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2020-01-23 05:57 21820749 Anonymous (5E5ACA8B-D996-421A-8AFA-4E29E75CE5EA.jpg 1242x1209 792kB)
How do I stop resenting my husband for being a lazy fuck with no aspirations to ever be anything but a part time retail worker? We met in retail but I left and grew into an actual career while he did not, and I never dumped him because I loved him and for whatever stupid fucking reason, felt like it would make me a shallow person or a gold digger. Now I’m stuck with a fucking man baby who is trying to use wanting kids as a reason to stop working entirely because “daycare will be expensive” even though the cost for a whole month of daycare is way less than one paycheck. In addition he doesn’t clean, his idea of doing any chore is asking me when I’m going to do it or doing such a horrible job at it that I just end up doing it myself anyway. I refuse to get pregnant by this lazy and repulsive creature. I hate the angry person I am becoming. How do I help him grow the fuck up?

1 min later 21820752 Anonymous
>>21820749 Leave.

2 min later 21820755 Anonymous
>lazy part time retail workers get married an reproduce >an egalitarian gentleman with a stable career like me is gonna die alone Uh yes... life...

2 min later 21820757 Anonymous
>>21820749 Have you tried talking to him about what he wants to pursue in life or what his passions are? Why hasn't he tried to get a career? Good partners try to understand each other and help each other grow. That doesn't excuse not helping out around the house, I'd tell him you need to have a talk

3 min later 21820759 Anonymous
>>21820749 >I refuse to get pregnant by this lazy and repulsive creature. Let him know that and maybe he will shape up. Maybe he takees making babies for granted. You have to nag and make him feel mental pain do discourage laziness

11 min later 21820784 Anonymous
>>21820755 Let me ask you, where are guys like you hiding because if you had been around things might not have turned out this way >>21820757 I have. He has a defeatist attitude, I’ve tried to encourage him to go to college now that I make enough to pay our bills on my own but he insists he literally has nothing he is interested in more than what he’s doing now. When I ask what his passions are he just shrugs or makes jokes or says it’s fine for him not to have a passion other than being happy.

12 min later 21820786 Anonymous
>>21820759 He knows it, that’s why we are still childless. I feel like all I do is nag anymore and I’m so tired of it. He won’t do anything; it’s like being married to a rock.

12 min later 21820787 Anonymous
Maybe talk to him about and realize that he also a person not just a tool to provide you with whatever you want. Christ Almighty some people on here are real turds.

18 min later 21820797 Anonymous
>>21820784 maybe that would be more helpful, telling us what youve tried. also how long together.

18 min later 21820800 Anonymous
>>21820749 Jesus christ. Did my wife write this?

19 min later 21820802 Anonymous
>>21820787 Maybe I am also a person and not just a tool to support his lifestyle. I’m just tired of coming home every day from 11-12 hour workdays to a house that needs to be cleaned while he’s been sitting on his bum since about 2pm playing video games. I’m tired of the feeling that if he loses his job we are fine, but if I lose my job we will lose everything. I’ve tried talking and have even suggested couples therapy which he refuses. Ultimately I’m tired of feeling like his parent and all the ways I’ve tried to tell him this fall on deaf ears. I see other people’s spouses who respect them, help them and try to be better people, and I just want to know, I’m just here to ask those people, how do you do it?

22 min later 21820806 Anonymous
>>21820797 I’ve suggested couples therapy, he refuses. I’ve sat and talked with him and encouraged him to go back to school and he’s brushed it off. I’ve stopped cleaning and doing certain chores to see how long it takes him to do it on his own, even made a chore chart but he ignores. Not sure what else to do.

23 min later 21820808 Anonymous
>>21820784 >where are guys like you hiding Usually in office cubicles with headphones on listening to classic rock and end up eating a bullet when they finally lose hope close to 40

23 min later 21820810 Anonymous
>>21820800 If so then you need to get off your ass my man

24 min later 21820812 Anonymous
>>21820808 Well that’s fuckin sad but if things don’t improve I’m probably right behind you

29 min later 21820821 Anonymous
>>21820749 >How do I help him grow the fuck up? You divorce him. Some men don't grow up until they're forced to confront their failings, and there is no wake-up call more real than being served divorce papers.

35 min later 21820832 Anonymous
>>21820821 Am I in danger of losing half of my shit though? There was no prenup. Me divorcing him would really put him in an immediate financial bind. If we sell the house do I really have to give him half of the proceeds from the house that “we” bought with *my* money?

36 min later 21820834 Anonymous
>>21820812 Don't feel sad for me, my man. It is just another path of living, as we all die alone at the end. Honestly, I can't help but to accept that the fact I have made it to 28 without having a single meaningful romantic relationship, means that I probably wouldn't have been competent in one anyhow.

37 min later 21820836 Anonymous
>>21820832 You in a community property state? You might. Depends on the quality of the lawyer he gets (you should get the best you can afford).

37 min later 21820837 Anonymous
>>21820802 >I’ve tried talking and have even suggested couples therapy which he refuses. Man needs to grow up, I'd give him an ultimatum to start doing his part around the house if he won't do it financially.

38 min later 21820838 Anonymous
>>21820834 28? You're not a nohoper yet. Take some community college classes or something, you'll meet younger women interested in stability.

39 min later 21820840 Anonymous
>>21820784 >I’ve tried to encourage him to go to college now College is fuckin impossible man. I can't do that shit.

42 min later 21820846 Anonymous
>>21820806 thats a pretty poor set of things. i could comment more, but theres probably alot more to unpack here. why do you think he's this way?

44 min later 21820852 Anonymous
wow, middle class white women truly are the most oppressed race on the planet

46 min later 21820854 Anonymous
>>21820846 I have no idea. It would be pretty cool to unpack in therapy if he wouldn’t refuse to go. I guess when all else fails blame the parents.

47 min later 21820858 Anonymous
>>21820852 thanks, maybe I should start a gofundme.

48 min later 21820860 Anonymous
>>21820749 >Wes Watson >Jordan Peterson >David Goggins Don’t hide what you want. Communicate openly. And stop posting about him to strangers online. Have some respect for him and your relationship.

50 min later 21820864 Anonymous
>>21820858 lmao cry on twitter cunt

50 min later 21820865 Anonymous
>>21820854 >I have no idea you have to have some idea, some vector towards the truth if you married the fucker.

51 min later 21820867 Anonymous
>>21820860 Who are these people? Google results inconclusive.

52 min later 21820871 Anonymous
You clearly don't love him anymore so what's gonna happen next is you're gonna grow to resent him more and more with every passing year and then regret wasting those years with him. Then when you're X years older than you are now, you will feel too old and inadequate to restart dating

56 min later 21820878 Anonymous
>>21820867 All three of those speake can work as a last ditch effort to revitalize a mans will to pursue something meaningful in life. Worked for me and countless others. They are big on JewTube

1 hours later 21820906 Anonymous
LOL If a woman stays home with the baby while the man works 12h its called a "traditional family" but if you reverse genders hes called "man child". I really dont know how feminism is still going, time and time again its proven men and women are NOT alike and need to stop pretending they are. On your matter OP, just break up with him.

1 hours later 21820912 Anonymous
>>21820854 >>21820806 Sounds like you are enabling this behavior and are also at fault. Don't approach him and accuse him of having an issue and he needs to go to therapy because of it. If you try and guilt him and make him feel he is at fault or there is something wrong with him only, you won't convince him. Trying to blame it on him exclusively will guarantee that you will not fix the problem. Come to him and acknowledge you both are responsible. Tell him it isn't about fixing his behavior, but fixing the unhealthy dynamic between you two. You don't want him to feel broken for needing to go to therapy with you. You don't want him to feel that he is solely responsible for ruining the marriage. You catch more flies with honey as the saying goes.

1 hours later 21820924 Anonymous
>>21820832 Jesus fucking christ this thread, im laughing so much OP, do you even realize you are tasting EXACTLY what it means to be a man? A kid that doesnt want to work or earn money that might take your house and car because of divorce. This is the most ironic thread. Sucks, right?

1 hours later 21820930 Anonymous
>>21820906 Did you read the entire post? OP said that he doesn't help around the house, that's not reversed roles that's literally a manchild. I have a friend who is a stay at home dad and doesn't have a problem helping around the house and taking care of the kid while she's at work.

1 hours later 21820954 Anonymous
Honestly OP, how do you think he feels as a man to have a woman trying to dominate and control him 24/7? You really think that nagging him will help at all? You're probably the cause of the problem. You're a woman right? Start acting like one and then encourage him to play his role. If you want a man, you have to stop being the man in the relationship yourself.

2 hours later 21820985 Anonymous
>>21820924 not really, My wife is stay at home but she cleans, does bills, makes food. if she didnt do any of that I wouldve dropped her.

2 hours later 21820992 Anonymous
>>21820954 Dumb fuck, if a home becomes a pigsty it should be a natural reaction of a grown up person to clean it up, especially if your wife/husband works more than you.

2 hours later 21820997 Anonymous
You need to leave, seriously. You have given him options, tried to help but it’s obviously going nowhere. Don’t let yourself become bitter by building that resentment year after year. On the other hand that’s probably a wake up call he needs as well.

2 hours later 21821003 Anonymous
let's all be honest, telling a woman not to resent her husband is like telling grass not to grow

2 hours later 21821005 Anonymous
>>21820906 >If a woman stays home with the baby while the man works 12h its called a "traditional family" but if you reverse genders hes called "man child". Yes

2 hours later 21821148 Anonymous
>>21820992 Yeah it should be, so the fuck is OP doing to this guy that he isn't like that? People don't just become like this in a vacuum. Sounds like OP doesn't have any respect for him as a man or as a person and freely expresses that fact. You can't really blame him for likely hating himself deeply when the women who is supposed to love him shows such clear contempt for him as a person. Things don't just happen this way, OP has created this situation most likely, and this dude probably isn't experienced enough with this sort of treatment to get out of it on his own.

2 hours later 21821161 Lil' MK
>>21820784 i remember asking my exgf about her 'passions' and 'goals' she shrugged and said she didnt know. shes was quite an achiever - but hated herself and ruined our relationship because all she actually wanted was to be a stay at home mom. perhaps all he wants to be is a stay at home dad? cant get your pussy wet for a stay at home dad?

3 hours later 21821214 Anonymous
>>21821161 If he wants to be a stay at home dad he should at least be proving he can take care of the house instead of expect her to do it on top of working. If they have a kid she'll be stuck picking up after him and the kids on top of working to support all of them. It's clear that people aren't reading the entire posts and jumping to shit on OP. >>21821148 OP has enabled the situation by sticking around and continuing to pick up after him. He was guaranteed always lazy and found someone gullible enough to keep supporting his terrible habits.

3 hours later 21821239 Anonymous
>>21821214 Lmao what are you a fucking biological determinist? Fucking stupid useless advice if you are just going to demonize him. You're just afraid to admit the woman might also be at fault. OP is not just enabling him, she is forcing him to continue to be the way he is by beating him into submission. It's a good fucking thing that OP doesn't have kids because she'd probably abuse them in the exact same way and end up with a son with the same exact problem. You can't yell at someone and tell them they are a piece of shit and expect them to change. You're just using them as a punching bag for your anger, nothing else. Grow up and actually talk to your partner instead of acting like a child who is going to control him and force him to change. He is the only one that can change himself, but he is never going to do it when his wife is constantly beating him down telling him he is a piece of shit.

3 hours later 21821241 Lil' MK
>>21821214 >It's clear that people aren't reading the entire posts and jumping to shit on OP im not jumping to do shit., theyve probably made a deep hole of mutual resentment and most likely both communicate terribly. sounds like youre doing a lot of jumping yourself fren - dont skip leg day!

3 hours later 21821252 Anonymous
>>21820755 >the incel gentleman lol. kill yourself, you literal mentally ill waste of carbon

3 hours later 21821276 Anonymous
>>21821148 It's only op's fault that she allowed this shit from the start, you can't blame her for losing respect, only for not communicating right away that he must do chores too. It's fucking easy, if you want to be respected behave like a grown up and clean up after yourself, take care of household and the loved one. It's not op's responsibility to have the patience of a mother, either he gets his shit together after telling him to stop behaving like a teen, or it's over.

3 hours later 21821282 Anonymous
>>21820749 >woman getting a taste of what millions if not billions of men go through at least go down with dignity, you still sound like a screeching whore

3 hours later 21821306 Anonymous
what is the bigger problem his lack of ambition or lack of willingness to help

3 hours later 21821308 Anonymous
>>21821276 "Allowed" this shit? She isn't "allowing" anything, he is a person and can do what he wants. It isn't her place to tell him what he can and can not do. That is the whole problem. The idea you guys have in your heads that this dude wants to be like this is bizarre. It sounds just like a kid who lives with his parents and can't drive and doesn't have a job, and his parents constantly shit on him and tell him to get a job. He will likely never get a job because telling someone they are a lazy piece of shit doesn't motivate them. And if you are in doubt that there isn't more going on look at this stuff. >>21820806 >I’ve suggested couples therapy, he refuses. >I’ve sat and talked with him and encouraged him to go back to school and he’s brushed it off. He is afraid of saying what he thinks, my guess is because he knows that OP will jump down his throat if he says something she doesn't like Also >I refuse to get pregnant by this lazy and repulsive creature No healthy normal person ever refers to their partner in this sort of way, even in this situation. OP probably is abusing this dude, keeping him reliant on her by shitting on him and being terrible to him but also she is a woman so she needs a man who will provide for her, so these two competing wants of her's are at odds and this poor man has to suffer it. But we can't see past the fact he is a man though so he must be the bad guy! He must just really enjoy being useless and feeling worthless!!! Of course! Retarded.

3 hours later 21821360 Anonymous
>>21821239 Nah, the enabling is exactly why she is at fault. Same way if you give a crackhead money and a place to stay you share responsibility for their behavior. I just don't see where you're getting the "beating him into submission" from. Anons here apparently think he's doing nothing wrong by playing video games for 12 hours straight and not doing shit around the house, and that OP shouldn't tell him that she's getting fed up. That's shitty behavior even with the enabling. This lazy adult-child shit is exclusively a millenial problem, god I hope the zoomers can turn that trend around. >>21821241 >theyve probably made a deep hole of mutual resentment and most likely both communicate terribly At least you can recognize that. they both need to break it off and do therapy to get their shit together and move on with their lives.

4 hours later 21821377 Anonymous
>>21821308 >incel logic, the post You're the one determined to make OP's issue a gender war. Apologies for insulting your NEET lifestyle.

4 hours later 21821379 Anonymous
Femisnism ma lady. Its time to get a job and let the man take care of you at home. As far as him not keeping up with his husband duties tell him to clean and cook or you will leave him.

4 hours later 21821396 Anonymous
>>21821377 I'm just pointing it out because it seems to be a recurring theme on this board, we have to demonize men because reasons. You're delusional to think that he is enjoying being a manchild and completely reliant on his wife. That just isn't how men work. I speak as someone who went through that phase. There is obviously something else holding him back, and based on how toxic the way OP talks about him is, I think it is her. If OP wants to save her marriage she should go to him and acknowledge her own faults, show humility and not freak out if he says something she doesn't like. Or we can just keep living in a fantasy land where people enjoy being adult children and men are always bad women always good.

4 hours later 21821412 Anonymous
>>21821396 Real talk. I wanted to point out how if the roles were reversed, people would have shat on OP and told him to stop being a cunt. And the dude has a fucking job, what's the problem? Probably the fact that OP's female mind can't date a guy below her status, fucking hypergamous bitches.

4 hours later 21821413 Anonymous
>>21820906 Retarded post. Read anything OP said. He doesn’t do shit so it doesn’t even qualify as “stay at home dad” because that implies he cooks, cleans, buys groceries, cares for kids etc. None of that applies.

4 hours later 21821415 Anonymous
>>21821308 Lol this is the difference, he is not a kid anymore and she's not his mother. Yeah she should have said, either you behave like an adult or I leave. By this point the resentment is so strong it's healthier to break up and take it as a lesson to communicate better on future.

4 hours later 21821422 Anonymous
>>21820749 Some men never grow up and remain manbabies, your husband is one. Most men hate children yet will use a child to manipulate you, your husband is one of these too. You're young, single with a career and are a fool to waste one more day with this do nothing guy. Send him back to him momma.

7 hours later 21821791 Anonymous
>>21820749 >I refuse to get pregnant by this lazy and repulsive creature. How do you cope with being that person?

8 hours later 21821830 Anonymous
>>21820755 you haven't got the masculine presence to set women at ease and make them put up with your lack of accomplishments/aspirations in life

8 hours later 21821837 Anonymous
Tell him if he can't do basic housework then you're not going to trust him with taking care of a child. I think he's probably depressed but you're not his caretaker. Try talking with a lawyer to see how divorce would work out for you

8 hours later 21821846 Anonymous
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