4chan archive /adv/ (index)
2018-03-04 06:41 19321192 Anonymous Perfect except for 1 thing... (__original_drawn_by_sblack__sample-88dc1d7cddcad4fb3f8e58bb4840008e.jpg 850x1030 97kB)
tl;dr, I have the perfect GF except that we can't have sex. We've been together for a year now and things are going well. We're both writers oriented towards bettering ourselves and we support each other through each others' bouts of clinical depression. At this point, there's not much we don't know about each other and she has the uncanny ability to make my day better. The problem is that she literally can't handle me sexually. I can barely put the head of my dick in before it starts hurting her. I hate hurting her but I'm also immensely sexually unsatisfied. At this point, I'm so unfulfilled that I look at every female ass that passes in front of me regardless of context. It's to the point where I've considered looking into escorts to fulfill my needs and maintain my relationship. To put it another way, if we could have decent sex then I'd probably marry her. What would you do if you met the perfect partner but couldn't have sex with them?

9 min later 19321212 Anonymous
I had this problem for a long time (4 years). Does she do other stuff rather than intercourse w/ you? Overall though, know that this problem isnt going to go away, as much as youd like it to. If there was one thing I couldve done differently, it would have been to have just dropped the bomb early. Tell her that you have a need to have sex with her that she isnt satisfied. Ultimately one of two things will happen: shell overcome her fear, or the relationship ends. Itll be terrifying since it seems like you dont want this relationship to end, but you'll be happier in the long run and avoid a deep resentment that will ruin things down the line.

25 min later 19321261 Anonymous
>>19321192 How'd you end up meeting this person? Do you know if they have some sort of interesting history, or something happened to them in the past?

32 min later 19321295 Anonymous
>>19321192 Do what I do, mutually masturbate and foreplay. There's a lot of roads to Valhalla, young warrior. I'm crippled. Physically can't do sex. My wife doesn't want kids so we're cool.

41 min later 19321318 Anonymous (__original_drawn_by_sblack__325cd2284068281585ef9f4787e59434.png 1141x1608 940kB)
>>19321212 >Does she do other stuff rather than intercourse w/ you? She's inexperienced but has been going outside of her comfort zone to please me (she's paranoid about getting pregnant but finally let me cum inside her while wearing a condom while she was on birth control). I'm her first real partner (she's 21, I'm 27--think ugly duckling syndrome) and so I've been trying to be sensitive to the fact that she doesn't have a lot in her sexual tool box while trying to encourage her to expand without pressuring her. It's rough when it comes to this sort of thing. I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to but I also feel like if I don't bring it up (things like blow jobs which she's adverse to doing despite the fact that I go down on her) then it'd probably never come up. She seriously makes my days brighter but it kills me when I see her fat ass in a tight, low-cut dress and I can't fuck the shit out of her. >>19321261 College. The first time we ever spoke, I was doing a public reading from my book (senior project) and she couldn't help but come up to me and sing me praises. It was the first time that'd ever happened to me and it took me aback considering the SO I'd had previous had down-played all my writing because they were afraid of me leaving them (previous SO didn't continue into college and just wanted to turn into a baby machine but I wasn't having it so yeah). My current GF has massive anxiety issues which I'm sensitive to since I take anti-anxiety meds, but nothing happened in her background to cause this as far as I know other than plain mental illness which I'm well acquainted with. >>19321295 Did your wife ever bring this sort of thing up with you? If so, how did she go about it? Sorry if I'm prying, it's just that my GF is such a sweetheart that I don't know how to approach her about this without causing her to feel bad about herself and it kills me to do that.

45 min later 19321327 Anonymous
Don't have time to give you details but my suggestion is to read up on vaginismus and vulvodynia and get her checked by a specialist. Don't force or pressure into sex because that will make the problem worse. Anxiety = tightness and dryness = pain = more anxiety = more tightness and dryness = more pain and it spirals. Explore as many non-penetrative sex acts as you can. Build up positive associations with sex to counteract the negatives.

47 min later 19321330 Anonymous
>>19321318 I know the exact feeling anon. As said I went 4 years repressing the issue because I loved my ex so much. It doesnt have to be an ultimatum, and you dont have to make her feel bad about it or ruin things by asking. What I would suggest is to ask her to do it for you. Dont tell her, just ask and let her know that you want to do this because youre madly in love with her. Youve got friends here though; my ex was smoking and it was physically painful sometimes. She had bad OCD and was terrified of both getting pregnant and sex, to the point that she could break down in tears. So point being there are worse cases out there.

54 min later 19321346 Anonymous (e60e752669ce5e2b8ce01c57e1dc8cb9.jpg 750x1196 261kB)
>>19321330 Oh shit, yeah, she's broken down in tears over not being able to have sex due to the pain to which I replied by rubbing her back and telling her it was okay and that I loved her regardless. DESU, there's days where I feel like the emotional/mental baggage can't get better unless we break up because I feel like I'm acting as a kind of external validation but that sort of thing only really gets better when the validation comes from inside if that makes any sense.

57 min later 19321354 Anonymous
>>19321192 I would insist that she see a doctor. What she is experiencing is not normal and could be a symptom of an underlying medical issue.

1 hours later 19321368 Anonymous (__noshiro_kantai_collection_drawn_by_sblack__5a623c718a7fc640ac5d0b56156f41fe.png 1080x1670 713kB)
>>19321354 She actually did and the doctors performed a procedure sticking a camera inside her to see if there were any tangible problems but nothing came up. I'm pretty sure it's an anxiety/mentality issue but I can't really say that without making things worse. I know the only way of fixing this involves talking to her but it feels like talking about it is only going to make the problem worse so I feel like I'm fucked, ugh.

1 hours later 19321384 Anonymous
Have you tried the butthole?

1 hours later 19321387 Anonymous
>>19321346 Youre totally correct about that, not so much that youre allowing her to continue this but that she needs to make the decision herself to try and get over this. The best you can do, and I stress this, is let her know whats up. You dont want to be stuck in an unhappy relationship where the problem exists for four years, but I get that you dont want to ruin the relationship. Talk to her from a place of her BF rather than as someone just looking for sex. As a side note, from my experience, women sometimes dont understand what its like to have to abide by the look dont touch policy. Its really tough and I know for a fact that my ex didnt know that what she was doing was such an issue because she didnt have the same impulses as me.

4 hours later 19321712 Anonymous
>>19321192 Have you tried anal? >>19321295 Yeah that nice guy friend that she works with helps out a little too

4 hours later 19321727 Anonymous
If you think it is a psychological problem, then make it the most romantic you can. Take her on the best date she ever had, make her feel special, buy her whatever comes to mind. Make her realize she really loves you. Then, at home, make it very romantic again. Don't use extreme sexual language or anything. Maybe turn off the lights and use some candles, or put roses on the bed. Tell her that everything is going to be okay because you two are together, and kiss her. btw i know this is very cringey but that was everything i could think of desu

6 hours later 19321957 Anonymous
>>19321727 Sounds pretty great to me. Got my dick hard.

13 hours later 19323041 Anonymous
>>19321192 >we support each other through each others' bouts of clinical depression I've wondered if this could work. I would be worried I'd drag my partner down with me and neither of us would be able to pull the other out of a spiral in time. How do you do you two do it?

18 hours later 19323970 Anonymous
>>19321384 This is a step in the right direction my dude

19 hours later 19324121 Anonymous
>>19323041 I think it's our chemistry and our different approaches to coping with depression. I'm more subdued and always look for a middle road/moderate path to everything whereas she borders on bipolar ups/downs sometimes. I'm good at keeping my expectations low and dealing with bad situations because I basically don't anticipate good things happening but I'm pleasantly surprised if/when things work out. At the same time, it's made enjoying life really difficult because it's impossible to get excited about anything or enjoy things fully. My GF on the other hand goes HAM emotionally and goes wide-eyed joyful over little things like seeing dogs, watching sunsets, and eating fresh chicken strips. At the same time, when depression hits, it becomes almost debilitating with unprovoked bouts of crying and napping. We both understand each others' pain so there's never a moment where we patronize the other with "snap out of it" or "cheer up" or "other people have it worse than you so you should feel better". When I hit a low, just hearing about her day and how she was able to enjoy the little things in life makes me appreciate what I have. Likewise, when she hits a low, I'm able to rationalize things for her in a way that doesn't make her feel like an outlier because my method of moderation is to find a zen-like neutral state if that makes any sense. >>19321384 She's inexperienced AF so she's not on board with the idea of doing butt stuff. Funnily enough, though, I was eating her out the other day and managed to slip my tongue into her butthole and she didn't hate it. I'm willing to bet she'd be into it but it's rough trying to get her to expand her sexual mindset without pressuring her.

20 hours later 19324265 Anonymous
>>19324121 >We both understand each others' pain so there's never a moment where we patronize the other with "snap out of it" or "cheer up" or "other people have it worse than you so you should feel better". When I hit a low, just hearing about her day and how she was able to enjoy the little things in life makes me appreciate what I have. Likewise, when she hits a low, I'm able to rationalize things for her in a way that doesn't make her feel like an outlier because my method of moderation is to find a zen-like neutral state if that makes any sense. That sounds good.

21 hours later 19324450 Anonymous
I had the same problem with my wife anon. She was super nervous to get pregnant. Used to fuck on the pill and use a condom. It sucked. Eventually it stopped being shitty and got better. Losing the condom helped but anxiety only really stopped after getting married. She’s off the pill and now can’t get pregnant. Has pcos and the pill might have helped prevent it so she’s back on it. Sex is sometimes great some times shitty. Best has been when she’s drunk because she’s fully relaxed and it’s one of the few times where she becomes super wet to the point where my legs get soaked. It’s happened non drunk but generally only when she’s super relaxed and stress free which is like never lol

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