4chan archive /fit/ (index)
2013-01-14 02:17 17005420 Anonymous (constipation.jpg 250x291 7kB)
Guys, I need help.. I am constipated, worse than I have EVER experienced in fact I have never been close to this.. I sat on the toilet for an hour but I just can't get it out, literally gave me new meaning to the turtle heading expression.. what the fuck do I do?

4 min later 17005502 Anonymous
Is this what its like giving birth?

10 min later 17005619 Anonymous (Arnold-Schwarzenegger-9476355-2-402.jpg 402x402 56kB)
drink a shit ton of water or buy some laxatives maybe...idk....eat some oats every morning and this wouldn't happen

13 min later 17005662 Anonymous
I have stomach flu and shoot jet streams of shitty water out of my butthole at random intervals. I'd trade you half if I could. (works wonder for my cut, though)

16 min later 17005728 Anonymous
a) put lube/vasolene on finger and stick it in there to grease the pipe b) consider if you have any sort of enema device. all you need is a small tube or squeeze bottle that you think you can get up in there c) go to drug store and buy mineral oil enema laxatives will not help you now, fucker.

17 min later 17005738 Anonymous
>>17005420 Green Banana and Black Coffee.... followed by a 64 ounce soda... you WILL experience a reaction that fells like you are puking through your anus

18 min later 17005755 Anonymous
>>17005728 enema macgyver inspiration. fill water/coke bottle all the way to top with warm water. squat onto it. You are trying to airlock it, not insert it. squeeeze.

19 min later 17005769 Anonymous
>>17005420 Have you ever seen seinfeld? That episode where Kramer can't shit even if his life depended on it? Well, you gotta fix it the Kramer way, with a tube up your ass.

19 min later 17005773 Anonymous
Lactulose, bro. That shit is like rocket fuel for your anus.

19 min later 17005774 Anonymous
>>17005728 Exactly. lube up the pipes. Its a dirty job but its your anus.

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