine a world like that?

6 hours later 3999924 Anonymous
>>3999922 "The Venus Project. I get it. Others don't and never will. I guess this is why we get along so well despite our differences. We are more similar than we may think. Don't you see 1,000 more benefits to the scientific method than your way, though?" "Yes, but I simultaneously understand that I do not have the mind for it. Thousands of you may just be the kind that work together, or even alone, to render your survival guaranteed." A man eavesdropping from the neighbouring porch had accumulated the rage of ten belligerent Hitlers, for his beliefs did not coincide with theirs. Cathartically, he crossed the yard to engage in the conversation that would hopefully change their viewpoints. "Excuse me, my fellow neighbours. I can appreciate conversation between two parties of anything, however, I cannot tolerate beliefs untouched by the hand of truth. Nothing would be more of a hell than to succumb to the depression and monotony of doing something for the "better good" and getting "in touch" with nature. What incentive and personal gain would there be without monetary reward? By doing an action that bears our survival as a group, you obtain value which you can spend at your will. Your job, rather, contributing one repetitive, tedious part to make our world practical rewards you with you the general value "money" which equals in magnitude the amount of value which you have contributed to our society, which you can spend at your own will to indulge in personal, valuable interests."

6 hours later 3999928 Anonymous
>>3999924 "I understand what you are saying, sir. Folks like you tend to think that way. However, you must understand that your mind is different from mine. I value the power of community, in which every member loves one another and uses the power of that to work together as a team, without expecting reward. Just like a parental figure on his own child, but to a whole community. You walk among strangers on a daily basis, you don't really care for the strangers by which you pass at any moment. This is why this system works for you. At the same time, this is why the world is so corrupt. You are willing to bring yourself and your associations up at the expense of your strangers--the people you don't care for. All of this can be attributed to the effects of the expected value to which you devote your life. Explain to me why you cannot love your strangers in the same way you gain affection for your associations?" "Are you fucking retarded? Money has been in effect for thousands of years. It is the only system that works to sustain a group of varying values and interests. Money, itself, is the un-themed concept that enables one to obtain something themed, or personally valued: that is, something musical for a musically inclined mind, like a guitar, or a thing designed to stimulate or enhance the sexual experience for the sexual mind, like a lubricant. Nothing you say will ever make two strangers love one another. That's just the way your "nature" works. What you are striving for is a pipe-dream of unrealistic ambitions."

6 hours later 3999931 Anonymous
>>3999928 "While I'm not religious, I understand why religion has been spouting "love thy neighbour" around the same time your money was running into effect. The two worlds are both workable, however, the mind you were given and the values you adopt from your upbringing decides what you value and how your world works. I don't laugh at your world because I understand it just as much as you. However, I do not agree with its potential. I understand that even you, who is willing to bring others of your own kind down can achieve the love of another being and care for them. You know the power of love already. Why can't you extend that power onto everything by actually understanding the world around you; to actually make sense of why you hate someone so different from you. When you find veracity in these reasons, you gain this parental love towards all of your kind, and strive to work as a giant community towards greater goals. I'm not talking about the love of two couples "making love", but the love, or familiarity you feel towards your friends versus the tensed up uncertainty around your strangers. The moment you tap into universal truth, I cannot explain this is any other way to make it more sensible to you, but the moment you tap into and seek universal truth, you adopt a sense of understanding, and by understanding every stranger you pass, you gain the affection you wouldn't otherwise get by immediately judging them from your own narrow, biased value set. This is the only way to achieve universal love, and you see it slowly emerging through the barriers of your world. Does that make sense?"

6 hours later 3999935 Anonymous
>>3999931 "No. You are utterly maniacal. You cannot change what is and always will be. Money must always be in effect. There is no loop around it. People like you are so utterly cancerous for the strength of our society. I hope you get all of the misfortunes the bank can offer so that you are left on the street to see what life can really be like." God I am fucking bored.

6 hours later 3999949 Anonymous
Lol I hope no one is in the stall next to me. I'm shitting and it's green and the smell is spreading fast because its hot and humid. I'm licking up the drops off the bottom of my Popsicle, near the handle because if I don't it will start dripping into my pants and that would be real gay. "Ugh.. Irnf... Uuuuuh" the person in the next stall is grunting like a fucking wildebeest LOL. It would be funny if a creeper came and blew a whole in the wall. I wonder if people up voted my post on reddit about that minecraft mod.

7 hours later 4000073 Anonymous
>>3999596 I'm not sure what this means

7 hours later 4000085 Anonymous
>>4000073 Just poking a bit of fun at your account of being a drug dealer. Is the koan thing a self-conscious jab at an unprofound life or something?

12 hours later 4001039 Anonymous
My first shot at writing anything. I'm assuming it's fairly shit and would appreciate some scathing criticism. http://pastebin.com/5ktb20cw

13 hours later 4001220 Anonymous
>And in the vast stretch of darkness before him he saw a tiny flicker of light, an orange star on the ground off towards the horizon. Perched on the sandstone rock, he waited, and he waited for a long time staring at the distant flame, occasionally checking the moon’s progress across the sky. It didn’t take long for the evening breeze to make its way through his thin rags, but he sat there silently observing for hours. >Eventually his stomach began to rumble and the cold was too much for him to handle so he left his cold roost and made his way down into the wash. As he moved across the wash towards the ever-growing flame, a palpable dread engulfed him and he could hear faint murmurs like voices having a hushed conversation in an adjacent room. He wanted to stop, but his legs would not stop moving, and he continued to wade through the churned up sand as the conversations grew in intensity and a pungent smell of rot and bile added to the suffocating weight of fear which pushed against his chest. That's all I've got, and it's shit. I can't "show not tell" and I'm stumped already

13 hours later 4001226 Anonymous
>>4001039 Is your story narrated by a weatherman?

13 hours later 4001227 Anonymous
>>3999815 >>3999818 >>3999821 >>3999826 >>3999829 >>3999833 >>3999836 >>3999837 >>3999840 >>3999844 >>3999850 >>3999853 >>3999856 >>3999858 >>3999862 >>3999864 >>3999867 >>3999874 >>3999880 >>3999883 >>3999888 >>3999890 >>3999894 >>3999899 >>3999906 >>3999909 >>3999912 >>3999917 >>3999922 >>3999924 >>3999928 >>3999931 >>3999935 damn.... was that a whole novel lol?

23 hours later 4002358 Anonymous
>>4001226 So you're saying it's too dry and robotic? Do you think it's more of a sentence structure issue or a vocabulary issue (or both)?

23 hours later 4002449 Anonymous
The water cooler: That cylindrical object set aside for times when you need to get away from the burden of work, doubling up as a parental figure whose warmth similarly abided by a motherly form of being able to dispense deliciously luke-warm liquid at a whim.

23 hours later 4002504 Anonymous
>>4002358 I felt it was a bit boring, I didn't care what the narrator was saying, but was more interested in the characters eyes.

23 hours later 4002509 Anonymous
>>4002504 I don't mean to complain though.

24 hours later 4002513 Anonymous
>>4002509 Don't worry about it, that was exactly what I was looking for. Thanks for the input.

24 hours later 4002514 Anonymous
>>4002513 Jeepers I'm glad to hear that.

24 hours later 4002527 Anonymous
>>4001220 got to try and keep a fixed tone. the opening sentence with its "vast stretch of darkness" has a poetic, dramatic tone. The opening sentence of the second paragraph with its "eventually his stomach began to rumble" has a prosaic, chatty tone. >Perched on the sandstone rock, he waited, and he waited for a long time staring at the distant flame . . . how about >Perched on the sandstone rock he waited, waited for a long time, staring at the distant flame . . . you then go on to say that he is "occasionally checking the moon's progress across the sky", problem is, the tone of that clause is very lacking in romance compared to the previous phrases you've had. Also, mentioning the distant flame and the moon kind of dilutes the image, it blurs the focus. Do you want your reader contemplating a distant flame or contemplating the motion of the moon? If you want them to consider both at the same time then you need an elaborate way to tie them together. >It didn’t take long for the evening breeze to make its way through his thin rags, but he sat there silently observing for hours. how about >The evening breeze chilled him, but there he sat in thin rags, silently observing. "to make its way through . . ." is clunky, you want something brisk here, I feel.

24 hours later 4002549 Anonymous
>>4002527 I appreciate the advice. The stomach thing especially bothered me. I was trying to experiment a bit with the poetic tone you mentioned but quite clearly I need to practice a bit more. It's harder than I thought it would be. Much appreciated - it's really the first bit of advice I've received here (well, aside from "kill yourself, hack")

27 hours later 4003161 Anonymous
Bump for discussion, submissions, critiques, etc

27 hours later 4003177 Anonymous
Is it cool if I just repost stuff from the poetry thread?

27 hours later 4003201 Anonymous
>>4001220 >And in the vast stretch of darkness before him he saw a tiny flicker of light, an orange star on the ground off towards the horizon. The positioning throws the reader off a bit; try something more like 'an orange star, just barely above the horizon'. >Perched on the sandstone rock, he waited, and he waited for a long time staring at the distant flame, occasionally checking the moon’s progress across the sky. The 'and he waited for a long time' is kind of pointless, you could leave that out for a much more concise sentence. > It didn’t take long for the evening breeze to make its way through his thin rags, but he sat there silently observing for hours. this sentence seems okay. >Eventually his stomach began to rumble and the cold was too much for him to handle so he left his cold roost and made his way down into the wash. interspace this sentence with some sort of pause or punctuation to make it seem more natural > As he moved across the wash towards the ever-growing flame, a palpable dread engulfed him and he could hear faint murmurs like voices having a hushed conversation in an adjacent room. Ditto; 'as he moved across the wash towards the ever-growing flame, a palpable dread engulfed him; he could hear faint murmurs, voices having a hushed conversation in an adjacent room.' > He wanted to stop, but his legs would not stop moving, and he continued to wade through the churned up sand as the conversations grew in intensity and a pungent smell of rot and bile added to the suffocating weight of fear which pushed against his chest. seems okay.

27 hours later 4003209 Anonymous
>>4003201 also i'm going to post some of my tripe The casual years are dressed in plaid and mock leather- clever cultural statements about vague politics and loose beliefs. This is the populace that I mingled with and wanted to be, a tiny ecosystem magnificent in it’s insignificance- a passing but massive attraction, a cause for wonder. This is what I aspired to? This is what I compared to? Heathen idols walk in hopefully straight lines, faces slack and creased with age and tiny miseries, tongues lubricated with alcohol and regret, spewing stories of pasts forgotten in the hopes of better futures. One hand wrapped firmly around a bottle, another around an intangible idea of what was supposed to be, I cruise around in a fictitious teenage dream car and remember imagined scenes of pain and humility. As a child I wanted to be better than these spirits by now; but as a bigger child, I was content with being worse. This was where the universe wanted to place me, groveling at the feet of towering titans who were in reality minuscule bit players- and as revenge, in defiance, as an act of free will in the face of where free will had gotten me, I refused to accept my rightful place and feel shame, and all I could feel was joy.

28 hours later 4003344 Anonymous
>>4003161 0/10 Shitty writing, try harder. No story.

28 hours later 4003374 Anonymous
Pastebin, you fuckers.

28 hours later 4003379 Anonymous
>>4003209 >it’s insignificance grammatical error stopped reading

29 hours later 4003389 Anonymous
>>4003379 you know i actually noticed that after i wrote it, but didn't feel like correcting it. for some reason I still have trouble not using 'it's' when i mean to use the possessive.

29 hours later 4003398 Anonymous
>>4003374 http://pastebin.com/erizR2Qf Will my parents finally love me?

29 hours later 4003488 Anonymous
>>4003398 No.

29 hours later 4003503 Anonymous (we're not revolutionaries, but we are the revolution.png 679x427 12kB)

29 hours later 4003552 Anonymous
>>4003398 the tone here feels like: I hate humanity and everything related to it please look at how much i hate humanity. can get annoying but nice writing

30 hours later 4003562 Anonymous
>>4003552 >but nice writing thank you >can get annoying yeah, don't worry, i'm not an angsty teenager anymore. this was just something i wrote in a couple of minutes for critiques

30 hours later 4003564 Anonymous (revol.png 583x546 346kB)
>>4003503 >we're not revolutionaries, but we are the revolution.png

30 hours later 4003600 Anonymous
>>4003564 And sometimes I think that the whole movement is just me and you An that maybe we'd all be better off if that were true But then I remember you are the kind of person to post fat pics on 4chan And I find myself wondering why people like you listen to Johnny Hobo...

30 hours later 4003601 Anonymous (as he lights an american spirit, he asks how i can smoke such shit.jpg 241x252 9kB)
>>4003564 >not recognizing a Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains lyric

30 hours later 4003613 Anonymous
>>4003601 >Folk Punk Cringiest genre ever, I bet you think Kill White People is a good song.

30 hours later 4003619 Anonymous (image.jpg 800x540 289kB)

30 hours later 4003620 Anonymous (and i'm afraid of the mob mentality that makes otherwise normal people go blind.jpg 512x384 111kB)
>>4003613 do you even into objective appreciation of raw human emotion

30 hours later 4003623 Anonymous (i am dirty broke, beautiful and free.jpg 500x458 43kB)
>>4003619 i have been waiting my whole fucking life for this

30 hours later 4003626 Anonymous (i say there's nothing like chain smoking G-C-P cigarettes, 'cause any smokes will kill you, but these will make you feel like it.jpg 450x338 58kB)

30 hours later 4003628 Anonymous (Your Heart Is A Muscle The Size Of Your Fist.jpg 299x301 82kB)

30 hours later 4003630 Anonymous
>>4003626 >>4003623 >>4003620 >corgis and memes sums up his fan base pretty well

30 hours later 4003633 Anonymous (i swear on my last cigarette, that i love you d-d-darling.jpg 465x700 54kB)
>>4003628 >>4003630 what an abstract and pointless criticism

30 hours later 4003635 Anonymous (took the needle out of my arm about a year ago today.jpg 750x600 75kB)

30 hours later 4003641 Anonymous (i said, any cigarette can kill you, but these will make you feel like it.jpg 598x800 110kB)

30 hours later 4003652 Anonymous (image.jpg 416x640 69kB)

30 hours later 4003656 Anonymous
>>3999438 2deep4u

30 hours later 4003658 Anonymous (Wingnut+Dishwashers+Union+b.jpg 500x303 21kB)
>>4003652 i prefer WDU-era pat

30 hours later 4003676 Anonymous
>>4003658 Yeah I like happy dishwashing straightedge anthems as much as the next guy, but the ramshackle music is actually good. So.

30 hours later 4003684 Anonymous
>>4003676 I meant looks-wise. also, >straightedge >these guys keep crossing their arms >and refuse to have fun

30 hours later 4003689 Anonymous (image.jpg 415x562 85kB)
>>4003684 but...but...but...

30 hours later 4003710 Anonymous (image.jpg 2048x1448 569kB)
>Every /lit/ thread, given enough time, turns into a discussion of music.

30 hours later 4003714 Anonymous
>>4003710 >listening to orchestral music fucking pleb

30 hours later 4003725 Anonymous
I enjoy writing although all my work is shit fuck your opinion being this bad

31 hours later 4003732 Anonymous
>>4003714 First time since high school that a troll made my fantasies give way to psychopathic, murderous instincts. 8.5/10

31 hours later 4003750 Anonymous
If we're done talking about corgis, straight-edge and Mozart, I have something I want critiqued. http://pastebin.com/K3GTSTSb I posted this here before, and now that I went back and tried fixing some things, as well as adding more, I want to know if there's other problems.

31 hours later 4003756 Anonymous
>>4003710 Because literature's just words. >Joyce invented a few whole new words. Oooooh, that's NOTHING compared to inventing a new form of sonic experience...

31 hours later 4003758 Anonymous
>>4003732 there is no more telling sign of an intellectual failure than the sound of beethoven in the background

31 hours later 4003762 Anonymous
>>4003758 Right, because his third symphony should totally be delegated to soundtracks.

31 hours later 4003765 Anonymous
>>4003762 Don't forget how Radiohead makes Bach look like a tryhard.

31 hours later 4003767 Anonymous
>>4003762 you sound like you can't even name a decent second-wave krautrock artist you are despicable

31 hours later 4003768 Anonymous
>>4003767 seriously though, grow the fuck up orchestras do not indicate refinement and complexity does not indicate value

31 hours later 4003774 Anonymous
>>4003756 >Because literature's just words. Literature is responsible for the entirety of recorded history, knowledge, civilisation and forward progress itself. On a macro level music is nothing in comparison.

31 hours later 4003777 Anonymous
>>4003774 literature is just a form of communication until now, it was the most permanent, which is why it is so prevalent but with the advent of digital technology, allowing you to store video and audio with the same ease as putting words on a page, literature is simply an inferior form of communication

31 hours later 4003781 Anonymous
>>4003768 >suggesting that beethoven or mozart are trying to be complex when they compose works that fit within simple, pre-defined structures that anyone can connect with Lol

31 hours later 4003785 Anonymous
>>4003750 Good enough to get published, magic fantasy is a big genre now. If you can get 200 or so pages you could have something popular

31 hours later 4003791 Anonymous
>>4003768 >grow the fuck up >anything an orchestra can play is inherently bad >all of it, guys

31 hours later 4003798 Anonymous
>>4003791 if you listen to orchestral music in 2013, you are a pleb who is trying too hard to impress other people this is a simple fact

31 hours later 4003805 Anonymous (image.jpg 500x334 63kB)
>>4003798 >everything before Radiohead is SO twenty years ago

31 hours later 4003806 Anonymous
>>4003798 if you make a big fucking deal of it, yes. If you just listen to it you're fine

31 hours later 4003811 Anonymous
>>4003805 >implying i listen to radiohead it's like you're desperately trying to defend your shitty taste without understanding anything about what makes music good

31 hours later 4003816 Anonymous
>>4003777 >the advent of digital technology, allowing you to store video and audio with the same ease as putting words on a page, literature is simply an inferior form of communication This is dependant upon a performer. You will never be able to match the same allusory depths that literarture has with this particular tech. Literature is by no means inferior. It is still the greatest form of communication we have. And will remain so for a long time to come. Get a clue.

31 hours later 4003819 Anonymous (image.jpg 495x510 43kB)

31 hours later 4003829 Anonymous
>>4003819 do you even into 80's detroit and chicago ghettostep

31 hours later 4003836 Anonymous
>>4003785 >Good enough to get published, Is that a compliment to me or a diss against what manages get published? Anyway, did you catch onto the fact that Annelouice is a entitled, spoiled brat that was just portrayed in a humble way and with cherry-picked information, or was that too subtle for you? Input on this matter is very appreciated.

31 hours later 4003848 Anonymous (image.jpg 400x225 38kB)

31 hours later 4003857 Anonymous
>>4003768 Yo, who even suggested once that complexity or refinement had a single thing to do with beethoven having written some beautiful music? Some of his music is just beautiful, it's NBD. Seems like you have some deep-seated anxieties coming to boil.

31 hours later 4003860 Anonymous
>>4003857 beethoven killed my parents

32 hours later 4003940 Anonymous
>>4003836 >Is that a compliment mostly, if there was more written I'd continue. I thought I did, the ending describing her as hard-working confused me so I wasn't sure after that. I like to see what you do with it. domestic.terrorist911@gmail.com just in case

32 hours later 4003951 Anonymous
>>4003860 shut up bruce

33 hours later 4004232 Anonymous
>>4003201 Thanks for the tips, will definitely try to incorporate them. >>4003209 I like it, but minor grammar errors aside, I'm not sure where in the story we are (if it is part of a larger passage). Would like to read more

33 hours later 4004252 Anonymous
>>4003768 >orchestras do not indicate refinement and complexity does not indicate value yes, a bunch of hydrogen and helium lying around is worth as much as life yes, a bunch of apes flinging shit is worth as much as human social organization durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr when will people stop trying to look smart by denying all value? viewing yourself not as a man but an accidental secretion of some disgusting demiurge is not a sign of intelligence, but rather moral degeneracy and mental weakness peace

33 hours later 4004287 Anonymous
>>4004252 Word.

35 hours later 4004505 Anonymous
poem: this summer i went skiing alone to a mountain the wind was cold and very very harsh some advice i will give to those skiing alone to mountains: always wear protective gear don’t drop babies eat things when you are hungry use safe snow thank you and good luck

35 hours later 4004530 BertBalogna
Jump on it, The Master Dildo said. It's not like you're getting paid to work for nothing. When you approach the austere, windowless factory, a wave of dank death assaults your nostrils. It's like having someone piss up your nose and call you daddy while they did it. It's downright rude and discourteous. As the distance between factory worker [x] and factory entrance [y] approaches 0, the grass slowly turns from a shade of healthy bright green to dead dead sorrel brown. Death plays cricket on the lawn and the promenade and shits resplendent diamonds in the manholes, all the while with hot buttered rum being served him by the gallon. "NIGGER" he says, looking at you with his hollow eyes. Just keep on walking. Keep on movin the limbparts like a man in the automaton computer god limbo. HORSEY HORSEY I NEED YOU. Sweat clings to putrid flesh as the workers bend over, spines contorted, chewing the gravel with their teeth and then spitting it back out into the pails and pans. YEE HAW~ he says. A mauve dildo tumbleweed rolls softly by.

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