4chan archive /adv/ (index)
2018-12-19 07:02 20367464 Anonymous (man-crying.jpg 612x727 215kB)
I am 28 years old. I am in therapy now due to clinical depression and severe social phobia. My entire life I looked up to my father, he was my most important life model. He was a nigh-unreachable peak. All I did in my life was my fumbling attempts to match him and to make him proud. I didn't follow his footsteps professionally but I did my best to be as much of a solid rock as he always was, the model father, the best friend I ever had, a successful man with a loving family. I couldn't match him but I tried so very hard every day. Month ago I realised that this was my only clear goal in mind and that I had nothing else that I lived for. I know it's fucked up, but here I am. He's after a brain tumor operation now and back into ER, because he was illogical post-op and is now mostly sleeping, hard to get out of sleep and often unresponsive. I don't know what I will do if he doesn't improve. I spent the last 2 hours lying in bed and crying like a fucking 6 year old that was left in the mall to the tune of "I want my daddy back". I can't fucking deal with this at all. I can't distract myself with anything and I am pathologically afraid to show my emotions to my mother or siblings. I don't know what to do. Entire day I thought of something I could live for and there's nothing. I just wanted to vent somewhere, I really can't handle this at all.

3 min later 20367478 Anonymous
We weren't meant to develop the self consciousness we have. Most people don't need a reason to live, they just naturally develop relationships with others. Sorry man, it's gonna suck when your dad does, hope you make it through.

2 hours later 20367798 Anonymous
Bro, that's how life is. If you really wanna make daddy proud, be him, you have to be now the stone that everyone else is using as support.

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