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2018-03-04 02:55 19320506 Anonymous Therapy ruined me (05onfire1_xp-master768-v2.jpg 768x364 104kB)
So I'm with a partner right now that I'm madly in love with, but there's a small disconnect This disconnect is something i have with most everyone in my life and i don't know what to do about it I was in therapy until i was 23 and learned about the important of being open, honest, and how to communicate my feelings But the partner I'm with bottles up their feelings and ends up acting cold or distant when something isn't right It kills me inside and i tell them exactly how I'm feeling, but there's no reciprocation. The fact that nobody is able to have the same level of openess has been frustrating for me because i see it as the most obvious solution to almost any problem. On top of that, they don't trust me fully because of how open and honest i am with them. Therapy taught me a lot, and one of my major personal take aways was "always be honest with your partner".They have never met someone who is open and honest like i am, so it makes them feel offput. How do i act like a normal human? It might be less healthy, but I'm tired of being a freak. I talk differently and think differently. I've been in therapy since i learned how to talk and only stopped a couple years ago. How do i undo the majority of what i learned? How am i suppose to not hold people to my standard of communication?

10 min later 19320537 Anonymous
You don’t want to undo what you’ve learned in therapy just to be more “normal”. I’m not going to pretend to know you, but if you were in therapy at such a young age then you probably needed it at one point so undoing that and changing yourself for the sake of others wouldn’t be too wise, but again I don’t know you and it doesn’t mean that’s the best option either. If someone you know is acting closed off, it’s better to slowly get them to open up to you rather than forcing yourself to change for them since it still wouldn’t get them to be open anyway. You should start very slowly and encourage them to be more honest if you want things to change.

13 min later 19320546 Anonymous
>>19320537 I do, but people only change if they want to. I've tried to tailor my mentality and response to help be more comforting to them, but i cannot shake my habit of being as open and honest as i am. It is second nature to me at this point. The fact i am open makes them nervous

15 min later 19320549 Anonymous
>>19320546 >The fact i am open makes them nervous That's their problem, not yours. Sounds like your partner has some underlying issues, being so secretive and bottling up your feeling is not normal nor healthy.

18 min later 19320558 Anonymous
>>19320549 I am nervous they aren't open to changing and i don't want to lose them. They're honestly one of my favorite people. We click and we compliment each other in every other aspect. We're great friends, have great sex, and really enjoy each other. I've never met anyone i felt so natural around

21 min later 19320572 Anonymous
>>19320506 Teach him/her how to open up. You needed years of therapy to do it so dont expect people to just magically be open book for you. To most people being this open is strange.

24 min later 19320586 Anonymous
>>19320572 I know it is, and the problem is it's strange enough that people think I'm not being honest Im tired of people thinking I'm fucked up because I'm able to communicate my feelings and thoughts easily. I try to talk to him about opening up and being honest, but the lack of progress and understanding makes me feel like I've hit a brick wall

24 min later 19320587 Anonymous
>>19320506 It's fine actually. I think you and your partner are both perfectly ok. Communicating your feelings is imperative to any relationship. but bottling up negative feelings is ok too. It just depends on the person. Hell, your partner probably likes your openness

33 min later 19320620 Anonymous
>>19320587 No, they don't. My openness has been causing problems. He thinks I'm lying because I'm open He thinks it's unnatural All of our problems would be so much easier and smaller if people didn't bottle it up I know i can't change people, but i feel so powerless

39 min later 19320643 Anonymous
>>19320506 find someone from a good family that's as open and honest as you are. My partner was in therapy their whole life and I'm pretty open. Everything has been amazing so far

48 min later 19320673 Anonymous
>>19320643 Fuck. I love him so much, though. I don't know if I'll ever feel this for someone again

50 min later 19320679 Anonymous
>>19320506 sounds like your partner is immature and not a good fit for you

1 hours later 19320722 Anonymous
>>19320673 You'll find someone better. >>19320679 This. Your partner sounds very unhealthy for you. Relationships are built on trust and communication. Your partner has neither apparently. This is doomed from the start

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