4chan archive /lit/ (index)
2012-09-23 06:29 3002053 Anonymous (dayandnight.jpg 1280x1024 347kB)
My brother is a pretentious snob and he is forcing everyone to bring a book to his wedding. What is the most offensive/stupid book I can take? I instantly thought "Mein Kampf" but that's so obvious people will assume it is an attempt to be witty or ironic. Please help.

3 min later 3002060 Anonymous (image.jpg 480x360 33kB)
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8131491-the-vagina-ass-of-lucifer-niggerbastard

9 min later 3002073 Anonymous
>>3002060 wow, that's good. Perhaps, a little on the nose?

12 min later 3002081 Anonymous
What? He's forcing everyone to bring a book? I don't get it. Is the book for him?

14 min later 3002087 Anonymous
>>3002081 No. All guests bring a book and leave with one brought by another guest.

16 min later 3002090 Anonymous
>>3002087 Ha, sounds like The Vagina Ass of Lucifer Niggerbastard is a good fit then.

16 min later 3002091 Anonymous
>>3002053 http://www.amazon.com/Ass-Goblins-Auschwitz-Cameron-Pierce/dp/1933929936

18 min later 3002096 Anonymous
are you just trying to base a joke on this recent item: http://onion.com/NwBB16

19 min later 3002100 Anonymous
Alternatively to vagina-ass (which is retelling of the Aeneid) you could bring Ass goblins of Auschwitz. Is there a book equivalent of birth of a nation?

19 min later 3002101 Anonymous
http://www.amazon.com/The-Baby-Jesus-Butt-Plug/dp/0972959823/ref=pd_cp_b_1

19 min later 3002103 Anonymous
How about something a bit less obvious and immature, like 120 Days of Sodom?

21 min later 3002108 Anonymous
Any of these http://www.amazon.com/Carlton-Mellick-III/e/B002BMAZDW/ref=pd_sim_b_bl_28

23 min later 3002112 Anonymous
I don't think asking people to do a book swap makes one a pretentious snob.

27 min later 3002118 Anonymous (1346151368175.jpg 350x427 37kB)
>ctrl+f >no Tao Lin /lit/....

27 min later 3002119 Anonymous
>>3002112 At a wedding? Yes it does.

28 min later 3002123 Anonymous
>>3002103 Inadequately offensive. You could just bring a really shitty book like 50 shades or a second hand manual on surveying.

30 min later 3002126 Anonymous
I think OP is quite jelly of his brother. Obviously, he is the 'bad' sibling out of them two.

32 min later 3002130 Anonymous
>>3002123 there will probably be enough copies of 50 shades floating around as it is op should bring finnegans wake and act as pretentious as possible. sneer at whatever book your brother brings, even if it's like proust or something.

34 min later 3002134 Anonymous (gurrrrl.gif 245x200 251kB)
>mfw I would like to suddenly receive tons of books

34 min later 3002136 Anonymous
>>3002053 >Not bringing 50 shades and having sex with the bridesmaids

36 min later 3002140 Anonymous
>>3002119 It's his wedding you cunt. Or is he not allowed to have something fun at his wedding because his whiny faggot brother doesn't approve?

37 min later 3002145 Anonymous
>>3002140 He can do what he wants, but it's still pretentious. I don't give a fuck - I've been to some really pretentious weddings in my time, as long as there's a free bar and some decent nosh, I'm sorted.

38 min later 3002147 Anonymous
>>3002145 If you don't give a fuck, why are you trying to make a joke out of it by bringing a shitty book?

47 min later 3002162 Anonymous
>>3002147 It's not my brother getting married you tit. I doubt I'm even invited. Am I invited, OP? If it's in Clapistan I'm pretty sure my visa's still valid.

51 min later 3002171 Anonymous
>>3002140 You have to admit it's pretty fucking pretentious to force people to swap books at a wedding. What the fuck have books got to do with a wedding? And I'm sure he full well knows that most people don't read these days. He just wants to advertise that he's more cultured than everyone else, basically. I am in full support of OP's plot.

52 min later 3002175 Anonymous (1346703648668.png 391x470 32kB)
Infinite Jest

53 min later 3002177 Anonymous
Hey OP, it's your "pretentious" brother here. Why do you always have to be such a pessimistic pleb faggot about everything? God, dad should have beat you more. Besides you're just jealous of my smokin hot fiancé. Admit it.

56 min later 3002182 Anonymous
>>3002177 Prove it.

56 min later 3002183 Anonymous
>>3002177 Hey, can I come? I'll bring an awesome book, and I won't bang the bride, I promise.

58 min later 3002185 Anonymous
50 shades of gray But then again that would only work if a guy took it home

59 min later 3002188 Anonymous (image.jpg 193x200 14kB)
>>3002182 Here you go faggot. Our honeymoon's gonna be so cash.

1 hours later 3002194 Anonymous
>>3002188 ur a fage

1 hours later 3002199 Anonymous
>>3002171 I doubt it's 'forcing'. He probably asked people to participate in a book swap. OP's reporting it as 'forcing' so you'll help the poor sod do something infinitesimal and immature to his bro's wedding.

1 hours later 3002202 Anonymous
50 Shades of Sodom Anything by Tao Lin The Quran if they're christian (or something to this idea)

1 hours later 3002208 Anonymous
>>3002171 >>And I'm sure he full well knows that most people don't read these days. I think his wedding is pretty much the only legitimate situation in which to force the people he cares about to consider a hobby that he cherishes and they might enjoy if they try it. Fuck you OP, stop trying so hard to be a party-pooper, you suck even at that. Just try to get a phonebook from 10 years ago somewhere, that would teach em.

1 hours later 3002211 Anonymous (schopenhauer.jpg 300x358 14kB)
http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

1 hours later 3002216 Anonymous (monogamy.jpg 431x648 40kB)
This. Do it OP.

1 hours later 3002221 Anonymous
Finnegan's Wake

1 hours later 3002229 Anonymous
>>3002221 >Finnegan's

1 hours later 3002238 Anonymous (Widdly+_071235b7c2994bf2458a73a5b51a082f.png 347x347 74kB)
>>3002171 i would personally do it to make light of the liars. the majority of people lie when they tell you they enjoy listening to classical music. then when you ask them what their favourite piece is they say or make reference to.. Pachelbel's Canon.

1 hours later 3002244 Anonymous
So we should all act like everybody else and feel bad about being different and wanting to be creative.

1 hours later 3002250 Anonymous
"The groom's jealous brother" by Hermpfdert Schkzpfoo

1 hours later 3002258 Anonymous
>>3002118 >TAO LIN DESPERATELY TRYING TO SELL ONE BOOK

1 hours later 3002263 Anonymous
If you bring a printed and bound copy of Voltairine De Cleyre's speech "They Who Marry Do Ill," I will personally give you a handjob.

1 hours later 3002269 Anonymous
>>3002171 What on earth does the word 'pretentious' mean in your vocabulary? This action in itself without context cannot constitute pretentiousness. At this level of information and context, it's a misnomer, and it is akin to calling someone a communist because they think poor people should exist.

1 hours later 3002285 Anonymous
>>3002229 Yeah, it's called Finnegan's Wake. Because it's about a guy called Finnegan, and his metaphorical awakening, right? And because Joyce had his whole Irish slang thing, 'awake' became 'wake'. I'm James Joyce, I don't know why he made that choice.

1 hours later 3002286 Anonymous
>>3002285 It's called Finnegans Wake. There's no apostrophe in the title.

1 hours later 3002289 Anonymous
>>3002285 Joyce didn't use an apostrophe in the title you dork.

1 hours later 3002290 Anonymous
>>3002285 *I'm not James Joyce >>3002286 Yeah, but that's not true. How can you even come to this website and not know the name of Finnegan's Wake?

1 hours later 3002296 Anonymous
>>3002290 There is no apostrophe in the title. Look it up if you are confused.

1 hours later 3002306 βPictorishawk
>>3002296 itsatrollman

1 hours later 3002310 Anonymous
>>3002306 iknowmanjustletmefeeditinpeace

2 hours later 3002333 Anonymous
>>3002238 Fuck you I love that song sincerely, it lifts my spirit beyond the dreary reality of everyday existence.

2 hours later 3002338 Anonymous
Diary of a rapist

2 hours later 3002367 Screwtape (GRD_951_va_big penis book 3D.jpg 350x329 14kB)
>>3002285 Actually it's a play on "fin negans," which is an alchemical term for "end denier." I mean, it's also the thing about his funeral and stuff but that's why there's no apostrophe. Also, if the suggestions ITT are too out and out offensive, you could get pic related There's others in the series as well if anything else strikes your fancy, such as The Big Butt Book

2 hours later 3002403 Anonymous
But you ARE trying to be witty and ironic. Honestly you're probably the pretentious snob out of you and your brother.

2 hours later 3002439 Anonymous
>>3002367 > The Big Butt Book Me like.

2 hours later 3002505 Anonymous
>>3002367 The image made me laugh in its suggestion that the book and its content don't exist in 3D anyway.

3 hours later 3002655 Anonymous
If it was with videogames or CDs it wouldn't be pretentious right? You're like the people you hate.

3 hours later 3002707 Anonymous
>Ctrl + f >Colouring book >0 results Come on /lit/ i though thought that was obvious.

4 hours later 3002766 Anonymous (Nick32.jpg 336x307 23kB)
>>3002073 You'd like that wouldn't you, you dirty minx. Trust me you'd want more than a little by the end, hyuk hyuk >>3002090 oh it is, in fact it's juuuuust right, double-hyuk

4 hours later 3002775 Anonymous
>>3002199 OP here. I suppose you are right, force is a heavy word. I could choose not to bring a book as some sort of protest but I don't want to cause an argument. >>3002403 >pretentious no >snob possible I honestly just don't want to be judged for or have to make conversation about the book I bring. The right book would shield me from that. Also thank you all for the great suggestions. Some I haven't ever heard of before.

4 hours later 3002784 Anonymous
>>3002216 Best suggestion so far.

4 hours later 3002838 Anonymous
Buy a kindle. Fill it with the sickest, most twisted, horse erotica. (at least 9 volumes) That you wrote. About your brother and his forbidden romance with a horse on the farm. His soon-to be-wife keeps catching him and their relationship slowly declines, climaxing quite literally in the harsh winter months, whereupon finding him with the horse, she snaps. Defending the leather-clad-horse, he accidently impales her with the pitchfork they've been bdsming with in the barn. They both fuck the corpse. Starring you the horse. Then if someone picked it up they'd have to weigh up getting a kindle versus what? Social humiliation for all parties? I'd like to think it's fool proof maybe

4 hours later 3002869 Anonymous (memories.jpg 300x300 27kB)
>Thanks for the Memories: The Truth Has Set Me Free! The Memoirs of Bob Hope's and Henry Kissinger's mind-controlled slave

4 hours later 3002871 Anonymous
The Herpes Survival Guide: Steps to Living Happy and Healthy after Herpes by Gary Samuels

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