4chan archive /adv/ (index)
similar threads
2020-10-06 01:53 22917849 Anonymous (kkiss.png 1359x805 1146kB)
Gf didn't buy me anything for our 1 year together anniversary and I'm hurt. And it's not even that she forgot, she was fully ever, she talked about that day coming up ad we planned to see each other and everything. It's that she literally couldn't find the time to go and buy me something or to think of something . She couldn't set aside an hour or so whenever to go and buy me something. She told me she's going to think of something to buy the next time we see each other but I really don't care anymore. And the thing is she was always awful with gifts and put zero thought into it while I make sure it's something she wants. She always got me something random, for example for valentines day she got me a belt, I never wear belts. So knowing that I dropped many hints of what I'd like to get, just to help her. For example we'd be in a bookstore and I'd say about how I really want a certain comic book and I'll have to get it sometime. She was like "hehe noted noted" in a way of smugishly hinting that she got the message and may buy it for me. And yet she got me absolutely nothing even with those hints. Now, she says she's going to get me something next time we see each other and she really sees it as not a big deal, I didn't make a scene but I'm really hurt. And I bet that gift would be that comic I kinda dropped hints for. She won't take the extra time to think up what to get me, as she says she will, she's just going to go for the most obvious souless gift she could've gotten had she only taken away 15 minutes out of her day for me. And I know exactly why this is, she's spoiled. She's a really spoiled person. It's not that she hates me she genuinely is just so spoiled she doesn't take my feelings into consideration.

0 min later 22917851 Anonymous
What do I do? The thought of breaking up has been on my mind for quite some time now but this just may be the final nail in the coffin. But the thing is, I don't have any friends or anyone, if I break up with her I'm just going to stay at home very single day 24/7 and be depressed.

6 min later 22917877 Anonymous
>>22917849 >>22917851 kill her

6 min later 22917878 Sage
>together anniversary Yeah break up with her, but not for the reasons you're thinking

9 min later 22917886 Anonymous
>>22917878 What do you mean

31 min later 22917964 Anonymous
I don't even care about the gift now, I just care about my partner making an effort which she clearly didn't.

32 min later 22917968 Anonymous
>>22917849 >being this whiny about some gift Are you a woman?

35 min later 22917978 Anonymous
>>22917849 >>22917964 You need to talk to her about it and be vulnerable. >Anon I was really hurt when you didn't get me a gift for our anniversary. I mark important occasions and show appreciation through gifting. You bought her something right?

38 min later 22917999 Anonymous (sadapu.png 1014x819 522kB)
>>22917978 >You bought her something right? Of course I did, I always put my heart into it and she's always late with hers and gets the first thing she sees. Birthday I got a random graphic teeshirt that was on discout Valentines I got a belt 6 months she got me a set of pens I don't even care about the gift anymore nor would I care about what it was, if I got a piece of gun I'd be fine with it, I care about the thought and effort and she obviously made no effort. Like she couldn't be bothered to go out and get me something today, yesterday, last week, whenever really.

39 min later 22918005 Anonymous
>>22917999 >You need to talk to her about it and be vulnerable.

41 min later 22918017 Anonymous
>>22917849 Why dont you talk to her and ask her why? If might be as something simple as she doesn't think anniversaries are a big deal. I dont always gift girlfriends Christmas presents but that's because I hate Christmas Something might be big for you but not for her, and something might be big for her but not to you. The important thing is to communicate instead of saying "what do I do" and resenting her. Shes not a fucking mind reader

43 min later 22918026 Anonymous
>>22918017 No she definitely wanted to give me a gift. We always bought each other stuff for things like these, birthdays, valentines, 6 months, xmas, now this... every time she was late. And It's not that I'm making her buy me stuff, she wants to but she wants to when she decides on it and can't be bothered to put effort when needed

46 min later 22918041 Anonymous
>>22918026 Ok, so what did she say when you asked her why she was late after you told her how it hurts your feelings?

52 min later 22918061 Anonymous
>>22917849 I think you should sit down and talk with her about how it affects you. The whole thing about “love languages” is true so maybe she’s just not too into gifting and prefers physical contact or something. You need to talk to her so she will understand and you guys can work things out together

53 min later 22918068 Anonymous
>>22918041 As I said I didn't make a scene, I was dumbfounded, I kinda expected her to be hiding it because we ot together on the 6th and it was 5th so I thought she might bring it out (because we were at her house) at midnight to surprise me. >why she was late She said she couldn't think of something and didn't have time because of school.

56 min later 22918088 Anonymous
>>22918068 >why she was late >She said she couldn't think of something and didn't have time because of school You don't think that's a good reason? Talking to your girlfriend about what's bothering you isn't making a scene. You could have gone on the date, waited a day or two and then brought it up to her in public "Babygirl, I am not mad but it really hurt my feelings that you are always late and I know you were busy but this next Christmas can you try to be on time" How the fuck is she supposed to know something is bothering you if you're not talking to her about it?

1 hours later 22918128 Anonymous
You gotta be open with her, Opie. Be honest and tell her pretty much what you told us. That you feel she doesn't make an effort and that reflects poorly on her perception of the relationship. I get what you mean. Honestly, I tell partners to not get me anything, usually to their protest. Thoughtful gifts come along very rarely it seems in my dating history. I honestly can't say I've ever been given a thoughtful gift that made me go "Wow, you actually know me". They usually do it anyways and get me a half assed gift that ends up sitting in a box until I get rid of it because I have no use for it. So I find it easier to just have them not waste the time/money. Whatever the reason is, if it's absent-mindedness or selfishness, it's a red flag that needs to be addressed because it will continue to hurt and shouldn't be brushed under the rug.

1 hours later 22918131 Anonymous
>>22918088 >You don't think that's a good reason? No because: she could've bought anything coming back from school, she also had enough time to go out with friends a couple of times or watch movies at home. >couldn't think of something Also no because in the end she will buy me the comic that I hinted at, she won't think any more about the gift >How the fuck is she supposed to know something is bothering you if you're not talking to her about it? Because it's the simplest thing. You don't need to tell someone not to cheat or treat you like garbage.

1 hours later 22918170 Anonymous
>>22918131 >Because it's the simplest thing Like I said, something big to you might not be big to her Ultimately, if you are even considering dumping her for this it's because of your own shortcomings to effectively communicate with her something that bothers you this much. If you would have told her this the first time it happened it wouldn't be "she does this every time". Being unable to communicate your needs isn't keeping the peace or not making a scene, it is causing yourself to build up resentment

1 hours later 22918184 Anonymous
>>22918170 She has said every single time that it won't happen again. This is more like a final nail in the coffin than me throwing a tantrum because of something insignificant. >>22918128 If you have to tell someone to make an effort what good can it bring? Only fake forced effort.

1 hours later 22918197 Anonymous
>>22918184 Then it sounds like your mind is made up and instead you just want reassurance this isn't a bad decision If you really feel she treats you that bad then maybe it is for the best for you two to part ways

1 hours later 22918208 Anonymous
>>22918197 I don't want to be all alone, no friends, no partner no one. I don't know what I want

1 hours later 22918209 Anonymous (1601321359835.jpg 1015x949 96kB)
i kinda cant believe the audacity of OP gifts shouldnt be expected even if you get her a nice one every year its not a transactional thing, where you compare what you got eachother and then you say youll complain if she gets you what you wanted too??? grow the fuck up youre literally telling her "i want you to do what will be acceptable to me only if you do it spontaneously" theres no way for her to satisfy you now what a dickhead

1 hours later 22918217 Anonymous
>>22918208 Then you're going to need to learn how to get over this petty shit and communicate with your girlfriend so that things get better

1 hours later 22918221 Anonymous
>>22918209 I don't care about the gift I care about the thought, effort and consideration. She could've made me a card, wrote me a short poem, anything literally anything that shows she cares enough. But what I have now is "oh well I'll buy something when I can lol" >gifts shouldnt be expected She said she will and we always do. >and then you say youll complain if she gets you what you wanted too??? Yes because one of her excuses was "I couldn't think of what to get you" so using more "thinking" time to just buy me what she could've bought from the start just shows that thinking wasn't the problem it was laziness.

1 hours later 22918242 Anonymous
>>22918221 Look man, I know part if it is immaturity on age, but for most outsiders and people over 25+ this sounds like a non-problem If your main problem is that you want to break up with her but have a fear if being alone I'm gonna tell you straight, that's a horrible codependent way to live through life. Regardless you should break up with her If you care about her and want to make it work then you are going to need to communicate with her how you feel

1 hours later 22918259 Anonymous
>>22918221 >She could've made me a card, wrote me a short poem, anything literally anything that shows she cares enough. okay and she didnt what are you gonna do now? shove her nose in it because she did wrong like a dog? or realize she made a mistake and loves you even if she doesnt show it in the ways youd like her to, exactly when you want her to >>22918221 >just shows that thinking wasn't the problem it was laziness. and what if it is? what are you gonna do about it? youre dating a fallible human being that gets lazy and sad and messes up sometimes thats part of this whole human interaction thing if you cant handle your partner disappointing you, esp over things so miniscule as this, i dont understand how you got a date in the first place..

1 hours later 22918285 Anonymous
>>22918259 Wanting your partner to show some consideration isn't exclusive to me She knew, wanted and told me she'll get me something, she hyped it up and then procrastinated doing it until "welp I'll just get you something when I can"

1 hours later 22918322 Skillo
>>22917849 Anon, its time to show a valuable lesson: Equality. Both parties need to provide the same amount, when possible. This doesn't seem a situation where she could not to better, but rather, sheer laziness/taking you for granted. Thats when you have to show that you have self respect and demand the same from her. The next time you have to get a gift for her, or something of sorts - don't. She will surely ask why. Thats when you explain that you will only provide as much care and thought as she does, if its not a big deal for her giving you something nice, its not a big deal for you. She will either go berserk or understand that you two are equals in the relationship, and both of these outcomes will give you something to work with. Good luck, Anon

2 hours later 22918359 Anonymous
>>22918322 >Thats when you have to show that you have self respect and demand the same from her. The next time you have to get a gift for her, or something of sorts - don't. She will surely ask why. Man, you and OP are both passive aggressive cowards

2 hours later 22918365 Anonymous
>>22918259 Shitty bpd girlfriend detected.

2 hours later 22918372 Anonymous
>>22918322 Second this To >>22918359 it’s not passive aggressive. Some people learn more through actions and not words. One example with my girlfriend is she never wore a skirt. Yeah always say it would make her look sexy and she never wants to. I always would nag her. Never did. One day at her family’s gathering I showed up in jeans and a shirt(after usually looking very presentable). She was visibly upset. I told her that she doesn’t dress up for me, I didn’t feel the need to dress up for her. Nothing nasty, it was more of a “lol I didn’t think it mattered. Like I always ask for a skirt and u never do lol”. Next date night she wore a skirt.

2 hours later 22918375 Anonymous
>this nigger is thinking about breaking up because of a fucking gift. Please break up with her so I can date her.

2 hours later 22918425 Anonymous
>>22918322 Well I don't want to play chicken with her and one up each time

2 hours later 22918440 Anonymous
>>22918359 How is op a passive aggressive coward? He has not let his gf's behavior stop him from doing his best for her.

2 hours later 22918467 Anonymous
>>22917999 What did you give her?

3 hours later 22918502 Anonymous
>>22917849 > She always got me something random, for example for valentines day she got me a belt, I never wear belts. Which is probably why she thought you needed a belt.

10 hours later 22919900 Anonymous
bump

10 hours later 22919902 Anonymous
>>22918467 This time, book about a subject she was interested in but never found it, lots of chocolate and drew some cards

13 hours later 22920512 Anonymous
bump

14 hours later 22920687 Anonymous
>>22918440 >How is op a passive aggressive coward? He has not let his gf's behavior stop him from doing his best for her. He's a coward because he can't bring himself to have a big boy conversation with her about his fee fees and instead relies on bullshit passive tactics like trying to get back at her (essentially revenge) but pretending he doesn't think it's a big deal

17 hours later 22921545 Anonymous
You're acting like a fucking woman. Just grow up and be glad you got to see her. If gift giving is the deal breaker, just fucking leave her dude.

18 hours later 22921583 Anonymous
>>22917849 I don't care for gifts so this is really bizarre for me. Did you get her a nice gift? Do you give her gifts a lot? If so, I guess I understand why you'd be upset. But honestly dude, some people like myself just don't see gifts as something important, I think she's the same. How about talking to her about this rather than being a drama queen

18 hours later 22921602 Anonymous (75A2DE0F9F8F4948975A13B2C2C1CB46.jpg 499x499 37kB)
>>22917849 Are you a bitch? Holy shit. My gf gets me shit every year. You know what I want, nothing. That's it. From my gf all I want is at most a nice dinner. Maybe I'll need is a few pairs of socks. From my family I get a nice phone call where I hold back feeling because I miss them all like a bitch. But you are crying about getting something and complaining because it's not something you want? What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop being a bitch.

18 hours later 22921629 Anonymous
A lot of emotionally muted cucks itt trying to convince OP that he's a shitty person for wanting his gf to do the bare minimum. If your partner can't bother to do literally ANYTHING special for your first anniversary then something is wrong. I can get not doing something for christmas or valentines if you BOTH AGREE ON IT BEFOREHAND because it's corporate commercial bullshit, but your anniversary is the one day in your relationship that is about just the two of you. It's literally the day that you started a journey together that could take you through the rest of your lives. If you don't think that's worth at least writing a fucking note for, then I don't know where to even begin with you. OP has every goddamn right to be hurt, and he should tell his gf about it. If he makes it clear that he is hurt because the anniversary is important go him and she is worth keeping, she might get upset but she will understand and feel bad and do better going forward. If she's an emotionally stunted apath and refuses to empathize, then she belongs to the streets.

18 hours later 22921634 Anonymous
>>22921602 She didn't get him anything. Nothing. A nice dinner would have been something.

18 hours later 22921661 Anonymous
>>22918375 this, how old is OP

18 hours later 22921663 Anonymous
>>22917849 You are not ryan gosling and your girlfriend is ugly as shit. Try to slowly fix those, one at a time.

18 hours later 22921667 Anonymous
>>22921661 kill yourself

18 hours later 22921695 Anonymous
>>22921667 >waaahh I need my gf to affirm me!! >mommy gf I need gifts! gifty gifty! married over a decade, here's how my wife and I handle this scenario >hey babe what do you want for our anniversary >fuck I don't know anon, what do you want? >I have no idea, I already have what I want for my anniversary >anon, stop! then we fuck and go think about more important things bitchboy

18 hours later 22921717 Anonymous
>>22921661 I'm 19 >>22921602 >>22921545 It's the thought that counts as they said but there was no thought here. >>22921629 yeah, and we already kinda agreed beforehand that we're gonna buy gifts for stuff like these, and she knows, and she wants to buy me something, yet she's always late. She's always late, if I can think of something to buy and go out of my way for it so can she right? Not get something whenever she decides, it's not about that I don't care about that.

18 hours later 22921723 Anonymous
>>22921695 That isn't me. We both agreed on getting stuff for important dates.

18 hours later 22921732 Anonymous
>>22921717 >I'm 19 Maybe try one of your zoomer-oriented discords or subreddits to bitch about this. This shit is high school drama, OP.

18 hours later 22921739 Anonymous
this sounds cliche, but it's true: it's just material crap. and you are retarded for valuing it that much. yes. it's also a symbol. still retarded. you know what matters most? attention. does she GIFT you attention? you ungrateful piece of shit.

18 hours later 22921822 Anonymous
>>22921739 Well isn't this a form of not giving enough attention and not putting effort? We did agree on buying each other stuff on important date, not like formally but we always bought each other stuff. >it's just material crap. It could've been a short poem she wrote, it could've been a custom made card she made... it's really not about the gift but about the thought behind it, if she doesn't get me anything now but "ehh I'll do it next time" that's just laziness

18 hours later 22921835 Anonymous
>>22917849 >Gf didn't buy me anything for our 1 year together anniversary and I'm hurt. You sound like a faggot.

18 hours later 22921857 Anonymous
>>22921822 gifts are barely on time in any capacity as an adult because you normally work that day, this is normal and will only become more common. soon you won't get gifts at all anon, post-21 you stop being treated like a child

18 hours later 22921877 cabezadeaguila
>>22917877 x2

19 hours later 22921885 Anonymous
Ignore all of the emotionally stunted manchildren, OP. Your feelings are valid, and you should be putting your energy into figuring out how to express those feelings to your gf without blaming or attacking her. But let her give you her gift or whatever first, and try your best to appreciate it. Give her a chance to do right, and then use that to temper your feelings. It may just be that you are a romantic and she is not, and you may need a romantic partner to feel fulfilled. But don't dwell on that yet.

19 hours later 22921888 Anonymous
>>22921822 stop expecting her to do stuff. that's your mistake. don't do these stupid contracts. if she wants to gift. nice. if no- done. don't like her not gifting? look for another one. she obviously values things differently than you.

19 hours later 22921897 Anonymous
>>22921857 If you aren't celebrating on the day, then that should be agreed upon beforehand.

19 hours later 22921918 Anonymous
>>22921888 I think you have actual autism if after 60 replies in a thread you still don't understand anything

19 hours later 22921931 Anonymous
>>22921918 > reads all the retard he can find

19 hours later 22921947 Anonymous
>>22921885 I'm pretty sure I know what's she's going to buy me, that comic. Her excuse for not buying me anything on time was "oh well didn't have time and couldn't think of anything" Yet she's going to use that "extra thinking time" to buy me something she already planned on buying me, it's just pure laziness on her part...

19 hours later 22921948 Anonymous
>>22921918 my point still stands. expectations ruin it. its not her. guy just values retarded shit too much. gotta find out something good and fun to do. then you won't bother with this retard shit. it's another person. she should be a friend. stop being a controlling dickhead. let her be- as she is. accept her as she is. and she might just love you. if no- then it wasnt meant to be.

19 hours later 22921964 Anonymous
>>22921947 you need to be humbled hard. who the fuck do you think you are? you have no direction in life. that's why you obsess over unnecessary bullshit. fucking find your true interests man. and let her be.

19 hours later 22921987 Anonymous
>>22921948 >>22921964 what is wrong with you

19 hours later 22921992 Anonymous
>>22921987 just another retard. don't you worry.

19 hours later 22921997 Anonymous
>>22921948 >>22921964 You're hard projecting here I do have hobbies, I do have my own life I just want a person I'm with to show care and put some effort into something.

1.863 0.164