4chan archive /adv/ (index)
2019-06-13 12:51 21005565 Anonymous (Snapchat-1813263394.jpg 990x1920 225kB)
With a guy I love for the last 10 years (not married though) we have 2 kids and I'm a stay at home mom because daycare is expensive af. He makes decent money and he just bought us a house. I love my lifestyle right now though and I dont want any of that to change. We've split up before but it was a long time ago. we missed each other too much. Sex isnt a problem either that's always been our saving grace. The problem I have is hes grumpy 80% of the time and it drives me absolutely fucking nuts. He also is completely emotionally stunted. I'm almost positive him and our kids are high functioning autistic. He also has the attitude that he makes the money so he makes the rules. I have to do 100% of the household duties and hes not a huge help with the kids. It doesn't help my case that I cant drive because of my phobia but im working on it. I'm just totally worn out and feeling unappreciated. I go out of my way to make sure he has everything he wants and needs and I still get shit on. He needs to get help for his anxiety and anger outbursts but I dont know if he ever will. Sometimes I'm like it's okay I can put up with this and other times I'm just so done with the grumpiness and saying it's my fault that I want to walk out. I feel lil a lil sunshine fairy and hes a cave troll that doesnt wanna talk to anybody.

4 min later 21005576 Anonymous
>>21005565 talk with him but actually talk, not 'honey can i please get some more attention and help'

7 min later 21005582 Anonymous
>>21005576 I'm honestly an expert at talking to people friends come to me all the time. He absolutely refuses to talk about anything that isnt just chit chat bullshit nowadays. When I finally do get him to open up to me its almost overwhelming for him cuz he has so much bottled up. I suggest a councilor or something if he didnt wanna talk to me but he shot that down too.

29 min later 21005638 Anonymous
>>21005565 You’re a stay at home mom. Your entire fucking job is taking care of the house and the kids. Your husband shouldn’t want to it have to do jack shit if he doesn’t want to because without him you literally couldn’t exist in the life you enjoy having. Fucking suck it up and be a mother, bitch. >>21005582 Have you ever considered that after working all day to support you and his kids the last thing he wants to talk about is how much you’re not enjoying yourself? Maybe actually let loose and relax and keep your complaints to yourself for awhile, maybe then when he comes home and he’ll relax let loose and do the same. Grumpy 80% of the time? give him a hug and a kiss tell him he’s doing great work, suck his dick and be there for him and i guarantee you will never see this man grumpy again. >source: seen all this shit before, spoiled stay at home moms lose sight of the job they signed up for and lose any and all appreciation for the life their husbands provide for them. Have a nice day.

33 min later 21005653 Anonymous
>>21005638 You have me all wrong man. I know that type and it isnt me. Everything you said I do. I'm not stuck up at all and when I talk to him all I do is ask about his problems. I dont complain about this too him because hes so stressed hence why I'm asking advice here and not venting to him. I want to help him ya I'm feeling like shit but it's because I feel how much pain he is in. My purpose was to get advice to help him sorry I'm also struggling.

35 min later 21005657 Anonymous
>>21005638 Also I worked my whole life before we had kids I WANT to work we cant afford it though.

43 min later 21005683 Anonymous
>>21005582 Can you let us know what frustrations he's bottled up on? Calming him down addresses the symptoms but won't address the cause of his pains. What's he blaming you for? It's about money, isn't it?

44 min later 21005685 Anonymous
>>21005638 I do everything for him with a smile on my face, give him random bjs, let him zone out on games as long as he wants, ask him what's wrong and if there is anything I can do for him and he still gets mad at me then apologizes later. I'm just at such a loss I feel like I've tried everything and maybe its beyond me and he needs help from a medical professional or something.

51 min later 21005706 Anonymous
>>21005683 No I dont have access to the money without him and we aren't struggling right with finances or anything right now. This is years it has been like this. He will be himself and have moments of clarity but it's like jeckyl and hyde. He is keeping some deep stuff from the past that he wont go into with me. I dont know what the current thing is other than just work and life. It's like hes shut off his emotions because when he does start talking about stuff he will tear up and then make me stop talking. He blames me for his stress or attitude. What happens is he will be an ass or straight up say mean things to hurt me so then I'm upset but then it is me who is being a bitch.

1 hours later 21005743 Anonymous
>>21005657 How can you not afford to work? (Genuinely curious new-comer to the thread.)

1 hours later 21005746 Anonymous
My dad was like that except my mom also worked. And now I have horrible anxiety and depression. I advise that you do whatever you can to mend this relationship. I am mostly worried about your children.

1 hours later 21005748 Anonymous
>>21005565 >He also has the attitude that he makes the money so he makes the rules Sounds fair to me. If you don't like it, try getting a job. He's trying to support the traditional family home with only one person making a salary when boomers fucked up the market for everyone. Can't blame the man for being grumpy most of the time. > I have to do 100% of the household duties and hes not a huge help with the kids. You're a stay at home mom. That's what you're suppose to do since you're not doing anything else. >I'm just totally worn out and feeling unappreciated > I go out of my way to make sure he has everything he wants and needs and I still get shit on. I bet he feels the same way too

1 hours later 21005751 Anonymous
>>21005748 You obviously havent read my other replies scroll up

1 hours later 21005755 Anonymous
>>21005743 Daycare is about 1000 a month here. Nothing entry level pays enough to cover that plus gas ect.

1 hours later 21005760 Anonymous
>>21005746 One of my main concerns as well they see him yell at me and call me names and it breaks my heart. I NEVER call him names.

1 hours later 21005762 Anonymous
>>21005751 Don't care about your other replies since they're irrelevant. I already told you what you should do: Get. A. Job. I don't give a shit about your excuses at to why you "can't"

1 hours later 21005765 Anonymous
>>21005706 He needs to work through those problems. Therapy could help but I would be worried they will just prescribe meds and nothing gets fixed. If he doesn't he will end up old and full of regret with poor relationships to his children. I've seen it happen with my father. He had trauma but said he was over it not sure how true that was considering he is a drunk.

1 hours later 21005768 Anonymous
>>21005762 I'll say it again the purpose of this post is to get advice to help him. Not me. Money isnt the problem.

1 hours later 21005771 Anonymous
>>21005765 Ya that's another thing he drinks every day if hes not at work... sounds pretty similar. I try to tell him what are the kids gonna think of you when they look back and that makes him absolutely lose it.

1 hours later 21005774 Anonymous
>>21005760 Yeah that doesn't sound good anon. I think you should definitely get help for this. Even if at first it is just advice on how to talk to him. Unfortunately I don't know exactly what you should do I could never get through to my father and eventually just gave up. But a lot of that was me being a child so it was more difficult. I think you should really try to mend this if you can hopefully it will work out for you both.

1 hours later 21005776 Anonymous (me1.jpg 480x480 21kB)
>>21005755 Ah that's a bummer. Well, I've been in a similar situation before. I addressed everything possible. I laid it out for months and months, calmly, politely, without hate, coming from a place of love. I always told them I wasn't angry... and that they cannot help how they feel, but we need to work together to fix this. I would fix everything and anything that might present itself as a problem and even changed a lot of things I thought was a fucking stupid idea because it was important to them. In the end it was me - they just stopped loving me. You can't really fix that. But - that doesn't mean you assume the worst and resign to defeat. As heart breaking as it has been three times to go through this now, I always try my absolute fucking hardest because I would hate to live in "what if" land knowing I gave up too soon on someone I loved. I dunno if that helps Anon pic is me giving you my happy face

1 hours later 21005785 Anonymous
>>21005771 Well I can say I still love my father but man our relationship is uncomfortable and pretty sad. Especially because i really don't look up to him or want to turn out like him. Not a good feeling when you think that about your father. I wish I could be more help but I think I can just be a warning. A professional might be able to help you though or maybe try looking for a book on it at first? Someone who has really put thought and effort into these kinds of problems. I think it is more common than it should be.

1 hours later 21005795 Anonymous
>>21005774 I really appreciate the insight thank you so much. >>21005776 Thanks anon hope things look up for you

1 hours later 21005799 Anonymous
>>21005785 He has problems with his father too so I know that it part of it. I'm sure if he wont get help I could talk to someone myself for ways to go about talking. Great idea.

1 hours later 21005811 Anonymous
>>21005795 >>21005799 No problem. I hope things work out well for you. Sounds like you really care about him.

1 hours later 21005823 Anonymous
>>21005811 I do man he is 100% my other half when he is himself. We have gone through all the shit and back together and hes a great dad. We started in my shitty parents house and now we have our own place we built this whole life together. Nobody gets me like him. I just wish I had his reasonable self all the time.

1 hours later 21005848 Anonymous
>>21005823 That's good to hear. I think you will get through this. You just have to get him to open up and be willing to get through his problems too. Good luck.

2.268 0.072