4chan archive /lgbt/ (index)
2014-01-16 09:08 2013093 Anonymous (y.jpg 1280x1700 956kB)
I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams, /lgbt/. I just turned 21 a few days ago and I'm starting to realize just how much I hate my body. Looking back on things, there has been a definite streak of red flags in my life (some pretty blatant ones too holy shit), but I somehow managed to repress my feelings of transgenderism for pretty much my entire life up until this point. I don't know what exactly triggered it, but these last few weeks have just been a fucking torrent of shitty feelings rising to the surface. The rapidity of it all is what really concerns me. I don't even know if I've ever experienced "real" feelings of gender dysphoria in the past, but I almost cried looking at this picture last night. I couldn't focus in class yesterday because I just kept looking at girls hand and realized that mine would never look like that. What the fuck? This is seriously one of the shittiest things I've ever experienced. Like top five easily. I'm basically verging on a trainwreck. I'm weepy and depressive and drinking almost every other day, and I very literally cannot afford to fuck up in school now. I wish I could go back in time and talk some sense into myself instead of diverting feelings I was aware of by 14 at the latest. Now I'm stuck with broad shoulders and a high hairline and a hairy body and I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror. What the fuck do I do, /lgbt/? This is so sudden and I'm scared and confused. WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO AWFUL HOLY FUCKING SHIT

33 min later 2013296 Anonymous
I'm sorry, I don't know how to react. you should see a specialist, for some people these feelings are only a fase or a identity crisis. I hope that's just it. transitioning is a hard thing to do, and just feeling happy in the body to begin with is a lot easier. I'm sorry this al come so sudden to you. Best of luck!

42 min later 2013351 Anonymous
Yeah, welcome to being trans. Yes it hurts. Yes it's hard. Just try to get out of the hole you're in one step at a time. Remember, every action you take brings you one step closer to being who you feel like inside. Do a lot of thinking and less drinking. Start with figuring out if you really are trans. If the answer is yes, try to get on hormones ASAP ! It's a long road with many ups and downs, but as soon as you're walking for some time you'll be able to see the end of it. And that is enough to keep you going. And don't worry too much about broad shoulders and body hair. You won't be perfect but that can't be helped. Just don't waste your time with drinking to block out the pain. Trust me I did that, you'll regret it. Use the pain as a motivator to change things.

49 min later 2013389 Anonymous
>>2013351 Oh also, you sound EXACTLY like me OP. I was so good at repressing my feelings that I didn't have dysphoria until I was 19/20 and suddenly it all came crashing down on me. Now I'm on hormones and things are looking better tahn ever, so maybe this can cheer you up a bit. Just stay strong :(

1 hours later 2013539 Anonymous
>>2013296 >>2013351 I'm pretty sure it isn't just a phase. My life has been shit since puberty.

1 hours later 2013563 Anonymous
>>2013093 You're pretty much me anon. Came out to my step-mom the other day and have had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety since then. I'm just on edge and scared. What the hell? I thought coming out was supposed to make you feel better. Instead I'm living in this Twilight Zone state where this secret I've been keeping forever is leaking out.

1 hours later 2013668 Anonymous
>>2013093 >mfw 25 >mfw still in the closet >mfw would never pass >mfw so good at lying to myself i'm not even sore what i am anymore hondom/suicide here i come

1 hours later 2013687 Anonymous (1374680251506.png 501x585 166kB)
>>2013093 You have a mental illness. Seek medical help. Oh, and don't go to doctor Shekelstein, he will tell you that mutilating your genitals will fix everything. Don't believe his lies.

1 hours later 2013725 Anonymous
>>2013687 >merchant telling not to visit another merchant i don't get it

1 hours later 2013741 Anonymous
>>2013687 >Seek medical help >but don't listen to what the doctor will tell you in lieu of ??? What the fuck type of "medical help" is he supposed to seek out? Christian camp? Quack medicine? The snake oil salesman?

2 hours later 2013759 Anonymous
>>2013093 You sound just like me 1 year ago. Stop drinking, stop wallowing in your depression, and focus on what you can change. As much as it hurts, if you can't change something then there's no point of worrying about it. Even if you have masculine features, you need to realize that women have masculine features too and it's not the end of the world. Focus on bettering yourself in ways that you can, because if you constantly wallow in your depression you're never going to get any traction to improve yourself. There's surgery and laser hair removal and hormones, but you need to be at least a little bit stable so you can work to pay for those surgeries. It seriously sucks but it doesn't have to be as bad as you make it. For me, I can't even look at myself in the mirror, I hate speaking and hearing my voice, and I hate just about everything that I do. But I ignore it and avoid it while I work on bettering myself. And it's slowly getting better. You can improve yourself too, just start seeing a therapist and go from there.

2 hours later 2013781 Anonymous
You will never be happy with your body

2 hours later 2013786 Anonymous
>>2013781 Most cis girls aren't, either. Doesn't mean you can't be happy with yourself overall.

3 hours later 2014090 Anonymous
>>2013687 I don't want SRS, at least not at this point in time. I just want to look like a woman.

4 hours later 2014312 Anonymous
>>2013093 Your post gives me PTSD falshbacks to 21. What I did was go see a counselor. That counselor sucked so I went to see another counselor. That counselor was awesome. I'm two years on HRT and happier than I have ever been in my entire life.

4 hours later 2014427 Anonymous
>>2013786 Eh, there's a fair bit of a difference here... cis girls are unhappy because of imperfectoins, trans girls are unhappy because some of them look like freaks, deformed mutants.

4 hours later 2014493 Anonymous
this is a hypothetical situation but what if you are gender dysphoric but not to the extent you want to risk coming out to your parents, so you spend every day in a mechanical way doing all the same shit you don't really care about until all perceived life progression grinds to a halt

4 hours later 2014502 Anonymous
>>2014312 I'm seeing an intake counselor tomorrow. I'm lucky that I go to a very LGBT-friendly school, because Jesus Christ I can't do this anymore. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin for once in my life.

4 hours later 2014518 Anonymous
>>2014493 This is maybe the most horrifying thing I've ever read on the internet, but at least I've already come to terms with it. This OP was a little bit of an emotional breakdown, I just needed to vent to somebody who might listen. Shits all fucked up right now but I know help exists and I have pretty strong family ties. I think I'm gonna be okay.

4 hours later 2014551 Girl With Pneumonic Drill
Interesting. I've found my 21 body rather painful, too. Late last year I seem to have grown like an inch taller. I shit you not, I've been the same height since I was 15 and already felt too tall.

5 hours later 2014615 :SYeahNo
>Did you mean: my life?

5 hours later 2014620 :SYeahNo
>>2014493 see >>2014615

5 hours later 2014697 Anonymous
>>2014551 Yeah, even though I'm not eating very much (I've been the same weight for a long time +- 5 pounds), I feel like I'm growing. My back hurts in the morning and my frame seems larger, I measured in at 5'9.5" the other day when I thought I was 5'8".

21 hours later 2018162 Anonymous
Source on that pic, OP?

22 hours later 2018328 Anonymous
Do MtF prefer mostly straight male partners? Is that their ideal match?

22 hours later 2018360 Anonymous
>>2018328 they prefer partners of whichever gender they're attracted to, since being trans has no impact on your sexuality.

22 hours later 2018385 Anonymous
>>2018360 Neat. Only ever met one MtF gal. She was alright, kinda spacey and irritable sometimes, but who isn't, ya dig?

23 hours later 2018450 Anonymous
>>2018162 her name is annemarije rus according to reverse gis (sig?)

23 hours later 2018453 Anonymous
>>2018385 I might've prostate-plowed her if she didn't drink so damn much.

23 hours later 2018456 Anonymous
>>2013351 >welcome to being trans This.

23 hours later 2018469 Anonymous
>>2018450 Thanks, she's cute

23 hours later 2018536 Anonymous
>>2018456 Guess I'm here to stay, just saw a psychologist today and I'm gonna see her again in a few weeks.

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